Return of the Magi

by P. J. Tracy

  She gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder. ‘It’s hard to know what the right thing is in this business, Emil. Every case is different. But it seems to me that you’re doing just fine so far. Edith and Gloria are happier than I’ve ever seen them. Use your best judgment –’ A sudden beep sounded on Nurse Griffin’s hip. She pulled her pager from its holster, read the screen, then stood abruptly. ‘I have to go, Emil. Have a good night.’

  Emil put his chin into his hands and stared at the tree. ‘Use your best judgment. Right. Great advice,’ he mumbled. Nurse Griffin obviously hadn’t read his rap sheet.

  After a few minutes of glazed semi-dozing in his chair, he got to his feet and dragged himself toward the chow hall, which was set to open in half an hour. Doc Harold hadn’t tracked him down yet, and moving targets were harder to hit.

  As he rounded a corner, he saw Edith and Gloria coming toward him from the opposite direction. Just as he pivoted to run the other way, they caught sight of him and waved.

  ‘Emil! We were just bringing you a little pick-me-up before dinner. You’ve been working so hard.’ Gloria hustled down the hall in her old-lady shoes, brandishing a plate of animal-shaped cookies.

  ‘Ah … gee. Thanks, but I think I have some clean-up to do. I was just talking to Nurse Griffin, and she got an emergency page. Lit out like a Ferrari, so it seemed pretty serious.’

  Edith approached more slowly, with a knowing smile. ‘False alarm from Mrs Cassidy in the Memory Unit. She has dementia and hits the emergency button at the same time every evening.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? Okay, but then Doc Harold said something about a meeting. Oops, I think I’m late already!’

  ‘Dr Harold is in his office doing paperwork, Emil,’ Gloria informed him. ‘He never interrupts his paperwork.’ She gestured toward a bench by the cafeteria door. ‘Please sit down. One should never eat standing up. It’s bad for the digestion.’

  Emil sighed wearily and sank onto the bench in resignation, accepting that he was going to have company for a while. Dang, these two knew everything that was going down here. It was like hanging with a couple of gossip columnists who were a few volts short of a full charge.

  The two sisters end-capped him on the bench, and Gloria plopped the plate of cookies on his lap. ‘Eat every one, Emil. You have to keep up your strength for the journey, you know. Unless you don’t want the hippopotamus. I could eat that one, if you like.’

  Emil passed the hippo cookie to her. ‘Only journey I’m going on is in to dinner, then straight to bed. I’m whipped.’

  ‘There’s no time for that,’ Edith explained calmly. ‘Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Are you ready?’

  ‘Sure, I’m ready. Tree’s up, presents are wrapped, turkey’s in the oven …’

  ‘Be serious, dear. We have to leave tonight.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ Emil was eyeing a weird-looking cookie suspiciously. ‘What’s this supposed to be?’

  Gloria leaned over and examined it. ‘That’s a duck. We can’t leave until it’s dark, of course.’

  Emil held up the cookie. ‘This is not a duck.’

  Edith took his arm gently. ‘Emil, listen to me carefully. You have to meet us in the basement at ten o’clock.’

  ‘Oh. We’re going on a journey to the basement. You know, I’ve already been there.’

  Gloria stood abruptly and raised her arms to the ceiling. ‘And from there we three kings shall cross the desert and find the Christ child!’

  Emil sagged against the wall. ‘Great. I get to be a king. I knew it.’

  ‘You are a king,’ Edith whispered, her eyes tracking Dr Harold, who was striding down the hall toward them.

  ‘Mr Rice. Front and center.’

  Emil glanced at Edith as he pulled himself up to attention. ‘Does he know I’m a king?’

  ‘Mr Rice, you’re needed in therapy room two. There’s been a mishap.’

  ‘A mishap?’

  ‘Take your mop and bucket and follow me.’ Dr Harold smiled pleasantly at Gloria and Edith. ‘Good evening, ladies. Did you have a nice day?’

  ‘Just wonderful,’ Gloria said, clasping her hands together in excitement. ‘We were planning our pilgrimage to find the Christ child in the City of David.’

