Can't Fix Cupid

by Raven Kennedy

  Emotion hits me, and I’m forced to take a shaky breath.

  Warren reaches over and pulls me onto his lap. His dark eyes scan over my face like he’s wishing he could read my mind. “Are you going to tell me why you’ve been so quiet all night, or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?” he teases.

  I try to smile, but I end up biting my bottom lip instead, trying to dispel the nervousness I’m feeling. “Okay, I’m just going to say it,” I begin, my eyes dropping to our laps where my legs are straddling him. “I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I...I...” My words trail off, my heart beating so quickly in my chest that I’m afraid he’ll hear it pounding.

  Warren frowns at the shakiness of my voice and the way I keep fidgeting. “Trix, what is it?”

  I force my eyes to lock onto his. “I love you.”

  A simple statement. With the most significant meaning.

  Three short words. With the longest implications.

  The confession slips from my hesitant lips and wraps around us like the beach breeze, causing bumps to pebble over my skin.

  I watch Warren, and he watches me.

  I can’t breathe. My heart can’t even beat. I’m stuck with my love lying unclaimed in the inches between us, and that space widens as he continues to stare at me with an inscrutable expression on his face.

  Seconds tick by. His eyes shutter a little bit more with each one.

  Speak, my eyes plead. Say something, my lips beg. Say it back, my fluttering chest implores.

  But he doesn’t.

  Warren finally clears his throat, and he lifts me off his lap, placing me on the blanket next to him. I immediately want to crawl back into his embrace, but I stop myself.

  “Trix, we were clear on what this was. We had a deal from the beginning. You’re leaving. That’s what you told me.”

  I pull my knees into my chest, as if they can act as armor to my heart. “I know. I was. I am,” I stutter. “But I can try to stay a little longer; I can maybe—”

  Warren cuts me off with a sharp shake of his head. “No.”

  That word flings out of his mouth like a needle piercing my chest.

  “No? You don’t want me to stay?”

  “You’re leaving,” he repeats. “And I can’t commit.”

  Hot tears well up in my eyes. “But you are committed,” I argue. “Even without the label of it, you are. Unless you’ve been dating or fucking other women while we’ve been together?” I challenge.

  He gives me a sharp look. “You know I haven’t.”

  “Exactly. So why are you talking like you’re incapable of committing? You’re already doing it,” I say, stressing each word. “And we’re perfect together. You and I both know that. It doesn’t matter that it’s only been a short time. When soulmates meet, they just know,” I say, my voice cracking.

  Instead of my words getting through to him, Warren starts to shut down even more. I watch as that old mask of his settles back into place. The more his eyes harden on me, the more fear grips my soul.

  “There’s no such thing as soulmates, and we aren’t doing this. You need to drop it, Trix. Now.” His tone is hard. Distant. Unyielding. So foreign to how he usually speaks to me that it’s almost in another language entirely.

  I look back at him with steady, heartrending resolve. “I love you, Warren Knight. And I know you love me too.”

  The final piece of his mask fits into place. His warm brown eyes turn cold. The supple curve of his lips thins. His jaw tightens. His shoulders tense. Every comforting edge of him turns sharp.

  And I know what’s coming next. It’s what always leads after his cruelty cements into place. His tongue will lash out like a vicious whip. It will hurt, and it will sting, and he will make me long for all those times before, when his tongue spoke sweet whispers in my ear or licked my body into bliss.

  “Don’t say it,” I whisper, closing my eyes against the onslaught that I know he’s going to wreck me with. “Don’t,” I plead.

  But he does it anyway. Just like I knew he would. “I don’t love you. I never have, and I never will.”

  The lash rips into me, cleaving me right down the middle. Tears fall from my ripped heart, soaking my cheeks.

  “You’re lying,” I choke out. “I know you are.”

  I can feel his love. It warms my cupid mark and sets me tingling from the inside out. But even without my cupidity abilities, I would still know.

