“I’ve been dreaming about you for years, Sabrina, but those dreams held the girl I knew. I wanted to get to know the woman you’ve become.” His eyes bore into mine. “And I find I love her more than that girl. You still have so many of the qualities I fell in love with back then, but now there’s more. So much more.” He squeezed my hand to punctuate his words. “I love talking with you…it doesn’t matter what the topic is, I just like listening to your voice, hearing your opinions. I think I’ve already mentioned that I really like the way you look.” His crooked smile set my heart racing. “And just watching you with Lexi brings tears to my eyes.”
That last sentence broke the sensual spell. I felt as though a bright light was suddenly turned on. Of course he’s interested in someone like me. He wouldn’t want one of his little groupies raising his daughter. Safe little Sabrina would be perfect for the job.
“I warned you not to do that,” I said in a venomous tone, jerking my hand away from his warm fingers.
“Do what?” He looked bewildered.
“Don’t use Lexi to get to me.”
“I’m not—”
“I know she wants a mother, but don’t toy with my emotions just to give her that.”
Dan looked furious. I was just about to scoot away when he jumped off the bed. He stood with his back to me for several seconds, combing his fingers through his hair, and taking deep breaths.
My own anger faded into a combination of weariness and regret. When Dan faced me again, his eyes still glowed with anger, though his face had softened.
“Obviously the damage I did back then can’t be undone. You still think I’m an asshole and I guess I’ll have to live with that.” He sighed. “I won’t bring this up again, I promise.”
That said, he turned and left the room.
Chapter Eighteen
“I think that’s ten,” Dan said, halting his actions. “I can do more if you’d like,” he offered.
I had expected him to be brooding and quiet at therapy this morning, but that wasn’t the case. He’s as affable as ever and I have to admit it’s thrown me off, and as a result, I haven’t been paying attention.
“No. No more.”
Dan moved on to his next set of exercises and my mind wandered once again. Our conversation last night had been pretty intense. I can’t believe he’s acting so nonchalant, so…normal. I, myself, had tossed and turned half the night thinking about it.
I still don’t understand why he keeps insisting he loves me. Dan can have any woman he wants. Why is he even bothering with me? Maybe it is the whole challenge thing. Maybe I’ve made myself more attractive by being inaccessible. I frowned. If that’s the case, then what was our relationship in college all about? Sure, I gave him a hard time when he asked me out, but after that it was smooth sailing. If the thrill of the chase was the attraction, why did he stay with me for two years? And if he really was so in love with me, so attracted to me, why didn’t he sleep with me?
The last question could be answered by what he told me last night. If his father had pounded those theories into his head—literally and figuratively—his actions were understandable. But, as I pointed out, he could have simply gone without. Is that concept so ridiculous?
If fidelity was so foreign to him then, why would he be any good at it now? A leopard doesn’t change his spots, after all.
Then again, aside from that night his college buddies brought them, there haven’t been any women around. I shrugged. Lexi said he never dates. If he keeps his women away from her, he really must be slowing down.
A loud noise snapped me from my thoughts. I looked at Dan, who was glaring at me.
“What was that?”
“I dropped the weights,” he growled. “I’m finished with my routine.”
My mouth dropped. “But…” I stammered.
“But what?” He arched his brow. The too-knowing look on his face told me that, once again, my every thought had been obvious.
Not knowing what else to say, I apologized for my lack of professionalism. I’m here to do a job and today I didn’t do it. My apology made Dan’s scowl even more pronounced.
“Forget about it.”
Those three words couldn’t have sounded more formidable if they came from “the Godfather” himself.
“I really am sorry. This has never happened to me before. I’ve always been totally focused on my job. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”
His intense stare made me feel like a specimen under a microscope. “Your problem is that you’re too busy talking yourself into things instead of looking at the facts in front of you.” Rubbing his hand down his face, he shook his head and stood up. “But I’m too tired to rehash this. I’ll see you later.”
“Let me ice your knee first,” I said, attempting to gain some control.
“I’ll do it myself,” he mumbled, his back to me as he walked toward the steps.
I didn’t want to analyze the feeling of loss that came over me, so I decided to exercise. During my teenage years, I would have chosen to eat my way through something like this, but now I deal with things in a more mature fashion…I work-out until I can’t move or think.
“Sabrina?”
I don’t know how long I was at it when Lexi’s voice broke into my routine. Not that it was much of a routine. My body was on autopilot, performing a series of exercises it knew by heart.
“Hey, Lex.” I sat and wiped my face with a towel.
She studied me a minute before asking, “You okay?”
Oh hell, can she see through me too?
