Can't Fix Cupid

by Raven Kennedy

  I try to smile again, but my lip wobbles instead, and I drop my eyes. I take a deep breath, trying to stop myself from sobbing.

  “You’re such an asshole,” I murmur as I lean down and gently lay my head against his chest. I need to feel him. I need to be close. I’ve missed him so damn much that it hurts all over. My body aches that he can’t wrap his arms around me and hold me tight.

  “I tell you that I love you, and you go off and start dying on me.” A tear drips from my face onto his gown. “I came here to fix you, but I can’t,” I say, my voice breaking. “I can’t fix your heart. Not the way you need me to, and I’m so damn sorry.”

  I blow out a shuddering breath, shocked to see when some pink mist slips out and curls in the air in front of me.

  I shoot up in surprise, jumping to my feet, staring at the traitorous power. “No fricken way.”

  Not wanting to test it out in front of Warren in case it affects his heartbeat, I walk into the bathroom and close the door, and then blow more Lust into the air. And it’s perfect.

  After weeks of my power being total useless shit, it chooses now to work?

  My back tingles at the show of power, probably popping up another feather or two from my skin.

  I walk back into the room, bewildered, and when my eyes land on Warren again, it suddenly clicks into place.

  My eyes widen. “You.”

  Every time I successfully used my Lust Breath or Flirt Touches here, Warren was nearby. The second we were separated, I reverted to being a busted ass, useless cupid.

  Somehow, Warren is the catalyst to my powers.

  I always had a feeling he was the key to everything. But I didn’t expect for him to actually be the key that revs my cupidity engine. The key that unlocks the power inside of me, curing me of being a dud.

  I have no idea why my cupidity is tied to him here, but there’s no mistaking the truth now that I’ve realized it.

  I shake my head at him as I walk back to his side. “As if I weren’t attached to you already, you have to go and be my on button for my powers, too? That’s a little over the top, even for you,” I reprimand him.

  His monitor beeping is the only response I get.

  “I should’ve known. A cocky bastard like you. Of course you’d find a way to dominate my damn powers. You’ve dominated me in every other way, so why not?” I say with a humorless chuckle.

  When I stare at his pale, unmoving face for too long, a small noise of distress whimpers out of me. It’s like I can feel the impending loss of him, and it’s so brutally unfair. “I guess we both couldn’t fix each other quite the way we hoped, huh?” I ask.

  I reach down and grab his hand, threading our fingers together. “You told me not to love you, and you may be a hotshot CEO, but you’re not the boss of me,” I tell him as I sit down beside him again. “I love you, Warren Knight. And I’m going to keep on loving you for the rest of my existence,” I say on a tortured murmur. “And I’m…” My voice cracks with insurmountable pain, but I keep going. “I’m sorry I can’t fix your heart,” I add, letting my fingers lightly brush over his chest. “Cupid powers just don’t work that way, we only—”

  My eyes widen as a thought rushes into my head.

  Holy shit.

  That’s it.

  I understand now. I know what I’m supposed to do. Because I can heal his heart. I can fix him. Just not like this. And not the way I originally thought I would.

  I lean down and press a kiss against his dry, cracked lips and then cup his cheeks with my hands. “Don’t worry, love. I got you. I’ll fix your heart, and then everything will be alright. I promise.”

  Chapter 35

  Trix

  Just because I know what I have to do, doesn’t mean it makes it any easier.

  I sit in the waiting room while Harvey has his turn with Warren. I don’t know how long I sit there just staring at the wall, but I don’t even notice when Harvey comes back.

  Blue’s been holding my hand since I sat beside her, and I love her for not making me speak. She just sat here with me, lending quiet understanding and not pushing me to do anything other than mourn.

  Harvey’s eyes are red, his expression shadowed, his shoulders weighed down. Their friendship goes back years, and it breaks my heart to know how much he must be hurting.

  I wish I could tell him that it’s going to be alright, but I can’t.

  Harvey looks over at me as I stand with Blue. “Visiting hours are almost over,” he says quietly.

  I nod. “You guys can go ahead and leave. I just want to stay for a little while longer.”

  “Are you sure?” Blue asks. “I can wait and drive you back home.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Damn. I’m going to miss her. Bea too.

  I take a step forward and wrap my arms around her, giving her a big hug and holding her tight. “Thank you,” I whisper against her ear. “Thank you for being my friend.”

  Blue pats me on the back before I pull back. I don’t know what she sees on my face, but whatever it is makes her frown.

  “Do me a favor? Tell Hum Judy I found my thrive. She’ll understand.”

  Blue’s frown deepens, but she doesn’t question me. “Okay.”

  I give her and Harvey a little wave, and then I watch them walk away, Harvey tugging Blue close as he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

  I head back into Warren’s room, and I can feel time running out, but I don’t want to do this next part. I don’t want to say goodbye.

  The nurse comes in to check on Warren, and I quickly wipe my cheeks and attempt to give her a smile.

  She takes one look at me and walks over to give me a hug. “It looked like you needed that,” she says as she pulls away.

  I sniff. “I did.”

  I wait quietly as she writes on his chart, and then I clear my throat. “Is he…in any pain?”