  ‘Really? That’s nice.’

  ‘Yes, it is. We’re the magi, you know. I’m sure you’ve seen our costumes.’

  ‘Of course. Carry on, ladies.’

  ‘We certainly will.’

  Emil trudged after Dr Harold, dragging his janitor set-up behind him. ‘So, what kind of mishap are we looking at, Doc?’

  ‘Nothing serious. Exceptional job with the tree today.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Dr Harold keyed open the door to therapy room two. ‘Edith and Gloria have become quite attached to you in a very short time, Mr Rice.’

  ‘Not my choice,’ Emil muttered miserably. ‘I’m trying to stay away, like you said, but they keep finding me.’

  ‘Nurse Griffin told me about your ongoing concerns.’

  ‘She did?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So … what do you think?’

  ‘I agree with Nurse Griffin’s assessment for the time being – no harm done. But I’ll address this issue with them when they have their therapy sessions tomorrow.’

  Emil let out a relieved sigh.

  ‘You know, Mr Rice, I had my worries when Mr Foster deployed you to our facility yesterday, but it appears to me that you’ve thus far taken to your mission extremely well.’

  Emil blinked at him.

  ‘In fact,’ he continued, ‘we have some very happy patients because of your short tenure here, including Ralph Flowers.’

  Emil stared down guiltily at his formerly nice dress shoes, badly in need of a polish. ‘Ralph’s not so bad.’

  ‘Ralph has never made a connection with anybody, and yet it seems he’s made one with you. You do have a gift. Don’t squander it.’

  ‘I … I …’

  Dr Harold pointed to a small mess on the floor of dubious origin. ‘Take care of this, eat dinner and get to bed. Tomorrow’s going to be another busy day.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Foster was lounging in front of the television, watching another hockey game, sugar cookie crumbs falling into his lap as he ate a couple of his neighbors’ reindeer. Kate and Arnie had been particularly generous with the Christmas cookies so he’d decided a sampling of the goods wouldn’t be noticed by his guests. Besides, what kind of a host would he be if he didn’t give the goods a test run, just to make sure they were okay to serve?

  On a commercial break, he flipped to the news and watched a manic meteorologist gushing about a nor’-easter that was capping the east coast with ice and record snowfall. Flights were grounded everywhere, and holiday traffic was at a standstill. When his phone rang a few minutes later and he looked at the caller ID, he knew what was coming and his heart seized. He thought briefly about not answering because he didn’t want to hear the inevitable, but he eventually picked up before it went to voicemail.

  ‘Hi, honey.’

  ‘Hi, Daddy. Are you watching the news?’

  ‘Yeah, I just saw the weather report from out east. Crazy. Are you going to be okay out there?’

  ‘We’ll be fine, even if the power goes out. Mark bought a generator.’

  ‘That’s good to hear.’

  ‘But there are no flights coming in or going out, and they don’t know how long this is going to last. I called the airline and tried to reschedule, but they’re not even doing that now. I’m really sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, honey. Nobody should be traveling anywhere in that mess.’

  Annie was quiet for a moment. ‘We were really looking forward to coming.’

  ‘And I was really looking forward to seeing you. But now that we’re back in touch …’ Foster cringed, trying to figure out what to say next, and how pathetic was that? He couldn’t even have a natural conversation with his own daughter. ‘Let’s try for s
pring, Annie, what do you say? You could come here or I could come there.’

  ‘That sounds nice. March might be good.’

  ‘Okay, it’s done. Listen, I’m going to ship your gifts so keep an eye out for them.’

  ‘You didn’t have to buy gifts!’

  ‘I wanted to buy gifts. Kiss the kid for me, will you?’

  ‘Sure. Have a merry Christmas, Daddy.’

  ‘Merry Christmas to you, too, Annie.’

  Foster clicked off and stared at his silly tree, the presents stacked along its green skirt of branches, and felt all the happiness leaking out of him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Gloria and Edith were back in their magi costumes, primping nervously in front of their small bathroom mirror. ‘What do you think, Edith?’ Gloria whispered, eyeing herself critically.

