Daddy's Sweetheart Part 2

by Burns, Rachel

  “Wait don't. I can use that as her bed.”

  “If you want I can buy her her own bed.” He was really into dolls. Maybe we should put her in his room.

  “The box is just fine.” I stood up and put it back in its box. I covered it with the lid. “This way nothing can happen to her while we eat,” I explained.

  “Very sensible.” Daddy smiled, approvingly.

  I looked across the table at Nanny who was still mad that I was getting so much stuff. After she shook her head, she told him that I requested learning CD's in German and she had already seen to it.

  Daddy was glad to hear that I had been practicing all day.

  I kept my eye on the box. I kept getting a feeling like it had moved ever so slightly.

  What would happen if I admitted that I was afraid of dolls. I wouldn't put it past him to spank me and tuck the doll into bed with me at night. That thought scared me. Having it in bed with me all night would mean that I wouldn't sleep at all.

  My heart was going crazy. I even felt dizzy.

  What if I told him and he was one of those face your fears kind of people, who would insist I carry her with me everywhere I went. I had a feeling like I might be sick.

  Nanny and Daddy talked about the trip, packing and things. I only spoke when spoken to.

  After supper I jumped up and took Daddy's hand. I was hoping we could accidentally forget it down here.

  “Amelia, your doll,” Daddy reminded me.

  “Yes right.” I picked up the box. I figured it could have crawled up stairs with a knife in its hand. I also believed it could pick the lock and get into my room. I gave Daddy a fake smile as I carried the hated thing up the stairs.

  We went into his room. I laid the doll down on the chair still in its box.

  “If you want you can play with her in your room for about an hour while I check on a few things for our trip.” He looked at his watch. I looked at the time too, but for a different reason.

  He opened the door to my room for me so I could walk through. He left the door opened so he could watch me play.

  I had no idea how to play with it. I set the box on my bed and got it out again. I sat it down in my window seat and it stared at me. I had a feeling that when I moved so did its eyes.

  This was really terrible. I looked at my clock, only a minute had gone by.

  I picked out a book and sat down next to it and read.

  “Amelia, why aren't you playing with your doll?” Daddy had come in.

  “Umm, I thought I was.” I looked over at it. It didn't appear to have moved.

  “Oh, – I guess you don't know how.” He looked very disturbed.

  Not as disturbed as I would be tonight but he looked pretty worried about me.

  He picked up the doll and sighed. “This is something that most children do automatically but I guess in your case – never mind. What you do is hold her in your arms and pretend.”

  I set my book aside as he pushed the doll at me. “Pretend what?”

  “Most little girls pretend that their doll is a baby. You could rock her in your arms and sing to her,” he suggested.

  I held it in my arms and swung my arms back and forth a little, feeling completely stupid as I did this. The doll's eyes were opening and closing as I moved it. I hated this. I looked at Daddy who looked more worried than when we started out playing.

  “Would you look at a baby that way? No, you wouldn't. You would smile at it.”

  I tried to smile at it, but it was spooking me way too much. I stood up and laid it in his arms. “You do it.” I said as nicely as I could. I was glad to be rid of it.

  Daddy held the doll in his arms with his jaw dropped.

  “Amelia, honey. I'm not scolding you, but I think it is very important that you learn how to play with the doll. I want you to talk to it. You can tell her whatever you want.”

  “Why would I? It can't understand me. Can it?” It could use everything against me that I told it. This wasn't good. Maybe I should just tell him the truth?

  “Amelia, this is really important. A child who can't play with a doll is – Sweetheart, I need you to do this. I'll be right back.” He thrust the doll at me and left.

  I ran to my bed and put it in its box and I closed the lid. I sighed relieved and sat down to read again.

  Daddy came in with Nanny. His eyes scanned the room. “Where is your doll?”

  “It's nap time,” I explained.

  “Where is she?” He was talking to me like I was slow.

  “I put her in her bed.” It was hard for me to say her instead of it.

  He took the lid off and looked at Nanny. He was still in shock.

  Nanny came and sat down next to me. “Amelia, she has been in her box all day. She wants to come out and play.”

  “She does?” The idea that it could want things was freaking me out.

  “Yes. She wants to get to know you a little better.”

  I gulped. It wanted to look for weak spots.

  It would notice that I was locked in here and I couldn't get out. It could do whatever it wanted with me.

  I tried to blink back the tears that were forming in my eyes.

  “We want you to hold her and maybe talk to her a little. Perhaps if you pick out a name for her it would be easier for you.”

  Daddy gave it back to me again.

  I looked down at it.

  The eyes were half way open and it was smiling at me. It was thinking, I win, you lose.

  “If I play with her for half an hour can we put her back in her box?”

  “No we don't need the box anymore. I'll throw it away.” Daddy was flattening its box as he spoke.

  “I think she may be hungry.” Nanny smiled at it.

  “What does it eat?” Oh, this was only getting worse. I started to think that I shouldn't have read books about vampires, because it was too easy for me to imagine it drinking my blood.

  “She eats pretend food.”

