Give Me Wings

by Joy Redmond

  Just then, an aide pushed a wheelchair into the room and said, “I’ll help you get her in it. That body cast is kind of heavy.” The aide and Aunt Lou stood on either side of Carnikko, lifted her body, and gently placed her into the wheelchair.

  “I can’t wait to get outta here,” Carnikko said, her eyes sparkling.

  “Well, we’re on our way,” Aunt Lou said.

  It was the happiest day of Carnikko’s life. She never wanted to see gray walls again as long as she lived. She hoped Purple Angel could find Aunt Lou’s house and visited her soon. Purple Angel couldn’t have abandoned her forever. She’d come back someday. She had to!

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Carnikko sat in the wheelchair, and Aunt Lou pushed her down the long, gray hallway. Nurses, aides, and orderlies said their goodbyes, wished the child well, and told her to come back and see them. “Okay, Carnikko said, thinking that she never wanted to see another gray wall. She thought the walls would be pretty and cheerful if they were painted bright red, or purple, her favorite color.

  Carnikko’s excitement was building to a fever pitch as Aunt Lou wheeled her toward the front entrance. She wanted to yell, build to a crescendo of gleeful shouts of eardrum piercing decibels. She wanted to throw her arms into the air, bounce up and down, and hug everything in sight. The anticipation of seeing the outdoors again sent tingling waves through her body.

  Two orderlies held the double front doors open, and Aunt Lou pushed the wheelchair outside. Carnikko held her arms high over her head, opening and closing her palms as if she were trying to grasp and squeeze the fresh air. She turned her head to the left, the right, straight ahead, and craned her neck to see behind her.

  The splendor of green grass, tall trees adorned with wide spread leaves and flowers in full bloom was as magnificent as her special place. The world was beautiful beyond what she remembered.

  The sun was shining and Carnikko wanted to lie down on the grass, smell the flowers, and chase the squirrels that scampered across the lawn. The sound of birds came from all around, sounding like a choir, singing a beautiful cacophonous symphony.

  Carnikko tilted her head back, looked into Aunt Lou’s face, and was about to ask Aunt Lou if she thought it was the prettiest music she’d ever heard come from birds. However, Aunt Lou’s expression told the child that Aunt Lou didn’t hear the beautiful music. Carnikko gazed straight ahead, smiling, believing that God was using his creation of birds to make the music for her ears only. It made her feel special.

  She threw her arms into the air again and yelled, “No more gray walls and dark days to hold me captive. I’m well! I’m alive! I’m free!”

  “You got that right, sweetheart,” Aunt Lou said happily, opening the car door and then lifting Carnikko to place her gently into the passenger seat.

  Aunt Lou was a bit out of breath by the time she had hoisted the wheelchair into the trunk. She breathed a long sigh as she got into the car, then smiled as she turned the key.

  “Ready to go?” she asked, putting the car into reverse.

  “Yes, I am!” Carnikko said. “I want to get as far away from here as I can. I hope you live a long way from here—like a thousand miles.”

  Aunt Lou chuckled. “Well, I don’t live that far, but I think it will be far enough.”

  Carnikko’s heart raced as she looked behind her and saw the large building disappearing in the distance. She was going to miss Nurse Marty and a few others, but seeing her brothers and other family members brought joy to her heart that was beyond description.

  Carnikko glanced at Aunt Lou, and said, “I remember Mama sayin' you had a new baby boy—right before Christmas, I think.”

  “He was born in November,” Aunt Lou said. “He’s four months old now. His name is Ike, but we call him Ikey—and Mickey is two now. I’ve got my hands full, but you can hold Ikey while I try to get things done. He’s kind of cranky, and I know you’ll be a big help.”

  Carnikko smiled. She wanted to be a big help. She wanted to do anything but stare at gray walls. She turned her head and stared out the car window, eyed the blue-gray sky, and longed to fly beside the birds as she had once done. She had flown faster and higher than any bird in the sky, back when Purple Angel gave her wings. Where is Purple Angel? Why did she forsake me?

  Aunt Lou pulled into the driveway.

  Uncle Carl came out the front door, and Mickey was running beside him. Uncle Carl came to Carnikko’s side of the car, opened the door, and held his arms out. “Hey, big girl,” he said, lifting her from the car seat.

