Bard to the Bone

by Cid Banks

  “You guys.” Amy wobbled to her feet, snickering. “Guys, watch this.”

  She faced a tree, hugged it, and lurched. The bark cracked from the pressure as roots snapped. Naomi squealed as Amy twisted and wrenched, leaves floating down around her. With a vicious snap, the tree popped free. Amy staggered with a startled yell, dangerously close to the fire.

  “Amy, be careful!”

  She swung the uprooted tree like a baseball bat, shrieking with mirth.

  “Put it down.” My head pounded from the alcohol, but I didn’t want to move away from Naomi. “Seriously.”

  “I have to entertain myself somehow. Whatever.” She threw the tree. It landed beyond the grove with a mighty crash.

  She’d been bubbly a moment ago. Guess our time was up. “What’s wrong?”

  Her pout trembled as she gazed at Naomi and me.

  Oh.

  Amy shrugged, avoiding my gaze. “Nothing.”

  “I like you, and I like her. Can you blame me?”

  Passion blazed in Amy’s eyes. “Well, you need to choose. You can’t mess around with both of us.”

  “I’m not messing around.” Heart pounding, I squeezed Naomi’s hand before approaching Amy. “You’re the most incredible women I’ve ever met. You’re beautiful, smart, and lethal. Hell, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  I stroked Amy’s cheek. Her electrified, green pools closed as I touched her.

  “Amy, maybe we don’t have to make him pick,” coaxed Naomi. “We work great together, don’t we?”

  Naomi approached Amy, who hitched a sigh as Naomi enveloped her in a hug. I tugged Amy against me, folding her small frame into mine as Naomi’s boobs pressed against my chest. Every bone in me wanted to look down.

  Our body heat combined into an inferno. It was a struggle not to explore more of Naomi’s curves. There was no denying the girls and I had a connection. A real one based on mutual trust and attraction.

  Naomi gently disengaged from Amy, squeezing her shoulder. The redhead smiled at her in thanks.

  I rubbed my arm. “Aren’t you two freezing?”

  I was tired of being wet. I ripped off my jacket and unlaced my boots. Too drunk to be embarrassed, I stripped from my soaked trousers and hung them on branches.

  “Any excuse to take your clothes off.” With a coquettish wink, Amy unstrapped her armor. Her slim shoulders wriggled from her cuirass. She stripped down to her sports bra. I watched her ass wiggle as she peeled off her leather pants and boots. Her smooth stomach glowed orange in the firelight. The redheaded beauty flashed Naomi a challenging grin.

  So much had happened since Amy wore the red dress. I had forgotten her tight body, how intimate dancing with her felt.

  “This is better.” Amy sat next to me with a sigh. If she’d told me two plus two equaled a potato, I would have agreed.

  Naomi rolled her eyes. “Subtle.”

  “Maybe I don’t par-tic-u-lar-ly care about being subtle.” Amy flopped on her back, her hair sprawled over the ground. “With that dress, I never would’ve pegged you as shy.”

  “I’m not. I’m just guarded.” Naomi lounged between us, staring into the fire. “If I’d known I would be here forever, I would’ve picked smaller boobs. Attracts less attention.”

  She couldn’t have chosen a worse outfit. Naomi leaned back, allowing her dress to slip from her curves. The deep neckline was a magnet to my gaze. I studied the glistening dampness clinging to her breasts, which rose and fell with every breath.

  Were they competing for me?

  I drank in the sight of Amy, hard-bodied and petite, flashing her toned ass as she folded to her side. Beside her was Naomi, whose skirt stopped mid-thigh. Legs for miles. Goddamn. Both were gorgeous.

  And they were into me.

  I slid the guitar over my knees, plucking the strings absentmindedly. I couldn’t help but imagine their naked figures silhouetted by the firelight. My heart raced as our bodies intertwined. If only it weren’t an impossible fantasy.

  Hell, who said it wasn’t? This was a fantasy world. I could teleport, but threesomes were off the table? I knew it was selfish to want them both, but I couldn’t pick one. It wouldn’t be fair.

  My thumb strummed a tune as my thoughts drifted to an Elvis song, Can’t Help Falling in Love. I whispered the lyrics, imagining Naomi and Amy spellbound by my music.

