The Rhythm of Blues

by Love Belvin

  “Yeah,” she breathed and turned to put out the growing ashes of her stogie. “I can’t tell.”

  “Really? So, out of all these months you’ve been away, gadding about the globe with your Ukrainian lover, you’ve not seen you can trust other people and let them in? You sure as hell have been away long enough to discover that level of intimacy!”

  Myisha’s unbothered gaze went back out to the gallery. It was unbelievable! How can a vibrant, healthy woman like her just experience a deeper connection with a man, and not understa—

  Oh. Shit.

  That’s when it hit me.

  I backed up until my ass hit the bed post. Coincidentally, Myisha’s narrow gaze roved back over to me.

  “You’re still a virgin,” I breathed, unmoving. “You didn’t do it. You never had sex with him. It didn’t work out.”

  “Yeah,” she began, tone drily. “Well, that narrative hasn’t changed.” She referred to our nasty exchange back at the restaurant. “You know how I’m sure you and Raj ain’t make this “magical” connection? Some of us ain’t built for that. We just ain’t got it in us.” Her narrowed eyes were red and possessed-like, reminding me of palpable pain I’d seen recently.

  With her cousin.

  Oh. My. God!

  Bile shot up my esophagus and I audibly gagged, quickly swallowing back the liquid. Myisha’s head then body swung to face me.

  “What?” she asked.

  With a heaving chest, I straightened. “You were assaulted, too.”

  Immediately, first one then two streams of tears raced down her face. Her lips trembled when she raised her arm and pointed her index finger. “Please. Get out,” she could hardly speak.

  I obeyed, quickly walking backwards until I could sync my feet with my brain and turn ahead for the door. My body trembled halfway to the master suite, mind haunted with images of a gang of demons violating innocent kids. I was here again. Back here. Once again surrounded by broken, troubled, and damaged people unable to shake their darkness. It’s the life I’d left last year when I quit my job. It was why I opted for this stupid ass masquerade in the first place. Yeah. It was time to go. Next week couldn’t get here fast enough to put much needed distance between me and the McKinnons.

  The next few days passed by similar to the ones just after Myisha left the country and when Raj and I returned from Saint Justin. A cloud of stagnant emptiness rested over the estate. At least for me they were. For Raj, they were glorious and filled with hot sex, a few dinner dates, and long talks by the fireplace in the living room. Me, on the other hand, when I wasn’t working out or visiting Van, I jogged back to the ranch and spent copious amounts of time with Arnie. He was my love in no time. Apparently, I was his, too, to his little brother’s frustration. Several times, Raj drove back to get me after dark for dinner.

  Just like tonight. As we drove Raj’s shiny blue pickup through the wooded path toward the house, Raj’s wrinkled forehead seemed to be set in stone.

  “What’s your problem?” I asked. “I honestly lost track of time from searching websites for a cute horse tack.”

  With a slight turn of his head, he glared at me, though his mouth hinted at a smirk. “He has a crush on you.”

  I slapped my thighs. “And so do my nephews, but that doesn’t stop me from being an aunt!”

  “What nephews?”

  My face fell. “Van’s boys.”

  “You mean your cousins.”

  “No. My nephews—” I rolled my eyes catching on. “Whatever. You catch my drift.”

  We pulled into the circular driveway, veering around the front entrance to the garages on the side of the house.

  “But I don’t want my big brother crushing on my wife.”

  I gasped with wide eyes. “I’m not your real wife!”

  He snickered. “You are legally.”

  Raj cut the engine and opened the door to leave the truck.

  “But not… You know! Not permanently.”

  “But physically,” he continued to argue.

  That sent a feather stroke to my groin as I slammed the door after stepping down from the passenger side.

  I followed him inside the garage.

  “You’re full of shit, McKinnon.” I rolled my eyes.

  Damn me for finding that cute.

  As we entered the house, Raj grabbed me from the back, pushing his warm and soft lips into my neck as he walked around my feet. His weight deliciously heavy and familiar so quickly. I couldn’t believe it was time for me to leave for the L.I.T. Music camp already. When it was proposed, I was fine, unattached and unrooted to anything preventing me from going.

