Atonement (Love Undercover Book 3)

by LK Shaw

  "Fine."

  "Manuel is usually in charge of our AV needs, but he had to work tonight. So, you're stuck with me." Victor smiled good-naturedly. "The good news is, we got the hook up. Here, put these on."

  He held out a pair of glasses. I turned them this way and that, but they looked like a normal pair of glasses. I slipped them on, and Pablo pulled out a small, black device that looked similar to a gaming remote control. He flipped a switch and static filled the office and a grainy picture displayed on the screen. It was Victor, who flipped me off.

  "Holy shit, are these for real?" My voice echoed back at me from the device in Pablo's hand.

  "Here, these are for everyone." In Victor's hand were tiny earbuds. "We'll be able to hear what's going on during the exchange while that device over there will record it."

  I looked at Brody. "We need to get a pair of these."

  He shook his head and stared around the room. "The last time this happened, they met in the darkened corner by the fountain. Our visibility is severely limited. Which means, regardless of your fancy glasses, we're going to have to be a lot closer. Let’s go over the plan one more time."

  Once again, Brody and I were sitting in his car. "You ready? As hard as it might be, you need to keep it together. Think about what this will mean for Owen. We want justice for him. For all the other people who have been killed by this shit. Being pissed is good. But make sure that you use your anger in a productive way."

  Words clogged my throat, so I only nodded. I can do this. I will do this.

  "Everyone's in place. As soon as you have the product, step out of the way. It should be smooth and easy."

  I was twitchy with nervous energy and just wanted this to be over. I tugged the door handle, but Brody stayed me with his hand on my arm. I glanced over at him. "Be careful."

  "I will."

  Shutting the door behind me, I loped across the street and made my way to the familiar spot by the fountain. Felipe and Cruz were both there. As well as two other men I didn't recognize. Why were they here? I slowed the closer I got, coming to a stop in front of them.

  "You're late."

  "Traffic." I chin jerked in the direction of the two new guys. They were on full alert and scanning the area. One shifted, and it looked like he had a gun strapped to his side. The crew could see and hear what I was seeing, but just in case, it was probably a good idea to give them a heads up. None of us expected two more players in this game. "Who are they? Your bodyguards?"

  Felipe glanced over his shoulder and then returned his gaze to me. A smirk tilted up one side of his lips. "They're my insurance policy."

  "Your insurance policy? Against what? I'm here to make a simple exchange, and then I'll be on my way. I don't get why you insist on making deals outside. It's fucking freezing out here."

  "You're a special case."

  My nerves were stretched about as thin as they could get. There was a tone to his words that had me on edge. Like he was toying with me.

  "Whatever, man. Do you have my shit or not? I'm ready to go."

  Cruz and the other two men spread out, effectively caging me in.

  "Yes, about that. We seem to have a problem."

  "What problem is that? I have money. You have the drugs. Not seeing a problem here."

  "Well, you see, Cruz here did a little bit of digging. Would you like to know what he discovered?"

  I tried to continue playing it cool, but fuck if I didn't hope that the cavalry was closing in. Because something told me some bad shit was about to go down.

  "I'm sure you're going to tell me." My gaze homed in on Felipe. I couldn't worry about the other three. I had to trust the gang to have my back.

  "Seems you have a brother."

  Fuck. I shrugged. "Yeah. I'm still not seeing the problem here."

  His laughter sent a shiver of dread along the back of my neck.

  "Brody Thomas used to be a D.E.A. agent. Now the two of you work together at your own private investigation firm."

  I waved my palms toward him. "I think you have me confused with someone else."

  In a flash, Felipe withdrew a gun from behind his back. I didn't think, I just moved. But it was too late. The sound of gunfire filled the air.

  “Son of a bitch.” I slapped my hand over my stinging side, and I could feel the warm wetness against it. There was no time to look and see how bad it was, because I scrambled behind the fountain. Dirt and concrete exploded around me, pieces of shrapnel pinging off my skin as I lay on my side with my hands covering my head.

