Atonement (Love Undercover Book 3)

by LK Shaw

  I glared at Cruz for a second longer before returning to my seat. “My name is Preston.”

  He was silent, studying me the same way I was studying him, his glance darting to my arms before returning to my face. “And what can I do for you?”

  “I was hoping we could do a little business.”

  “What kind of business are you referring to?”

  “Supply and demand.”

  Felipe gave me a small, half-smile. “I’m not sure I have the supply you’re looking for.”

  “That’s fine.” I shrugged. “I still have a few people on the streets I used to know. I’m sure they’d be happy to be introduced to my other friend, Ben Franklin. Thank you for your time.”

  I started to rise, but he waved me back down. Slowly, I sank back into my seat.

  “Maybe we can work something out. But not tonight.”

  “You tell me when and where.”

  “It’s going to be a day or two. Give Cruz your number and wait for his call.”

  I should have expected this. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a phone, but I no longer had a phone specifically for this type of situation. I was going to have to give my number to him though if I wanted this to go any further. Fuck. I’d have to figure something out later. I held out my hand for Cruz’s phone. He passed it off, and I keyed my number into it.

  “Now that we have that settled, how about a drink?”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I was actually on my way out.” Not waiting for a response, I rose again from the chair and made my way back through the pool of bodies on the dance floor. Snagging my coat from the coat check, I headed out into the cold, trying to figure out how to tell Brody what I’d just done.

  Was I getting myself in deeper than I could handle?

  Chapter 11

  I’d been seeing Dr. Rose Carpenter since just after I’d turned twenty. My pediatric shrink had referred me to her once she felt I’d aged out of her services. We’d had a rocky start, but over the last fourteen years she’d become invaluable to me.

  While I didn’t always care for her analysis of my feelings or how she pushed me to make my own analysis of them, I respected her and her opinion.

  My meds were almost gone, and I needed a refill, which was one of the reasons I was here. Plus, I really needed to talk to her.

  The low buzz from some talk show provided a white noise background in the waiting room. I flipped through an issue of Cosmo without really seeing anything on the pages. I had no interest in pictures of stick-thin models wearing outfits no regular human being would wear, even if they could afford the price tag.

  Or ridiculous articles like “Twenty ways to bring a man to his knees (and to your bed)”. I shook my head. You didn’t need twenty ways. Just flash your tits and you were golden. Why did people have to make shit complicated?

  The office door opened and out stepped Dr. Carpenter. “Afternoon, Landon. Why don’t you come on back?”

  Setting down the magazine, I trailed her to her office. She gestured to the soft leather chair while she smoothed her skirt beneath her and took her own seat.

  “How are things since the last time we spoke? You’d just had a run-in with a man from your past. Have you seen him again?”

  I nearly laughed at her description of Preston. A man from my past didn’t even begin to describe him.

  “I’ve had a few, unfortunately.”

  “And how did you feel seeing him again?”

  I shifted in my chair. There wasn’t an answer I wanted to admit to.

  “Landon?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, just to give her something.

  Dr. Carpenter merely leaned back in her chair. “You said there were a few run-ins. Were these accidental meetings?”

  “Definitely showing up where I was interviewing someone was.” I thought about it for a minute. “The subway? I don’t think so. It seemed a little too coincidental.”

  “You still didn’t answer my other question. How did you feel seeing him?” She smiled to soften the chastisement.

  Dr. Carpenter had been working with me long enough to know that I often avoided the questions I wasn’t ready to answer. This was most definitely one of them. “I truly don’t know.”

  She studied me, and I tried not to squirm under her penetrating gaze. “How have you been sleeping?”

  Not that this topic was any better, but I was glad we’d moved on from Preston. Although it wasn’t a permanent shift of topics. We’d revisit it again. “Same as always. I have good nights and bad nights.”

  “Is the medication you’re taking to help you sleep not working?”

  “I don’t always like taking it. It makes me feel like a zombie. Makes me sluggish the next day.”

  Dr. Carpenter grabbed a pad of paper and pencil off the desk behind her and started making notes. “We can try to adjust the dosage. Or find something different. If it’s altering your mental status, then we need to look at options.”

  “Maybe something different.”

  She nodded and placed the pad in her lap. “So you said you have good and bad nights. I know during the bad ones you’ve said that sometimes this man from your past features in your dreams. Is that still the case?”

  “Yes,” I conceded.

  Dr. Carpenter nodded like she’d already known my answer. “Often emotions manifest themselves in our dreams in different ways. What about this man? What emotion does he represent?”

  I heaved a frustrated sigh. “I told you, I don’t know.”

  “I think you do know,” she pressed.

  “It doesn’t matter what he represents.” My fists clenched in my lap, and my chest burned like fire.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it doesn’t. Now stop pushing me,” I snapped.

  Dr. Carpenter’s lips tightened, and she remained silent for a moment. “We’ll stop discussing this for today, because it’s obvious you’re not ready to confront how he makes you feel. I understand. But I also want you to consider why you’re not ready. What is it about him that scares you?”