  Suddenly, the guitar screeched. My fingers seized, screwing up the chord. The song wrenched out of tune.

  Song of Seduction Failed

  “Oh, shit!” I dropped the instrument, staring at their shocked faces. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “What the fuck was that?” Naomi asked, wide-eyed.

  “I was playing Elvis. Swear to God. I wasn’t trying to cast anything.”

  A UI window popped.

  New Trait Gained!

  Lustful

  Personality Trait

  Increased romantic relationship with attracted characters.

  -50% Seduction defense. Bonus experience for successful Seduction.

  The girls looked above my head, where there must be an icon. Naomi’s stunned face cracked with a smile.

  “Wow,” Amy crowed. “I’m surprised you took this long to earn lustful.”

  “Oh, come on.” I gaped at the description. “Bonus experience for successful seduction? Does that mean what I think it does?”

  “Yeah,” Naomi deadpanned. “Don’t get any ideas.”

  I could bang women to level up.

  I hadn’t looked over my trait information for days. I’d forgotten how close I was to lustful. Reduced seduction defense was not a good bonus.

  “Shit.” Amy sat up straighter, giggling. “Did you seriously try to seduce us both?”

  I smoldered. “I wasn’t trying to, I swear.”

  “Oh my god, you did!” Amy threw her bundled up clothes and hit me.

  “At least buy us drinks first,” Naomi said dryly. “Geez.”

  I folded Amy’s leather pants. “You look great in these, but I would’ve preferred panties.”

  Naomi grinned. “Starting a collection?”

  “Well, I am a rockstar. It won’t be the last time girls throw panties at me.”

  I grasped the guitar, seized by an urge to bash it. So much for being smooth. I examined the lacquered body and silver trimmings.

  Obsidian Guitar

  Level 9 Instrument

  Damage: 0-4

  Voidtouched, Two-Handed, Accuracy +100%

  +5 Willpower for all Black, Red, and Purple spells.

  Song power and recovery +50%

  Shit. It was level nine. No wonder I failed the song. I was four levels away from even being able to use the guitar. I stowed it in my inventory.

  “What made you think that would work?” Amy asked as she positioned her ass in my sight. I loved looking at it, and she knew it.

  “I wasn’t trying to get laid. I was thinking about how amazing you and Naomi look.” They’d never believe me. “Then I thought of a tune, thinking I’d play something, and my fingers didn’t cooperate.”

  “You must’ve been distracted by Naomi’s big boobs.” Amy grinned at the sorceress. “Even I look sometimes.”

  Naomi grabbed her chest. “That’s because real women aren’t built like this. It’s only possible because this is a virtual world where developers put way too much time into boob physics.”

  “Boob physics,” I mused. “Sounds like a subject in school I would’ve excelled at.”

  “I will electrocute you, smartass,” she said although she didn’t bother to cover up.

  Amy eyed Naomi’s chest.

  Was she jealous? Did they still imagine themselves in their real bodies?

  “So you said you pick everything based on min- maxing your build.” Amy pointed at Naomi’s boobs. “What do those do?”

  “No stat bonuses that I can tell.” Naomi shrugged. “The system has a lot of subtleties I never figured out.”

  “What a
re you like outside the game?” I asked.

  “Not like this. I figured this is just a game… so I chose a look I always fantasized about.”

  I wished I’d done more with the default than adjust my crotch.

  “I’m glad I picked a body similar to how I was,” Amy whispered. “It makes it easier to remember the real me. Anytime I face a mirror it’s like a sister looking back. Close enough to be uncanny, but still not me.”

  “Yeah.” Naomi’s smile was full of pity.

  I plucked a blade of grass and lifted it to my lips. As an instrument, it couldn’t be more than level one. Pinching the blade, I blew hard. It sounded more like Elvis than the guitar had.

  “If you’re looking for a sexy instrument, I’d pick up the guitar.” Naomi shook her head, releasing a mock sigh. “It’s too bad. I’ve always had a thing for rock stars.”

  I dropped my voice. “Luckily, I’m in need of a roadie. Or two.”

  “I said rock star,” she growled. “Not court minstrel.”

