Fictitious Love

by Charmanie Saquea

  The text read: Abort it bitch, it ain’t mine.

  See, now he knows that I’m not for the disrespect; which is why we’re not together now. So for him to send me something like that, no lie, it hurt. A lot of things Moni had done in the past had hurt me. Me being who I am, I’ve never cried in front of him or let him know I was hurt. I just left. I’ve always been the strong one between me and my sister.

  She wears her heart on her sleeve, whereas I keep everything bottled in. I could never show a sign of weakness in front of Moni because I knew for a fact that he’d use it to his advantage. That’s what niggas do.

  When I pulled up to Moni’s house, him and his niggas were sitting on the porch, smoking and playing cards. I parked across the street from his house and as soon as he noticed me getting out of the car, he walked over to where I was.

  “Hey, Tahti!” Omega yelled from the porch.

  “Hey, Mega, welcome home.” I waved.

  DeMoni swaggered his little ugly ass across the street with a mug on his face.

  “What the hell I tell you about walking out the house with them little ass shorts on?” he yelled.

  I folded my arms over my chest and waited for him to get closer. He couldn’t tell, but behind my shades I was mugging the hell out of his chocolate ass. He pulled me by my arm into his arms and slipped his hands under the cuff of my shorts and massaged my ass while kissing my neck.

  I noticed the current bitch he was fucking walk out of the house like she wanted to do something. I shook my head and pushed him off me.

  “Back up, Moni. I didn’t come here for that shit. What’s up with that bullshit you sent me this morning?” I asked him.

  “What? I ain’t send you nothing,” he said with a straight face.

  “DeMoni, don’t play on my intelligence right now. I sent you a text last night and… You know what? I’ll just show you,” I said as I reached in my car for my phone.

  I pulled up his name in my recent text messages and handed him my phone. As he was reading the messages his face went from a smile to one of pure anger. He looked up at me before handing me my phone back and walking back across the street.

  “Moni, what the hell are you doing?” I asked.

  He ignored me and walked over to his current bitch, Shantell. He said something in her ear before grabbing her by her hair and dragging her across the street with him. Everyone on the porch continued with what they were doing as if this shit was normal. Well, actually it was. DeMoni turned into a completely different person whenever he felt as if he was disrespected.

  “Tell her,” he said as he threw her at me.

  “Moni didn’t send that message, I did,” she said with an attitude.

  Before I could even catch myself, I punched this bitch right in her nose. Shame on me if I thought this bitch was going to let me get away with it though. She followed up with a punch of her own and that didn’t do anything but piss me off more than I already was.

  Next thing I knew, me and this bitch was in a full blown fight right in the middle of the street. I felt myself being lifted up in the air and walked back to my car.

  “Bitch, please don’t think this is over. Every time I see you, I’m going to make it a point to beat that ass!” I yelled.

  The sad bitch was standing in the middle of the street with a bloody mouth and nose. I felt myself being thrown in my car and reached up and slapped the shit out of Moni.

  “Get the fuck away from me!” I yelled at him.

  “Alright, Tahti. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your hands to yourself and calm your ass down,” he said as he pointed a finger in my face.

  “And if you know what’s good for you, you would go back across the street and tend to your bitch. I’m good but I can’t say the same for her.” I rolled my eyes.

  “You’re pregnant, right? So please tell me why you thought it was okay to be fighting in the middle of the street.”

  “She hit me, that’s why,” I said as if he should already know that.

  “You hit her first.”

  I looked up at him and had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from slapping him again. I got all the way in my car and laid my head on the steering wheel as I sighed. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I felt the tears on my arm.

  “I can’t do this with you anymore, DeMoni. I really can’t,” I said.

  He grabbed my face and turned it towards him. He had a shocked look on his face when he noticed my tears. I did all that talking about how I would never let him see me weak but here I am crying.

  “What’s wrong?’ he asked.

  “Ten years,” I said as I looked straight ahead and continued to let the tears fall. “I’ve been dealing with you for ten years, DeMoni. One abortion, three miscarriages, and a break-up later and this is where we are. I’m twenty-six years old and fighting a female, your female, in the middle of the street like I’m that same sixteen year old little girl who swore you could do no wrong.” I shook my head.

  “So what are you trying to say, Tahtiana?” he asked.

  “I’m not trying to say anything. What I’m saying is that I’m done with you; completely. No more late night booty calls, sneaking off in the middle of the day to meet up, none of that. If this baby makes it then I’ll allow you to be in its life but that’s as far as it goes with us,” I told him as I shut my door and started my car.

  “So that’s it? Just fuck how I feel, huh? Don’t make it seem like all this is my fault, Tahtiana. You left me, remember?” he said.

  Ignoring him, I pulled off. I had been down this nigga for a whole decade and I couldn’t even get a damn ring out of him. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to marry Moni. We had way too many issues within our relationship that were keeping us in the same spot and wouldn’t allow us to move on.

  I know he probably thought that I was joking because all I had to do was look into his light brown eyes and I always forgot why I was even mad at him. He knew exactly what to do to make me give in, but this time I was sticking to it. I was tired of the same old thing with DeMoni. I knew that no matter how much I loved him, he would never be the man I wanted him to be and that’s what hurt the most.