  Because he makes the pain go away. Pain I deserve to feel. But I didn’t tell her either of those things. I kept them locked away inside me.

  “How’s your journaling going?”

  I relaxed into my chair at the change of topic. My muscles ached from the tension I’d been holding in them. This was a safe topic. Writing my feelings down wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but it did help me get rid of some of the shit in my head.

  “It’s fine. I’ve been writing a lot more lately, it seems like.”

  “Are you going back and rereading your entries? Seeing if you can spot any consistencies or patterns in what you’re writing and feeling and what the feelings connect to?”

  Maybe this wasn’t such a safe topic. “Yes.”

  The expression on Dr. Carpenter’s face was one of patient expectation. “And? Are you finding any?”

  All my scribblings in my journal before the last few weeks had to do with my dad. But ever since then, they’ve all been directly connected to Preston.

  “Yes.”

  I saw her disappointment that I wasn’t going to elaborate. It was pure stubbornness at this point, but my emotions were all tangled up right now, and I needed to sort them out before I was ready to talk about them. Dr. Carpenter studied me. Whatever she saw on my face had her giving up pushing me. I was grateful for it.

  “How about we call it a day? But, Landon? As much as you don’t want to acknowledge how you feel towards this man, it’s important that you do. You need to admit why these feelings scare you. Compartmentalizing them is not good for you.”

  I gave a brief nod that I understood what she was saying. Standing, she moved to the back of her desk and pulled a pad out of her drawer, scribbling across it. “Here’s a prescription for a different sleep aid, as well as a ‘script for a refill of your other medications.” She tore off the sheet and handed it to me. “I’d like to see you back here in two weeks. You
can make an appointment with Gretchen before you leave.”

  “You do know I appreciate all you’ve done for me. I’m probably not your easiest patient.” I gave her a self-deprecating smile.

  “I know it’s hard for you, but you’ve come so far. You should be proud.”

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  She nodded. “We’ll see you soon.”

  After I’d stopped by the receptionist desk and scheduled my appointment, I headed home. Sherbert greeted me with his usual chirp. After grabbing a beer from the fridge, I pulled out my journal and curled up on my sofa, tugging the throw over my legs. The cat settled in behind my knees. Absently, I scratched his head while I read back over my last week’s worth of entries.

  Every single one was about Preston. About that night. About each time I’d seen him over the last couple months. The initial, knee-jerk emotion I’d felt each of those times. But I’d also jotted down why I had to stay away from him.

  Chapter 12

  “Thomas Brothers, P.I., can I help you?”

  “Listen to you sounding all official with your ‘Thomas Brothers, P.I.’,” Ines dropped the pitch of her voice on the name to try and mimic me and then giggled on the other end of the phone. I couldn’t help smiling. She sure was getting a kick out of Brody and me being in business together.

  It was nice having a sister. Her brothers, on the other hand, especially Victor, who’d actually become a good friend, were nearly as bad as my own brother in regards to being over-protective.

  “I hope you’re calling with news from Pablo.”

  “Yes, and no.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that. “Spill it, Ines.”

  “He said the narcs unit has noticed increased drug activity at this place called Club Delight, which is owned by local millionaire, Elliott King. Mr. King owns multiple clubs, restaurants, and a few other various businesses, including a trucking and delivery company. Unfortunately, they haven’t been able to tie any activity to him. Not even remotely. He’s squeaky clean. Almost too clean, if you ask me.” She sighed in frustration. “The only thing they’ve managed to get are a couple names, Felipe and Cruz. Pablo said he doesn’t know every dealer on the street, but he can almost swear these guys are new. Like they just came onto the scene at the same time this Rapture shit did. Only problem is, they can’t confirm they’re the ones selling the stuff, and neither have been arrested during any of the deals at the club. Other than that, that’s all he has.”

  “Damn it.” I collapsed back into my chair. “I pretty much found all that out by myself already. I’m doing my own investigating from the club angle. From what I’ve discovered so far, Felipe seems to be just a low-end street dealer, and Cruz is his muscle. He’s like the sales clerk who answers to a manager, who answers to the owner.”

  I still hadn’t told Brody about my visit to the club the other night. I planned on waiting until I got the call from Cruz. Was it a pussy thing to do? Yes, but I’d rather save the fighting until the last minute. “But, low-level or not, I think he’s smart.”

  “What do you mean you’re working that angle?” Ines asked cautiously.

  I hesitated a little too long.

  “Preston?” She drew out my name.

  “You can’t tell Brody.”

  “Tell Brody what?” she nearly screeched.

  Damn me and my big mouth. I sighed. “I met with Felipe at this club two nights ago. We set up a deal, and now I’m just waiting for him to call me with the time and place.”

  “Are you in-fucking-sane?” Ines yelled, and I winced. “Your brother is going to kill you. When were you going to tell him? What happens if you get caught and arrested? Or worse, what if he suggests you sample the product? Did you think about that? Oh my god.”

  “This isn’t the cartel, Ines. You don’t ‘sample the product’. You buy it and walk away. I was going to tell Brody once it had been confirmed. I’d planned on having him close as backup. I’m not stupid.”

