I closed my eyes and mentally counted to ten in an attempt to clear my head. When I opened them again, I saw Dan waiting expectantly for my answer. And the Dan I saw was the Dan of today, and not the one of yesterday, so I felt some sense of accomplishment.
“Dan, I want to apologize for my comments. They were totally uncalled for. Lexi is a wonderful little girl, and I’m sure you’re the one to compliment for that.” The tension slowly drained from his body, and his blazing eyes darkened. I took those as good signs and continued, “I promise to behave from now on.” I smiled and held my right hand up as though taking an oath.
Good. This is good. I am going to make it through this.
Since he seemed to be relatively calm, I moved next to him, picked up the ice cup, and began running it over his knee. That done, I moved his leg in a series of movements in order to judge his range of motion.
“Scale of one to ten,” I said in my most professional voice, “how bad is the pain when you unbend it this far?” I moved his leg so that it was a forty-five degree angle to the floor.
“Ten,” he gritted out through clenched teeth.
“How about this?” I held his leg out straight and rotated it slightly.
He seemed to think for a moment. “Seven or eight.”
He was a good sport while I finished my evaluation, but his pale complexion and sweaty brow told me he was in pain.
I picked up the brace and put it back on his leg. “I think that’s enough for today. I’ll work on a routine tonight, and we can get started tomorrow.”
I took his silence for consent and started to gather my things. “Do you need help going upstairs?” When he didn’t answer, I turned to face him.
“You never answered my question.”
“Your question?” I knew damn well what question he was talking about, and I could tell that he knew that I knew, but I decided to play dumb anyway.
He spoke with exaggerated patience. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
Oh, hell.
How am I supposed to answer that? My feelings on the subject are so jumbled I’m not even sure what the answer is. We were practically kids when the actual events took place, but I’d be lying if I said his actions haven’t affected every relationship I’ve had since then.
In the two years we were together, I never once suspected he’d cheated on me. It just didn’t seem like something he would do. He was so loving and attentive and we spent practically every waking moment together. I still can’t imagine how he had time to cheat. But he did, multiple times, with multiple women. Once I confronted him about one person, the ball started rolling and before I knew it, I had more information than I cared to.
The thing that pissed me off then, and still does now, is that he was totally unrepentant. He just chalked it up to the whole “boys will be boys” thing. I quickly stopped my train of thought so I didn’t lose my temper again and start making snotty comments.
“Bri?” He sounded unsure as he said my name, snapping me out of my wayward thoughts.
I cleared my throat to speak, although I had no clue as to what I was going to say. “Dan, all that happened so long ago. I’d be a real bitch if I was still hanging onto it.”
He searched my eyes for a moment before nodding. I thought that was the end of the subject, but he apparently wasn’t ready to let it go. “But you still hate me for it.” It wasn’t a question, but a bold statement and before I could comment on it, he continued. “I can’t even begin to imagine how the whole thing affected you. I was so stupid back then. We had a great thing and I…” He shook his head as if trying to get the idea of exactly what he’d done out of his mind. “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am about everything.”
“Dan, like I said, that was a long time ago.”
“I just don’t want you to hate me anymore.”
Trying to lighten the mood, I said, “Afraid I’ll make you work your butt off tomorrow?”
“I can handle it.”
“Think so?”
He nodded. “The only thing I can’t handle is that wary look in your eyes.”
“I…”
“Don’t even try to deny it, because I see it every time you look at me.”
How can I deny it? I feel it every time I look at him.
“Okay. While you work on your leg, I’ll work on my look. Deal?”
“Deal.”
He held out his hand to shake, and I had no choice but to do so. His hand felt warm, and his grasp firm and I couldn’t ignore the fact that my entire body broke out in goosebumps when it made contact with mine.
Chapter Five
“So this is where you hide out.”
His voice came from directly in front of me and I opened my eyes to look at him. I had been so focused on my stomach crunches I didn’t hear him approach.
“I’m not hiding,” I panted out not stopping the exercise. “I’m exercising.”
“Hmmm. I can see that.”
His voice held a hint of a smile, but I refused to take the bait and ask him what he found so amusing. I also refused to think about the fact that I am only wearing gym shorts and a sports bra, my usual workout attire. I forced myself to do one last crunch and sat up on the bench.
Grabbing my towel off the floor next to me, I wiped my brow and looked at Dan. “Did you need something?”
He seemed distracted as his eyes toured my body. Hell, I’d be distracted too if I had to look at me. My haphazard ponytail, sweat-slicked skin, not to mention seen-better-days workout gear can’t be pretty to look at.
“I’m taking Lexi to practice then we’re going out for ice cream. We thought you might like to come along.”
“Oh, I don’t…”
“Look Bri, it’s Lexi’s request. I know you’d rather avoid me as much as possible, but she wanted me to ask you.”
“I’m not avoiding you.” His eyebrow arched. “Dan, I see you everyday, several times a day. How do you figure I’m avoiding you?”