  Carnikko wrapped her arms around Uncle Carl’s neck and clung tightly as he waited for Aunt Lou to get the wheelchair out of the trunk. Uncle Carl smelled like Daddy. Carnikko closed her eyes and deeply inhaled the aroma of Old Spice and the cigarette smoke. The only thing missing was the smell of whiskey. Carnikko figured that Uncle Carl didn’t drink because Aunt Lou would have probably choked him with the bottle. The familiar scent made her feel as if she were in Daddy’s arms, and it felt good.

  “Hi, Mickey,” Carnikko said and waved at her cousin as Uncle Carl carried her into the house, and Aunt Lou pushed the wheelchair through the door. Once inside, Carnikko sniffed, and her mouth watered. “Is that bacon I smell?” she said, wrinkling her nose, salivating as if she were a starved dog.

  “It sure is,” Uncle Carl said. “And I’ll fry some eggs and make toast with lots of butter and jelly.” Uncle Carl lowered Carnikko into the wheelchair and pushed it through the house and into the kitchen.

  “I better fry the eggs. Uncle Carl makes a big mess,” Aunt Lou said. “Do you want them fried hard or sunny-side-up?”

  “Sunny side up,” Carnikko answered, remembering the many times Daddy had fried eggs and she had sat in his lap as they dunked biscuits into the oozing yellow yolks. She remembered the delicious taste of bacon she’d eaten for breakfast many mornings while she was in the hospital.

  The best part was toast made from light bread. A few times when she had gone for a Saturday visit to Mammaw’s before the accident, she had light bread, and she’d pulled out the center, rolled it into a ball, and ate it. Mammaw had told Carnikko that eating dough-balls would stick her guts together and she wouldn’t be able to pooh-pooh. Carnikko chuckled, remembering how Mammaw was always saying silly things, just like Daddy did.

  Carnikko held Ikey as Aunt Lou fried eggs and made toast. Ikey was almost as sweet as Evan. Almost. She patted his cheek.

  Mickey ran around the wheelchair, sticking his fingers into the spokes, squealing, delighted he had a new toy.

  Carnikko ate a hearty meal of bacon, eggs, toast dripping with butter and jelly, and she drank a glass of store-bought milk. “That was the best stuff I ever ate,” she said as she lifted the glass and drained the last drop of the delicious milk.

  Just as she set the glass on the table she heard familiar voices. Then she heard running feet. She pushed one wheel and spun the wheelchair around. Her hands went to both sides of her face and her breath caught in her throat as Don grabbed her around the neck, and Lee grabbed her around the middle, sending the wheelchair into a skid across the floor.

  Aunt Lou ran behind the wheelchair. “Whoa, Nellie,” she said, pushing the brake on the wheel.

  Carnikko hugged her brothers, at a loss for words. Then she heard another familiar voice. She jerked her body and looked toward the doorway.

  “Got a hug for me?” Uncle Clayton asked as he hurried to Carnikko’s side, his arms outstretched.

  Carnikko’s head spun. She had been holding her breath, scared to exhale, scared her brothers would disappear, and it would all be a dream. She blew a hard breath and hugged Uncle Clayton so tightly that he grunted.

  Don and Lee eyed the wheelchair as if they were beholding the strangest contraption in the world. Don hurried for the back of the wheelchair, and Aunt Lou released the brake. Lee held onto the arm of the chair as he ran beside Carnikko. Don pushed his sister into the living room and stopped by the end of the couch.
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br />   “Does that thing hurt?” Don asked, pointing to the body cast.

  “Can you move your legs in that thing?” Lee asked, carefully examining the cast.

  “Nah, I can’t move ꞌem and I can’t feel ꞌem, but Doctor Coleman told Aunt Lou that I can probably get it off in a few weeks. My legs itch, though, and I can’t scratch ꞌem,” she said, sticking her finger down the top of the cast at the waistline. “This is far as my finger will go.”

  Don rested his chin in his palm, and studied. Then he scampered off. Soon, he returned with a wire coat hanger, uncoiled the wire around the loop, pulled the wire straight, handed it to Carnikko, and said, “Here, stick this down the top and see if you can reach yer legs.”

  Uncle Carl came over to the wheelchair and said, “I’ll put you on the couch so you can stretch out, and the hanger can go down the leg part.”