  The nurse shakes her head. “No, honey. We’re keeping him comfortable now. It won’t be long.”

  Misery knots in my stomach. “Thank you. For the hug.”

  She gives me a look of understanding before slipping back out the door, and I know I can’t wait any longer.

  I clear my throat and look around the room. “Sev?” I say hesitantly into the air.

  I’m worried when nothing happens right away, but then a puff of pink smoke pops up in front of me, and Sev appears.

  Dressed in his usual rocker attire, he lands with his hands in his pockets and his wings tucked against his back. He looks around the room with surprise before his eyes land on me. “A bit dreary of an ambience, isn’t it, luv?”

  I puff out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you could say that.”

  Sev pulls up one of the chairs and plops down in it. “I’m surprised that you called me so soon.”

  “Yeah, well…things didn’t turn out the way I hoped.”

  His eyes flicker over to Warren. “I see.”

  “Can you pull me back into the Veil?” I ask. My throat constricts, trying to cut off the words—my body’s way of rebelling.

  Sev tilts his head and looks off to the side like he’s sensing something. “You got a bit behind again, Triple X,” he says. “You need a big push of power before I can take you back.”

  I was expecting that, so I just nod. “I can do it,” I assure him. “I just need a few minutes. To say goodbye.”

  Sev doesn’t ask me what happened or what’s wrong or any of the other endless questions I’m sure are spinning through his head. Instead, he gives me the answer that I need. “All right, luv. Do your thing, then use a shiteload of your cupidity powers, and I’ll bring you back, get it?”

  I nod. “Thanks, Sev,” I say.

  He disappears as quickly as he came, and then I turn to Warren.

  Every step I take towards him wars with my soul. Because I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want this to be it. And yet, I truly believe that everything that’s happened in my afterlife has led me to this moment.

  This af
terlife? It was never about me.

  It was always about him.

  I settle myself on the bed, but this time, I lie down next to him.

  I’m careful not to jostle his IV or any of the cords attached to him as I gently curl my body around his and thread our fingers together.

  This is the last time I’m ever going to feel him. His weight, his solidness, his warmth. This is the last time I’ll be able to smell him, that perfectly Warren scent.

  This is the last time my voice will be audible to his ears.

  So I take one last moment. I breathe. I indulge in the feel of him. I run my hands over his face. I memorize the feel of his breath against my palm. I whisper all the things that I wish I’d said before.

  And then I give him one last kiss. One last touch of our lips that I’ll try to memorize the feeling of forever.

  When I rest my forehead against his, I don’t wipe my tears away when they fall onto his skin. It’s the only thing I can leave behind. Maybe it’s selfish, but I like knowing that I’ve left a part of myself with him.

  With a shaky breath, I pull away. Then I force myself to leave his embrace and get up from his bed. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I do it.

  I don’t need arrows for this next part. There’s more love inside of me than I could ever hold. So I gently place my hands on his face, and then I close my eyes and pull on the power in my center.

  I push it all out. Pink tendrils pour out of me in waves of pure cupid power, my own love warming the room and filling it with light. I pour and push and drain.

  Power succumbs to my will and wraps around us, my love for him turned into a physical thing I can see in the soft pinks that shroud his failing body.

  My back screams with pain. Feathers fall. Wings slowly peel from my back and unfurl, spreading wide on either side of me. My skin tingles. My mark singes. Electric pain skitters through my blood and arcs my spine.

  I scream. He sighs.

  But still, I push.

  Until feeling starts to leave me. Until my hands are unable to touch his face. Until the last of humanity is sucked from my being.

  I unleash as much cupidity as I have, and then the Veil claims me as its own.

  I’m plucked from the plane of this world and go hurtling back through space and time.

  The last physical thing I feel before it all fades away as my incorporeal form takes over are the tears dripping down my cheeks. But my broken heart? I’m going to feel that for much, much longer.

  I appear in Cupidville, crumpled on the floor of Sev’s office, and the gravity of what I’ve just done weighs down on my soul.

  I’ll never touch Warren again. Never wake up beside him. Never eat with him, go on dates with him. I’ll never feel his scratchy stubble or hear his whispers in my ear. I’ll never feel him move against my body. I’ll never make him laugh again.

  But I will be able to save his life. And that’s what matters.

  I struggle with my ethereal form, my body trying to remember how to move without weight or solidity. My red wings are slumped against my back, my bow and quiver reappearing between them. I blow out a pure stream of pink Lust, and my fingertips spark with a touch of Flirt. I’m finally the perfect cupid.

  “Alright, Triple X?” Sev asks as I rise to my feet, his saucy demeanor sobered.

  “No,” I answer honestly, working to keep my feet from going through the floor. “But I know what to do.”

  He eyes me warily. “What’s that?”

  I give him one look, and then I turn and fly my ethereal ass away from him as fast as I can go.

  “What the flying fook? Oy! Get back here!” Sev yells behind me, but I don’t stop.

  I fly out of his office and down the corridor, and I hear him start to fly after me, cursing me as he comes, but I won’t be caught.

  Pushing my wings forward, I zoom towards the elevator like my life depends on it.