“You only see me when you have to. It’s been nearly two weeks and other than our workouts, I haven’t seen you at all. That’s a pretty mean feat considering we live under the same roof.”
“I’m just busy.”
“Uh huh.”
I nearly lost it right then and there. Why does this man have the ability to get me so riled up? Fine, let him think I’m avoiding him. What do I care? I was about to tell him as much when Lexi came bounding into the gym, her green eyes shining.
“Can she come?” She directed the question to Dan.
He pulled her close for a quick hug then left his arm draped across her shoulders instead of letting her go. “I don’t know, honey. She didn’t answer me yet.”
Lexi shifted her gaze to me. How could I say no to that face?
“I’d love to.” I looked down at myself and winced. Do I have time to take a quick shower? I’m pretty rank.”
Dan looked at his watch. “Can you be ready in twenty minutes?” He looked skeptical.
“No problem.”
****
I called myself every kind of fool as I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and pulled my hair into a French braid. I do not want to socialize with Dan. He’s too good-looking, too charming. Like a moth to a flame, I feel myself being pulled toward him even though I know I’ll inevitably get burned. It’s best if I just steer clear of him whenever possible.
I slipped on my Birkenstocks, grabbed my jacket, and set out to find Dan and Lexi. This outing is about Lexi, not Dan. I’ll just have to focus all my attention on her.
Dan stepped into the foyer as I reached the bottom landing. His eyes lit on mine for a second before slowly making their way down, then back up my body. By the time his eyes met mine again, my body was covered with goosebumps, and the room is not the least bit chilly. If anything, the temperature has risen significantly
in the past minute or so.
Dan looked at his watch, then back at me. I couldn’t help but notice
the hint of appreciation in his eyes. “You did that in twenty minutes.”
It was more a statement than a question, and obviously a compliment. I felt myself blush. “Do you want me to drive?” I asked, hoping to distract myself from his perusal.
“No, I can manage.” He yelled for Lexi as we walked toward the front door. She ran past us and out the door seconds later. “Do you have your glove?” Dan yelled.
I watched Lexi skid to a halt, turn around, and trace her steps back into the house. She ran in the door, past Dan and I, and bounded up the stairs.
“Does she ever slow down?” I asked as we walked to the car.
“No.” Dan chuckled. “She even tosses and turns in her sleep.” He chuckled again. The loving look in his eyes nearly melted my heart. “She sneaks into bed with me every once in a while and beats me to a pulp.”
I was running his last sentence through my brain when Lexi burst out of the house, glove in hand, and jumped into the back seat of the Land Rover. Dan refused my help and struggled into his seat. He adjusted his leg and settled in before putting the key in the ignition and turning it. He shifted the car into gear and looked back at Lexi. “All buckled up?”
“Yep.”
He lifted his foot off the brake and steered us down the driveway. “I’m just thankful that, if this had to happen at all, it happened to my left leg and not the right. I’d go crazy if I had to depend on other people to chauffer me around.”
“How does it feel?”
“Sore, but not unbearable.”
“Good. That’s how it’s supposed to feel.”
I have to admit that I’ve been pretty impressed with Dan’s sessions this past week. He’s been dedicated and hard working, and I haven’t heard him complain once. In fact, I usually have to stop him from pushing too hard.
“I can’t wait ‘til I don’t have to wear this damn brace anymore.”
“Daddy!” Lexi admonished from the back seat.
“Sorry honey.” Dan’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “I meant to say ‘this darn brace’.”
“I’m sure you did,” Lexi answered, sounding like a little old lady.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Dan McMullen apologizing for saying damn. That’s too funny.
“Lexi’s my language patrol,” he explained.
I looked back at her and smiled. “You must have your work cut out for you.”
“It’s not so bad anymore.”
“I try to behave,” Dan said.
“We usually have a problem after a long road trip…especially if I’m not with him…but other than that, he’s pretty good.”
I had to remind myself that these words of wisdom are coming from an eight year-old.
Dan glanced over at me. “I don’t say anything really bad anymore.”
“Well then, Lexi is obviously doing a fine job.”
****
I shouldn’t have come. This outing was a big mistake. Instead of focusing my attention on Lexi like I’m supposed to be doing, more often that not, I find myself watching Dan. His patience with the girls is amazing, and they obviously adore him. Then again, they are female.
“Hey Bri.”
Dan’s booming voice broke into my thoughts. I looked up and he waved his arm in a “come here” gesture. How can he look so sexy and virile with a brace on his leg, a crutch supporting his weight, and ten eight-year-old girls surrounding him?
The short walk from my place on the bleachers to the field seemed to take forever. I heard the women on the other set of bleachers whispering as I walked away from them. They’re probably another set of Dan’s admirers.
“You beckoned?” I asked, perhaps a bit too harshly, considering the thoughts running through my head.
He looked at me for a moment before answering. “Would you be willing to pitch some batting practice for the girls here?”
“Batting practice?”
