My Heart

by A J Wolf

  My back is to the wall as he presses closer. I want to push him away but I’m afraid he’ll stop talking. “So when the Daly Brothers decided they’d had enough fun with Julian, it was the opening I needed to put a crack in Remy’s blemish free life…I had to pull a few strings to get him caught and set up for that ambush on his own men; but boy was the outcome everything I could hope for.”

  A burning rage is crawling along my skin like tiny little bugs, nipping and pinching, tears once again dripping from my chin. Smiling at my reaction he boxes me in, “Remy was a fucking wreck and I reveled in it. The three months you were gone I was able to transfer entire warehouses worth of shit to The Westies. Lucky for him he has a good Capo Bastone or he never would have known what was happening. Andrea put a dent in our little fiasco and the Daly Brothers weren’t happy about it. They’ve gotten themselves mixed up in a mess of their own and whoever they’re supplying wasn’t thrilled to suddenly have their shipments stopped.”

  He pauses to push some loose hair from my face, watching a tear fall from my cheek. “After Remy had some of their warehouses raided, they decided they were going to take you and use you for collateral to get whatever they needed to complete their orders…but they didn’t anticipate you not being an easy target.” Leaning down so our noses brush he strokes my cheek. “If I hadn’t already decided you were mine, that night would have sealed the deal for me; I watched the security footage and I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”

  I close my eyes and force the bile down my throat. “You weren’t supposed to be part of that ambush though; I’d already staked my claim. Since they had their own agenda, I made one of my own. The Daly Brothers didn’t know about the plan to attack them that day but I did; so I planned to come and get you while everyone was out.” I open my eyes and look down at my hands in and attempt to put space between us. “And lucky I did too because I apparently wasn’t the only one coming for you.”

  There’s a silence between us as his revelations swarm through my brain and I fight to ignore his proximity. I had already assumed it was The Westies who attacked me before Gavino but I thought they were working together. I’m not sure how Gavino thinks we could ever be a thing. Did he think I’d willingly choose him over Remy? He can never go back which means we will be in hiding forever; because Remy won’t ever stop looking for me, I’m positive of that. “So what’s your plan then? Live in hiding forever with me as your prisoner?”

  He chuckles and grips my upper arms, forcing me into a hug. “You won’t be my prisoner forever.”

  I jerk out of his arms, twisting to face him as I walk backwards towards the hallway. “If I’m not your prisoner than what am I? Because I will never choose you.”

  Watching me turn and walk to my door he smiles from his spot at the end of the hall. Just as I open my door, he answers barely loud enough for me to hear, “Dead.”

  ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

  My days pass in a haze, each one exactly the same as the one before. I’m not even sure how long it’s been…another week? Three? I only ever see Gavino. Only ever talk to Gavino. My cheek has sores on the inside from biting it with anger. My palms cut from my nails constantly digging into the flesh. My face feels like it’s permanently bruised, my cheek and lips constantly marked for my ‘insubordination’. It’s becoming increasingly harder to bite my tongue and keep my hatred to myself.

  I’m aware that Gavino is growing more and more impatient with me, gets angrier and more irritable with every touch I slap away, with every insult I snap at him; but I’m becoming past the point of caring. Each day my heart turns a deeper hue of red, edges slowly fading to an inky black. Each night I wish upon the stars outside my window for Remy to find me, to be taken from this living nightmare. Each morning I wake up to find them ungranted. I spend most of my time dreaming up ways to kill Gavino. When I’m feeling particularly brave I’ll act on those desires; and then be punished because I failed. Hence the reason I’m using a plastic spork to eat my lunch…Gavino wasn’t fond of having a metal one shoved into his chest; unfortunately for me I missed his throat.

  “I got you something. For your daily bath.” My eyes shift over to him in the doorway as he speaks, eyeing the bath salts he’s holding. In an attempt to keep my sanity, I’ve been taking baths. The tub is yellow and small, but it’s the only thing I have to look forward to during the day. At my nonresponse he walks to the table and sets them in front of me. I can’t help the snort that comes out as I read the label, Pain & Fatigue Body Soak. “Should help with your bruising… and maybe your attitude.”

