Escape the Doubt

by Andrea Michelle

  “Oh, yeah? My choice huh? Like a hot vampire movie? Oh, or a romantic comedy? Or a—,”

  “Point taken, Shaw. Deal or no deal?” I hold out my hand for her to shake.

  “Deal.” I shake her hand, and she softly gasps like it burned her. I raise my brow in question as I release her hand and open the door. I swear it felt like she shocked me too. “Don’t move!”

  I walk around and open her door for her. When she hops out, I make sure I stay in her space to where her body has to slide down mine, and then I kiss her nose when she inhales deeply.

  I interlace our fingers as we walk into the sushi buffet. These moments with her are my favorite, and also are my undoing.

  CHAPTER 14

  Doubt- to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe; to distrust; to fear; to be apprehensive about etc. OR as I call it...the bitch that fills my brain with demonic voices that make me crazy.

  The sushi place is small. It has a buffet of different kinds of sushi. Josh was right the ones with crab are delicious. We couldn’t stop laughing at each other trying to work the chopsticks.

  “How do I put it in my mouth?” I ask trying and failing to pick up one of the bigger California rolls with my chopsticks.

  Josh sputters his Dr. Pepper and says, “Um, you just put it in.”

  “It’s so big though. I don’t think it will fit.” I continue eyeing the roll in between the two sticks. I was unaware of where Josh’s dirty mind was when I was running my mouth.

  “Yeah, it’s big. Just put it in slowly, and then moan your pleasure from how good it taste.” His voice took on a purr that got my attention.

  I pick my head up and notice him staring at my mouth. He drags that damn bottom lip along his teeth and makes a seething sound. That was hot. And suddenly, I realize just how suggestive all I just said was. I felt embarrassed yet shy.

  However, I decided to play along with his little dirty game. I put the sushi roll in my mouth, surprisingly working the chopsticks well enough. I chew slowly with my eyes closed and moan softly in appreciation of the delicious taste on my tongue. It really was mouthwatering. When I am done, I lick my bottom lip. He curses, and I laugh.

  “Oh, my God, Josh. Does your dick always go to the dirtiest of places? Even food gets you riled up? Guys are so weird.” I scold him rolling my eyes.

  “Sorry, and not weird. I couldn’t help it. That was hot. You are hot.” He says staring into my eyes, popping his own sushi roll in his mouth, flipping roles on me as I now watch in awe.

  In my mind, I’m picturing Josh on the buffet table not sushi. Yeah, I want to taste that.

  My mouth is dry, so I sip my tea, “Whatever. I was talking about the sushi roll, you pig.” I laugh at him thinking I’m just as bad.

  “Damn lucky piece of sushi,” he winks.

  I just laugh at him. I love playful Josh. The waitress brings us our fortune cookies a little later, and Josh grins at me full of mischief as he opens his fortune and reads it.

  “What are you grinning at over there?” I am thinking I probably don’t want to hear his answer. His mind is stuck in the gutter today as well as mine.

  He laughs a throaty laugh and tilts his head adorably as he tents his hands under his chin. “Do you know what you’re supposed to say after you read your fortune, right? Ya know, to make it dirty?” As I thought. In the gutter.

  I raise a brow, “Um, no. What do you say to make your fortune dirty, Josh?”

  He laughs again, “In bed. You read your fortune and say in bed. And then your fortune will come true, in bed that is.” He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and grins at my reaction.

  I am blushing, and my mouth has dropped open. Wow! “Uh, um, yeah, I hadn’t heard that actually.” I point to his fortune, “soooo...what did yours say?”

  He picks it up and threads it through his fingers. “Hmmm, yes, mine.” He drawled giving me a heated look. “Well, it says, ‘your natural charm will attract someone special’ in bed,” he winks at me, and I about melt in my chair. He points to my unopened cookie, “Open it, let’s see if we’re on to something,” he smiles a megawatt smile at me.

  On to something? What? I crack open my fortune and scan the words with my eyes before swallowing. Knowing that if I read this out loud he is definitely going to feast on this one. “Sooo…” he encourages me with a roll of his big hand to continue.

