Reluctant Wife
Page 19
His footsteps were soundless as he made his way toward her.
She didn’t appear to hear his approach above the moan of the wintry wind. He stopped when he got to about ten feet behind her, not wanting to intrude on her private time, but wanting to be here in case she needed him.
Crouched down, she clutched a bouquet of bright yellow mums, their color vivid against the browns and grays that surrounded them. The hand holding the bouquet trembled slightly, whether from the cold or from emotion, Tyler couldn’t be sure.
“Oh, Daddy, I’m sorry for expecting too much from you.”
Her voice carried to where Tyler stood, riding the wind with sorrow. He heard the tears she suppressed, wanted to run to her, hold her, but knew she needed to grieve—finally.
“I realize now you loved me in the only way you could....” She lowered her head, her next words muffled. “Sorry...love you...” Bits and pieces of her one-sided conversation fluttered to Tyler’s ears. A daughter’s regrets...and a daughter’s forgiveness. He heard the sound of her tears, but knew they were healthy ones, cathartic and healing.
He turned to leave, realizing she wouldn’t need him. She’d made her final peace with her childhood; had grown up enough to understand the frailty of parenting, the imperfections of humans.
“Love Tyler...”
He stopped, frozen in his tracks as these words filtered to him, through him. Unable to help himself, he took a step closer, not wanting to hear anything further, yet incapable of moving away.
“I love him as I’ve never loved anyone before...like you must have loved Mama.” The tears were gone, replaced with a vibrancy and joy that tore through Tyler. No, please, don’t love me, his heart cried.
He watched as she touched Jamison’s headstone, with a loving, caressing gesture. “He makes me happy, Daddy. And we’re going to get married and fill that house with your grandchildren.”
Tyler’s throat closed up and he felt as if he were suffocating. The wind stung his eyes, bringing tears. He hadn’t wanted to hear those words. He hadn’t wanted to believe that she could love him.
He pressed a hand against his stomach, where it burned and ached, then realized the pain was higher—surrounding his heart.
Dammit, he hadn’t wanted to hear her say the words. It made her love for him real—and his for her impossible. It made his leaving so much more difficult. And he had to leave. Without making a sound, Tyler turned and walked back to his car.
Samantha had said all she needed to say, yet she was reluctant to leave. Although the wind was cold, the warmth of her heart banished any chill.
Her memories of growing up with her father would always sadden her, but now those memories of his seeming distance, his coolness, were tempered with understanding. And with understanding came forgiveness.
He had loved her. It hadn’t been a perfect love, but it had been all he’d had to give. He’d even hired Wylie Brooks to make certain she was all right. And if she had any lingering doubts of his love, all she had to do was remind herself that he’d left to her half of what he’d loved most dearly—Justice Inc.
He’d bequeathed her half of his life’s work, and a partner she’d managed to fall in love with. Void of the anger and hurt that had driven her for so long, she felt free and cleansed, eager to open her heart to Tyler.
She now realized the lesson to be learned from the events of the past several days. Heart at peace, she touched her father’s headstone one last time. “Goodbye, Daddy. I love you.” She placed the flowers at the foot of the gravestone, then turned and hurried for her car, eager to talk to Tyler...eager to share her love.
Chapter 15
Tyler wasn’t home when Samantha returned. She had no idea where he might have gone, but wasn’t worried about his absence. It was just after noon and it was possible he’d gone to the office to take care of some business. She knew that his involvement in the Marcola case had caused him to neglect some of his own pending cases.
Samantha busied herself putting away the omelette makings she’d prepared, then never cooked the night before. Virginia had arrived early that morning while Tyler and Samantha had been cleaning up to go to Edie’s, and Samantha had sent the older woman home for the day.
As Samantha tidied the kitchen, she was glad she’d sent Virginia away. The simple, mundane task of washing dishes and countertops felt good. It was just the kind of mindless work she needed while she mentally prepared for spilling her heart to Tyler.
She smiled as she thought of him. Who would have thought those ice blue eyes of his would be the ones she wanted to look into for the rest of her life? Who could have imagined that his wry sense of humor, his highly moral convictions would send a shiver of excitement up and down her spine?
Although she knew their differences in philosophy and the way they approached life would continue to cause contention between them, she was confident they had enough love for each other to survive living together, building a life together.
Although Tyler hadn’t actually told her he loved her, she knew he did. Perhaps he didn’t even realize it yet, but he loved her as deeply, as passionately as she loved him. “And if he doesn’t realize it, I’ll make him aware of the fact,” she said to the artificial floral arrangement in the center of the kitchen table.
She smiled, feeling giddy with joy. She realized now that every experience in her life, every hurt, every lonely night had been preparing her for giving herself, heart and soul to Tyler.
Her smile widened. And how like her—to be perverse enough to fall in love with the man she’d once professed to resent and hate with all her being.
After the kitchen was cleaned, she went to the phone and dialed Melissa’s number. She wanted her sister to know she’d finally found peace. She also wanted to share the wonder of her love for Tyler.
“How’s my little niece or nephew doing today?” Samantha asked when Melissa answered the phone.
