Beautiful Ugly
Page 28
When Envy arrived, she carried on with her usual routine. Afterward, she had the chance to finally sit down and be confronted by Mrs. Rawlings. She was prepared to hear her lashing out at her for what she’d done to her own flesh and blood.
Mrs. Rawlings was sitting in her rocker in the den watching the news when Envy came over. She looked up and stretched her hand toward Envy. Envy walked to her and sat down on the rug next to her.
“My child, there is nothing that God will not forgive. There is nothing that, as His children, we can ever do to make Him leave or forsake us. That’s what His Word says. I told you that there is nothing under the sun that I haven’t seen, heard, or experienced in my more than eighty-eight years of dwelling on this earth.”
“I committed murder. God says that murderers won’t go to heaven. I hear it all the time.”
“Baby, you must know what the Word of God says for yourself. The Bible also says in first Corinthians, chapter six, verses nine through twelve…”
“Wait, I’ll go get your Bible, and I’ll read it to you,” Envy offered.
“No need. I have God’s Word in my heart.” Mrs. Rawlings began to say the words she knew all too well. “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. Now listen very carefully to what I am saying, girl. The Word of God says, And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. This proves that God is a forgiving God. Ask Him to forgive you, repent of your sins, and truly allow Him to come into your life. He’ll surely do it.”
“I’ve tried to forgive myself. But I can’t. I can’t forget.”
“That’s because you were turning toward the wrong man. Lying up with man after man can never remove the stench of sin, Envy. Sin that is deeply rooted within from that horrific day, when at the age of thirteen, you gave birth to a baby.”
Envy bellowed, “But I left the baby in the bathroom. I was confused. My heart had been crushed when I learned that I was pregnant. And then the boy who said he loved me, who promised we would always be together, turned out not to love me at all. He only loved the way I looked, Mrs. Rawlings.”
“Go on and cry, baby. Let it all out. It’s the beginning of your healing,” Mrs. Rawlings told her.
“I didn’t mean to leave my baby in the bathroom. I thought it was just a bad stomach ache and that I had to use the bathroom. I had no idea I was about to give birth to a baby. My stomach was cramping so bad. When I got up, I saw it. I saw my baby. My baby was dead, Mrs. Rawlings. I remember washing myself up, and then running out of the bathroom. I was just a child and here I was lost and all alone having a child in a bathroom stall. I had no one I could confess the horrible thing I did to. No one could ever tell that I was even pregnant because I didn’t show anything but a tiny bulge. I was too terrified. But there was no one to tell; I promise there wasn’t. So I kept the secret hidden. I was going to pay back every boy or man I met, because of what my dead baby’s daddy did to me. He ran scared, and I couldn’t forget it. I grew up with girls envying me, when all I heard from men was how pretty I was. But they didn’t know that I may have been pretty on the outside, but I was ugly on the inside.” Envy sobbed.
“Listen to me.” Mrs. Rawlings’s voice was soothing and sounded so forgiving and loving. Condemning yourself is not what God wants. He wants you to turn from the ways that are not pleasing to Him. You said you’ve pleaded with God to forgive you. He has already forgiven you, my child. Holding on to what happened then and even now is not the way. Once you ask God to forgive you, He immediately forgives and forgets. You can’t keep doing this to yourself because it means you’re not trusting in God, child. Only God has the right to judge, so how can you walk around like you have the right to judge yourself? I’m not saying that what you did back then, and what you’ve done since then, is right. But it’s not for you to place judgment over your life. You were bought with a price, and you are not your own. You belong to God, Envy.”
Envy looked up at Mrs. Rawlings. She wiped the tears from her eyes and got up from the rug and walked over to the table where the articles lay. Picking them up, Envy stared at each of them. One by one, she tore the articles in tiny pieces.
“That’s right, baby. Let go of your past,” she heard Mrs. Rawlings soft, angelic voice tell her. “Let go and let God. He’ll take care of you. He loves you, baby. You’re beautiful. Because of what God did on the cross, you’re no longer ugly with the mark of sin.”
