“Yeah,” Dan snorted. “That’s pretty much the way I feel every time I look at her.” He looked me straight in the eye. “I’ll admit I didn’t jump for joy when Marie told me she was pregnant, but when she asked me for money for an abortion, I nearly went through the roof.”
“Were you married?”
“No.”
I opened my mouth to ask if he’d ever heard of birth control, but stopped myself. It seems cruel to tell the man he should have used something to prevent his beautiful daughter from being born after the fact. He wasn’t looking as those thoughts were running through my head, so he couldn’t have read my mind, so imagine my shock when he responded to them anyway.
“I’ve always been careful, Bri. Always.” His eyes bore into mine driving his point home.
“So what happened?” I tried to keep the sarcasm and flippancy out of my tone, but I don’t think I was very successful.
“No birth control is one hundred percent effective.” I arched my brow. “Dammit Bri, the condom broke. Okay?” he growled. The veins in his neck were standing out and I knew he was really aggravated. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Regardless of how or why Marie got pregnant, the fact is, she did. I’ve always believed in a woman’s right to choose, but I don’t know, when it was my baby she was choosing to get rid of…” He shook his head and glanced over at Lexi. “I just couldn’t let her do it.”
“How did you stop her? I mean, it’s not like she would have needed your permission.”
“No she didn’t…and she reminded me of it every time I failed to march to the beat of her drum.”
“I can’t imagine you marching to anyone’s tune but your own,” I said, more with admiration than sarcasm.
He chuckled. “You’d be surprised.” He took a long drink of his soda and looked serious once again. “I wanted to get married and try to raise the baby with some sense of tradition, but she didn’t want any part of that idea.” He shrugged and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “When I look back, I realize how dumb that idea was. We would’ve killed each other in no time.” He shrugged again. “But at the time, it seemed like the thing to do.”
He paused again and ran his index finger up and down the condensation on his glass. I sensed his reluctance to speak as sharply as I felt his need to open up to me. What I couldn’t understand is why. Why is he telling me all this? Why does he seem to care what I think? And why the hell do I care at all?
“If you don’t want to tell me—”
He cut me off before I could finish my sentence. “No.” His tone was firm. “I want you to know the whole story. Good or bad, I want you to know.”
Why? The question rang through my head again, but I didn’t ask for fear of what he might say.
Dan took a deep breath and started to speak, but smiled at a point behind my shoulder instead. “Hey munchkin, all out of money?”
Lexi sat down next to me and nodded, grabbing her soda and taking a long draw on the straw at the same time.
“Did you kick some alien butt?” Dan asked.
Lexi laughed and rolled her eyes. “You are so old, Dad.”
“Hey.” He tried to look offended, but his eyes crinkled in amusement.
Lexi looked at me wide-eyed and nodded. “He is, you know.”
“Sorry Dan, I’ll have to go with Lexi on this one.”
“You’re insulting yourself then, because we’re the same age.”
“You must have me confused with someone else. You’re more than a year older than me.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “A whole year. Big deal.”
“A year and a few months,” I explained. “And a year is a year, Dan.” Lexi and I shared a conspiratorial smile.
Dan laughed and shook his head. “Let’s get going before you two really decide to gang up on me.”
Chapter Six
I had just curled up in the window seat book in hand, when I heard a light knock on my door. I set my bookmark as I walked across the room and opened the door. I’m not sure who I was expecting, but when Lexi stared back at me over the threshold, I was somewhat shocked. She looked adorable in a pair of purple Tinkerbell pajamas, her hair curling around her heart-shaped face.
“Can I ask you something?” She looked so serious, I was almost afraid to hear the question.
“Sure.” I stepped back and gestured for her to come into the room. “What’s up?”
Lexi walked over to the bed and climbed up, setting herself at the corner of the mattress with her legs dangling over the edge. She looked at me warily for a second before speaking. “How did you do that to your hair?”
My hair? That’s it? Oh, thank God.
I ran my fingers down my braid. “Well, it’s kind of like a regular braid, but you start with a little bit of hair and keep adding more as you go.” It was a pathetic description, but the best I could do.
“Do you think you could do it to mine?”
“I don’t see why not.” I walked over to my dresser to get a brush.
“You don’t have to do it now if you don’t want to,” she said, though I could tell she wanted me to do just that. “I’m going out with my friend Cindy tomorrow, and I thought that maybe you could do it for then.”
I tucked one leg beneath my rear end as I sat behind Lexi on the bed. “How about if I practice now and then I’ll be really good at it for tomorrow?”
“Okay.” I heard the smile in her voice. She scooted further back onto the bed, her leg straight out in front of her.
I pulled the brush through her hair a few times to remove any knots then went to work on the braid.
“Daddy and Jeff can do regular a braid, but not this kind.”
“Well, as long as they know how to do a regular braid, I can teach them how to do this for you.”
“Do you really think so?” She attempted to turn her head around to look at me, but I held her steady.
“If I can do this, anyone can.”
“Did your mom teach you?” Her wistful tone made my heart ache.