  Because his soul sings to mine. Our bodies play something only we can hear. It’s the reason why I’ve always been drawn to him. Even across different planes and separated by a Veil. He was mine, and I was his.

  “You’re the one going against the rules,” he says evenly. “We agreed. Fast, fun, and heated. That’s it.”

  “Fuck the rules!” I cry. “This is more, and you know it.”

  He gets to his feet angrily. “I said to drop it. You’re fucking everything up right now.”

  I rear back like he just slapped me across the face. “Do you want me to apologize for falling in love with you? Because I won’t.”

  “You need to stop this. Stop this right now and forget all of it.”

  I shake my head, dashing away the tears that are falling down my face. “No. Why are you acting like this? I know you feel the same way. Why are you pushing me away?”

  “We’re done,” he snaps, before turning to stalk off back towards the hill.

  But I jump to my feet and grab his arm before he can walk away. “I want to know why.”

  He rounds on me. “There is no why,” he sneers. “I just don’t feel that way about you.”

  I shake my head at him, baffled and livid and breaking. “You’re lying! Tell me why the fuck you’re lying.”

  He shakes me off and tries to walk away again, and this time, I don’t move to stop him. “Fine, walk away. Revert to the asshole everyone thinks you are. But I know that it’s all just a mask. You’re hiding behind it because you’re a fucking coward who can’t tell the truth, Warren Knight.”

  That finally makes him snap.

  “You want the fucking truth?” he yells, turning and stalking towards me until we’re just inches apart. I don’t back down despite the fury in his dark, beautiful face.

  “I. Can’t. Commit,” he says, landing each word with another punch of his voice. “And you can’t stay.”

  “But I’m trying to!” I yell back at his face. “I might be able to if I—”

  “Don’t,” he cuts me off. “Because I can’t stay either.”

  I frown, his words making me stumble. “What the fuck are you talking about? Stop talking in circles and spit it out!”

  “I’m fucking dying!”

  His breathing heaves. Mine stops.

  I blink. He stares.

  My three words become overshadowed by his three words.

  “What?”

  He snatches my hand and shoves it against his chest, right over the small scar there.

  “This. This right here is why I can’t commit,” he says, gripping me so hard it hurts. “Brugada syndrome. It’s genetic, and mine is more severe than most. I’ve already had too many close calls, even with the defibrillator. I’m one more episode away from blacking out and not waking up again. It killed my father, and it’ll kill me.”

  I shake my head in denial. “No. You’re not dying. Look at you. You’re fine.”

  A flash of pain crosses his expression before he shutters it again. “I’m not.”

  My face scrunches up in utter despair as more misery drips from my eyes. “No. You’re Warren Knight. You have resources and wealth...there has to be something you can do.”

  “You think I haven’t tried?” he says, dropping my hand with disgust. “You think I haven’t seen all of the best doctors in this whole goddamn world? My condition just keeps worsening. Short of a heart transplant, there’s nothing more I can do,” he says evenly, as if it’s a line he’s heard a hundred times before. “And a transplant might just ki
ll me faster.”

  I stare at him in shock. Time explodes between us as the weight of his words lands at my feet like bombs. The rubble of his truth buries me in anguish.

  “Six months ago, my doctors told me that I’d be lucky to live out the year. That’s why I don’t fucking commit. Ever. I take women out, I fuck them, and that’s it. And lately, I couldn’t even bring myself to do that. But then you came along, and you were so goddamn…”

  “What?” I press.

  He shakes his head, refusing to finish that train of thought. “I let myself open up to you because you told me you were leaving. You broke our deal,” he says accusingly. “Now you ruined this, and I hate you for it.”

  “Warren…” I try to take a step towards him, wanting to wrap my arms around him, but he backs away and turns to leave.

  “It’s time for you to leave. Now. I don’t want to see you again, Trix,” he says without looking back.

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Go home, Trix.”

