And while I didn’t want Peter to worry over my injuries, I knew I needed a doctor and some time to heal. Comforting Peter—and myself—would have to wait, and it would be best if he went away for a few days, because as much as I wanted to argue otherwise, I was in no shape to keep him safe.
31
Peter
I’d argued with Lucien when he’d said he wanted me out of the city for a few days. I wanted to stay by his side and take care of him while he healed, but weariness and pain showed clearly on his face. I knew arguing with him would make things worse, so I’d given in and agreed to go to a safehouse with Sabrina until he’d regained his strength and his family had made sure all Damian’s allies had been tracked down.
He’d said little as we’d ridden back to his house. I knew he was in pain and doing his best to hide how bad it was. He held my hand and that was enough to comfort me as I replayed the events of the evening in my head. I’d killed a man. I’d shot him and watched him die without even trying to see if he could be saved. I was shaken by it, but not as much as I should have been. Stefan would have killed Lucien, and I’d kill him again to save the man I loved.
Lucien had kissed me goodbye before sending me off with his most trusted guards. I’d gone to bed as soon as I reached the safehouse which was hidden deep in a forest, but it had taken me hours before I could fall asleep. I dreamed of Lucien, confined in a cell, all alone and in pain. I jerked awake just before dawn, terrified that I’d only imagined rescuing Lucien and he was still at Damian’s mercy.
Sabrina knocked on my door a little while later to see if I wanted some breakfast. She hadn’t come with me the night before, but Lucien had assured me he’d be sending her. I knew I wouldn’t get any more sleep, so I agreed to join her.
She made us pancakes and bacon. I thought I wasn’t hungry, despite eating little since Lucien had been captured, but once I’d taken a bite, I changed my mind and polished off a tall stack of pancakes.
Sabrina refilled each of our coffee mugs once we’d finished eating. “Now that we’ve taken care of our hunger and need for caffeine, how are you, really?”
“Better than I would’ve expected considering what happened.”
She smiled. “Good. Angelo told me everything, and you did what was necessary.”
“Yeah, I think it was.” I decided not to think too hard about my role as a killer, at least not then. “Did you see Lucien last night? How is he?”
She frowned. “In a lot more pain than he’s willing to admit and angry with himself for getting captured and needing to be rescued. Angelo and Devil forced him to see a doctor and let them track down the rest of Damian’s allies. They promised they’d force him to rest if they had to chain him to the bed.”
I could just imagine the trouble he would give them. “Who hurt him? I want to make sure they pay for it.”
She smiled. “You sound like one of us now. And you’ve already made him pay. It was Stefan. Apparently, along with chafing against his father’s more conservative ways of running the family, Stefan had resented Lucien for years.”
Heat flooded my face. “Only when it comes to protecting Lucien.” I thought about that for a moment then added, “I would defend you or Angelo or Devil too if I had to. But that was the only time I’d ever used a gun. I run from danger normally, like I told you.”
“You didn’t run last night, and Lucien is alive because of it.”
She was right. When Lucien had needed me, I’d done what was necessary. “Maybe he’s teaching me how to be brave.”
“And you’re teaching him to remember the man he used to be, and that it’s okay to love someone.”
“I’m not sure he—” Sabrina raised her brows, and I didn’t say anything else.
“Lucien wanted me to tell you that Jimmy was admitted to the hospital overnight. He got rehydrated, and he should make a full recovery. Lucien gave an order for him to be guarded until he’s recovered.”
“He did that for me? Even though Jimmy went against him?”
“Sometimes even Lucien gives people second or third chances. He’s not the monster people believe him to be.”
I shook my head. “He’s not a monster at all.”
“You’re right. Sometimes he thinks he is, though, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. So he may not say the things you wish he would.”
“I know. I’ve already learned that words can be hard for him, and sometimes he means exactly the opposite of what he says.”
She grinned. “My instincts were right. You’re perfect for him.”
“I want to be.”
Five days later, I returned home. I truly thought of Lucien’s house as my own now. It was late when I arrived, but Lucien was in a meeting. He’d left me a note telling me to wait for him in his room, and he would be there as soon as possible.
I considered going to look for him. I was sure he’d punish me for defying his order, but I already expected him to punish me for leaving my phone on the day he’d been captured and for refusing to hide while he’d confronted Damian and his allies. Every time I imagined how that punishment would feel, heat raced through me, and my cock hardened. I longed to touch him. That had been the hardest part about being separated from him, not having even his platonic touches. Lucien used physical contact to let me know how he was feeling. He’d probably never tell me much about his feelings, but he would show me what he needed with his body.
When I reached his room, I changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt before lying down on his big bed and burying my face in his pillow so I could breathe in his scent. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I was exhausted. I’d been sleeping poorly since he’d been taken by Stefan.
When I woke up, I was confused about where I was at first. Then I remembered Lucien coming in, curling around me, and kissing my head. Had he really napped with me? Had he really whispered that he loved me, or had that been a dream?