  ‘You look perfect, dear, but let’s not worry about that now. The most important thing is to make sure we have everything we need for our journey.’

  ‘Oh, yes. Of course.’ Gloria hurried out of the bathroom and went to her bed, where a bulging backpack sat. She upended it and began to take inventory, starting with the cache of protein drinks she’d been pilfering from the cafeteria. ‘Ten cans of Ensure. Do you think that will be enough?’

  ‘I should think so.’

  Gloria then began to make separate stacks of the remaining contents: individually packaged soup crackers, personal-sized hand-lotion bottles and bars of soap. ‘It’s all here.’ She nodded affirmatively.

  Edith tapped a finger on her lips. ‘I think we need a few extra bars of soap. We just don’t know what kind of hygiene products they have available in the City of David.’

  ‘Excellent idea.’ Gloria scurried to the bathroom for more soap, then quickly repacked the bag and slung it over her shoulder while Edith opened the closet door and pulled out the third magi costume.

  ***

  Nurse Griffin looked up from the paperwork she was filling out at the nurse’s station when she heard the soft click of hard-soled shoes coming down the hallway. ‘Emil – I thought you were in bed already. It’s almost ten o’clock.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. I fell asleep in the cafeteria. That scary-looking dude who mans the slop line had to shake me awake, and let me tell you that is not a face you want to see when you first open your eyes.’

  She covered a smile with her hand. ‘Brian. He’s actually a very nice man.’

  ‘You could have fooled me. What’s he in for, anyhow? Mass murder?’

  ‘He volunteers in his spare time.’

  Emil cocked a brow. ‘For real? You mean, he’s got a day job or something?’

  ‘He actually teaches kindergarten.’

  Emil’s jaw dropped. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

  Nurse Griffin shook her head in amusement. ‘I’m not kidding.’

  ‘So he’s probably not going to kill me. That’s great news.’ Emil yawned, stretched his arms, and glanced toward the sisters’ closed door down the hall. ‘Are Edith and Gloria asleep? They didn’t even show for dinner.’

  ‘They took dinner in their room and I tucked them in early so they could get some rest. It’s been an exhausting time for them.’

  ‘Trust me, I feel their pain. Well, at least they won’t be knocking on my door tonight.’

  ‘No, I’m sure they won’t be bothering you.’

  Emil blew out a sigh of relief, happy a medical professional had confirmed his fondest hope. ‘How long have those two been in here, anyway?’

  ‘They were long-timers when I started working here, and that was fifteen years ago. Came in as girls, I think.’

  Emil gaped in horror. ‘They lock kids up in here?’

  ‘Back then they did. It was a long time ago.’

  ‘Do you know what sent them off the deep end?’

  ‘Their old records are either incomplete or missing entirely. All we know is they lost their sister in a fire.’

  Emil thought about the scars on Edith’s hands. Burn scars, not soap.

  ‘But it isn’t that simple,’ Nurse Griffin continued. ‘Mental illness isn’t usually caused by a single event or even a set of circumstances. External factors can precipitate a decline, but the root cause is physiological.’

  ‘So you’re saying they were born that way?’

  ‘In a manner of speaking.’

  ‘Man. I thought you were supposed to cure people in places like this.’

  Nurse Griffin sighed. ‘We’re what you call a maintenance facility, Emil. Most of the people here aren’t ever going to get better.’

  ‘You mean the sisters will never get to go home?’

  ‘This is their home. They’ve been here almost all their lives. They’re happy.’

  Emil tried to wrap his head around being stuck in a place like this for a lifetime. At least with jail you got out eventually. ‘That’s depressing.’

  ‘Not for our patients.’ Nurse Griffin tipped her head and looked at him curiously. ‘Emil? Have you ever thought about training to do this kind of work professionally?’

  ‘Janitor? Oh, yeah, I thought about it a lot. That’s why I turned to a life of crime.’

  Nurse Griffin leveled a serious gaze at him. ‘I was thinking about nursing.’