  “Preston!” Landon screamed.

  “I’m fine,” I hollered back.

  The smell of blood and gunpowder soon permeated the air, and I was practically gagging on it. I couldn’t see shit from where I was tucked behind the fountain, but the sound of bullets being exchanged slowly died down until a lone single shot echoed and then faded.

  “Everyone check in.” I recognized Brody’s voice.

  “Here.”

  “We’re all good.”

  “I’m okay.”

  Slowly, I rolled sideways, and used the edge of the concrete bank to pull myself up. I looked around to find Cruz and the two bodyguards lying on the ground. Victor and the two D.E.A. agents were standing over top of them, but no one was moving. Pablo had Felipe face down, cuffing him and reading him his Miranda rights.

  My eyes fell to Landon. She was staring back at me, her face white and tears in her eyes. Before I could blink, she ran to me and threw her arms around my neck. I winced in pain, but wrapped my free hand around her, pulling her close and nuzzling my nose in the crook of her neck, breathing in her lavender and vanilla scent.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered in her ear.

  “I thought I was going to lose you.” Her words were muffled against my chest.

  “Just a flesh wound.” I was starting to feel the blood loss, though.

  “Fuck, Preston.” Brody skidded to a stop in front of us.

  I glanced up at him. “I’m all right, I think.”

  “Let me take a look.”

  Landon reluctantly pulled back from me, and I tugged up my shirt with a hiss of pain. My brother examined the wound.

  “It doesn’t look too bad, but you might need stitches. We need to have a doctor check you out.”

  Normally, I’d protest, but based on Landon’s expression, that wasn’t going to be an option. Terror was written on her face. I didn’t want to be the continued cause of that.

  “Fine. Everyone else is okay, I take it?”

  “Yeah, we’re good.” Victor called out. “We called this in. Although I’m sure the cops are already on their way. We’ll wait for them. You guys go ahead to the hospital.”

  I nodded my thanks.

  Landon spoke up. “I’ll take him. Brody, why don’t you go home. I’m sure Ines is worried.”

  My brother hesitated. I could tell from his expression he wanted to argue. He nodded. “Call me once you’re all patched up.”

  “I will.”

  Chapter 25

  Preston refused the emergency department, saying it would take far too long to see someone for a couple of stitches. Against my better judgement, I took him to the house of someone he knew. I didn’t ask, because I didn’t want to know. There were only so many things I could fight, and the panic attack growing inside my chest was priority. So much blood.

  His friend took him into a back room of his house, which was set up as a small type of doctor’s office. He had sterile supplies and bandages. Within thirty minutes we were in and out. Preston didn’t get any type of pain medicine but given his history it made sense. He said he’d make do with something over the counter.

  Once we were out of there, I insisted we go to my house. I needed to watch over him. My chest was so tight. I was struggling to breathe. Going through my mental exercises wasn’t helping. I was on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack, and I needed reassurance that Preston was going to be okay. Tonight was something out of my worst nig
htmare. All I could see was the blood.

  We made it my house, and I quickly ushered him inside. He walked over to the couch, avoiding a collision with Sherbert, who made his irritation known at being disturbed.

  “Oh, Nurse Landon. If I’m extra good, do you think maybe you can give me a sponge bath later?” Preston asked from his reclined position.

  I lowered myself to my knees, trying to calm my racing heart, and examined his wound. It was covered with a white bandage, and I didn’t see any blood seeping through.

  “I don’t know. What you did tonight was pretty dangerous. I’m not sure if you deserve one.” I smiled, but I could feel the strain behind it. Preston must have seen something on my face, because his finger brushed across my cheek.

  “Hey, look at me,” he coaxed.

  My gaze met his. Could he see the fear and panic in my eyes? “You could have died tonight.”

  “But I didn’t. Because you guys were there.”