  I huff as I stand, grabbing the salts while leaving my plate on the table, Gavino hates it. “I wouldn’t have either if you let me go.”

  He follows me and catches my wrist before I get to the hall, “My patience is wearing thin Beverly.”

  I stare at him until he drops my arm then continue to the bathroom without comment. If he’s expecting me to suddenly fall for his charm or fear his warnings, he is going to be wildly disappointed. Clicking the door shut I set the salts on the counter and rest the back of my head against the door, closing my eyes for a moment. For the next thirty minutes I can pretend I’m okay, that it’s just an ordinary day of relaxing in the tub.

  Opening my eyes to my imagined bliss, I turn the water on almost too hot and dump my salts in. Hopefully they can actually help with my fatigue, I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally. Stripping and sinking into the water I roll a towel to support my neck on the edge and watch my skin turn pink. Shutting my eyes again I imagine I’m home.

  “Beverly…Beverly!” I jump in the water, frowning up at Gavino in confusion. My water is cooled, I must have fallen asleep.

  “What? Why are you shouting.” I don’t bother to hide from his gaze. Who knows how long he was perving before he woke me up anyway.

  “Choose now.” I sit up to get out of the water but he stays in my way, crouched by the tub. “Me or Remy.”

  After a small pause I lean towards him, purposefully pressing my naked wet chest to his clothed one, brush my nose to his, our lips barely touching. I can feel his quick breaths as I raise a hand from the water to grip the back of his neck and whisper against his lips, “I’d rather hang from the rafters than spend another second breathing the same air as you.”

  I see the second my words hit their mark. When his cool façade cracks and the monster within peaks at me through the broken pieces. I smile against his mouth knowing what’s about to happen…but it gives me hope too. If he’s making me choose then Remy is coming.

  He grips my hair tightly as I smile, pressing a hard, angry kiss to my lips. “That can be arranged.” It’s said as I’m being slammed below the water’s cold surface, manic smile still in place as my breath is stolen from my lungs.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Three and a half weeks. That’s how long my heart as been missing. I’ve spent every waking hour searching for her, tearing apart Gavino’s properties, harassing every known associate of his, questioning his men. Her absence is a physical pain, a burning ache that no amount of alcohol or pills can dull. And I’ve tried, just to be able to sleep. My body is running on an empty fuel line, but I push through it, because she needs to be found. Besides endless searching, I’ve had to overhaul my entire inner circle of made men in an attempt to weed out potential traditori; spend hours at the warehouses with Andrea sorting shit out. I could have delegated the work but that’s what started this entire mess, letting things slip past my notice. I’m not letting it happen again.

  I’m not the only one missing Bev’s presence either; Dylan looks for her around the house daily, sleeps on her side of the bed. He’s taken to following me around the house and I’ve found I like having his company. “Dylan.” Holding my hand out to him, he gets up from his spot by the door and drops his big head in my lap. Just the fact that he lets me pet him is testament to how miserable he is. Absently stroking his ears, I go through emails on my phone. I have men doing rounds on a few places security foo
tage has caught Gavino or one of his men in Maine; it’s only a days drive from here but I can’t go rushing in and potentially scare him off; I need to be sure of his location. There isn’t any footage of Beverly, but I know he has her…if he was going to kill her he would have done it here. Let me find her in a place she should have been safe as an added ‘fuck you’. At this point I don’t even care what his motives are, he’s going to die regardless.

  Dylan growls and I look up to see Andrea walking into my office, face looking as shitty as I feel. “You and that dog have gotten pretty chummy.”

  I hum, patting Dylan’s side as he sits by my chair, flashing teeth at Andrea. “Temporary truce…misery loves company.”