“No, a friend taught me when I was in high school. The whole basketball team wore our hair like this for games. I practiced on anyone who would sit still for me, but it took me a long time to be able to do my own hair.”
We chatted about hair and other inconsequential things while I finished the braid. “All done.” I wrapped a ponytail holder at the end. “Why don’t you check it out?”
She jumped off the bed and ran to the dresser in order to peer into the mirror above it.
“Here.” I stood and went to my purse to retrieve a compact. “Turn around.” Lexi turned, and I held the hand-sized mirror up in front of her and explained to her how to look into it so she could see the back of her head. She struggled at first, but her beaming smile told me when her eyes finally made contact with what she wanted to see. Before I knew what was happening, she thrust herself at me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
“Thank you so much.” She looked up, her green eyes shining. “I love it. You can do it again tomorrow, right?”
“Definitely.”
“Thanks so much, Sabrina,” she repeated, and squeezed me tight once again.
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” Dan’s voice bellowed from the doorway.
“Sabrina did my hair for me, Daddy. See?” She turned around so the back of her head faced him. “Don’t ya just love it?”
“It’s gorgeous,” Dan said, dragging out the last word, which caused Lexi to break out laughing. “But aren’t you supposed to be in bed? I distinctly remember tucking you in a while ago.”
Her laughing stopped abruptly. “But Daddy, it’s not like I have school tomorrow.”
“No, but you’re going out with Cindy tomorrow morning and I don’t want you to be a grumpy pants.”
Grumpy pants? Did I just hear Dan McMullen, athlete extraordinaire, master seducer, say grumpy pants?
Lexi’s bottom lip stuck out in a pout. “Can Sabrina tuck me in?”
Da
n looked surprised by the question, then his eyes met mine and he said, “That’s up to Sabrina.”
Lexi turned to face me, her eyes hopeful. “Will you?”
“Sure honey, come on.”
We walked across the hall to her room and she climbed into bed. Once she was settled, I pulled the covers up and tucked them under her chin.
“Thanks Sabrina. Good night.” She rolled onto her side and snuggled in.
“Good night Lexi. Sleep tight.”
She closed her eyes and I backed out of the room, turning the light off as I passed through the doorway. I had to suppress a scream as I backed into the solid wall of Dan’s chest. His arm grabbed at my waist to steady me, but if anything, his touch made me more unsteady. I sucked in a deep breath before turning around to face him.
“Sorry.” I took a step back, putting some much-needed space between us. I looked down to his leg. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, not at all.” He took a deep breath. “I was hoping we could finish our conversation.
I didn’t have to ask what conversation he was talking about. “Okay.”
“Downstairs?” His eyes glanced towards Lexi’s door. Without another word, Dan started toward the stairs and I followed diligently.
He flopped down onto the couch and laid his crutch on the floor next to him. He stretched his injured leg onto the couch, his back resting on the arm, his other leg on the floor. I settled into the oversized chair across from him and watched as he rubbed his thigh directly above the brace.
I stood again and walked over to him. “Why don’t you take that off for a while?” My fingers went to work on the Velcro closures before he could answer. I removed the brace and tucked a pillow beneath his knee. “Better?”
“I thought I had to keep it on at all times.”
I shrugged my shoulders as I settled into the chair once again. “Yes, to keep your leg immobile, you should, but I’m here to make sure you don’t make any sudden moves.” I said the last sentence in a cheeky tone.
“I’m sure you will,” he said around a smile. Suddenly my words took on an entirely different meaning. I felt myself blush, but kept quiet. “Well, in any case, I thank you for giving me a reprieve from that thing.”
“You’re welcome.”
Dan’s gaze met mine again, the light-hearted tone disintegrated. He looked so serious I almost didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
“Thank you for taking care of Lexi, also. I really appreciate it.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that. It was nothing.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t nothing. I mean, it might have been nothing to you, but it was definitely something to her.” He ran his fingers through his hair, then clasped his hands behind his neck and stared at the ceiling. When his eyes met mine again, they were so filled with sorrow, my throat tightened.
“I try my best, so does Jeff, but we’re just not…” he gestured, then shrugged, “…women.” I would have laughed at that statement if the subject matter weren’t so serious. “Anyway, that braid thing you did…her friend Cindy wears her hair like that a lot and Lexi loves it. I bought a book on how to do it, but couldn’t make heads or tails of the directions.”
My heart softened with every word he uttered. “I can teach you how to do a French braid,” I offered, before he spoke again.
“Really?” He looked nervous about the fact.
“It’s easy. As long as Lexi is willing to sit still and you’re willing to practice, you’ll have it down in no time.”
“I’d appreciate that.” He shifted his eyes to his toes and pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger. He seemed to be pondering something and I settled myself further into the chair, tucking my legs beneath me, while he did so.
“It just kills me that the two things she wants most, I can’t give her.” My arched brow asked its own question. “A mother and siblings.”
I was shocked by his admission and had to fight my first instinct to utter some awful sarcastic reply. The fact that I didn’t say the first thing that came to mind scared me more than the fact that I keep finding him more attractive by the minute. When it comes to his relationship with his daughter, Dan is so sweet it’s hard not to respond. Time to move onto a topic of conversation that makes him sound more like the scoundrel I know him to be.
