“Oh he knows.” She smirked. “And he’s eating it up, in every way this dirty girl can imagine.”
“Spare me the salacious details.”
She mimed locking her mouth and throwing the key away. I replied with a silent chuckle, still missing Max like a phantom limb and wondering if Natalie was right, wishing I could talk to Samantha about what was going on, but I didn’t think she could be objective. That notion made the grief over losing Max even more devastating. Sure, I knew she loved me and we still were close, but we hadn’t been exactly the same since I had stood up to her. We were trying, but we hadn’t found our way back to one another yet.
I was in a building full of people, sharing an office with my best friend, and I never felt so alone in my life.
Chapter Thirteen
Two days later
“I think you’ve been looking forward to this day for even longer than I have.”
“Oh, I know I’ve been looking forward to this day longer than you,” I said while holding open the door for Sam. “Remember how I used to have weddings for my dolls? I’d get them all dressed and lined up, even making mini place cards for all the guests?”
She threw her gorgeous mane of auburn hair back and laughed, deep and throaty. “Yeah and do you remember how I shoved your bride doll into my remote control convertible and told you she was running away because she wasn’t ready to get married so young?”
I bit my lip and giggled. “All the more reason why it’s practically miraculous we’re here today.”
“May I help you, ladies?”
As usual, my sister and I had gotten so caught up in our conversation, we barely noticed anyone else around. Standing right in front of us was a middle-aged woman with perfectly coifed hair (Sam always called that kind of style “senator-wife helmet head”) with glasses perched at the end of her aquiline nose. But she had kind gray eyes and a ready smile.
“Yes! We had an appointment for my sister, Samantha Lockhart?”
I was already excited. In spite of what was going on with Max and me, Sam was right: I had dreamt of shopping for her wedding dress since I was little. For some reason, I don’t know why, even more than my own.
The woman offered me her hand. “Yes, you must be Jessica,” she said as we shook. “We spoke on the phone. I’m Gertrude. Follow me, ladies, and we’ll get started!”
She turned and we followed her deeper into the salon, which looked exactly like what you’d expect from a bridal dress shop: lots of white and cream with silk taffeta and satin and lace. A member of her staff handed me a flute of champagne and sat me down in a cushy loveseat while they whisked Sam off to get started.
Sitting there by myself, waiting for her, I missed my mom and dad something fierce. It didn’t feel right, being there without them. They would have loved all this and adored Kyle for my sister.
“What do you think?” She awoke me from my daydreaming stupor. I refocused and there she was, a vision. My hands came to my gaping mouth.
“Oh, Sam-Sam,” I choked out. “You’re…” The tears were already coming, and I tried waving them away with my hand. “You’re so beautiful!”
“Really?” Any trace of her usual smart-ass was gone. She was nervously rubbing her lips together, looking at me with those magnetic violet eyes of hers, wide and searching.
“Absolutely.” I wiped the tears away, taking in a deep breath.
“You are wearing an A-line Lazaro with an illusion bodice embellished with lace,” Gertrude informed us while fanning out the skirt as Samantha stood on the pedestal in front of the three-way mirror. “It’s from his latest collection and, I must say, it looks exquisite on you, Ms. Lockhart.”
“Thank you,” she answered, her manners on automatic because I could tell she wasn’t really listening. She was staring at her reflection, blinking fast. I put the flute down on the side table and walked up behind her. I gave Gertrude a small smile.
“Would you be so kind and give us a minute?”
“Oh course,” she replied. “Take your time.”
The heels of her shoes made a sharp, clickety-click sound on the marble as I turned my attention back to my sister. She was pressing her hand to the center of her chest, taking shallow breaths.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded and swallowed, but didn’t say anything.
“Oookay…” I answered, searching her face. “Are we freaking out a li’l bit?”
She let out a small gasp, then nodded again, tears rimming her eyes, spilling down. She turned and grasped my wrist. “Jess, I’m going to screw this up. What business do I have, getting married and pledging forever? I have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to men.”
“Sam-Sam, I don’t think—”
“And what about him? He was a dick-swinging whore of the most unrepentant variety. How the heck am I going to be able to keep him happy—just one woman—for the rest of his life? Why did he even ask me to marry him if he’s just going to end up cheating on me?”
I grabbed her by the shoulders and roughly pivoted her to face me, giving her a shake, just to ensure I had her attention. “Stop it right now,” I ordered, trying to keep my voice low. We may have had the place to ourselves, but I certainly didn’t need us to be making a scene.
“First of all, you’re a good person who has always been honest about where you’re at and what you can or cannot give. And when you make a commitment to something, you’re all in. Personally, I think that’s why you were always so wary of settling down, because deep down, you knew once you made that kind of promise, it was going to mean forever.
“Now, as far as Kyle is concerned? I get why you were cautious when you first met. He did have one heck of a reputation. But Sam, you didn’t see the look on his face after your attack and then once he got you back after you were abducted. It was like his whole world was coming to an end. He was devastated.”