  I thought falling from the Veil hurt. I thought turning corporeal and having my wings ripped from my back was agony. I thought landing was jarring.

  But it was nothing like this.

  Watching Warren walk away from me is the most pain I have ever felt. And I break.

  I break into a million pieces right there on the beach, with only the fading sun and the first winks of starlight to see me shatter. I fall to the sand with my hands on my face and the ocean at my back, the waves breathing with my sobs as my eyes drip with the same saltwater as the sea.

  It wasn’t enough being a cupid. I didn’t truly understand love until I became human. And I didn’t understand heartbreak until it was my heart shattered at the shore.

  Chapter 32

  Warren

  It’s been three weeks since I left Trix behind on the beach.

  She’s tried to come into my office twice that I know of, but my security team turned her away on my orders, barring her from the building.

  Three weeks should’ve been plenty long to get over her, considering our short time together. But if anything, I just miss her more, despite how much I try not to.

  The success of CupidShuffle doesn’t help. I see her damn photographs everywhere I go. Magazine covers, billboards, social media ads… Hell, it’s even displayed on every floor of this damn building, courtesy of Tonya.

  No matter where I go, Trix’s smiling face is right there to remind me of what I did. Which is why I’ve sequestered myself in my office for weeks, burying myself in work. Distraction is my only solace.

  When my office door opens, I look up to see Harvey walk in. He sits down across from me and places a couple of files on my desk. “Here are the Gleason and Tanner files you asked for.”

  “Thanks,” I reply.

  Harvey watches me with a sober expression. “You want to go out for drinks? Or maybe get something to eat? We can drive by and see how the construction is coming along on the new restaurant downtown too.”

  I shake my head. “Not tonight.”

  Part of me feels bad because Harvey has been trying to get me out of my rut ever since things ended with Trix, but I’m incapable of moving forward. Which is ironic, considering how fiercely I’m trying to put her in my past.

  “Maybe you should just go to see her,” Harvey supplies.

  I give him a sharp look. “No.”

  Harvey nods, like he expected that answer, which he would, since he’s the only one in the office that knows about my condition. I’ve been very careful and very discreet. I knew that if this news ever got out, it would have a very negative impact on my businesses, and I didn’t want that.

  What Harvey doesn’t know, is that he’ll inherit all of Knight Enterprises upon my death. I trust him implicitly, and I know he’ll do a good job in my stead and continue to keep things forward-thinking. Knowing him, he’ll probably be pissed as hell that I’m going to bury him with the responsibility of running this damn conglomerate, but I’ll be dead, so he won’t be able to harp on me about it.

  “You need anything else?”

  I shake my head. “No, this is it. Thank you.”

  “Alright, then. I’m heading out for the night,” he says, standing up.

  I nod and start going through the files that he brought me. “See you tomorrow.”

  Harvey pauses by the door. “You know, for what it’s worth, I liked her. Every time she came in this office, it was like you were the old Warren. Happy. Alive.”

  My movements still, my shoulders fraught with tension. “Harvey—”

  He cuts me off. “I know, I know. I’ll shut the fuck up about it because I know you won’t talk. Just...at least try to get some sleep tonight, okay? Don’t stay much longer, it’s already late.”

  Relaxing slightly, I look at him with a nod. “Thanks, Harvey.”

  He gives me a small smile before walking out, closing the door behind him.

  Harvey doesn’t know the details about what happened with Trix, just that things ended between us. And despite the fact that I left my goddamn heart on that beach, I know I did the right thing.

  Trix is vibrant and loving. Innocent and full of life. I should never have allowed things to escalate the way they did.

  I knew as soon as she puked Moroccan stew all over my shoes that she was going to change me. I should’ve stopped things right there and then.

  I should’ve put her in a cab and sent her home and vowed to never see her again. It’s my fault that things escalated and went too far. I knew she was falling for me, because I was falling for her too. But I was just too much of a selfish prick to end things.

