The Amazing Adventures of Gramma

by Holly Vellekoop

  “Very good coffee,” she said to the vendor as he headed to the pavement. “And, I don’t have a clue what Honey Bun sees in you. And for goodness sake, do something about the eyebrow thingy you have going on there. Get it shaved or waxed or something.”

  Jeffrey wasn’t as lucky as Gramma’s rescued coffee. Down he stayed, in a crumpled heap.

  “Thank you for helping me,” Gramma said to her rescuer. “I don’t know what I’d have done without you.” She took another sip of the coffee.

  Her kind, young man smiled at his own prowess and good deed. “Are you all right?” He touched her arm to comfort her.

  “I’m a little shaken, but fine, thank you.”

  With her gloved hands, she peeled two C-notes off a roll and tossed them onto Jeffrey’s dozing body. She kept them in place with the napkin holder. “That should cover the cost of his equipment and clothing,” she said to no one in particular.

  Gramma tried to give the kind young man some money for his help, but he refused.

  She gave him a ‘high five’ and a fancy thumb-to-thumb handshake.

  The kind young man joined the rest of the crowd which was already moving along.

  Gramma nodded the young man’s way. “My posse,” Gramma said to Ruthie and Jamie.

  “My God, you’re good,” Jamie said.

  “It’s a gift,” Gramma answered. Her phone dinged a message in.

  ‘How about this?’ the text read. ‘Stick with me, Baby, and you’ll dance a jig.’

  ‘I already do,’ Gramma texted back. Her dancing feet went to and fro, back and forth, here and there. She texted, ‘Ta da.’

  Ruthie, Gramma and Jamie hastened down the River Walk, chattering away about what happened at the vendor stand.

  “That coffee vendor was one of your stalkers,” Gramma said to Jamie. “Actually, I recognized him when we sat down. Saw him before in my travels. He gets around.”

  “Who was the good looking guy who came to your rescue,” Jamie asked. “The one you said is in your posse. He’s hot.”

  “You think so?” Gramma said. “He’s just someone I hired to step in when needed.” Andy’s really good at his job, but hot?

  Ruthie laughed out loud.

  “I don’t know who to trust at work, Gramma,” Jamie said. “If my boss is in on this, I’m in trouble.”

  “Jamie, I’ve worked many years at many jobs, and I’ve worked with many different people and disciplines, professional and not. Here’s what I’ve learned. The sad truth is, no one ever really has any friends where they work although they think they do. Trust no one you work with. Most of the time when so-called work friends aren’t with you, they’re gossiping about you, or figuring out how to beat you out of the next promotion so they or someone else can get it. Sometimes they even lie about you for their own gain. There are moles in every workplace who report everything you say and do to someone."

  Jamie frowned. “But I have friends where I work now. People I trust and like a lot.”

  “You asked me what I thought and I told you what I know to be true. I’ve been working for decades. Some coworkers would sell you out for thirty pieces of silver or less. If you could hear what they say about you when you leave the room, you’d be unhappy. Be respectful to all you work for and with. Do the very best job you can at all times, but trust no one.”

  Ruthie chimed in. “Gramma’s right, Jamie. Trust no one. You’re being stalked and Dale your boss lied and told you it’s not happening. Here in San Antonio, Gramma spotted one of those goons who’ve been trailing you, so we know it’s true. The vendor had a camera in that clock, recording everything we were doing. Luckily, Gramma was able to pocket it. She’ll have it looked at to see what else he was recording.”

  Jamie nodded her head in agreement. “I believe you. I want to get to the bottom of this. Who’re they working for? What do they want from me?”

  “The workplace culture is a hard lesson to learn, but once you do, you’ll be better off,” Gramma said. “Now, tell me what you’re working on, Jamie.”

  Jamie spilled her entire story, including her undercover work at companies providing security to Americans overseas and at home.