  Now…

  “Did you shave?” he whispered in my ear as we wobbled down the dim hall toward the kitchen.

  He bit into my sensitive flesh and a moan escaped.

  “Did you?” he demanded, his arms around my waist tightened.

  “Why?” I could hardly utter.

  “Because you’re more sensitive when I lick your bare skin. You’re louder…” he growled. “Wilder.”

  I could feel my nipples hardening, pushing taut into my bra. I remembered that day vividly. It was in his office as I sat on top of his desk with him in the chair between my legs. Raj used his nose on my clit and his tongue in my quivering sex. He was no novice that day, sucking on my labia before traveling inside…and under where he rimmed me as I screamed until my legs stopped trembling and my vocal chords were bruised for two days.

  I broke free from his hold, twisted in his hard arms to climb his body. Raj stumbled before catching his balance to hold us both. He tried to speak, but my tongue had reached his instrumental chords by that time. I loved kissing Ragee. I enjoyed exploring intimacy with him, period. He was fun, bold, and now less afraid to trust me. I’d learned just how much of a covert freak Ragee was. He had a proclivity to clandestine sex. He’d take me fast and hard around any corner away from someone. A time or three, I’d had his palm shoved to my face and covering my mouth as he pounded me into orgasmic delirium. He wasn’t the only one struggling with infatuation here. Like now, while mounted onto him, I was past the point of being turned on. I wanted him right then…wherever we’d make it to before I was thrust into a feverish lecherous zone.

  He tried to speak, but I didn’t let him withdraw from me. Raj even tried to use his big hands to extract his face from me. Wrong move. His hands alone on my needy body did things to me. Just when I thought to pull away for a half a second to tell him it was going down, an explosion happened behind me.

  Lights illuminated and a blare of shouts had my fucking heart leaping up my damn throat.

  “Surprise!”

  Instead of jumping from Raj’s trunk and running the hell away, I clung tighter to him, holding on for dear life. Instead of him taking off for the both of us, he… Laughed. With my tightened face and squeezed eyes against his neck, I could feel his laughter vibrating through my chest—louder than my galloping heart.

  “The fuck, McKinnon?” I barked into his neck, afraid to look.

  “Baby,” he tried over his hoots. His hand on the crown of my head, trying to pry it away while laughter exploded behind me. “You need to look up. Stop.”

  His jovial tone had me relax as much as possible, considering I was almost startled to fucking death. My head pulled back and I turned slightly. Raj circled so the kitchen came into full vision, and oh my fucking world! It was a heart-swelling sight to see. A beautiful display of food all around the countless countertops, a champagne display for a small number of takers and… Earl smiling warmly next to my best friends, Mya and Ivie. To say I was surprised beyond measure wouldn’t fully capture my sentiment.

  I whipped my neck back to Ragee, who smiled happily—a rare expression I’d been getting used to over the past month and a half from him.

  “Oh, my god!” I trilled.

  His head tossed back and eyes shrank as he chuckled, likely still at my cowardly act when I thought I was going to die a few moments ago. />
  “How did you…” I couldn’t speak to finish.

  As he continued with his chuckle, Raj advised, “You gotta get down, baby. Your friends gone think we’re attached at the hip.”

  I glanced down to what revealed his point then slowly released my legs, one at a time. When I turned to face my girls, Mya was the first to embrace me as she jogged over with her jet black, bone straight long hair swishing behind her shoulders. I’d forgotten how gorgeous she was. Suddenly remembered how hard we’d worked on her self-esteem in high school when the girls who were jealous of her mixed heritage of Polynesian and black regularly bullied her. Her mom, who was second generation Polynesian, had such a mild and submissive personality and couldn’t teach her daughter what she didn’t have. So Ivie and I rose to the occasion.

  Mya rocked me back and forth in her little hold. She was nearly a foot shorter than me, but her strength tonight challenged that. My heart crumbled in guilt. While Mya was the more dramatic and sensitive one out of the three, she didn’t bite her tongue, and I knew it was because of how I put them on the back burner with this insane venture.