  I was enjoying my time with her too much to stop it. Being with her was like breathing after years of holding my breath.

  When my father died suddenly at his desk four years ago, Brugada syndrome became a household name for me. But then testing came back, and they realized I had the same genetic mutation, rendering my piece of shit heart to be inadequate and in even worse shape than my father’s had been.

  I took over the company and ran it like a well-oiled machine. My father had been the heart of this business, and I’d always worked for him, so the transition wasn’t too difficult. After all, I was always going to inherit it, and my father taught me everything he knew. But he didn’t teach me how to accept the fact that I’d have to die from the same disease he did, decades earlier than he had.

  Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone if I’d had other family, but aside from Harvey, I had no one.

  It was nice pretending with Trix for a little while that I did have someone.

  If circumstances were different, if my life wasn’t the way it is, if my heart worked properly, then I would’ve grabbed onto Trix and never let her go.

  But life isn’t fair. Despite the colors in it, it isn’t made up of fucking sunshine and rainbows. Some people have to deal with more shit shadows than others. And this is my lot in life.

  The last thing I want is for my shadow to besmirch her. She’s too bright for that. Too precious.

  So despite the fact that my mind torments me by replaying Trix’s heartbroken face when she begged me to love her back, I know I did what was right. Because I won’t let her put faith in my life when my damn life is forfeit. I won’t let her waste her heart on someone whose heart is giving out.

  I stay another two hours at the office, working on some possible real estate ventures that I think we should look into. As I’m putting things away, I press my thumb over the scar on my chest, feeling a twinge there. It’s common now. I feel my erratic heartbeat all the time, alongside spasms of pain. Ever since my last episode that put me in the hospital, I’ve noticed things are going downhill fast.

  I pack up my work laptop and put it in my bag alongside the files Harvey brought me. I’ll look over them tonight at home. I walk out and take the elevator down to the lobby. It’s late, so everybody else is already gone except for the security staff.

  “Have a good evening, Mr. Knight,
” the security guard says.

  “Good night, Bill,” I reply with a nod as I walk out the door and onto the sidewalk.

  My driver is parked at the curb, but there’s another figure waiting by the car that stops me in my tracks.

  As soon as she sees me, she marches over and places her hands on her hips, looking up at me with pure disdain.

  “Blue,” I say coolly. “Good to see you again.”

  “Cut the shit, Knight,” she snaps as she tosses her dreadlocks over her shoulder. “I want to know what the fuck you did to her.”

  I roll my eyes. “We dated for a few weeks. Things ended. That’s it,” I tell her. The lies don’t sound nearly as bitter as they taste.

  Blue narrows her eyes on me, but that’s my only warning before she rears back and then punches me in the face.

  My head snaps to the side upon impact, and her knuckles instantly make my jaw ache. Damn, she can throw a punch.

  My security guard, having been watching our exchange, comes rushing out, but I stop him. “It’s all right, Bill. You can go back inside.”

  “Are you sure, Mr. Knight?” he asks warily.

  “I’m sure.”

  My eyes stay on Blue as I listen to Bill slowly walk back into the building.

  I watch her as she shakes her hand slightly. “You hurt my damn hand, you thick-headed ass,” she hisses.

  “I’ll try to be a softer target for your next punch,” I deadpan.

  She glares at me, clearly unimpressed.

  I sigh and run a hand over my sore cheek. “How is she?”

  The words fall unbidden from my lips before I can stop them. The second they’re out, I wish I could take them back.

  Blue crosses her arms in front of her, and I’m shocked to see that alongside her fury, she also has a sheen in her eyes. “Why?” she snaps. “Don’t suddenly act like you care. You hurt her. Bad. She’s sad all the goddamn time. But you wouldn’t care about that, would you?” she challenges. “Because you’re Warren Knight. This is what you do. You use women and then you toss them away. But why did you have to do it to her?” she demands, her bottom lip trembling. “Out of all the people in the world, why do it to such a loving person like Trix?”