  “Some of our clients are government workers, others are in private industries. I found lapses in security, a lack of necessary, updated equipment, infiltration of their companies by competitors both foreign and domestic, a dearth of necessary training, etc. I wrote my report about my most recent assignment and gave it to Dale. He was unhappy with it. Crossed out information all over it where he wanted me to make changes to make it more positive. He insisted I tell no one and said his boss wanted it changed now. I told him I wasn’t going to change it because it’ll hurt our clients if they don’t get what they need. The truth should always be told. He became very angry.”

  “You go girl,” Gramma said.

  “Oh, yeah,” Jamie said. “And I was to receive numbers to a safe deposit box where some information from one of our security informants was stored for me to retrieve. I never got them. Dale said they weren’t available.”

  “Jamie, I’ve been on this long before your nanna approached me about it,” Gramma said. “I have those numbers you’re looking for. I memorized them, but didn’t bring them written down with me today because I wasn’t sure about who was trailing you. I was concerned they’d be able to get the numbers somehow.”

  “You have the numbers?” Jamie asked. “That’s great. How did you know about this? How'd you get the numbers?”

  “Later,” Gramma said.

  She directed her next comment to Ruthie. “Send a courier you trust to meet me at my hotel room before I leave for home and I’ll give him the numbers in a sealed packet. Use our special security item so I know for sure it was you who sent him.”

  “Jamie,” Gramma said, “We need to talk about what you should do about this job you’re on. I advise you to get out, but not to leave until you’re hired at another company first. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Jamie replied.

  Back at the Hotel

  Gramma opened her hotel door for the seven quick knocks and a loud bang someone made on the other side.

  “Gramma?” a small, wiry man asked. “Are you Gramma?”

  “That depends. Who’re you?”

  “Ruthie sent me.” He showed Gramma a copper disc. It was Ruthie’s flattened penny she placed on the train track when she and Gramma were kids.

  “Here you go,” Gramma said. She handed him an envelope with the numbers in it. “Stay safe.” Gramma stuck her head out the door and looked around the hallway. It was empty.

  After he left, Gramma congratulated herself for playing those very same numbers in the lottery shortly after she got them. Those winnings will come in handy.

  She started packing her clothes and thought about her San Antonio trip and the predicament Ruthie’s granddaughter was in. I hope Jamie will enjoy the new job I got lined up for her. The promotion will be a great start in something with more promise, and she’ll be working with better people.

  Before finishing her packing, she called home to see how Sweetums and her puppies were doing.

  Chapter 13

  Home Again, a Jon Boat, and Some Zombies

  “Thanks for taking me fishing, you two,” Gramma said to her son and daughter-in-law. “You know how I love this jon boat. I might even get one for myself someday.”

  “I know. That’s why we invited you along,” Steven said. “So, did you find homes for Sweetums’ puppies?”

  “Yep. They’re gone. Both of them. That Sneaky Rex better stay on his own side of the street from now on.”

  “How do you know he came to your yard? Maybe Sweetums went over to see him,” Steven said.

  “Yeah. Sweetums knows how to cross the road safely,” Cindy said. She turned her face away and grinned.

  “Why, I never. What do you take my Sweetums for? How could either of you think she’d cross the road to see Sneaky Rex? Huh? She has better taste than that,” Gra
mma said.

  “Evidently not,” Steven said under his breath.

  “What was that?” Gramma asked.

  “Nothing,” Steven said.

  “Awkward,” Cindy added

  She and Lola laughed.

  Gramma played around with her spinning reel. She pulled on the eight pound test line leading down the rod and on into the lake. “I sure hope I catch something.”

  “You always catch something,” Cindy said. “When did you first start fishing?”

  “When I was about four-years-old, my dad used to take me down to where Mahoning Creek emptied into the Susquehanna River. He’d catch catfish there. He was a good fisherman.” She felt a nibble and steadied the pole, watching it closely.

  “Did Granddad have a boat?” Steven asked.

  “Nah. We’d stand on the bank for hours. It was fun. Hey. Did I ever tell you how I almost drowned in that river when I was five? Had a near death experience, I did. Saw angels, light at the end of a tunnel and plenty more.”

  “Yep,” Lola said. “I think we heard it once or twice.”

  Cindy and Steven agreed. “Once or twice,” they echoed.