  I raise my eyes slowly to his. He is curious. His thrumming on the table is matching that of my bouncing heartbeat. “Um, ok. Well, mine says, ‘your wildest dreams will come true soon’ my voice drops to a whisper in bed.”

  He laughs and leans forward really close to my face. “I’m sorry? I didn’t hear that. You were whispering. Say it again, please.” He smirks and cups his ear, I sigh.

  “You’re cruel and twisted, Joshua Parker.”

  “And you’re avoiding giving me your fortune, Riley Shaw. Repeat, please.” He gestures toward my fortune with a nod of his head.

  “Ugh, it says, ‘your wildest dreams will come true soon’ in bed.” I say my voice just above a whisper but louder than before. His face is full of triumph. Bastard!

  “So, Ms. Shaw...what would those wildest dreams be, per say? I do hope they include me?” he asks with a wiggle of his brows.

  And the feasting begins. I wag my finger at him “Oh no, Parker. I’m not sharing any fantasies of us with you.” I declare and then realize my mistake. Shit. I walked right into that one.

  His face melts into shock, and then a flicker of curiosity and mischief cross his eyes. “Fantasies, wildest dreams, me, you? Hmmm…Is there no chance my natural charm will attract you pretty girl? You are special to me, just a little taste…in bed.” he bites his lip again.

  I really wish he would quit doing that. I can’t help that my eyes watch his teeth sink into that lip and that something quivers in my belly, or that I want to sink my own teeth into his lip. He knows I am looking at his mouth, and he seems happy about it. His words. Damn his words.

  I mock exasperated and disinterest. I look away and start looking at my fingernails and fiddling with my hair. “Your natural charm attracts a lot of girls, Joshua. No fortune cookie needed to tell you that.” I regret saying it as soon as I do. Why did I say that? Stupid, stupid girl.

  He recoils slightly, “Whoa! Way to buzz kill it, Riley. I wasn’t talking about other girls. The only girl that comes close to special for me—is you. You’re my girl.” He sets his mouth into a straight line. My playful Josh is gone.

  Fuck!

  I stare at him for a beat before speaking, a little unsure of how to back pedal. “I’m sorry, Josh, I didn’t mean to insult you. You know you’re special to me too. Right? You’re my best friend, and I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just...well, I don’t want to be just another girl to you. You change your mind often. I guess I’m just a little…cautious.” I explain.

  He frowns, “I’m more than your best friend, Riley. Remember? And you will never be just another girl to me. You.are.mine. My girl. I will never change my mind about that. Please, believe it.” He says gripping my chin.

  I want to. God, I want to believe it. I just don’t know yet if I do.

  “So, girlfriend. I think I owe you a ride.” He rubs behind his neck nervously but holds out his hand for me to grab.

  A ride? Seriously, is he proposing we just jump right into that? And then it hits me. Whoa, Riley. Slow the hormones chick. I’m about to drive Josh’s baby, his pride and joy, his beast of a truck. “Oh, my God, Josh.” I let out a squeal of excitement and bounce in my seat. “I’m soooo ready.”

  He grabs my hand and jerks me up to stand right in front of him a little roughly. I gasp at his sudden movement as it surprises me. Damn, he smells amazing. Like body wash and a scent that is just him. It’s delectable. He towers over me, and I have to look up at him. His face is unreadable as he looks down at me.

  He leans down to whisper in my ear, and my breath catches, “That’s what she said�
��in bed,” he breathes, and I shiver. He straightens and looks down at me, his face completely composed. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything further, he just turns and tugs at the hand he is holding for me to follow. I release the breath I wasn’t even aware I was holding.

  CHAPTER 15

  Who knew sushi could be so fucking sexy?

  I was having such a good time with Riley. I hated that she stopped herself from enjoying it. I understood where she was coming from though. I guess I have given off the impression that I have been with lots of girls and that I change my mind all the time.

  I’m going to have to explain, to tell her the truth. I need to work it out, how to say it, what to admit.

  When we get in the truck, I am nervous as hell that she is going to drive. I mean she is so tiny. My heart is beating all kinds of crazy. One, because of her in general and two, she is driving my fucking truck.