  My fingers gently traced the white gauze on his side. “There was so much blood.” I could feel my face draining of color. There was a buzzing in my ear, and if I wasn’t already almost seated, I’d probably need to sit down before I fell down.

  Preston’s expression was one of worry as he palmed my cheek. “Hey, talk to me. This is nothing more than a little flesh wound. I mean, it barely hurts.”

  I tried to smile at his attempt to lighten things up, but it was useless. He sat up and pulled me up onto the couch with him.

  “Landon?”

  My gaze grew unfocused as I stared straight ahead, lost in my memories. “When I saw all the blood, all I could think about was my father.”

  Preston jerked but remained quiet at my side.

  “I told you my parents were divorced. It happened right before I turned twelve. The whole thing was ugly and bitter. The divorce as well as the custody battle. Dad was bipolar and kept going off his meds. Mom couldn’t take it anymore, so she left. After she got full custody of me, dad got back on his meds and became a productive citizen again.” I laughed without humor. “The summer before my freshman year, just after I’d turned thirteen, I went to stay with him. Of course, he went off his meds again. Got depressed. I should have seen it. I mean, I’d lived with it my whole life. But I was a teenager. I didn’t want to spend time at his house. I missed my friends. My mom. I just wanted to go home.”

  “That’s understandable. Being shuttled around had to be miserable. And it’s only reasonable that you’d want to spend time with your friends.”

  “I was such a bitch to him. Yelling all the time. Whining. Crying. I certainly didn’t make things easy.”

  “I’m not an expert on teenage girls, but you don’t sound any different than the ones I’ve ever encountered,” he said with a small chuckle.

  I sent him a small smile, but it was excruciating. I just felt so lost.

  “One day, he asked me to run to the store. Grab him a pack of cigarettes. Of course, this was long before they stopped letting kids buy them. I went, but I wasn’t happy about it. The entire way there and back, I thought about all the things I was going to piss and moan about after I got back.”

  My lower lip trembled until I caught it between my teeth.

  “Have you ever walked into a place and knew that something terrible had happened in there? That little shiver that dances across the back of your neck. Or makes the hair on your arms stand on end. That’s what I felt, the minute I stepped through our front door. I stood on the landing at the bottom of the stairs, and I knew.”

  I inhaled a shaky breath. “I knew, but still, I took one stair at a time until I reached the top. My feet kept moving, but my brain screamed for me to turn around. Don’t go any further. I was never very good at listening. The door to my dad’s room was partially shut. I can still hear the hinges squeak in my nightmares. God, there was so much blood.”

  “Landon, you don’t have to say anymore.”

  I shook my head. “No, I need to tell you all of it.”

  I needed to keep all my emotions from exploding out of me. He’d shared his past with me. It was only fair that I did the same. I only hoped he wouldn’t judge me.

  “Okay,” his voice trembled.

  “The gun was still in his hand. I went to call 9-1-1 when I heard him say something. Or at least try to. It was so garbled, but it sounded like he said my name. I fell to my knees next to him. Slowly, like it pained him greatly, he reached for my hand. He then placed it on top of his other hand, the one that still held the gun.” She sniffed back the tears that threatened to spill over. “There was so much pain in his eyes, but there was also something else. Peace. He wanted it so bad. I wanted it for him. He tried to raise the gun, but he was too weak. So, I helped him. Together our arms moved and, with a final I love you…I helped him squeeze the trigger.”

  A thick and heavy silence descended over us. It was so quiet I could almost hear the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall. Why wasn’t Preston saying anything? There was this unbearable weight of pressure on my chest making it hard to pull in a breath. Finally, he broke the silence. “That’s why you were drinking that night. That’s the sin you need to forgive yourself for.”

  Neither of those were questions, but I answered anyway.

  “Yes.” With that single word it was as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Preston finally learned my secret. Why I didn’t deserve him, even though I so desperately wanted him. Would he look at me differently, now that he knew? Cold, clammy terror snaked its way inside my belly. I was afraid to meet his eyes. Afraid of what I’d see.