  “Move the hell out of the way, Mya!” Ivie, my more assertive and know-it-all bestie pushed little Mya aside.

  I caught Mya drying her eyes before Ivie, spinning me like a rag doll, changed my periphery. She ripped my coat from my frame faster than Raj had ever with my clothes.

  “The hell you been doing up here?” Ivie demanded with eyes wide as saucers and a mouth that couldn’t close if she willed it to. “I haven’t seen this Wynter in—”

  “In almost four years, right?” Mya interjected. “Before the accident!” She, too, was taken by my weight loss.

  I glanced down at my long sleeve black cotton shirt, blue jeans, and black combat boots. Arnie taught me how to dress for stable work.

  When Ivie’s hand went for the tear drop diamond on the delicate white gold necklace Raj had gifted me for my birthday, Mya’s little hands went for my hair, examining that, too.

  “Damn, this weave is supreme,” Mya declared.

  I balled my mouth, though I couldn’t hide the smile elsewhere in my face. “Like you have experience with them.”

  Her hair was long and voluminous.

  “Bitch, this neckpiece—because you don’t fucking call it anything else—is to die for! I’ve been eyeing it for two years now at Tiffany.” She gasped.

  Now embarrassed, I back up and pull Raj to me by his hand. “Have you guys met Raj?”

  Ivie’s prying eyes swept from me, up to Raj and beamed. “Not really. But then again, who doesn’t know Ragee?”

  I gently pulled him in front of me by the waist to try to relieve the overwhelming pressure and guilt of not having been in touch with my closest friends.

  “Mr. McKinnon, this is one of my bestest friends, Ivie Stackhouse. She’s the diva of the trio.” I giggled as Raj offered his palm. “Ivie, this is Raj.”

  I wanted to say my Raj, and as much as it felt true, it felt deceptive. These were my friends who would learn the truth at the end of this three year term contract.

  I didn’t like the way my friend gawked at Raj. I knew that look in her eyes. I’d seen it since we barely had boobs. She found him not only attractive, but fuckable. Oh, how badly I didn’t want her to know just how much he, in fact, was.

  “Heeeeeey, Rageeeeeeee,” she sang, batting those long curly lashes that looked great on her. But what didn’t on Ivie?

  Raj took her hand, kissing the back of it. “Heeeeeey, Ivie,” he returned, mocking her with more charm than I preferred.

  The girls squawked their excitement over it. I rolled my eyes.

  Moving along, I cleared my throat and tugged him at the waist toward Mya’s petite stature. Already, before the introduction, Mya was fan-girling.

  “Holy shit!” she swore on a nervous giggle. “I have all your music…seen all your movies. I’ve been telling Wynter how incredible you are for years, but she blew me off! It’s such a pleasure. Holy shit!”

  Raj turned to me, tossing his head over his shoulder. “Guess who’s blowing me now?” he whispered, only intended it to be for me. Bad attempt. The girls giggled their heads off. I rolled my eyes again. Raj offered a regretful expression. He then turned to Mya. “Thanks so much for riding with me, sweetheart. I appreciate you.” He kissed the back of her hand, too.

  “Yeah,” Mya squealed. “I bet she’s riding the hell out of you now!”

  Both my friends fell into laughter again, bending over helplessly with it, too.

  “Okay!” I shouted. “Hey, now!”

  “C’mon, Wynter. He married you. I’m sure he auditioned you first,” Mya’s words were for me, but her appreciative gaze was on Raj.

  “Yup. And found out right away how freaky fucking nasty your ass is!” Ivie blurted.

  A disruptive howl spewed from Earl’s big frame across the room. My eyes closed in mortification. Raj was so sensitive when it came to sex. I didn’t want his trust in me regressing.

  Then I was pulled into him, my back against his abdomen. A soft kiss was place behind my ear.

  “Thank God for her grandparents’ liberal teachings in that department,” he shared with the girls.

  Suddenly, the embarrassment ebbed away, reminding me we had something real between us. I’d forgotten I’d shared that with him. It was true. I wasn’t inhibited when it came to sex. Even sitting through informal Bible studies with Pastor McKinnon, I’d learned God didn’t intend for married people to be.