  I’m distracted when I get a text from my buddy, Brandt. Letting me know he is throwing an impromptu engagement party tonight for Beau, his little brother, and he wanted me to come.

  Beau used to be one of my really good friends until he graduated and went to college. We drifted a little, but he is still a good friend of mine. We used to all hang out together, he and Emily actually had a thing for a while last year but it fizzled.

  And Brandt...well, he did my tattoo and Riley’s for that matter. That was a sight in itself. She has it on her lower hip, in order to do that she had her jeans opened and low down there. She was trembling in fear, and I pictured her trembling from my touch, my mouth.

  Anyway, Beau and Brandt are probably the coolest guys I know. Their parties are badass and typically equate to trouble, but it’s been awhile and I’m sure Riley will want to go as that is usually where she prefers to hang anyway.

  Where Collin’s parties are open for random hook ups, shooting pool and watching ESPN on the big screen in the game room with all your high school friends, Brandt’s are a whole other type of beast. Free alcohol, older crowd—college age, poker games that sometimes include loss of money or loss of clothes, and it usually ends with someone getting in a fight.

  Riley is usually hanging out with Rebel and Emily, writing shit in notebooks for Rebel’s band, all innocent and cute and oblivious to the crowd. Rebel is Beau’s twin sister and used to be the girls third wheel, although I tend to think she may be hiding a dark secret from those two.

  Rebel sings in a garage band to Riley’s writing. It’s all for fun. They don’t even have a name, but truthfully I think they wish to be a bigger thing. Riley’s words are dark and beautiful, she doesn’t think so, but she sings those words hauntingly beautiful herself. She doesn’t like to sing though. Something about her mom singing and a bunch of bullshit.

  CHAPTER 16

  Leather smells amazing. Leather mixed with Josh’s scent and the power I feel about to drive this truck… OH MY! It’s a heady concoction

  I send a quick text to Emily after Josh takes my picture in the driver’s seat.

  Me: OMG DRIVING JOSH’S TRUCK :)

  Emily: WTF? HE LET YOU? WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO FOR THAT TO HAPPEN?

  Me: LOL I ATE SUSHI

  Emily: HUH? THAT’S NOT INTERESTING. SUSHI? *YAWN! AT LEAST SAY YOU LET HIM GRAB YOUR BOOB

  Me: YOU’RE RIDICULOUS

  Emily: FIRST A KITTEN, NOW HE LETS YOU DRIVE HIS TRUCK? HMMM...

  Me: YOU HAVE NO IDEA! TELL YOU L8TR GTG

  I laugh at my stupid friend. “What’s so funny?” Josh asks.

  “Emily thinks she’s funny, that’s all.” I put my phone back in my purse.

  “How’s that?” he ask, not looking up from his phone, typing a text, as well. To who I wonder?

  “She just wanted to know what I had to do for you to let me drive your truck. Evidently, eating sushi was a boring story to her.”

  I have my cheek placed right to the vent, letting the cool air blow on my face. I feel hot all of the sudden.

  “Oh yeah? And what would have been a better story?” he ask putting his phone away and turning his eyes to mine.

  Even with my cheek in the cool air, I feel the heat warm my face from just the image of Josh’s hands on my breast, remembering how good it felt from earlier. I laugh nervously, which causes him to raise his eyebrows.

  I whisper, “Um, she said I should at least let you grab my boob.” I chance a look at him and find his mouth gaped open.

  He begins tapping his finger to his lip and puckers. I want to suck his lip into my mouth. “Hmm...Now why didn’t I think of that?” he winks and my stomach coils deliciously. My pulse begins to race.

  “Relax, Riley. I was just joking.” He adds when I say nothing further. He knows me so well.

  I watch him settle back in the passenger seat, looking sexy as hell. He is trying to act cool, but I can tell he is nervous by the way he keeps rubbing the back of his neck. It makes me smile that he trusts me to drive his precious piece of artillery.

  “So, you and Preslee?” I ask unsure if I should even go there.

  He swallows hard and his jaw twitches. He answers my question with a question, something he did often, “Me and Preslee, what?” I hated when he did that.

  “You sure she isn’t your girlfriend? She seems to think she is, and you don’t typically take girls to the movies.”