“Samantha.” Melissa’s voice rang with relief. “I think the real question should be how are you doing? I heard some gossip at the store and have been trying to reach you all morning.”
“You shouldn’t listen to gossip,” Samantha replied with a laugh.
“Oh, Sammie, are you really okay? I heard somebody tried to kill you...that Dominic is innocent and the killer came after you last night.”
“Hmm, sounds like the local blowhards got it all right. I’m fine, Melissa.” For the next few minutes she told Melissa all that had happened with Bones, with Georgia...and finally, with their father and Edie.
“It’s all so sad, isn’t it?” Melissa said softly when Samantha had finished.
“Yes, it is.” Samantha laughed to lighten the mood. “But some things never change. I had the local gossips talking years ago, and I’ve still got them talking.”
Melissa laughed, then sobered. “I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Me, too.” Samantha squeezed the receiver more tightly against her ear. “We’ve lost too many years, Melissa. But I swear we’re going to make up for lost time.”
“Yes, I’d like that,” her sister answered simply.
Samantha thought about all she’d intended to say to Melissa. She’d intended to tell her sister how much she loved Tyler, but she realized now she wasn’t ready to verbalize those feelings. They were still too new, too fresh, too precious to share with anyone other than Tyler. She would tell Melissa later. “I just wanted to call and touch base with you,” she finally said. “Tell Bill I said hi and I’ll talk to you later.”
After hanging up the phone, Samantha curled up in her chair in front of the fire, staring into the flames as visions of a beautiful future unfurled in her mind.
She placed a hand on her stomach, trying to imagine the flutter of life—of Tyler’s baby growing inside her. He would be a wonderful father, just as she knew she would be a good mother. Oh, yes, the Dark residence would once again be filled with the kind of love and laughter she remembered from when her mother had been alive.
“The office. I had some loose ends to take care of.” He set his briefcase on the floor and walked toward the fire. He held his hands out to the warmth, as if chilled to the bone. He looked tired and Samantha wanted to take him in her arms, pull him against her and soothe the wrinkle furrow in his brow.
“I’ve been waiting for you to get home. There’s something I want to tell you,” she said.
He turned to look at her. “I’ve got something to tell you, too, and I think I’d better go first.” He drew in an audible breath and Samantha felt the first stir of unexpected dread. “I’m leaving, Samantha.”
The air seemed to whoosh out of her, as if his words were bricks and each had landed on her chest. “Leaving? I don’t understand,” she finally said, staring at him in confusion. “What do you mean—leaving?”
He raked a hand through his hair, the furrow in his brow deepening. “I’m leaving Wilford...leaving Justice Inc.”
Leaving me. The unspoken words echoed in her heart with painful clarity. She sank into the chair, her legs shaking and unable to hold her up. “Tyler...I still don’t understand. Why would you want to leave here? I know initially we didn’t think a partnership between us would work, but it’s worked fine.” She focused on the business end, at the moment unable to contemplate anything beyond that. “You can’t leave Justice Inc.” You can’t leave me, her heart cried.
Tyler sank into the chair across from her. “Samantha, from the day you showed up here and learned you were half partner, you’ve been telling me you won’t be happy until I sell out to you. Now you’re about to get your wish.”
“I don’t want that anymore,” she cried fervently. “That was before...that was before I fell in love with you. Tyler, I love you.” The words jerked out of her as if unwilling to leave and she held her breath, hoping, praying for his response.
“I know,” he said softly and averted his gaze from her. “It’s probably not really love. You’re confused because I was the first man you made love with.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel,” she snapped with a stir of anger. “Don’t cheapen what’s in my heart by even thinking such a thing.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that.”
Samantha left her chair and moved to the side of his. She sat on the floor at his feet, staring up at him, the burst of anger gone beneath the weight of confusion.
She knew what she felt for him, but had she mistaken what he felt for her? Had she mistaken his physical attraction for love? Had she misconstrued the expression she sometimes saw in his eyes when he looked at her, the love she felt in his hands when he touched her?
No...she couldn’t have. Even now, his love for her radiated from him. She gazed at his face searchingly. “I know you love me, Tyler. Maybe you don’t love me as much as I do you. I know I’m impetuous and difficult. I know that at times I can be a real brat—” She drew a deep, tremulous breath. “I know I’m not the kind of woman you’ve probably dreamed about—”
“Dammit, Samantha, stop it.” Tyler jerked up out of his chair and pushed past her. He stalked to the doorway, then turned back to her. “Everything is not always about you. This isn’t about you. Hell, I love the fact that you’re stubborn and impulsive. I even adore you when you’re being an utter brat, but I’m not going to stick around to risk my heart again.” His features twisted with torment. “I’m a coward, Samantha...and not the kind of man you deserve to have love you.” He turned and left the room.
Samantha heard his heavy footsteps as he made his way up the stairs. She felt as if she’d just been kicked in the chest by a mule. A stubborn mule. What was wrong with him? She knew he loved her. He’d said as much. So, why was he denying them their shot at happiness? What was wrong with him?
And what was wrong with her? She shouldn’t be just sitting here, letting him walk away from her and her love. She should be upstairs fighting him, making him understand that they belonged together.