  “Well, here’s some good advice for all of you. Listen to your Mom and Dad. Don’t go sliding on a frozen river in the dead of winter. It's dangerous. The ice may not be as thick as you think.”

  “I’d never do anything that stupid,” Lola said. “Whoops. I didn’t mean that. Yeah, I meant it, but I didn’t mean you were stupid, Gramma. You know what I mean.”

  “Awkward, again,” Cindy said.

  Gramma furrowed her brow and stared at Lola for a half minute. “Yeah, I know what you mean. At least I think I do.” She watched her pole some more and adjusted her life jacket.

  “Did I ever tell you about the guy who believes in vampires?” Lola said.

  “No. Tell me that’s not true,” Gramma said. “Admit you’re making it up. Or maybe he was just kidding. Here's a Gramma hint. Don't date that guy.”

  “It’s true. Cephas, one of Buddy’s friends in college, believes vampires are real,” Lola said. "And no, I'm not thinking about dating him. It's Cephas, after all. OMG."

  “This Cephas friend of Buddy is old enough to be in college and believes in vampires?” Steven said.

  “Yep. I told him I don’t believe they’re real. I told him my Gramma’s seen just about everything in life and she says vampires aren’t real.”

  “What’d he say to that?” Gramma asked.

  “Cephas said you haven’t seen everything, then,” Lola answered.

  “Well, I haven’t seen everything Lola, almost everything, but I feel certain that vampires aren’t real. If I find out otherwise, you’ll be the first one I’ll tell.”

  “Mom. Did I tell you Andy’s dating someone new he met?” Steven asked. “She lives out of state. Said he met her when he was at work on a job in San Antonio. I’m not sure what he was doing there, but that’s where he met her.”

  Gramma’s head swiveled around.

  “And just what might her name be?” Gramma asked.

  “Jamie,” Steven answered.

  At Gramma’s house

  “You want me to go to the junkyard with you, Gramma?” Andy asked.

  “Yep. I need a roof rack for my Mini Bus. Ted said he had one at his junkyard that’s like new. I thought maybe you’d go with me to get it.”

  “Sure. What do you need it for?”

  “I don’t know. Just want one,” Gramma said. “Maybe I’ll put my surfboard up there.”

  “You better bring your checkbook,” Andy said. “They’re really expensive for an antique vehicle like yours.”

  “My car’s not an antique. It’s a classic. There’s a difference.”

  “Right,” Andy said. He got uncomfortable. “What’s that look mean?”

  “What look?” Gramma said, giving him ‘The Look.’

  “You know what look,” Andy answered. “That look.” He snapped a photo of Gramma on his cell phone and showed it to her.

  “What look do you think it is?” she asked.

  “I think it’s your ‘you’re dating Jamie and didn’t tell me’ look. Am I right?”

  She gave him ‘The Look.’

  “I didn’t tell you right away because of the ‘No dating anyone you meet on the job’ rule. I waited to tell you because I wanted to make sure Jamie and I’d be having more than one date. I really like her. She’s a sweet girl. Smart, too. I was interested in her from the moment I first laid eyes on her in San Antonio.”

  “She liked you right away, too. Said she thought you were ‘hot,’” Gramma said. She chuckled.

  Andy’s eyebrows shot up. “She did? She said she thought I was hot? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I didn’t want you breaking the ‘No dating anyone you meet on the job’ rule. That’s why.”

  “This is different,” Andy said. “She’s special. The fact she’s the granddaughter of your friend Ruthie doesn’t complicate it too much, does it?”

  “No. I just wish you’d have told me.”

  “The numbers you gave her were the correct ones for the safe in a home belonging to a professional computer hacker. Jamie was able to retrieve the documents from there which’ll be helpful in stopping some planned attacks on some important clients. That was a valuable find.”

  “I’m glad she got to them in time,” Gramma said. “Getting those numbers through the pipeline was complicated and took some time, but was worth it. How’s Jamie doing at her job now?”

  “She got a really good offer for a new position and left her job to take it. It’s with a big corporation. You got her that, didn’t you?”