  “I take you to the movies.” he answers quickly, his eyes darting to mine.

  This boy is frustrating, “I don’t count, and you know that.”

  He reaches over and places his hand on my bare thigh right beneath my cut off jean shorts and squeezes gently. I stifle a moan and the secret tingly feelings that are becoming more apparent every time he touches me. “I know no such thing, you count to me.”

  I look down at his hand placed on my leg and then back up to his face finding him watching me carefully with a serious face.

  “Okay,”…I say slowly. “So...you’re being evasive, Joshua Parker. Why is that?”

  He removes his hand and sighs, “I’m not being evasive. I’ve already told you she’s not, and I’m not lying to you about that. She wants us to be together. I don’t. End of story. So...you and Dean? Wanna tell me about that?” he asks looking completely pissed off now and completely switching roles on me. Yep, I regret asking it. Stupid doubts.

  “Nothing to tell. We aren’t together anymore. I’m sorry again. This is all just so confusing.”

  “Tell me about it,” he speaks to the window.

  I’m doomed to ruin this before it begins aren’t I? Riley, just let it be beautiful.

  I fasten my seatbelt and begin to adjust the mirrors and the seat height before I pull off. I don’t meet his eyes again and put the truck in reverse.

  “Careful Shaw, take it nice and slow.” Josh’s voice takes on a low husky tone. I feel powerful as I began my journey in his seat. I am a short petite girl, and so being this tall in his truck feels unnaturally awesome to me.

  “Seriously, Josh. I can handle it.” I glance quickly at him, before putting my eyes back on the road. My nerves are all frazzled.

  “Can you now? I’m not so sure you’re ready.”

  What? I glance at him again. “Too late for ready, Josh. I am already in the driver’s seat?” Why do I feel like he isn’t talking about his truck?

  “Damn straight. You definitely have all the control.”

  What does he mean by that?

  I stop at a red light, my heart racing.

  “Take a right at the light, change of plans.” Josh says reading a text from his phone.

  “But the mall is the other way. Wzup?”

  “Brats are going to the movies. My dad is picking them up later,” he informs me

  “Oh. So, where are we going?” I ask taking our detour.

  “To the lake for a bit,” Josh eyes me nervously.

  “O-Kay,” I say slowly and full of nerves of my own.

  Every time we go to the lake (our spot), I get a case of nostalgia about how I made a fatal mistake in our fri
endship freshman year, and how I let the moment pass.

  4 YEARS PREVIOUS

  Josh and I enjoyed the quiet away from home. We walked hand in hand the few blocks to the lake. We were at our spot under our tree, watching some kids play on the small playground that was set to the side. The tree had a swing hanging from it, and I was sitting in the swing, my feet crossed at the ankles. Josh was lying on his back with his hands behind his head. His eyes were closed, and I watched the serenity on his face, envious because I didn’t feel serene. A few families were in the picnic area. A lot of laughter was in the air that day. I watched wistfully, wishing my family was like that.

  I was already a little sad and not in the best moods that day. I had overheard Emily and Laiken at their lockers earlier at school discussing Josh. After Josh kissed me—after Dean kissed me, our little bubble of friendship most definitely changed. Josh was catching the eyes of boy crazy girls left and right, and I wasn’t naïve enough to not know he saw them too. Dean—well, he only saw me. I told him earlier that I just wanted to be friends, but he wasn’t giving up easy.

  Laiken said that Josh asked her to the freshman dance, and she said yes. My heart ached. A pang of jealousy had been billowing inside of me the entire day. He knew that would hurt me. He had too. It was our first dance. Josh and I should be going together, but he didn’t choose to share that first with me. It confused me.

  Josh knew something was wrong, and he asked me, but I just brushed him off. How could I explain all I felt? I couldn’t risk him not feeling the same. I tried to explain it before, but he admitted he was curious about other girls.

  Evidently that day my mouth had a mind of its own.

  “I heard you’re taking Laiken to the freshman dance?” I didn’t mean for it to come out like a question or harshly but it did.

  Josh suddenly lifted up on his elbows and looked at me. “Where did you hear that?” he asked.