  A warm hand palmed my jaw and with a gentle pull, my head swiveled in his direction. My eyes locked onto the small patch of ink peeking out above the neckline of his shirt.

  “Landon, look at me. Please,” Preston begged.

  My eyes drifted upward until my gaze met his. A spark of some emotion I was afraid to name shone from his eyes.

  “You are so fucking brave. I’ve never met anyone as strong as you. You had the courage to help your father when he needed it the most. You amaze me. I didn’t know your father, but I can only imagine that he is now at peace. Probably something he’d never experienced while on this earth.” He brushed my tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. “That is the greatest gift you could have ever given him.”

  It was as though his words unlocked the anger, the pain, and the guilt inside me. All of those emotions culminated into a giant ball that needed to be set free. I doubled over, clutching my head. A scream exploded out of me. My scream turned into pitiful sobs, and I collapsed against Preston’s chest, burying my face against him. Everything hurt, and I expelled all the emotions I’d been bottling up inside me for the last twenty-one years.

  I’d been so angry at my father for what he’d made me do. Hated him. But I couldn’t do that any longer. I’d told Brody at one time that a person can do unpardonable things out of love. I’d never believed it until now. I had done it out of love. My father had suffered more than anyone I’d known, and when he couldn’t end his suffering on his own, he’d asked me to help. Because he knew how strong I was.

  And maybe that was an unpardonable sin. But it was a sin I could live with, because, in the end, it gave my father the peace he’d so desperately craved.

  My sobs slowed. Preston’s arms were wrapped so tightly around me and his whispered words finally penetrated my ears as he gently rocked me, comforting me.

  “Shh, it’s okay.”

  A hiccuped escaped, and I wiped my face with my hand. He tilted his head down and our eyes met. I scanned his face trying to read his expression. My heart jerked in my chest, and hope soared through me at what I saw. This man had pushed his way into my life. He hadn’t given up on that single connection we’d had two years ago, no matter how much I tried to deny it. I couldn’t deny it any longer though. Preston had worked his way into my life. Into my heart. Into the very depths of my soul.

  Coming to a decision, I sat myself up, careful to avoid his w
ound.

  “You have been this stubborn, caring man who has never given up on me, even when I gave you every reason to. Thank you for not judging me. For accepting all these ugly, insecure, and messy parts of me.” I took a deep breath before letting it out. “You don’t have to say anything, but I wanted you to know that I love you. I pushed you away all this time because I didn’t think I deserved you. Didn’t deserve to be happy. But I don’t think that any longer. Not anymore.”

  Preston’s beautiful hazel eyes lit up, and his lips twitched before shifting up into the smile I’d grown to love.

  “You punished yourself for far too long. There is no one more deserving of love than you. I only hope I can give you all the love that you deserve. Because I do. Love you that is. Something about you spoke to me that night at the hotel. I think I’ve loved you almost from the first. Your strength and courage were present even then.”

  Tears of joy threatened to spill, but I blinked them back. I’d cried enough tonight. Preston leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. He brushed them back and forth simply feeling the way our mouths moved together. He pulled back and tucked my hair behind my ear.

  “Can I ask you another question about that night?” He whispered softly. “I’ve been wondering about it.”

  “Yes.”

  “What was with the fake name? Why Sara?”

  I nervously played with the hem of my shirt. He'd learned my biggest secret. Might as well share the rest.

  "I'm not sure why that name spilled out of me." I shook my head. "Actually, that's not true. I wanted to be her again. To become the person I was before my father's death. Sara isn't a fake name. It's real. And it's mine. Sara Landon Roberts."

  Preston drew back and then reached for my hand. "What made you start going by Landon?"

  "My father's death. Sara died that day too. I was no longer the same person I was before I pulled that trigger. In an instant, I changed. I grew up. Matured." I paused. "Sara had been selfish. Only thought of herself. And for one night, I wanted to be selfish again."