He nodded and scratched his jaw with his thumb. “Our usual practice pitcher is out of town and George here isn’t so good at it.” Dan gestured toward the man in question then took the opportunity to introduce us. “I obviously can’t do it,” he added, his eyes gazing at me with an exaggerated plea. “So whaddya say? Think you can still do it?”
“Got an extra glove?”
Dan handed me his and smiled. “Okay girls, take your positions. Megan,” he pointed at an adorable red-headed girl, “you’re up.” He leaned toward me and whispered, “Go easy on them, Bri, they’re just kids.”
His warm breath caressed my cheek. My knees went weak and for a minute I thought about leaning into him for support. Before I could do anything so crazy though, the buzzing started up in the bleachers once again, restoring my sanity.
I took a step back and looked him in the eye. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.” My tone was harsh. Dan looked confused, then angry. I walked away before he could comment. Sometimes my poker face is better at relaying my feelings than any words could be.
****
“You ate the whole thing?” Lexi asked, her eyes wide.
“Yep,” I answered then spooned the last bit of hot fudge into my mouth.
“Wow.”
“You ate your whole sundae too.”
“Yeah, but yours was huge.” She held her arms out to demonstrate her last word. “Plus it had brownies in it.” She looked at me as though seeing me for the first time. “How do you stay so skinny?”
I almost snorted the word back at her. Skinny? Me? I don’t think so. The best compliment I can hope for is that I’m athletically fit. But skinny? Not in this lifetime.
As a child, I was what my mother referred to as “pleasantly plump”. Thankfully, my “baby fat” melted away by my junior year in high school. However, getting rid of all my fat wouldn’t do anything to shrink my large frame.
“Big boned” is another term my mom used to describe my physique. So while muscle may have replaced fat, my large frame still makes me look more like a linebacker than a ballerina.
“I exercise,” I said when I realized Lexi was actually waiting for an answer.
“Oh.” She pondered that for a second before shifting her attention to Dan. “Daddy, can I have some money to play video games?” She smiled sweetly and held out her hand. “Please?”
Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a five-dollar bill. He started to hand it to her, but pulled it back at the last second. “Okay, but stay where I can see you.”
“I will,” she said as she grabbed the money.
With my buffer gone, I feel a little bit nervous. Dan and I have had a lot of sparks flying between us all day—some good, some bad, but sparks just the same—and I don’t want to face them, or God forbid talk about them.
“Thanks for practice today.”
“No problem.”
“You did great. Do you still play?”
I shrugged. “Once in a while, but nothing organized.”
“Why don’t you join one of those bar leagues?”
“I joined one once and everyone got so drunk before the games, it’s a wonder they didn’t kill themselves on the field. Besides, most of those leagues are slow pitch, and I never did take a shine to that.” I paused then added, “I joined a fast pitch, co-ed league once, but surprise, surprise, I sat on the bench with all the other women. I don’t know what the purpose of a co-ed team is if only the men play.”
“That’s too bad. You should be playing. You’re very good and I know how much you enjoy it.”
“I had a good time today. Maybe I’ll start coaching when I get home.” I took a drink of water. “How do you manage to coach with your schedule?”
“Normally I’m just an assistant and I make games and practices whenever I can. But when this happened, I knew I’d have some time on my hands so I gave Mark—he’s they guy who usually pitches—a break.”
“You seem to enjoy it.”
“I really do.” His face showed the surprise he’d felt about that fact. “The kids are great. They’re so honest
and trusting, not to mention eager to learn.” He scanned the ice cream shop until his gaze fell on Lexi. She was amusing herself with some sort of auto racing game. Dan smiled as he watched her skinny arms shift and steer. A lump formed in my throat at his expression.
“So, where is Lexi’s mom?”
He looked as shocked as I felt by the question. I will admit it’s been at the back of my brain, dying to be asked, but never in a million years did I think I would blurt it out like that. I suppose subconsciously I want to hear so I can harden my heart a little. Hearing some tales of Dan’s conquests always does a good job of that.
“I’m not sure where she is right now,” he answered so quietly, I had to strain to hear him over the background noise. His eyes met mine and I definitely regretted asking the question. While the subject obviously troubled him, he looked happy that I’d asked.
His words came back to me. Or don’t you care?
“Does Lexi know her?”
He shook his head and leaned back in his seat, looking weary. “If she had her way, Lexi wouldn’t exist,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Did Dan actually plan to have a child?
A crooked smile flashed on his face. “I love the way your every thought shows on your face.”
I stiffened. “Yeah, well I don’t.” The last thing I need is Dan McMullen being able to read my mind. Unfortunately, he is one of the few people who can look at me and know exactly what I’m thinking. My mother can do the same thing, along with a few friends. Why Dan is included in that handful of people, I’ll never know.
He chuckled and looked around the shop again in order to locate the topic of our conversation. Once he found her, he looked at me once again. “When Marie found out she was pregnant, she planned on having an abortion.”
I shifted my eyes from Dan to Lexi and felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. She’s such a beautiful, wonderful little girl, the thought of her never having a chance at life definitely struck a chord.
Girls You Marry Page 3