She clumped up the stairs, emotional turmoil twisting inside her. He was in his bedroom, a suitcase open on his bed. “What are you doing?” she demanded, the sight of him packing clothes giving his words new weight.
“I’ve got a plane to catch this evening to St. Louis. First thing tomorrow morning I have a meeting with the people from the firm where I’ll be working.” He didn’t look at her. Instead he moved to the closet, took out a shirt, then walked back to the bed where he carefully folded the piece of clothing and placed it in the suitcase.
“So, you’re just going to throw it all away?”
“There’s nothing to throw away.”
“There’s us,” she said passionately.
He shook his head. “There is no us.”
“Is this about your mother?”
He froze, his eyes darting to hers. “It’s about everything. It’s about my mother, and Abigail, and your father—it’s all about loving and loss.”
Samantha walked toward him, wanting to touch him, knowing she had to reach him somehow. His eyes filled with misery as she drew closer...closer still. “Oh, Tyler, love isn’t about loss.”
He took a step back from her, the misery gone from his eyes, replaced by a dark harshness. “Trust me, Samantha. You don’t want to love me. I’m not worth it.” His handsome features twisted in agony. “Don’t you understand? If it wasn’t for me, my mom would still be alive.” The words exploded out of him, as if they’d been under pressure and had finally escaped.
Samantha stared at him in surprise. “What are you talking about? You didn’t kill your mother.”
“I might just as well have....I blew off my curfew.” His hands clenched into fists at his sides. “If I hadn’t, I could have stopped him....I could have changed things.”
“Dear God, Tyler. You were just a boy. Had you gotten home any sooner, you might have been killed as well.”
He blinked, as if he’d never considered that fact before. He steadied himself with a deep breath and his hands unclenched. “It doesn’t matter now,” he replied. “It’s over and done and I don’t ever want to suffer that kind of loss again.” He turned to go back to the closet, but Samantha grabbed his arm stopping him.
“Listen to me, Tyler,” she said frantically. “I know all about feeling bad—feeling guilty and believing nobody could ever love me. But you’re wrong about yourself.” She placed a hand on the side of his face...the beautiful face she loved. “I don’t fall in love with unworthy men. I’m not that damned easy.”
He jerked away from her, as if he couldn’t bear her touch. “And I don’t fall in love at all,” he said, his voice flat and unemotional.
Samantha watched as he grabbed another shirt from the closet. Her heart pounded with a fearful rhythm. Frantically she searched her mind for a way to reach him, a way to make him understand that they were meant for each other.
“I finally figured out the lesson I think we were supposed to learn from everything that has happened,” she said and heard the deep emotion that trembled in her voice. “It’s about letting go.”
He paused in his folding and looked at her, his eyes a deep navy blue and impossible to read. She sank down on the edge of his bed, knowing this was her last chance to reach the darkness of guilt and fear that resided deep inside him. “If my father had been able to let go of the memory of my mother, then his heart might have reopened to new love and he wouldn’t be dead. If Georgia had been able to let go of Morgan, then perhaps Abigail would still be alive.”
She leaned forward, wanting him to understand what she was trying to say. “And it wasn’t until I let go of my past with my father that my heart opened to the possibility of finding love with you. It’s about letting go, Tyler. Letting go of past hurts and lost loves and allowing yourself the hope and openness to live and love a
gain. Let go, Tyler....”
He remained still for what seemed like an eternity. “That’s exactly what I’m doing,” he finally said. “I’m letting go of you.”
She felt as if she’d been slapped. Any hope she’d had drained from her. She could tell by the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes, that she’d lost him. Before she’d ever really had him.
He continued his packing while she tried to summon the strength to leave the room. She’d been afraid that if she lost the Marcola case, she would somehow lose her soul. She now realized that hadn’t been true; Tyler owned her soul along with her heart. And now it wasn’t just her heart breaking in two, it was her very soul. Still, she loved him enough to do one last thing, to offer him one last gift of love.
“You don’t have to go,” she said dully. She stood and walked toward the door. “I’ll sell you my half of Justice Inc.”
Shock swept over his face. “What?”
“You heard me.” She forced a light laugh. “You know me, Tyler. It wouldn’t take long before I’d be bored to tears here in Wilford. Justice Inc. was never really mine. It never really belonged to me. It’s always been yours. You’ve worked for it all these years. You deserve it.”
“Samantha, I can’t let you do that,” he protested.
“You aren’t letting me do anything. You might just as well buy my half as somebody else. One way or another, I’m selling out.” She forced a lightness into her voice. “While you were out today I got a call from a big Chicago firm. They offered me a job and I’m taking it. I’ll be much happier at a bigger firm, in a bigger city. I’ll draw up the necessary paperwork for the sale.” Without waiting for his reply, she turned and left the room.
She fled into her bedroom and closed and locked the door behind her. Now that she’d made the decision, she didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want him to try to talk her out of it.
Tyler had put years of his life into Justice Inc. He’d made a sterling reputation for both himself and the firm, carrying on the work her father had begun so many years before. It wasn’t fair for him to have to leave it all behind. It was right that she be the one to go. But that didn’t make the prospect any easier.