“He was?” She wiped her eyes.
“Gutted,” I answered. “Once you were back and safe…once he got his ring on your finger, it was like he could breathe again.”
She gave a small smile, her eyes searching mine. For a second, it was like I was the big sister and she was the young one.
“Trust me. There isn’t anyone else for him. He’s yours.”
She squeezed my hands. “Thanks, Jess.” She took a small step back and held onto the skirt of the dress on both sides, fanning it out. “So? What do you think?”
I opened my mouth to answer but heard the clicking of heels again.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have the perfect veil for that dress!”
Gertrude got to work placing and adjusting this gossamer, ethereal, and delicate headpiece upon my sister’s head. I got off the pedestal, stepping back while watching the two of them in the mirror.
“There,” she proclaimed, as if she had discovered fire for the first time, “that completes the look, doesn’t it?”
She was absolutely right. My sister looked like an angel descended to Earth.
“Oh Sam, you look so beautiful. It’s perfect.”
“I love it too,” she said. “I’ll take it.”
I shook my head, unsure if I had heard her right. “Really? You don’t want to try on any more?”
“No, this is it. I’m sure of it. Why look more when something you’ve found makes you feel this special?”
“Well! I wish all my brides were so decisive,” the salon owner chirped. “I’ll be right back to help you out of it and write up your order.”
Lifting the skirt of the dress in her hands, she stepped off the pedestal and I grabbed her forearm to help her down.
“Thanks,” she said. “So, now that that’s handled, what are we going to do about you?”
My mouth gaped. “What do you mean?”
She cocked her head while raising an eyebrow. “Oh,
c’mon now, you think I don’t know about you and Max?”
“But how…I didn’t say…”
“Yeah, I know,” she answered, her tone clear that she wasn’t pleased with me. “Don’t hide anything major from me again, okay? I’m letting it slide this time because I know I’ve given you a hard time about Max in the past, so I imagine coming to me wouldn’t be your first choice.”
I folded my arms across my chest and blew out a sigh.
“Max came to Kyle, asking for his advice and opinion,” she continued. “Jess, he’s a wreck without you.”
I sucked in a breath. “Really? I haven’t heard from him since—”
“Since you walked out on him?” she finished for me.
“You think I was wrong, don’t you?”
She gave me a sweet smile and rubbed my forearms. “I think you had some points. He should talk with you and not just leave you hanging with his daughter. He shouldn’t have lied to you. But I also think you freaked out some—which is understandable. But if you really do love him, like you say you do, you don’t bail when things don’t go your way. You talk it out and you give the people you love a chance to make things right. You hear me?”
“I do.” I scratched near my temple. “If it’s any consolation, Natalie also thinks I jumped the gun.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Well, Natalie’s great and all, but all that matters is what you think.”
I sighed, my shoulders hunching forward. “I’m thinking I need to talk to Max. What exactly I’m going to say…I don’t know yet.”
“You will,” she assured me. Her phone beeped, making her smile. “Kyle wants to pick me up anyway. Why don’t you head on out?”
All I wanted to do was run over to Max’s, clear the air as soon as possible. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bail on our day.”
“Yeah, go on,” she answered, just as Gertrude walked in with an assistant. Sam gestured in their direction. “I’m going to order my wedding dress. You go fix what you need to fix.”
“You’re the best.” I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and practically skipped out of the salon. We had chosen a store right in the heart of town, so it would only take me about ten minutes to walk home.
I got to his door in seven minutes because I practically ran there. I knocked a few times, trying to catch my breath, but no one answered. My heart sank down, so I double-checked the carport: his truck and bike were there. It made me wonder where Piper was too.
Dejectedly, I slowly walked back to my house. I was tempted to drive by the Vienna Inn, a popular dive bar in town I knew he liked to go to, but I thought that was too much. So I dragged myself to the front door, inserted the key into the lock, and leaned my weight in and opened it.
“Wondering when you were going to get back home.”
Sure enough, Max was in my house, sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. I had never given him a key, but I wasn’t surprised he had found his way in, even with my so-called state-of-the-art alarm system. He had mad skills, thanks to being with the Order. I was more surprised he was there, waiting for me.
“Why do I even bother turning this thing on when I leave?”
He brought his feet down and stood up, walking over toward me as I closed the door.
“Because most of the fuckers out there won’t know how to bypass that system and it offers me some peace of mind, you havin’ it on, at least until I convince you to move in with me.”
My eyes went wide. “We’re not even together anymore, Max.”
“That’s bullshit, babe, and you know it.”
He was now right in front of me, so close I could feel the warmth of his skin, even without him touching me. I craned my neck to meet his eyes, the green no longer pale. A deep V resided between his brows as he studied my expression. Both his palms came up and cradled the sides of my neck while the pads of his thumbs stroked the undersides of my jaw. I opened my mouth to tell him all I wanted to say, but he swept his two fingers over and gently rested them on my lips.