  I stayed around because I thought that eventually he would change but once again I was acting like that naïve sixteen-year-old I used to be. My girl K. Michelle never lied when she said, ‘You can’t raise a man.’ For the past couple of years, I had been trying to change Moni but it was to no avail. I finally realize that you can’t change a man, he has to want to change himself.

  4: Omega

  My mama chewed me a brand new asshole for asking Tahani for a DNA test on Juanie. I know Hani was a virgin when we got together and I highly doubt that she was messing around on a nigga but when I went to prison, I didn’t have any kids; now all of a sudden I have a son. She didn’t come out of her mouth and say he was mine but you could just look at him and tell he’s mine. DeJuan Marcelo Hooks Jr., damn that does sound like music to me. I finally sat down and read all the letters that she had sent me while I was gone.

  Every letter had a picture of Juanie from when he was in the womb up until now. Now I’m sitting here regretting that I didn’t open her letters because I blamed her pops for me being locked up. Honestly, I blamed her a little, too. I kept telling her that her pops didn’t like me but she kept blowing it off, telling me that she wasn’t going to let anyone come between us. So much for that, I thought.

  I kept replaying the last words she said to me over and over in my head. He has a dad. He doesn’t need you. I had to laugh because Tahani should know me better than that. Ain’t no way in hell I’m going to just sit back and let another nigga play daddy to my son. Nah, that wasn’t going to cut it. Like Usher said, ‘Daddy’s home.’

  The three days I spent around him were mad cool. I made a note to make that a regular thing. Every weekend Juanie was going to be over my house. I don’t care if Hani wanted to be mad and throw a fit. One thing I’d never done was
run away from my responsibilities. The only reason I threw that DNA shit at Tahani was to fuck with her. I always knew what to say or do to get a rise out of her.

  Looking at a picture, I noticed that Juanie’s seventh birthday was coming up next month. Since he’s my oldest, only and namesake, I was going to go all out for him. I’m not sure what the hell seven-years-olds play with these days but I knew I could find out from somebody.

  “What, boy?” my mama answered the phone.

  “Damn, Ma, why you gotta answer like that?” I laughed.

  “Maybe because your ass ain’t even been home a week and done moved out my house already. On top of that, you tried to deny my grandson,” she said with an attitude.

  “First off, Ma, I’m grown, twenty-six to be exact. I’m not trying to be some Jody ass nigga that’s still living in his mama house. Second, I never tried to deny Juanie. I told you I was just messing with Tahani.”

  “Mhm, whatever boy. Now answer my question; what do you want?” she asked.

  “What does Juanie like? His birthday is next month and I wanna get him some shit,” I told her.

  “Boy, I know when his birthday is and don’t be cussing when you’re talking to me like I’m one of your little ass friends,” she said.

  I couldn’t help but to laugh at my mama. She was a damn handful. She would always say whatever was the first thing that came to her mind and she definitely didn’t have a filter. I couldn’t live with her but damn sure couldn’t live without her.

  “Come on, mama, help your son out,” I whined.

  “Oh God, DeJuan, don’t start that whining. You know I hate that.”

  Even though I was the second youngest of three boys, I was always considered the ‘mama’s boy’ because my mom always let me get away with murder as they say.

  “I won’t whine if you help me,” I told her.

  “Okay, look. He’s like any other kid these days. He likes all them damn tablets that’s out, he likes football and loves basketball. He wants that new iPad that came out but you didn’t hear it from me because his mother doesn’t want him to have it,” my mama explained.

  “Thanks, Ma. What’s Hani’s number?” I asked.

  After getting Tahani’s number from my mom, I was ready to put my plan in motion. I had plans to make Juanie’s seventh birthday a birthday to remember since it was going to be his first birthday with me home. I typed Hani’s number into my phone and sent her a quick text.

  I need to see you little baby.

  I had no doubts that she would know who sent her the text. Just as I sat my phone down to jump in the shower, she had texted me back.

  Hani: When?

  I’ll be to get you in an hour so shoot me the address.

  Hani: I’m at my mom’s house, you remember where she lives?

  Yup, I’ll be there.

  I smirked as I headed for the shower. I knew no matter how tough Tahani tried to act, she could never stay mad at me. I think the longest she has ever been mad at me was two hours. I laughed at how we used to be when we were younger, we fought just to make up.

  ___

  When I pulled up to Hani’s mother’s house, I shot her a text to let her know that I was outside. A few minutes later she walked out the door and I couldn’t help but to lick my lips. Tahani had definitely filled out nicely. She had curves, thighs, and an ass that she didn’t have when she was sixteen. The little cotton shorts she had on made her thighs look good as hell.

  She walked over to the driver’s side of my truck and leaned in.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  “What you doing for Juanie’s birthday?” I asked.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know. He’s too old to do the little party in the backyard thing.”

  “Where he at?”

  “In the house on that damn Xbox that he acts like he’s addicted to,” she huffed.

  I grabbed a few strands of her hair and started playing with them.