  “Babies are supposed to have nannies, right? Then you could feed her.” I almost threw the doll at Nanny. I was shaking in fear already.

  “Amelia you have to be nice to her or she won't like you.” Nanny laid her back in my arms. “Let's pretend that she is crying. You want to comfort her to get her to stop. What do we do when you cry. Show me.”

  I looked at Daddy who was nodding at Nanny as he sat on my bed, totally concerned.

  I shifted the doll so it was sitting on my lap. I patted her back a little and said there, there. I looked at them to see if this satisfied them.

  I wished it was a teddy bear with all my heart. “She stopped,” I proclaimed.

  Daddy took the doll and laid it on my bed. “That was great sweetheart. You can read some more.” He waved Nanny to him as they left. He closed the door as they went.

  I was alone with it, and Nanny had already said it didn't like me. I tried to read but I peeked at it to make sure it stayed put.

  Chapter 5 Seeking Help

  “That was scary. I have never seen a worse case.” Brian shook his head as he spoke to Nanny. “She must have never been held as a baby, at all. It's a wonder she didn't die of neglect. That bastard. We can't ignore this. She'll have to see someone about this.”

  “I'm so sorry, sir. She seemed so normal otherwise. She is so well behaved.”

  “That might just be a show. She is a ticking time bomb. I have to make some calls. I know who is the best in this field. I'll explain and try to get him to come to my office as soon as I can. We may have to cancel the trip.” He walked past a very sad and disturbed looking Nanny.

  Brian went down to his office and opened up his laptop. He had his address on it. The names of his colleagues, the best doctors in New York were in it.

  He scrolled down the page to Dr. Waters, a specialist, who worked with the most disturbed children.

  He dialed his home phone number.

  When he answered, Brian explained that a family had stopped by his office and told them their wor
ries. He lied, saying that the family had adopted a sixteen year old girl and that they had noticed several things that had really scared them. He explained about her not being able to bond and how she treated the doll.

  “I'll make time to see her tomorrow. Have them bring her in to your office tomorrow evening. If she needs to be removed from the home and placed in care then it should be done quickly. What a shame, it sounds like she got such a nice family.”

  “They can't bring her in tomorrow personally, but I will see to it that she is there. This is just too important to push off. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.”

  “Sure no problem.”

  “Would she really have to go to a home?”

  “I'm afraid so. She would need to be tested on a longterm basis. We can film the session and show the parents. I'll make time to see them and answer their questions. They need to understand that giving her back would be the best thing for her in that case.”

  “No, that's okay. I'll do that. You are already helping out so much. They are going to be devastated. So you are guessing that she has just been pretending to be nice?”

  “I can't give a diagnosis based on a conversation over the phone.”

  “Yes, I know that. I say that to my patients all the time. But the truth is – ” He let his voice trail off.

  “If she really was so neglected as a child, then there was a good chance that she never learned to bond emotionally with people. She may just be watching others and copying them.”

  Brian felt his world was falling apart. Of course, this wouldn't work out. He could never be that lucky. This was all a charade and the game was over.

  ***

  “Amelia, sweetheart. It's time for bed.” He walked past me and into my bathroom. I got up and followed him. I imagined the doll following close behind us. I looked back and it was still on the bed. I went to the bathroom and felt especially vulnerable as I peed.

  I got undressed and Daddy helped me into a pajama. It was a dress kind. I was a little surprised that he put me in anything at all. Usually I went without, when we slept together. They would have just gotten in the way.

  I looked around to make sure it was still on the bed. It was. It was gaining Daddy's trust. He was falling for it too.

  I went to his door but he went to my bed. He lifted it up. He didn't want to take it with us, did he?

  He was turning down my bed. He wanted me to sleep here and not with him. I went to him and got into my bed.

  “I need you to come into my office tomorrow evening. I want to look at your stitches again.”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  He nodded without meeting my eye. He was mad because I didn't like his gift. He was punishing me. He laid the doll down on my pillow, too. “Sleep well, sweetheart.” He kissed my forehead and left.

  I was alone with it in the dark.

  I was so scared that I couldn't move at all. I could hardly breathe. I imagined that it would grab on to my neck and start squeezing any second now.

  I couldn't take it any longer. I had to do something. I grabbed it by its arm and shoved it into the cupboard under the sink in the bathroom. I got a bell out from one of my games, and wrapped it around the cupboard handles as tight as I could with a string.

  I worried that it may have sneaked out while I was getting the bell. I opened the doors and peeked in. It was still in there. I closed the doors as quickly as I could and wound the string with the bell as tight as I could again.

  I went back to bed but I still couldn't sleep. I kept on thinking that I heard a bell.

  The door opened and Daddy came in again.

  I closed my eyes and pretended I was sleeping.

  “Where is your doll?”

  I hadn't fooled him.

  “Answer me!”

  I threw the covers back and got up. I walked into the bathroom and pointed at the cupboard.

  Daddy was in shock. His jaw had fallen open again. He was setting it free. He looked at me and then back at the doll.