  “Who, me? Yeah, I did. Now let’s quit talking and get to Ted’s junkyard. You can tell me all about Jamie on the way there.”

  At the Junkyard

  “Hey Gramma. Long time no see,” Ted said. “Where you been?”

  Andy rolled his eyes. If he only knew.

  “I’ve been busy,” Gramma answered. “Here and there. Nothing big. How’s the wife and kids?”

  Before Ted got to answer, a huge German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix rushed towards Gramma.

  “Look out,” Andy yelled. He stood between the dog and his gramma.

  “It’s Savage,” Ted said.

  The dog jumped around Andy and went for Gramma. It sniffed her, barked and whined and put its paw on her leg, whining some more. He licked her boot.

  Gramma petted the dog. It dropped down on the ground and rolled over on his back, showing his belly.

  “Savage doesn’t do that for anyone but you, Gramma,” Ted said. “I don’t understand it. Why’s he so crazy about you?”

  “I don’t know.” She pulled a ham bone out of her handbag. “There you go, Savage. Gramma remembered you were here at the junkyard, sweetie. You’re a good boy, a good, good boy. Yes indeedy. Who loves Savage? Gramma loves Savage.” She rubbed his belly and ran her fingers across his shoulders. She told him how handsome he looked.

  The dog drooled, rolled around, and put his paw on her leg again, whining the whole time. He snatched the bone from her hand and ran off.

  “I see,” Ted said. “You came for the Mini Bus roof rack, right?”

  “Yep,” Andy said.

  “I’ve got it in the shed, all ready for you.” Ted led the way. “Hey. You know what. The weirdest thing happened at our garden center across the street a couple of nights ago. Some girls called me at home late at night and said, are you ready for this? They said they saw zombies in there.” Ted laughed. “They sounded scared and I felt sorry for them, but zombies? I called the cops first, then I rushed down there from home, thinking maybe someone broke in. I brought my good friend with me - my 20 gauge shotgun full of rock-salt. Savage was patrolling the garden center and wouldn’t have let them get out if they’d have gotten past him and gotten in. When I looked around, I didn’t find anything. A lot of people steal plants and trees at night from places like ours so I was worried that’s wha
t was going on.”

  “Zombies?” Gramma said. “Are you sure that’s what they said? You didn’t maybe mistake what they were saying? Of course, I don’t know any word that sounds even close to the word zombie. Bombe? Nah that’s a dessert. They wouldn’t have seen that.”

  Andy laughed.

  “Tomboy. Could they have said ‘tomboy?’ No, that’s just weird. Rhombi. Limbo. Help me here, Andy. I’m stuck.”

  “Can’t think of anything, myself,” Andy said.

  “They clearly said zombies,” Ted repeated. “After they stopped screaming, that is. The police were ticked off, thinking it was some silly teenage girls playing a prank. Anyway, I held onto Savage and the cops looked around. They didn’t find anything. Boy, were they upset. They had a series of break-ins at the Seaside gated community going on while they were here and had to leave and rush all the way across town for that. They said they didn’t have time for a wild goose chase with fake zombies and silly girls.”

  “That’s crazy,” Andy said. “I’ve not heard that one.”

  “The nursery is across the street there. My wife works it during the day with some hired help. I stick to the junkyard here. Anyway, it was really strange.”

  “I’ve heard of somebody who believes in vampires,” Gramma said. “But zombies? I don’t think so.”

  Ted got the roof rack out and showed it to Gramma for her approval.

  Gramma looked it over and nodded her head. She paid Ted a considerable amount of money for it.

  Ted’s eyes widened at the large sum of cash.

  “Won a little in the lottery,” she said.

  On the way home . . .

  “Whattya think, Gramma? Zombies? Really?” Andy said. “And who was it you were talking about that said they believed in vampires? It’s Cephas, that goofy guy Buddy knows, isn’t it? Lola told me about him. And he’s about to finish grad school, that guy. Makes me wonder.”

  “Yeah, it was Cephas. I think he’s just kidding around with Lola. Surely no one believes in vampires, do they?”