  Dropping into a chair, he runs his hands over his face before gathering his hair into a bun. “I’m assuming you’ve heard nothing?”

  “Not yet. But I have another group of made men checking out a possible lead in Sanford… they should be there soon if they aren’t already.” Setting my phone down I rub my eyes roughly, attempting to rub the fatigue away. “The last few times we’ve gotten footage he’s always getting supplies. The plan is to find and follow him, then verify where he’s staying. If I’m lucky we’ll get eyes on Beverly as well.”

  “Once we have confirmed his location, we will go in.” Andrea clarifies and I nod in response.

  “If they’re in Sanford, it’ll only take us about five hours to get there…message Donatello and tell him to get a bag ready. The second Gavino’s location is confirmed I want to leave.”

  As if on cue my screen lights up from its spot on the desk causing Andrea and I to share a look. Snatching it up I read the message displayed across the screen.

  Thomas: Gavino is staying on a lot of land in Sanford…519 Alfred Rd. Can’t get good visual on the actual house to see if he has Beverly.

  Me: Confirmed. Keep an eye on him but be discreet.

  Standing quickly, I grab a spare gun from the safe under my desk and slip it into the open spot in my chest holster. Andrea is already standing, phone to his ear, presumably calling Donatello. My chest is tight as we march down the silent halls, anxious energy plucking at my nerves. Grabbing the bag I already packed, we head out the door and straight to Andrea’s SUV.

  “We’ll pick up Donatello on the way… I don’t want to wait.” Andrea jumps into the drivers seat as I throw my stuff in the back and get in.

  “I already told him that.” Side eyeing me, he starts the engine and starts to drive off the estate. “I don’t know what we’re about to walk into but try to keep a level head. We can’t get Bev safely if you’re losing your shit.”

  I frown but don’t comment. I just need her to be in one piece when I get there. And if she’s not there…well let’s just hope she is.

  ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

  We’re only twenty minutes out from the address Thomas gave me when my phone starts going off.

  “Pronto.”

  “Capo Famiglia, Gavino knows we’re here. One of his men recognized us and took off before we could stop him.”

  “Fanculo!” Slapping my palm on the dash I grit my teeth in anger. “How long ago was this?”

  “Within the last ten minutes. I called as soon as we lost him.”

  I hang up without a goodbye as Donatello leans through the center of the front seats, “What is it?”

  “One of Gavino’s men recognized Thomas and they couldn’t grab him before he took off. We can only assume they are or have already alerted Gavino that we know where he is.” I clench my fist as I speak, anger and fear beating a chaotic rhythm behind my ribs. If I lose Beverly now I don’t know how long it will take to find her again and the thought makes me sick. My eyes meet Andrea’s as I speak next, “Floor it. We need to get there before they leave.”

  The minutes feel like hours as we go well above the limit to reach the address Thomas gave us. Flying down a long gravel road we barely stop in time to make the turn we need to get there. There’s a small brick house at the end of it, no signs of life outside, no car.

  The second Andrea has stopped I’m pushing the car door open and sprinting towards the brick house; Donatello and Andrea hot on my heels. I’m silently praying to whoever will listen that Beverly is still here, that Gavino didn’t get tipped of our arrival. The door is locked when I reach it, so I yank out my handgun, shooting several times to break the lock before kicking it open. The three of us pause in the small living room for a moment, gauging what to do next. Andrea nods my way and heads towards an arched doorway, while Donatello goes back out the door to look around the outside of the house. I move forward into a hall, sounds of splashing making my blood run cold. Throwing open the only cracked door in the hall my heart pounds painfully in my chest, fear coursing through my veins like venom.

  Gavino is sitting on his heel, turned to face me, a look of contempt crossing his features. A pale arm hangs over the edge of the tub, unmoving. Without thought I raise my gun and shoot him in the face, blood turning the tub water a murky red as his body slumps backwards over the edge. The sound of my gun smacking against the floor is loud and out of place with the eerie silence filling the room. The pain of my heart tearing at the sight before me almost brings me to my knees…this can’t happen, I’m not too late. Ripping his body aside I hurriedly reach in and lift Beverly, clutching her wet form to my chest while pushing the hair from her face, checking for a pulse I know isn’t there. “Cuore Mio, come back to me baby.”