  Emil laughed, then clamped it when he realized she wasn’t fooling. ‘My mom was a nurse.’

  ‘See? It runs in the family.’

  ‘So does janitorial work, but I don’t think either of those things are my kind of –’

  A buzzer suddenly sounded from the call board and Nurse Griffin stood up. ‘It’s Mrs Briefstein. This might take a while. Goodnight, Emil. See you tomorrow.’

  ‘Night, Nurse Griffin.’ Emil trailed after her and glanced into Mrs Briefstein’s room on his way past. The poor old lady was sobbing, and Nurse Griffin was sitting on the edge of her bed, trying to soothe her. He watched for a few moments, wondering what kind of demons Mrs Briefstein was carrying around that were making her cry so hard, and whether or not they were real or the conjured fantasy of a sick mind. In the end he decided it probably didn’t matter – people cried when they were sad, crazy or sane.

  He looked away, and hurried toward his room. But as he passed Edith and Gloria’s closed door, he slowed a little while a really stupid thought sprinted through his mind. The sisters had been talking and acting a little jiggy all day.

  You’re in an insane asylum, what do you expect? the rational part of his brain chided him. But another part of his brain, the part that had been sharply honed to analyze human behavior and take advantage of anomalies and weaknesses for his own financial gain, told him something else. People always followed a pattern, and it was right up front, whether they realized it or not. And when the pattern broke, there was either opportunity … or trouble.

  He took a few more steps, looked around furtively to make sure nobody else was in the hall, then went back to the sisters’ room. With a deft and quiet hand, he slowly turned the knob, then pushed the door open an inch and cupped his hand to his ear. No sound, so he pushed the door a little wider and peered in.

  It was mostly dark, but a nightlight by the beds confirmed his fear – nobody home. ‘Damn,’ he breathed, flicking on the overhead, just to make sure.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Emil spun his gold ring nervously as he rode the elevator down and finally landed at basement level. When the doors slid open, Edith and Gloria were right there, waiting for him. They were back in their magi regalia, brandishing the dry-cleaning bag with the third costume.

  ‘We’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long?’ Gloria whispered anxiously, thrusting the costume toward him.

  Edith put a hand on her sister’s arm to hold her back and calm her. ‘We knew you’d come eventually, Emil.’

  Emil slashed his hand through the air and tried to keep his voice low. ‘No! Now stop it, you two! I can’t believe you actually snuck down here. What do you think you’re doing? Nurse Griffin is up there, and she thinks we’re all asle
ep. Now get in this elevator right away.’

  ‘We have to leave, Emil,’ Gloria implored. ‘It’s so important.’

  ‘Oh, come on, not that again. Let’s just all of us go back upstairs. Nobody’s going to get into any trouble, we’ll get a good night’s sleep and –’

  ‘We can’t wait.’ Edith stepped forward with scary authority. ‘If we don’t leave now, we’ll never make it in time to see the Christ child.’

  Emil finally stepped out of the elevator. ‘Okay, I’ll play along. Where is he? Over there, in that little room with the cobwebs and wire? Behind the furnace? Come on, tell me where the Christ child is, we’ll go see him, then go to bed.’

  Edith shook her head in exasperation. ‘Emil, the child isn’t here, he’s in the City of David, and you have to show us the way. You’re our only hope.’

  Gloria nodded. ‘You’re the only hope for the world.’

  ‘Well, nobody’s ever accused me of that before.’

  Emil backed up a little when Gloria descended on him to look him square in the eye. She seemed calm, and looked almost sane, which scared him to death.

  ‘You’ve been chosen, Emil. The staff of God has cast the light of salvation upon you, and you shall spread that light throughout the world.’

  ‘It’s time you accepted your destiny, Emil. Now come along,’ Edith whispered, taking him by the arm and pulling him.

  He balked like a mule, and shook off her grip. ‘Seriously, ladies, let’s just stop this right now. We’re not going anywhere except upstairs.’

  Gloria smiled charmingly. ‘So you don’t want to see the coal chute?’

  ‘There’s no coal chute, that’s Psycho, and you two have to drop that whole thing.’