  Even though my case is likely not what God had in mind for marriage…

  “Well, now that the introductions are done…” I rolled my eyes. Again! “How did this happen? How’d you get here?”

  Mya’s arm swept toward me, but eyes were on Raj, above me.

  “Your hubby.” She beamed.

  “He had us picked up in this dope ass limo. Oh, my god, Wynter! I felt fancy as hell!”

  I glanced up behind me to Raj.

  “Jashon,” he answered in one word. Then Raj straightened, out of nowhere, behind me. “Hey, My!” he greeted with a projected voice.

  My attention went to following his line of vision. Myisha had indeed stepped into the vast kitchen and appeared surprised by the countertops lined with foods.

  “Hey, Myisha,” I tried. “Guys, this is Myisha, Raj’s close cousin and executive assistant,” I attempted an introduction. Things had been so sour between us, and while I didn’t like it, I didn’t push Myisha. Her reaction over Raj and me being lovers was completely juvenile and had, in my ever working mind, tied into her being a thirty-five-year-old woman with a lack of sexual or a legitimate intimate relationship with a man. I didn’t want to entertain the child in her. But damn, I missed her bubbly personality. “You want to join us? I’d love for you to meet my friends.”

  “Oh, I know her!” Mya shrilled. “I follow you on IG!”

  Myisha offered a brisk flash of a smile before her attention went over my head to her cousin.

  “A word with you?” she requested initially. “Now.” She stalked coldly out of the kitchen.

  After a long pause while Ragee’s frame went rigid over me, he recovered.

  “Alright, ladies.” He kissed my ear. “I’m being summoned by another demanding woman in my life. Y’all sit, eat, drink, and chill. I’m gonna leave you to it.” He smirked sexily, surfacing Ragee, the performer.

  Then he, too, was gone.

  The girls and I found each other’s eyes right away. Within seconds, we all broke into laughter.

  “And on that note,” Earl announced. “I’m out of here. I can only imagine what’s coming next.”

  That didn’t help our silliness. As he made his exit, I waved them over to the table, dying to catch up.

  Well… Kind of.

  Myisha walked quietly into my office behind me.

  I couldn’t even make it to my desk before I turned around with stretched eyes. “Yo, what’s good with you?”

  “You arranging reuni
ons and shit like this”—she pointed to my wedding band I’d started wearing when my grandmother began her stay here—“is real.”

  “What I do ain’t your concern, MyMy,” I scoffed, confused. “I thought you liked Wynter. Why you been trippin’ since you’ve been back?”

  This wasn’t like her. I’d been wanting to address it, but Wynter begged me not to, saying things would work themselves out between them two. Myisha had been walking around here with something on her chest. But now she had the nerve to confront me about it? Why did people like her and Mike, who have known me long enough to know how privately and unapologetically I moved in my personal world, think now was a good time to feel they could speak on it?

  “Because she’s an outsider and one you told our family business to.”

  I shook my head as I snorted. “Look, I ain’t going over that again. If I didn’t trust her, I wouldn’t breathe a word—”

  “Trust. That’s what I’m concerned about. You like to trust people every once in a while, and they seem to try to come between us. I’m not letting that happen no more.”

  My face wrinkled. “What are you talking about, man?”

  “You’re going to drop her after tonight. I already have the setup in play for the morning.” My face wrinkled even more. “When she leaves, so does this whack ass fuck-fest you two got going on!”

  I hoped she didn’t see my face drop. Wynter tried to tell me two nights ago when I had her spread across the dining room table in the dark, she saw somebody walk past.

  Shaking that from my head, I waved my hand in the air. “I ‘on’t know what happened between you and Vanda on tour, but little cousin, I don’t wanna have to hurt your feelings by shutting you down about my personal life. I had to do that with Mike last week and it wasn’t so pretty. So, for the first and last time, what goes on in my personal life—”

  “Mike Brown.” She moved for the office door. “So glad you brought him up first. He called me last night and you won’t be happy with what the fuck he spilled in terms of family secrets!”

  She slammed the door before rocking my soul.