  Carnikko stuck the wire hanger down the top of the cast, wiggled it a bit, and it slid down the right leg. She moved it up and down. “Ahhhhhhh!” she moaned with joy.

  Don smiled and looked at everybody in the room as if he were the only one who had sense enough to figure out how to scratch an itch.

  Carnikko moved the hanger to the left leg and continued scratching, going faster with each stroke. “Boy, this really works. Now I don’t have to squirm until the itch goes away,” she said, pulling the hanger out, with a piece of bloody gauze on the end of it.

  “What’s that?” Lee asked, his eyes wide. “Is it part of yer leg ya pulled out of that big white thing?”

  “Nah, it ain’t part of my leg,” Carnikko answered, laughing.

  Uncle Carl took the hanger and said, “I think that’s enough. You’re going to pull out all the dressings. How about I put you back in the wheelchair? Then I’ll push you out on the front porch, and you and your brothers can have some private time. It’s been a long time since you’ve been together.”

  “Yeah, that’ll be good. I wanna be outside anyway. I’ve been cooped up as long as I can stand it,” Carnikko said as Uncle Carl pushed her out the door, and Don and Lee were close behind.

  The boys sat on the porch on either side of their sister. Carnikko dropped her arms beside the wheelchair. Don and Lee tenderly held her hands.

  Carnikko felt a knot forming in her throat, but she was determined she wouldn’t cry. So she began talking fast, telling about the people who came to visit her in the hospital and all the nice gifts she’d received. She offered to share some of her coloring books and crayons with her brothers.

  A few minutes later, Carnikko looked at Don, and said, “Do you like living with Grandma and Grandpa?” She thought she saw misery in Don’s eyes, and her little voice, the angels talking, told her it had nothing to do with the loss of Mama and Evan.

  “Nah, I don’t like it at all. They work me like a dog. I hafta do all the farm chores, and when I don’t do ꞌem fast enough, Grandpa calls me lazy and he beats me with a strap and with each lash he says, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child.’ He acts like he enjoys it.” Don had a look of hatred in his eyes.

  “Grandpa hits you with a strap?” Carnikko said, her eyes widening with horror.

  “Yeah, he makes me take my shirt off and he uses the razor strap on me. I’m gonna run off. I’m eleven now and I can take care of myself,” he stated, as if he had a plan in motion.

  Lee scooted around and faced Carnikko. “Yeah, and worse than that, Aunt Nora’s husband run off, and he dumped her and them three kids on Grandma and Grandpa. All four of us boys hafta sleep in the same bed, and Mark and Larry are mean to me, always beatin' up on me,” he said, his eyes showing he was interested in running away with Don.

  “Ain’t nobody gonna strap me again. I mean it!” Don said, anger flashing in his eyes while his nostrils flared.

  Uncle Clayton opened the door, and said, “Let’s get back inside. I’ve got business to tend to, and I’ve gotta get ya boys back home.”

  As Uncle Clayton pushed the wheelchair, Don whispered to Carnikko, “He’s got a date with a pretty girlfriend and he’s gonna kiss her.”

  Carnikko tilted her head upward, looked into Uncle Clayton’s face, and giggled. “Uncle Clayton, are you gonna kiss your girlfriend?”

  Uncle Clayton playfully shoved Don’s head. “Don’t pay any attention to Don. He’s touched,” Uncle Clayton said, kissing Carnikko on the forehead. “You’re my girlfriend.”

  Don and Lee stooped and hugged Carnikko, and they began to cry, holding on to her as if they couldn’t bear to leave her. Don said, “I hope we see each other again. We waited for Mama, but she never come back for us.” His voice quivered, and he buried his face in his hands.

  Lee said, “We waited and waited for Mama.” He covered his face, sobbed, and his body shook.

  Carnikko felt tears coming but she was determined not to cry, so she quickly blurted, “Mama and Evan are in heaven, and we’ll get to see ꞌem again. When we die, we’ll all live together in heaven, and it’ll be like it was when we was all together before Daddy left.”

  Uncle Clayton bent down and kissed the top of Carnikko’s head, then said, “Okay, boys, let’s go.”

  Don and Lee headed for the front door, then turned, looked back at Carnikko and waved.

  Carnikko waved and watched them walk out the door. Then she sat as if she were in a stupor. She tightly closed her eyes and silently begged, Come to me, Purple Angel. I really need ya.