I opened my eyes slowly and saw Lucien standing across the room, talking on the phone.
I sat up and waited for him to end the call. When he did, he didn’t rush across the room and pull me into his arms. He reached for the whiskey decanter he always kept on a table near the door and poured a measure for himself. He didn’t speak until he’d taken a sip.
“You disobeyed me. I told you to stay put, and you followed me.” His hand was shaking. I’d never seen him look so scared, not even when I’d found him in the cell.
“You needed help.”
He scowled at me. “You put yourself in danger.”
“I did. Knowing you were in danger gave me the courage to help you. I did something I never ever thought I would do, and I did it for you.” I climbed from the bed and approached him as I spoke. “Punish me if that’s what you need to do, but I would do the same thing again. I will never stand by and let someone hurt you.”
I lowered myself to my knees and placed my hands behind my back. I needed him to understand I was here for him, ready to accept what he needed to give.
32
Lucien
I looked down at the incredible man who knelt before me, the man I loved. It had been easy to say the words earlier when he was asleep, but now, as he looked up at me expectantly, they wouldn’t come. He thought he wasn’t brave, but he was incredibly strong, stronger than me. He’d kept it together so well the night he’d rescued me. Even men like me who grew up in a crime family often struggled after their first kill, though not that many of us would admit it. I knew Peter was shaken, but Sabrina had assured me he was handling it well, and he was here. He hadn’t tried to run. Instead of being afraid of me now, he was ready to give me what I needed.
He was right; I did need to punish him. I needed him to know how scared I’d been for him. I didn’t explain any of that. I just pulled out my cock, stepped closer to him, and slid my fingers into his hair. He opened his mouth, and I fed him every inch of my cock.
He gagged, but he didn’t pull away. I held him there, making him submit, because I nee
ded to know he would, and I was as sure as I could be that he needed that too.
He sucked in air when I pulled out, but I only gave him a few seconds before demanding, “More.”
Peter brought his hands to my thighs, but I grabbed his wrists. “Keep them behind your back. I’m controlling this. Your mouth is mine.”
He looked up at me, eyes dark with need. “Yes, sir.” His words might be subservient, but there was a smile on his face that made me think he was humoring me. “Use me, Lucien. I’m here for you.”
I drove back into his mouth, making him choke on my cock again before fucking his mouth ruthlessly. He took it all, swallowing around me, sucking and humming. I had to fight to keep from spilling my load. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
Finally, I let him go, stepped back, and pulled him to his feet. He drew in ragged breaths while staring up at me.
“Don’t ever say you’re not brave again.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You knew I would punish you for defying me, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but I also knew you would never truly hurt me.”
“You scared me when I couldn’t find you, and when I saw you holding that gun… If any of those men had chosen to stand with Damian, I could have been burying you today, not standing here with you.” I swiped at my eyes. I was not fucking crying. I grabbed my whiskey and drained the rest of it. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“I can’t promise that because I will always choose to save you if I can, but I can promise that I won’t leave you, and I will always obey you when we’re together like this.”
“Because you want a protector, and you need someone to surrender to?”
Peter shook his head. “No, because I love you.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. When I tried to speak, my voice cracked. Peter laid a finger over my lips. “I know. I knew that day at the barn. Punish me, Lucien. It’s what we both need.”
I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pushed him against the wall. He caught himself on his hands splaying his fingers, then arching his back and wiggling his ass at me. I’d never needed anything like I needed him then.
I grabbed the waistband of his pajama pants and ripped the fabric in two. They slid down his legs. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I slapped his bare ass hard. He groaned and arched his back more deeply. I smacked him again and again. His ass turned bright red under my blows, and his skin warmed.
“You need this, don’t you? You need to remember how important it is to obey me.”
“Yes, Lucien. I need to know you care, that you’ll always take control, that you’ll give us both what we need.”
“Fuck right I will.” I kept going, spanking him even harder. He whimpered and whined, but he took every blow and begged for more. I wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked him while I brought my blows down on the reddest part of his ass. He thrust into the circle of my fingers, and I used his precum to slick him up so my hand slid more easily along him.
“Please, Lucien. Please. I need to come. Can’t stop it.”
I wasn’t ready for that, so I squeezed the base of his dick and ended the spanking.
I leaned in, mouth right against his ear. “You’re not going to come until my dick is buried inside you, until I fuck you deep and hard, filling you up and making you remember who owns you.”
“You do, Lucien. I know you do.”
I took him by the shoulders and turned him to face me so our eyes met. “I love you, Peter. I swear to you, I will take care of you, and I will never let you go.”
Fucking tears stung my eyes again, but this time it was Peter who reached up and used his thumbs to swipe them away.
“You can be exactly who you need to be with me, Lucien. I love the man you’ve hidden deep inside yourself, and I love the man who will face down his enemies even when he’s bruised and hurting. Any normal man wouldn’t have even been able to stand in your condition. I know I’m going to be scared sometimes by the things you do and by the people who threaten you, but I accept you just as you are.”