  “Are you sure?” she snapped. “Because setting up a drug deal sounds pretty stupid to me. Did you even think about how Brody would feel knowing that you just put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation? I can’t believe what you were thinking. Never mind, because it’s obvious you weren’t.”

  Damn, she was really pissed. “Fine, I’ll tell my brother as soon as he walks in the door. Will that make you happy?”

  She huffed. “None of this makes me happy.”

  “I know it doesn’t. But I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Brody.” I paused, hoping she’d sense how important this was. “You have to trust me.”

  Ines was quiet on the other end. Finally, she replied. “I do trust you. I just can’t help but worry. About both of you.”

  “I know you do. I love you for it, too.”

  “I don’t want anything to come between you and your brother again. He’s miserable when you guys fight. You know how he is. He wants to save everyone.”

  Wasn’t that the truth. “Yes, I know. But, Ines…sometimes we have to save ourselves.”

  The office door swung open, and Brody stepped through, holding a cup in one hand while gripping the edge of another in between his teeth.

  I spoke into the phone. “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  My brother shut the door behind him and grabbed the cup from between his teeth and set the one he’d been holding on my desk. “Hot cocoa.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Who was that?” he gestured toward the phone with his chin.

  “Huh? Oh, that was Ines.”

  Brody carefully sat down in his rickety chair. “Did she find anything out from Pablo then?”

  Damn it. I rubbed my hand over my face and braced myself for my brother’s rage. “Nothing I didn’t already find out on my own. Which,”—I paused a minute, stalling for time—“we should probably talk about.”

  He slowly lowered his coffee cup. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

  I snorted. “Yeah, that’s probably an understatement.”

  Brody’s eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, Preston?”

  “I have a possible lead on Rapture. Sometime soon, I’m going to get a phone call from a guy named Cruz. He works for our suspected dealer, Felipe. We’re setting up a day and time for an exchange to be made. Once it’s made, and we get confirmation that he’s our guy, we can start tailing them both. Find out where they live. Figure out where they go. Who they’re talking to. See if we can get a lead on his supplier. Isn’t that what PIs do?”

  There it was, my entire plan all laid out. It seemed simple in my head, but now that I’d said it out loud it, it sounded a lot more complicated. There were so many parts of the equation that needed to align perfectly. So many things that could go wrong. One wrong move and everything would be fucked. Shit, Ines was right. So stupid of me.

  My brother continued staring at me, and I resisted the urge to fidget. Instead, I straightened and stared right back, almost daring him to challenge me.

  “Okay, so let’s say this Felipe isn’t the one dealing Rapture. Then what? Or what if the deal goes south? Let’s say it all works perfectly, and we get a tail, but it doesn’t lead us to the supplier? What do we do next?”

  His calm questions freaked me out. I’d expected this massive explosion of fury. I tried to think quickly.

  “If he’s not the dealer we’re looking for, then we keep looking. If I think I’m in trouble, then I call for backup.” I couldn’t help smiling a little, but let it drift off my face. “I’m not in this alone. I know you’ve got my back. Besides, there’s no reason for anything to go south. It’s not like I don’t know how to conduct a drug deal.”

  “True.” Brody smirked and nodded. “Keep going. What about the rest? What if we start surveillance on them, but we don’t find his supplier?”

  I ignored his dig. “Then I guess we’re back to square one.”

  Brody leaned forward onto his desk. “No, we’re not back to square one. Because if t
hey make us, then your little drug dealer knows it had all been a set up. Which means he’s going to be extra cautious about who he deals with. It’ll be that much harder to find who we’re looking for.”

  “I’m willing to take that risk. I think we can make this work. We already know he frequents Club Delight. The place is owned by Elliott King. It’s also worth taking a look at him. Ines said he’s clean, but I don’t think there’s a chance in hell that that much narcotic movement is happening at his place of business and he doesn’t know about it. If it were my club, I’d most definitely be interested in what was happening inside.”

  My brother still hadn’t yelled and raged at me for this whole Felipe thing. It was freaking me the fuck out.

  “You might be onto something. We definitely need to make sure that you have some type of backup during the exchange, but I think your plan could actually work.”

  Had I fallen asleep at my desk and was dreaming this whole time? Because this was not the brother I expected to get.

  “Wait, I’m confused.”

  “About what?”

  I gestured with my hands. “All of this. I went to a bar by myself, met a random drug dealer, and set up an exchange without telling you. You seem, oh, I don’t know...okay with it? I mean, even Ines yelled at me.”

  Brody laughed. “Do you want me to yell at you?”

  I stared at him wide-eyed and shook my head. “Uh, no.”

  “Look. I told you I trusted you. It may not have been the smartest thing you’ve ever done, but it doesn’t matter. You may actually be the only one who can get us close to this. You’ve been on the streets. Have firsthand knowledge how deals like this take place. I don’t mean this the way it’s going to come out, but you’re one of them.”

  I sat back in disbelief. All this time, a part of me had been worried that Brody wasn’t going to trust me. I’d been preparing myself for it, in fact. But this. I’d never expected this.