  Purple Angel didn’t come, but Carnikko kept her eyes closed and envisioned her special place. Suddenly, she felt smooth grass under her feet. She was standing! She spread her arms wide and enjoyed the happiness of returning to her special place.

  She stayed in her special place until Uncle Carl said, “Are you okay, honey? I know it hurts to watch your brothers leave. But don’t worry, they’ll come back.” He hugged the child as unbidden tears rolled down his face.

  “I’ll be okay. It’s how things have to be,” Carnikko softly said.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  As the weeks passed, Carnikko became confused about Aunt Lou’s personality change. She was edgy, sharp spoken, and sometimes downright hateful. Carnikko overheard Aunt Lou telling Uncle Carl that her nerves couldn’t stand much more. Uncle Carl told her to go back to her doctor and get some nerve pills. Carnikko wondered what nerve pills were and what Aunt Lou’s nerves couldn’t stand.

  Carnikko learned to be quiet and not ask for anything unless it was absolutely necessary. The times Ikey cried and Mickey threw temper tantrums, Aunt Lou screamed and yelled the most, and she sometimes threw things. Once she even threw a full glass of iced tea against the wall.

  One morning Aunt Lou gave Carnikko a sponge bath, dressed her, brushed her hair, then delivered the best news in the world to the child’s ears. “Today is a big day, honey. I’m going to take you to get the cast removed.”

  “Oh, boy! Let’s go,” Carnikko yelled.

  “Let’s go, indeed,” Aunt Lou said, and pushed Carnikko outside, saying “I’m sure glad I don’t have to lug this thing anymore!” She lifted Carnikko from the wheelchair and gently put her in the passenger seat. Then she hoisted the wheelchair and threw it into the trunk. She slid behind the steering wheel, smiling at Carnikko.

  “Me too,” Carnikko said. “And I can scratch when I itch without usin' a hanger.” Since Aunt Lou was smiling, Carnikko figured she was having a good day because she had gotten more sleep. Carnikko hoped the good mood lasted all day. One never knew when Aunt Lou would shift, and she could do it quickly.

  When they arrived at the hospital, Carnikko got goosebumps as Aunt Lou pushed the wheelchair through the double doors at the front entrance. She rubbed her arms as Aunt Lou pushed her down two long halls until they reached the x-ray department.

  They went into the waiting room and only had to wait a few minutes before a technician called Carnikko’s name. Aunt Lou pushed Carnikko into a smaller room, but Aunt Lou had to leave before the technician would take the x-rays.

  Carnikko was sitting o
n a long, high bench when Aunt Lou came back into the room. She was antsy, squirming, asking every few minutes when she was going to get out of the cast. Carnikko could tell by the look in Aunt Lou’s eyes that she was going to blow her top if Carnikko didn’t shut up. Carnikko bit her tongue, but she didn’t think she could wait much longer before she blew her top.

  Doctor Coleman came into the room carrying x-rays. He slipped them under a square frame with a white light behind it. “Looks like you’re good as new. I’m going to my office, but an orderly will cut the cast off,” he said, patting Carnikko on the head, which made her feel as if she were a puppy. “Bring her to my office in two weeks. If you need me before then, just call,” Doctor Coleman said, and he was almost out the door before he finished talking.

  Mean Jim came into the room, and Carnikko gave him the evil-eye.

  “Hey, little lady. I think I remember you,” he said.

  Carnikko wondered if he remembered her calling him a hare-brained heathen because he wouldn’t slow down and help her figure out which room Mama and Evan were supposed to have been in. She also wondered if he knew they weren’t in the hospital. She watched Mean Jim pick up an instrument that had a small wheel on one end. He pushed a button, and the wheel spun.

  Carnikko’s eyes widened in horror as Mean Jim set the wheel on the edge of the cast at the waistline. The tiny wheel seemed more like a buzzsaw to her. It made a loud buzzing sound and white powder flew from around it as it cut down the middle of the cast. Carnikko was terrified that Mean Jim was going to cut her in two. She held her breath as he cut down both legs.

  Finally, the cast was off. Carnikko blew her breath, thankful she didn’t see blood flying with the white powder. Then she looked at her legs. They looked as if someone had spread bloody scrambled eggs over them. She managed to ask, “Are my legs always gonna look like this?”