I had to squeeze my eyes shut for a moment and compose myself. Did he have any idea how much those words meant to me?
“Anything you want, I’ll give it to you. I’ll buy you twenty more horses. I’ll give you a new outfit for every day. I’ll make sure Lola only makes your favorite meals. I want to shower you with everything. I want to fucking worship you.”
“Lucien, all I want right now is your cock inside me.”
I growled and scooped him up, carrying him to the bed and tossing him onto the mattress. I stripped myself as fast as I could.
Peter yanked his t-shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. Then he grabbed the lube from the drawer and tossed it to me. I slicked my cock as quickly as I could and lay down beside him, pulling him up until he straddled me. “Ride my cock, Peter. Take it all. Take everything you want from me.”
33
Peter
I took hold of Lucien’s cock and drew the slick tip over my hole, teasing us both.
Lucien snarled. “I’m giving you a chance to do this, but if I’m not inside you in the next three seconds, I’m going to flip you over and pound your ass until you can’t breathe.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat? Because you’re going to have to do better than that.”
He slapped my hand away from his cock and took hold of it himself as he gripped my hip in his other hand. “Fuck me now.”
I lowered myself onto him, moving slowly, holding his gaze and loving the heat in his eyes that told me he was as desperate for this as I was.
When he was all the way inside, I circled my hips then arched my back, taking him just a little deeper before leaning down to press my mouth to his as he fucked up into me with shallow strokes.
It felt incredible to kiss him again, but I needed more. I laid my hands on his chest and pushed myself away from him so I could ride him hard and fast. He let me control things for longer than I expected before he took hold of my hips, keeping me still as he drove into me. His cock pressed against my sweet spot, lighting up my whole body and pushing me closer and closer to the moment when I wouldn’t be able to hold back.
“So good, Lucien. I want to come. I want to cover you in it.”
He groaned, and his fingers tightened on my hips. His grip was almost painful, but I didn’t care. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t let him do to me right then.
He lifted me off him, and I whimpered. “Don’t stop, please. I need this. I need you to take me.”
“I know, baby, but I need control. I need this harder and faster. I need to fill you up and mark you as mine.”
I scrambled off him and positioned myself on my hands and knees, but Lucien grabbed my hips and dragged me down the mattress. “I want you bent over the end of the bed.”
I hurried to obey, then he got behind me and slammed into me, making me cry out.
“Yes,” he growled. “That’s it. I need to be able to go hard and deep.”
Every stroke dragged over my prostate. I was going to come in seconds. I was so stretched, so full. “Going to come, Lucien. I can’t hold back.”
“Come for me, baby. I want to feel it.” A couple more of his rough strokes was all it took. I cried out and cum shot from my cock without Lucien or me ever touching it.
Before I came down from the high of climax, Lucien drove deep, and I felt the hot flood of his cum filling me. It was exactly what I needed from him. A few seconds later, he pulled out. I stayed where I was, enjoying the feel of his cum running down my inner thighs.
“Don’t move,” he ordered.
He left me long enough to get a washcloth. Then he cleaned me up, and we stretched out together on the bed. I turned to face him, and the raw emotion in his eyes had me drawing in a sharp breath.
“I love you, Peter. I know being with me won’t ever be easy for you, but I need you like I need air to breathe.”
“I love you too.” I knew
how hard it was for him to say those words, and I wondered if he knew how much they meant.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. My father loved my mother deeply, and losing her devastated him. I told myself I’d never let that happen to me, but I know that’s not what my mother would’ve wanted, and no matter how much pain he suffered, my father never wished he hadn’t met my mother. You are to me what she was to him, the one person that I want to be with forever. The one person I would do anything for.”
I stroked his cheek. “Thank you for telling me that, but you don’t have to do anything for me. You just have to keep being you and keep loving me.”
“I can do that, but I can’t stop being a controlling son of a bitch.”
“Lucien, if I wasn’t okay with that, I would never have fallen in love with you.”
He kissed me then, pulling me into his arms and letting me feel all his strength, assuring me he was my protector but also the man who’d made me realize I could be strong.
34
Epilogue
Lucien
I followed Peter into the barn, grimacing as I looked down at my expensive leather shoes. I was going to have to get some boots and proper clothes for this if he was going to keep insisting I accompany him.
If he ever doubted my love for him, I would just remind him that there was no other person in the world—not my brother, or my cousin, or my father, or my aunt—that I had ever voluntarily walked through horse shit for.
I didn’t like horses. I never had. They looked at you in a way that said they were up to something, and the second you got complacent, that’s when they were going to fuck you over. I knew that look. Devil wore it most of the time.
I’d been to the barn a few times since the day I’d purchased Clover and Prince for Peter. Each time my beautiful boy had tried to insist I pet the ponies or feed them a treat. I always declined, but I hated the disappointed look on his face. So when he turned to me that day and held out one of the peppermint treats Clover loved, I took it from him. Love makes you do fucking crazy things.
Lucien Page 19