  I give her a small desperate shake as I drop to my knees in the hall, lowering her to the carpet as I frantically begin CPR. I’m moving on autopilot, heart thumping wildly in my ears as I hear Andrea running towards us. He drops to his own knees, checking for a pulse as I continue to pump her chest and breath into her lungs. I’m vaguely aware of him yelling to someone, feel a hand on my shoulder that I shove off; all my attention is focused on Beverly.

  “REMY! Let the Paramedic see her!” Donatello has my face gripped tightly in his hands to get my attention, pulling me up by my arm and away from Beverly as an EMT rushes to take my place.

  I realize I’m shaking as I stand uselessly behind them. My throat tight, almost choking on my fear. I can’t lose her. She’s my fucking heart…without her I cease to be. They’re hooking her up to a defibrillator; her beautiful face turned my way as the first shock shakes her body. I sink to the floor, head in my hands as they shock her a second time, my eyes coming up to meet the EMT’s for a fleeting moment, sharing a wordless conversation as my bleeding heart pauses its frantic rhythm in my chest to match the tune of Beverly’s.

  ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

  “I know you’re fucking around with Delaney.” Side eyeing Donatello I blow smoke into the air, back resting against an old mausoleum, away from the gathering mourners. I can’t deal with them yet, so I’m hiding and smoking my third cigarette in the last hour.

  Coming to stand in front of me, he shoves his hands into his slack pockets, looking uncomfortable. Shifting his gaze from me to the crowd gathering farther behind us. “Do you really think now is a good time for this conversation?”

  I scoff, pulling a long drag, before snuffing my cigarette out and shoving the butt in my pocket. “There isn’t going to be a good time. Might as well be here…a miserable conversation during a miserable time.”

  His eyes shift between mine before he eventually huffs out, “Yes. I am fucking your sister.” Pulling his hands from his pockets, I can tell he’s mentally preparing for the hit he knows is coming.

  I nod, roughly rubbing my mouth before snapping his face sideways with a left hook; the bite against my knuckles bringing a manic smile to my face. “She’s nineteen you fucking stronzo.” I grit the words out, trying to keep my voice from carrying through the quiet cemetery.

  He pulls himself to his full height, rubbing his jaw. “I know.”

  “You realize how fucked up that is? You’re eleven years older than she is. You’re my Consigliere, you practically watched her grow up.” I squeeze my fists tight to keep mys
elf from hitting him again as I lean into his space to spit my words at him angrily.

  “I’m aware.” He steps up to match my aggressive stance, meeting my angry gaze with his calm one. “I’m also aware that you’re looking for a fight… Because of Beverly. If you honestly want to handle this here than I’ll happily oblige. But if you’re attempting to ease your anxiety by throwing punches then you need to do it with someone else.”

  My chest tightens at the use of her name and I stare at him, letting his words hang in the air between us. He’s probably right. Taking a small step back from him, I cast my gaze to the people now taking their seats. “Fine, we will put this on hold for now…But don’t think I approve or won’t be bringing this up again.”

  He grunts in response, nodding towards everyone. “You should head down there soon. Everyone will be expecting you.”

  Frowning I look at my hands, rubbing nonexistent dirt from them. “Yea. Go ahead, I just need a few more minutes.”

  He pats my shoulder on his way by but says nothing. I watch his back until he’s lost into the crowd.

  “Remy.” I spin to see Beverly coming up behind me, looking as gorgeous as ever in her black ensemble, leave it to her to make funeral attire beautiful. I open my arms for her and she walks right into them, pressing her face to my chest as I hug her to me. “What are you doing back here? I barely escaped Luis.”