Envy felt joy, peace, calmness, and love filling up her once ugly, sinful past. She finally understood that she had been carrying around the weight of her sin when God had already taken the burden of it off of her back.
“Come, my child,” she heard Mrs. Rawlings say to her.
Envy turned around and faced Mrs. Rawlings. The woman’s countenance was a radiant glow, and Envy imagined an angel of God cleansing her life through the form of Mrs. Rawlings. She walked to the sofa and sat back down next to Mrs. Rawlings’s rocking chair. The radiant glow had disappeared, but Envy knew that she would never forget or question the power of God again. Mrs. Rawlings gathered Envy into her arms.
“Leave your hurts, your pain, all of your experiences, past, present, and future with God. You are His, Envy.”
“Yes…I am His.” Envy cried as peace that surpassed all understanding saturated her soul.
Words from the Author
Envy Wilson, Layla Hobbs and Kacie Mayweather equated beauty with the physical outer trappings of this body that is merely a shell. Through their life experiences, they discovered that their physical shell was not what needed a makeover. One by one, they began to understand from all that happened in their lives that they needed spiritual beauty makeovers to remove the ugliness of sin in their lives. A makeover that only God Himself could give.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8 (The Bible – King James Version)
May God Bless Each of My Readers.
God’s Amazing, Girl, Shelia
A Personal Invitation from the Author
If you have not made a decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, God Himself extends this invitation to you.
If you have not trusted Him and believed Him to be the giver of eternal life, you can do so right now. We do not know the second, the minute, the hour, the moment, or day that God will come to claim us. Will you be ready?
The Word of God says,
If you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are SAVED. (Romans 10:9-10 NIV)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shelia E. Lipsey is a multi award winning author, professional speaker, and literary expert. Lipsey is founder and executive director of the nonprofit, Living Your Dreams Now (www.livingyourdreamsnow.net), founder and director of Memphis African American Writers Group (MAAW), regular blogger for BCNN1 (www.blackchristiannews.com), and contributing writer for EDC Creations Black Pearl Magazine (www.blackpearlmagazine.com). She has released the following novels through publisher, Urban Books: Into Each Life, Sinsatiable, My Son's Wife, My Son’s Ex Wife: The Aftermath, and Beautiful Ugly. She remains on several bestselling lists including Black Expressions top 25 and top 100 bestselling lists, Black Christian Fiction Independent bestsellers lists multiple times for each one of her titles, as well as Black Christian Fiction National bestsellers’ list for each of her titles. Lipsey’s novel
s can be purchased as eBooks, at brick and mortar bookstores nationwide and at online stores.
Lipsey was presented the 2010 Pink Diamond Award from the National Book club SistahFriend. My Son’s Ex Wife: The Aftermath was named one of the Best Books of 2010 by Sankofa Literary Society. My Son’s Wife won the SORMAG Readers’ Choice in several categories including Author of the Year and Book of the Year. She was also awarded 2009 Top Shelf Award from EDC Creations for Beautiful Ugly. Lipsey is one of eight contributing authors featured in Bended Knees Anthology, published by Hollygrove Publishing. Her title in the anthology is Against the Grain. Lipsey’s sixth and seventh titles, My Son’s Next Wife will be released June 1, 2011, followed by her seventh title True Beauty in December 2011. Always, Now and Forever is her first ebook, but was originally published and printed in 2000.
Readers, thank you for your continued support of my literary career. Because of you, I am able to Live My Dreams Now. Be Blessed!
You may contact Shelia at
books@shelialipsey.com
http://www.twitter.com/shelialipsey
Shelia E. Lipsey Readers on Facebook
www.PerfectStoriesAboutImperfectPeople.com
More books by Shelia E. Lipsey
Always, Now and Forever – Love Hurts (print and ebook)
Into Each Life (print and ebook)
Beautiful Ugly (print and ebook)
My Son’s Wife (print and ebook)
My Son’s Ex-Wife (print and ebook)
My Son’s Next Wife (print and ebook)
(Releases June 2011)
The sequel to Beautiful Ugly
True Beauty (print and ebook)
(Releases December 2011)
Nonfiction
A Christian’s Perspective-Journey Through Grief
(print and ebook)