  He laid it down and grabbed me and pulled me into his room. He removed my pajamas and went into his closet. He came back out with his horse whip.

  I sniffled as I saw it again.

  He grabbed my arm and pushed me over the end of his bed. The wood from the baseboard pushed into my stomach. He raised the horse whip and brought it down across my back. I gasped. I had forgotten how much it hurt.

  He brought it down on me even harder this time.

  I sobbed as I tried so hard to breathe. It whistled again as it cut through the air and landed across my back again. I tried not to scream out.

  I knew that Nanny was close by. She could hear everything that was going on. I knew from experience that she wouldn't come, no matter what.

  I lost count. It was over ten I was sure of that. I registered that I was still standing somewhat. I was mostly leaning over the end of his bed. My stomach hurt from the pressure of my weight. I wanted to die so badly at the moment. I prayed that I could.

  He stopped and grabbed me by my arm and dragged me back to my bed. He threw me down on the bed as I sobbed.

  “What is wrong with you?” He left and locked me in again.

  I fought to stay awake. I was still so afraid of the doll.

  Eventually, I fell asleep.

  “Amelia, can you hear me? Amelia, wake up.” Nanny was shaking me.

  I was too tired to wake up just yet. I had been up for hours worrying and wondering where the doll was lurking.

  I was coming around now. I had hair in my mouth. I wiped my finger behind my ear away from my mouth but it didn't get better. My back felt so sore. I moved my head and the hair fell out of my mouth.

  I opened my eyes and saw the doll under my arm.

  It had been laying so close to me as I slept.

  I pushed further away from it. In my fear, I misjudged the width of the bed, and landed on the floor.

  My back hurt even worse now. I crawled into the corner and wept.

  Nanny tried to get me to get up, but I was too emotionally broken at that moment.

  After a bit she was able to pull me into the bathroom to wash me and dress me. She was keeping her distance from me today. It almost seemed like she was afraid of me.

  “You slept so long that we have to hurry to make your appointment. You can eat in the car.”

  “Yes, Nanny.” She had me dressed and ready very quickly. She picked up the doll from my unmade bed.

  “Does she have to go with?” I whined.

  “Yes, she does,” Nanny answered strictly.

  I hoped we could somehow lose her on the way. If I forgot it at Daddy's office then he would just bring her back the next day.

  But then I could have one good night's sleep.

  I dreamt ways of losing it, dropping it in the elevator sounded like the best idea.

  We went to Daddy's office and sat down in the waiting room. I had the doll on my lap.

  No one else was here anymore today. Most of the lights had been turned off. It was dark outside. I had slept all day.

  I eyed the blocks and wished he had given me a set of those instead. I couldn't play with them now. Bending, stretching and reaching all hurt my back so much.

  I wanted to break down and cry. I had a feeling like I was just holding on by my fingernails.

  Daddy came out with another man. He introduced us. I shook his hand politely.

  “Dr. Waters wants to talk to you about a few things. You two can use this office. I have to get some other things ready for you. Just you two talk.” Daddy left closing the door behind him.

  I laid the doll down on the floor once he was gone.

  “Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Lay your doll on the floor, just now?”

  “It was too warm for her on my lap.”

  “Oh, I see. Amelia, I wanted to play a game with you.” He moved over to a dollhouse. “I want you to tell me about when you were a little girl. Let's pretend this is you
r house from back then. Who lives in the house with you?”

  “My father.”

  “Here look in this box. Pick out people to play you and your father.” He held out a box with cute wooden figures in them. They had clothes on and yarn for hair.

  I picked out a girl with dark hair for me and a bald grandfather type for my father. It was just the closest.

  “Do you live alone with your father?”

  “No, there are lots of servants.”

  “Pick some people to play those as well.” I grabbed a couple of adult looking ones.

  “Play out a normal day.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Please, Amelia.”

  I put the servants in the kitchen, my father in the living room, but I rearranged the furniture to make it look more like an office. I held my hand under the table.”

  “Why are you putting your person under the table.”

  “My room was in the basement. I brought my wooden me up and went into the kitchen. I pretended to help out there. After a while I moved my father to the dining room and had servants bring him food. Then I moved him back to his office.

  “I'd like you to make typical conversations between the people in your house.”

  I shook my head. “My house really was that quiet.”

  “Didn't the servants talk to you?”

  I shook my head again. “Only when they wanted me to do something for them.”

  “How did your father feel about the servants telling you what to do?”

  “He didn't mind.” I avoided his eye.

  “Show me how the day progressed.” I took the Amelia figure and put her outside. “Let's pretend that it's fall and then she can pick some apples to eat.”

  “That's a good idea. Tell me, why she likes to pick apples so much?”

  “She gets to stay outside a lot longer that way. She doesn't have to worry about helping out to get lunch. She just steals it from the trees,” I giggled a little.

  “What happens when her father and she meet in the hall, for example.”

  “Umm, that never happens.” I moved the father figure over to the hall and then the Amelia figure. “She hides so he doesn't see her. There are lots of places to hide.”