  “Little baby, look. I know you’re probably mad at a nigga and there’s no way that I can make up for the past seven years that I have missed, but I’m home now and that’s all that matters. Daddy’s home and it’s time for me to do right by y’all,” I told her straight up.

  “Y’all?” she asked.

  “Yea, I wanna be in Juanie’s life and I trust that you will allow me to. Since you’re his mom, you already know I got you.”

  Right on cue, one of Tahani’s favorite songs came on. She used to say this was our song all the time when she used to listen to it on repeat all day. I turned the radio up as “Holla If You Need Me” by Trey Songz blasted through my speakers.

  “You remember this song?” she asked with a laugh.

  “Do I? How I could I forget when you use to play it out.”

  We sat there and listened to the song as Hani nodded her head up and down like she was feeling everything he was saying. When the song went off, she looked at me like she wanted to tell me something.

  “Omega, look, I have absolutely no problem with you being in Juanie’s life but if you feel like you need a DNA test done just to prove that he’s yours then—”

  “Yo, chill,” I cut her off. “I was just bullshitting. I have no doubts that he’s mines. I know you didn’t get down like that.”

  She nodded her head. “Also, I have a boyfriend that I’ve been with for two years and he’s been playing the daddy role in Juanie’s life for the past two years. I’m only telling you because I don’t want it to be a problem,” she said.

  “Well it is. I’m Juanie’s dad, not that nigga and I think you should let him know that I’m in the picture now; for good, and I’m not going anywhere no time soon,” I said in a stern voice to let her know that I was serious.

  Tahani knows for a fact that I have never been good at sharing so if she thought that I was about to share my son with that nigga, whoever he was, she had another thing coming. Hell, I didn’t even want her with another nigga but I’d allow her to be with him. For now, at least.

  “Omega, that’s not fair,” she whined.

  “How come it ain’t? I really don’t even want him around my son.”

  The next words that came out of her mouth almost made me slap the shit out of her. I needed her to repeat what she said because I know I had to hear her wrong.

  “The fuck you just say?” I asked.

  “I said, we live together,” she said.

  I had to take a deep breath and count to ten to keep from going off on her. Shit, I know I had been gone for some years but the fact that she had my son living under the same roof as some nigga I didn’t even know was beyond me. I remember the days where she had to sneak out of the house and say she was staying at Tahtiana’s house just for her to spend the night with me. Oh, how times have changed.

  I needed to meet this nigga she called herself living with as soon as possible because this was some bullshit. I understand that she was grown and everything, but the fact that she had my son meant she was my business also.

  “Hani, go in the house before I knock your ass out,” I told her.

  Even though I had never really put my hands on her, she knew I wasn’t playing. She rushed her little ass back in the house and I couldn’t do anything but shake my head. There were going to be some major changes taking place; at my command.

  5: Moni

  Two weeks. That’s how long it had been since the last time I’d seen or talked to Tahtiana; two weeks. If that’s not bad, she changed her locks on me, won’t answer my phone calls or text messages. I don’t know what kind of power trip that crazy ass girl is on, but she needs to cut the bullshit.

  I’m trying to figure how she got mad at me for doing me when she was the one who left me in the first place. I’m not going to try to lie and say I’ve never done my dirt. But what did she expect? I was only seventeen and she was sixteen when we first got together, so of course I was going to be on some reckless shit.

  But even through all that, I could cou
nt on Tahti to be by a nigga’s side. Now here she is pregnant with my baby and I can’t even get her to answer one of my damn phone calls. She knows that this is just as important to me as it is to her.

  She was seventeen when she first got pregnant but she had an abortion behind my back because she claimed she wasn’t ready to be a mother and felt as if she was too young. Of course my heart broke after she did that shit. And the fact that she didn’t even have the decency to tell me fucked me all the way up. I ran across the receipt for the abortion one day when I was chilling in her room; she didn’t even try to deny it either.

  Then she got pregnant three different times after that but could never carry them to full term. I feel like that was due to her getting an abortion when she got pregnant the first time. It’s been four years since the last time we’ve tried to have a baby and now here we are. When we weren’t trying to have one, she ended up pregnant then decided to just cut a nigga off all of a sudden.

  Now here I am, sitting in her driveway, trying to talk myself out of going to knock her damn front door down. See, Tahtiana knows I’m a crazy nigga that doesn’t have a problem acting a damn fool, so I don’t know why she wants to mess with me right now.

  “Answer the fucking phone, Tahtiana!” I yelled into the phone as I left her a voicemail.

  It was my tenth voicemail in less than five minutes. Call me crazy or whatever you want, but I wasn’t about to play these games with her silly ass. A few seconds later, my phone started ringing. I quickly pressed the answer button.

  “What type of bullshit you on?” I barked into the phone.

  “DeMoni, stop blowing up my phone and sitting in front of my house like you have lost your damn mind!” she yelled back.

  “Nah, fuck that! Open the door so we can talk.”

  She sighed into the phone before she spoke again. “Look, DeMoni, there is nothing for us to talk about. I said all there was to say two weeks ago. If you didn’t get the memo then there’s nothing I can do for you. I’ll talk to you in six months and not a minute sooner,” she said.