  Since I can’t press the buttons, I fly straight up through the elevator shaft, all the way to the processing center. The space is huge and filled with souls like usual, but I surpass them all, flying high above in the cloudy ceiling.

  Go, go, go. I tell myself. Faster, faster, faster.

  I can’t let anyone stop me. I can’t fail at this. For once, I’m going to do something right.

  As soon as I spot the magic arch, I divebomb. Some people yelp at my sudden appearance, but then I land directly in front of the arch, and the angel manning it blinks at me in surprise. “What are you doing?”

  I sprint over to her, my quiver full of arrows slapping against my back. I’m panting, even though I don’t need oxygen in my chest, my body feeling the phantom responses of surging adrenaline.

  “I need to go through the arch again,” I say quickly.

  She frowns and shakes her head. “Absolutely not.”

  I fly up to her podium, my face frantic. Warren doesn’t have much time left. I’m not solid, so I can’t pull the lever myself. I have to convince her to do this for me.

  “Please. I’m begging you. I have to go through that arch.”

  She shakes her head adamantly. “It is not permissible. I shouldn’t have allowed you to do it the second time. Now, move away from the line, or I’ll be forced to signal for the Veil guards.”

  No. I refuse to believe that after all I’ve gone through, I’m going to be stopped now.

  I narrow my eyes and fly through the podium, not caring when my body disappears inside of it. I get right in her face, our noses inches apart. “Listen to me. If you don’t let me go through that arch, then you’re going to be responsible for killing my heart, do you understand?” I say, my eyes hard and my tone brooking no argument. I clench my teeth, my expression glittering with threat. “Pull the damn lever.”

  She bristles her white wings. “No.”

  I see red. Literally, because I start leaking out cupidity power from my pores. I’m fuming mad, terrified, and fricken desperate. It is not a good combo.

  I am ready to kick some serious angel ass.

  “That’s it.” I reach back to grab a Love Arrow, because I’m gonna stab her right in her heavenly tit if she doesn’t pull that godsdamned lever.

  In response to my movement, she raises her hand with a ball of light in it that she’s probably going to use to incinerate me. I don’t even care. I’m not giving up.

  But before either of us can attack, Sev suddenly lands next to us, making me jump back in surprise.

  “What. The. Fook.” He curses as he braces his hands on his knees, panting like he just flew a marathon. He’s coughing like he’s been a damn smoker for the last three centuries. It’s so cavernous in here that the obnoxious noise echoes all around us, going on and on and on.

  Sev finally straightens up and points at me, still out of breath. “How the fook did you fly so fast? Shite on an asswipe, I’m bloody tired.”

  I walk up to him, my hands hovering over his shoulders in a desperate plea. “Seduce her again.”

  Sev’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “What?”

  “Seduce her,” I quickly repeat. “I need to go through that archway, Sev. I have to. Please help me. Please.”

  I’m going to lose it. If he won’t help me, Warren will die, and I can’t...I can’t deal with that truth.

  Sev studies me for a moment, his eyes tracing over my desperation, soaking in the plea that’s shining in my eyes, and then he sighs. “Alright, luv,” he murmurs, and relief floods into me.

  He walks over to the angel, putting his best smile forward, but she shoots him down before he can even open his mouth. “No.”

  His grin fades. “Shite. That’s not very friendly, is it?”

  Shit shit shit. This isn’t working. I’m running out of time. I can feel it. Warren is slipping away.

  “Sev, please!” I beg.

  He must see the panic on my face, because he curses and then turns back to the angel, grabs the back of her head, and then starts tongue fucking her mouth for all he�
��s worth.

  Lust bursts out of him, polluting the air, and they go at it hard.

  She melts against him, forgetting her protests, and his hand snakes forward towards the podium.

  He has so much Lust blown around her that she’s flushed head to toe, and she keeps pawing at his body and mewling. He turns away from her kisses, moving his head around so she can’t latch on to his mouth again.

  “The white lever, Sev!” I call over to him.

  Shock crosses his features. “Fooking white? Why? You love being a cupid.”

  I swallow hard. “I love him more.”

  This is my purpose. Everything led me to this. To becoming who Warren needs me to become.

  I fell in love with him as a cupid, but I’ll save him as an angel.

  Sev’s lips thin, and then he nods tersely and reaches forward.

  He slams the white lever down. The archway glows with power.

  And I jump.

  Chapter 36

  Warren

  There’s a fish hook snagged in my heart.

  I don’t know how it got there, but it hurts like a motherfucker.

  Everything’s unsteady.

  Sound is distorted, vision warped. But this damn incessant pain in my heart couldn’t be clearer.

  I’m dying. I’m stuck in the void of my own unconsciousness, and my life isn’t even kind enough to let me be oblivious about it.

  Every forced bump in my chest lets me know that my heart is ready to beat its last.

  It’s nearly over.

  My head swims with lack of oxygen. My limbs are too heavy to move. Blood congeals in my veins.

  I’m fading.

  But then...I see her.

  I know her, and yet, I don’t. She’s exactly perfect, and yet, she’s all wrong. She’s here, and yet, she’s not. I can see right through her, and yet, all I see is her.