“Let me say what I need to say,” he said low and rough. “I thought about what you said, and you’re right. I should’ve told you I knew about Piper from the beginning, but kept away because of my PTSD. I also should’ve talked to you first, especially when it came to how to talk to Piper about what was going on. I’ve been telling you since we’ve hooked up with one another that we’re a team, that we don’t hide shit from one another, but I didn’t live up to my side of the deal. That won’t happen again. All right?”
I licked my lips and cleared my throat. “All right.” Then I tried talking again, but he placed his hand over my mouth this time. I scrunched my brows.
“I know you hate being cut off, but I really need to finish this. I need to get it all out. Okay, Gingersnap?”
I relaxed my expression and nodded. He dropped his hand.
“Now, I’m not going to lie to you. You being good for Piper, having her like you as much as she does, it was a part of why I went after you.”
I closed my eyes, dropping my head down. He leaned himself into me, feeling his lips on the top of my head, then his chin resting in the same spot.
“But that’s only because I respect what my kid thinks and, as any father will tell you, nothing’s gonna work unless his child feels comfortable with the woman he brings home.” His arms snaked around me, pulling me into him. “Does that mean I hooked up with you to secure some glorified nanny slash fuck buddy?” He waited until I lifted my eyes to his. “Not a chance, Jess.
“I fell for you in a million ways for a lot of reasons. You’re smart and passionate about what you do. A man is always going to be drawn to a woman with a fire in her belly. You’re beautiful and, yeah, of course I’m into that. But I swear to Christ, there’s more to it for me. It’s like…it’s like I’m addicted to the taste of you, to the countless different ways you smile through the day. I hear the sound of your voice in my head when you’re not around and it’s the only thing that soothes me. I don’t know how else to describe it, except that you’re mine. You belong to me in every way a woman can belong to a man. And I don’t know, maybe I took it for granted that you knew that’s how I felt about you, because when you assumed I didn’t love you? Fuck, that just about slayed me. Of course I’m in love with you, Jess. You’re it for me.”
“You’re it for me too.” I sniffed.
His grip tightened. “Then next time something crawls up your ass, you talk to me. You don’t try to leave me. Got it?”
“Yes, I got it. And I’m sorry too, for the things I said. I won’t doubt you…us…again.”
He let out a sharp exhale, as if the world had been lifted off his back, only proving to me how worked up the idea of losing me got him. I couldn’t help but smile at that realization. He was mine. Really mine.
“All right, so now we’re got that all cleared up, can you tell me what’s in your head about us living together and why you’re in such a rush?”
Both his brows shot straight up. “What’s there to discuss? We spend almost all of our time together as it is. Piper’s nuts about you and so am I. And you can’t resist me, even if you tried.” He smirked, followed by a wink.
I rolled my eyes in response. “That point aside, we’ve only known each other for a few months. Don’t you think that’s a little fast?”
He shrugged. “When it’s right, it’s right.”
I pulled out of his arms and led us over to the couch. I tried sitting down separately, but he ended up just pulling me onto his lap. I leaned my elbow on his shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair. So much about him was rough with sharp edges, but his hair was baby fine. He had a lot of it, so it appeared thicker than it was, but I was always surprised how silky it felt in my hands.
“I know this is going to sound…outdated.” I began. “I can’t live with you, not without being married. I kno
w it’s an old-fashioned idea, but I want the first time I make a home with a man for it to feel wholly unique and special. I don’t want it to feel like having a roommate. I know marriage is not a guarantee of forever these days, but that’s what it means to me. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything.”
“I wouldn’t think that.”
“Natalie thinks I’m expecting too much too soon, that we haven’t been together long enough for me to expect you to love me.”
“What do you think?” he asked.
“I think…I…” I pressed my lips together.
His face softened. “You can say anything to me. I hope you know that.”
“I don’t want to scare you away,” I whispered, looking down, my hair falling forward.
He threaded his fingers through my hair, gently pushing the strands behind my ears. I met his gaze and was surprised at the emotion I saw there.
“I don’t want to scare you away,” he answered. “And I really don’t want to fuck this up.”
My eyes widened. “You couldn’t.”
The muscles of his jaw ticked. “You don’t get it, babe. You’re a wish I never dared ask for, everything I ever wanted in a woman.”
A starburst of hope ignited inside my chest. “I thought that would be a good thing.”
“Yeah,” he replied, the lines between his brows deepening.
“So, then I…I don’t understand.”
He looked off to the side, expelling a loud breath before returning to me. “I’m a soldier, Jess. Or I have been, in one form or another, since I was nineteen. I don’t know anything else.”
“Oookay…” I dragged out.
He grimaced. “I’m still trying to figure out being a father, much less what it would take to be a husband…a good husband you deserve.”
My mouth went dry, my heart pounding against my rib cage. “Max,” I said. “We’ve got time to figure all that out. There’s no need to rush. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow. I’m good with the way things are, as long as you talk to me about what’s going on with you.”
“But I’m not good with the way things are.”
Girl Breaker Page 15