  “Now you’re trying to hurt my feelings.” I flicked the grass, and the breeze lifted it away.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes before Amy spoke. “What should we do tomorrow? The castle quest is unfinished.”

  “We cleared out most of it. All that’s left is whatever demon they were summoning. A dungeon boss. It’s a ton of experience.”

  Naomi stared into space. She’d set aside her lone-wolf rule to join us once, but I didn’t know if she’d do it again.

  “Let’s do it,” I said. “We make a good team, right?”

  Naomi nodded. “Yeah.”

  “So, it’s settled!” Amy punched the air. “Tomorrow we play exorcist, assuming James abandons planning a threesome.”

  “No promises.”

  Twenty

  The castle was massive. It took forever to climb into the upper keep, the path marred by crumbling stairs. Over a dozen small towers and fortification layers were built into the rocky hill. Torn crimson banners whipped into a frenzy the higher we ascended. The dead lay in the courtyard, undisturbed from yesterday’s battle.

  Amy sidestepped a body scattered over the landing. Blood and viscera spilled on the floor.

  Naomi grimaced. “Gross.”

  “It’s fascinating.” Amy found a small stick and prodded the guts. “I can see what he ate.”

  Naomi turned away from the offensive display. “Let’s hurry and get this over with.”

  “As you wish.” A popup had emerged when we reentered the ruins. I pulled the information from my menu.

  Quest Available: Liberation of Blackspire Fortress

  The cultists have used blood magic to summon a demonic monster. Clear the castle and send the unholy creature back to the abyss!

  Reward: 500 experience, Settlement Liberated

  “Hmm.” Amy threw the stick away. “I think this was more something than someone.”

  “Good to know.” I eyed the keep’s main hall. The grand doors were cracked open. A stream of crimson trickled from the gap, cascading down the steps.

  I shouldered my crossbow. “Looks like the lair of a boss. You two ready?”

  “Let’s finish this be-otch.” Amy wiped the cheerful smile from her face and unsheathed her massive sword.

  “We can do this, ladies.” I wouldn’t let them down. “We’ve got a solid plan of action.”

  “Yeah.” Naomi gritted her teeth. “We’ll be fine.”

  “We’ll be okay.” My attacks were weaker than the girls, but I could clone myself in a pinch. Having a duplicate would distract the boss. I’d save my teleporting for emergencies.

  We strolled into the demon’s lair. Pale red light shining through cloth bathed the crumbled floor. Wind blew through the windowless alcoves. The demon stood on a dais. It was tall and humanoid. A crown of spikes circled its head and ran down its spine. The boss gripped a serrated blade that dripped blood. There was a gaping hole in its chest. Strings of flesh suspended its furiously beating heart in the gap. It wore a thin mask of human skin stretched taut over bone. Beady eyes bled crimson tears.

  “Oh shit.” Naomi gasped, covering her mouth. “Look!”

  Dozens of bodies were piled behind the demon’s dark throne. Blood as thick as tar pooled over the dais, streaming into an overflowing cauldron. The room was like a canvas splattered with blood. Dark red covered every surface—the ground, the ceiling, everything.

  The boss grinned, exposing rows of shark-like teeth.

  “Killing time!” Amy roared as she surged forward.

  Slaughterdemon

  Level 16 Demon

  HP: 160/160

  Strength: 15 Reflex: 12 Willpower: 12 Charisma: 5

  Traits: Demonic

  Relationship: Hostile

  “He’s level 16. That’s strong, but we’re stronger together!” Naomi conjured a glowing shield of light.

  It was on.

  I fired at the demon, the bolt thudding in its shoulder. Amy swung at the monster, who parried with its serrated blade. Her scream of fury echoed through the hall.

  “His heart must be its weak point, right?”

  “Yeah!” Lighting shot from Naomi’s wrists.

  The demon sidestepped the lash of energy. It waved its limbs, hurling shadowy arrows. They bounced off Naomi’s magical defense. One dart nicked me for 4. Wincing from the attack, I returned fire, missing its heart by inches.

  Amy parried a crushing blow from the serrated weapon. Her heels dug into the rock as he hammered her greatsword. Amy feinted left and sliced a gash across its forearm. As the boss reared, I aimed and pulled the trigger. The bolt pierced its red abdomen for 10.