“You never finished telling me about Lexi’s mother.”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, dragging his fingers through his hair at the same time. “When Marie found out she was pregnant, she wasn’t happy.” He looked straight at me and explained. “She’s a lingerie model and was afraid the pregnancy would ruin her figure.” He rubbed his brow. “I don’t know how much of this you want to know.”
“Whatever you feel comfortable telling me.”
He seemed to think about that for a minute before he spoke again. “When she told me she was pregnant, I was as shocked as I think I mentioned before.” I nodded and kept silent, encouraging him to continue. “She was fit to be tied and actually searched me out in the locker room before a game.”
“She just barged into the locker room?”
He chuckled. “Not exactly. She knocked on the door and had someone get me. She told me about Lexi in the tunnel. Needless to say, my mind was not on the game that day. I kept thinking about the baby. By game’s end, I had decided that the best thing would be for Marie and me to get married and raise the baby. She had other ideas,” he added dryly. “She didn’t want me or my baby.” He chuckled, but there wasn’t a trace of humor in it. “And she told me so in no uncertain terms.”
“So what did you do? I mean, obviously you convinced her to have Lexi.”
“I bribed her,” he blurted out, then stared at me as if waiting for me to lash out at him. When I didn’t, he relaxed a little and continued. “I offered her a million dollars plus spa expenses afterward so she could get her figure back.” He rolled his eyes.
“And she agreed?”
“Not at first, but eventually yeah, she did. A million dollars is a lot of money.”
“But you said she was a model.” I hear model, I automatically assume big bucks.
“She was, but she wasn’t a supermodel or anything. Besides that, like athletes, modeling careers are limited by age.” He shrugged. “So she took the money and ran.”
“Literally?”
“Practically. She took off two weeks after she gave birth to Lexi.”
“And you haven’t seen her since?”
“She came back when Lexi was one. It was in the legal agreement my lawyer drew up that she had to sign off rights after giving birth, but she had a year to reconsider. He had to contact her to come in and sign again. Lexi and I were there too. She barely looked at her.”
“What a bitch.” When I realized I said that out loud, I felt my face redden. “Oh God. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Dan laughed. Not a small chuckle, but a full-blown belly laugh. “I always could count on you to tell it like it is.” He wiped at his eyes and sobered. “Whatever she is or isn’t, she’s gone and I’m left to explain things to Lexi.” He shifted his weight and the therapist in me went on instant alert.
“Are you okay?” I jumped out of my seat, but he stilled me with a raised arm.
“I’m fine. I mean, my leg is fine, but my butt went numb.”
I settled back into the chair. “Sorry, there’s no therapy to fix that.”
He snapped his fingers. “Shucks.” Our eyes met and held and my entire body broke out in goosebumps. I quickly averted my gaze.
Why does he affect me like this?
Dan must have sensed my unease and he continued his story. “Up until recently, it wasn’t an issue. Lexi had me and Jeff and Mrs. Evans, not to mention my entire family. I don’t think she realized anything was missing. A lot of her friends’ parents are divorced, so I guess that’s why she never questioned it. But somewhere along the way, she realized that all her friends have both a mother and a father
somewhere. So we were eating one night and she just blurts out, ‘where’s my mommy’, and I nearly choked on my burger.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I thought about telling her she died, but I’ve seen enough soap operas to know the lie would come back and bite me in the ass one day. So I just told her Marie left. I think ‘went away’ was the exact phrase I used.
“I’m just not sure how much more to tell her at this point. She’s only eight. I don’t want to lie to her, but I think she’s too young to know the truth.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he continued. “I don’t want to weave some fairy tale for her to believe in, but I also don’t want her to know the ugly truth. I’m sure there’s a middle ground somewhere in there, but I’ll be damned if I know what it is.” He dropped his hand to his lap and his eyes met mine once more. “The problem is that once she gets a question in her head, Lexi doesn’t quit until she gets an answer.”
Chapter Seven
I couldn’t fall asleep for thinking about all the things Dan had told me. I’ve always considered myself a modern, free thinking woman, but I can’t understand how a woman could nourish a child inside her body for nine months, give birth to her, and then walk away like she doesn’t exist. It’s bad enough when a man walks away from his flesh and blood, but to me, it seems so much worse when a woman does it.
I really admire Dan for all he’s done for Lexi. The mere fact she was ever born speaks volumes about his stubbornness and determination. He was only twenty-three when Lexi was conceived. I assume most men would have simply let Marie get the abortion she craved instead of shackling himself with a baby while he was in his prime…especially when he was just starting his career.
His little settlement with Marie must have taken a large chunk out of his earnings back then. Maybe I’m not giving the males of our species enough credit, but I think what Dan did was extraordinary.
My problem now is that I have to remember to keep these soft feelings for Dan the father out of my dealings with Dan the sexually active, couldn’t-be-faithful-to-save-his-life man.
Girls You Marry Page 4