  Screaming, the demon jumped back into a red puddle. Blood splashed like a geyser as the boss vanished underneath. Bubbles churned over the surface.

  “Where the fuck did it go?” Naomi scanned the room, her fingers fluttering with electricity.

  “Did we kill it?” I opened my menu. My experience had not changed since this morning. “Nope.”

  I approached the crimson pool, cautious. It only showed my reflection. I held my breath and prodded it with my dagger, expecting it to reveal a tunnel. Instead it scraped against rock.

  “There’s no tunnel.” I backed away quickly. “It’s probably gearing up for a surprise attack.”

  I reloaded my crossbow. I had enough MP for a few spells. We were doing well against the boss, but the fight was far from over.

  “Look out!” Naomi screamed.

  I aimed where the demon had disappeared. Nothing.

  A red blur captured my gaze. I turned toward Amy. The demon’s ghoulish head peeked from a different puddle.

  “Amy, behind you!”

  Too late. Still half submerged, the boss slashed at Amy. The blade caught her hip, the force launching the tiny berserker. She slammed into a pillar for 15.

  Blue light struck the demon. Its shark-like smile flashed, head snapping from the blow. The skin mask fell in burning chunks, revealing strings of muscle. As Naomi prepped another spell, I dashed to Amy.

  “I’m all right.” Amy stood, eyes narrowed in malevolence. “But that bastard won’t be.”

  Amy’s chest plate was crunched. She readjusted it and returned to battle. Naomi’s shocks of lightning battered the boss, keeping it busy.

  “Girls, any bloody surface could be a portal. It could attack us from any direction.”

  Duplicate

  My duplicate ran the opposite direction. I rolled over the floor and lined up a shot. My clone did the same. The boss wheeled toward fake-me, snapping its jaw. His sword rippled through the illusion. My clone shattered into shards.

  The demon snarled at the glass fragments, disappointed by its kill. Amy seized the moment. She hacked the Slaughterdemon with a brutal braver attack for 33. The monster bellowed. Amy jumped from its slashing counterattack.

  My crossbow bolts flew. They missed the demon’s heart, but his beady gaze swiveled on me. Red tears streaked over its throbbing muscle. It
heaved back its arm with a grunt. The sword launched like a spear. It whistled through the air, soaring behind me.

  I laughed. “Missed me, fuckwad.”

  There was a splash instead of a shriek of metal on rock. Amy shouted, the sound striking fear into my heart as her stricken face turned toward me.

  The blade flew from the side. A stabbing pain gouged my ribs as it raked my flesh. I screamed, leaping away. His sword had protruded from the blood painting the wall. The edge ripped my clothes before clanking against stone.

  Blinded by pain, I sank to my knees.

  “Oh my God!” Amy shrieked. “Are you okay?”

  Was I?

  8HP

  Damn it. I couldn’t afford to get hit again. “He can portal his blade through the pools. Be careful!”

  The boss grabbed its weapon. It dragged its horned feet across the floor, wailed, and threw its sword. It vanished into a pool.

  A thrill ran down my spine. “Stay away from blood!”

  “That’s impossible!” Naomi groaned. “Fuck.”

  I scanned the ground, waiting for a flash of steel—

  The sword stabbed down from the ceiling. Naomi cried. The blade shattered her shield and struck her for 13.

  “We need a new plan!” Amy shrieked as Naomi healed herself.

  “This thing is fast. It’s stronger when it’s attacking. His attacks are powerful, but it doesn’t have a shield or any other defenses. We have to keep battering it. We can’t let it throw its sword again!”

  “Agreed,” Naomi barked. “Let’s go.”

  We unleashed a volley of attacks on the demon. I shot my crossbow. Amy hammered the beast, and Naomi blasted it with ice and flame. I summoned another clone, which dove in to distract the Slaughterdemon and gave Amy a chance to fall back. The boss punched through the duplicate, which vanished in a shattering of glass. Naomi blasted a hail of lighting that shook the ground and tore into the boss.

  The monster moved with a limp, smearing blood everywhere. Its chest was peppered with bolts. Its tongue whipped through the air, lashing me with spit.