“I’m fine.” I wiped my neck and chest and dangled the towel between my knees. “Why do you ask?”
She shrugged. “You look kinda sad.” After roaming around the room, her eyes met mine again. “So does my dad.”
I don’t want to hear this, so I tried to change the subject. “So what are your plans for the day?”
“Nothing.”
“No?” Lexi always had something planned. Whether she was hanging out with one of her many friends, or spending time with Dan or Jeff, she was always on the go.
She shook her head. “I’m just gonna hang out today. What are you doing?”
“Well, right now I think I need a shower. Then I thought I’d head to the mall. Want to come along?”
Lexi’s eyes rounded. “Definitely.”
“Great. You go ask you dad if it’s okay while I shower. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a half hour.”
I have no idea what prompted me to invite Lexi to go shopping with me. What made me want to go shopping in the first place is another mystery. Not being much of a shopper, the mall is, generally speaking, not my favorite refuge. Yet today, it seemed like the thing to do in order to escape Dan’s presence. And since Lexi loves shopping, I invited her along. At the time, I thought she’d be a distraction from the whole Dan situation, but instead she seems to be adding to it.
“Daddy” came out of her mouth more often than not, and if I have to listen to one more story about him, I just might scream. Lexi finished telling me about the time she and Dan won the relay race at her school on field day and before she could start up with something else, I spoke up.
“Are you hungry?”
“Sure.”
“What do you feel like eating?”
She scrunched her nose. “Hmmm, maybe pizza. The place in the food court makes really good pizza.”
I spotted a sign that directed us to the food court and kept talking, not giving her a chance to start up about Dan again. Only after having her list all the food choices available in the mall and remarking on our purchases of the day, I had nothing else to say.
We both ordered two slices of pizza and soda and found a table. After taking two bites of the cheesy concoction, Lexi once again relayed a story of Dan. Every word she spoke was pure agony. I had to keep reminding myself that Dan the father and Dan the man are two separate entities. His love for his daughter is obvious to anyone, but would he act the sa
me way with a woman he loves?
Lexi finished her dissertation on every amusement park Dan had ever taken her to.
“You’re lucky to have such a great dad,” I replied, hoping to put an end to the whole subject of Dan.
“He’s really great.” She took a bite of pizza, chewed, swallowed, and added, “Don’t you think he’s nice?”
“Yes, he’s wonderful,” I said, hoping an eight-year-old wouldn’t pick up on the trace of sarcasm in my tone.
“So why are you two fighting?”
“We’re not.”
“They why are you both looking sad?”
“Oh honey, I’m just tired.”
“Then why didn’t you talk to him before we left the house? You didn’t even say good-bye to each other,” she pointed out.
Now I understand why my friends who have children always talk about how “kids can sense things” and how “they don’t miss a trick”.
“We’re not fighting, exactly.” I’d hoped that would be a good enough explanation, but from the determined look on her face, it obviously wasn’t going to be. I sighed. “We just had a slight disagreement. It’s no big deal. Really. Nothing important.”
“You sure?” She picked up her soda and took a long draw on the straw until slurping noises were heard.
“I’m sure.” I placed our empty plates on the tray in front of me. “Are you all finished?” She nodded. “Good. I think we have time to hit a couple more stores before we have to head out.”
Without answering, Lexi picked up our tray, walked to the garbage can, tipped the contents inside and placed said tray on top. “Sabrina,” she said as we walked through the mall once again.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad that you and daddy aren’t really mad at each other.” I didn’t know how to comment, so I didn’t. “I love Daddy, but I always hoped my mom would come back so we could be a real family. I don’t want anything to ruin that.”
Chapter Nineteen
I got myself together for Dan’s second therapy session of the day. The trip to the mall really helped. I can understand why some women find shopping therapeutic. And, while it cleared my head, I also ended up with a few bargains in the process. I’d say that’s better than sitting in a shrink’s office any day.
Dan finished the last of his leg raises and looked at me expectantly. The therapy session has been unusually quiet. Apparently, he’s not speaking to me because, aside from an occasional “okay”, Dan hasn’t said a word.
“How does it feel?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Okay.”
I had to resist the urge to scream, and just to give him something else to say, I decided to test his pain level. Grabbing his foot, I asked, “One to ten?”
“Four.”
We’d done this exercise enough that he knew what to expect. I moved his leg in a series of motions and got his feedback on each one.
“Well,” I said as I walked to the freezer and retrieved an ice cup. “It’s definitely getting better.” I knelt down next to him and started moving the ice over his knee. “You didn’t go above a six, and that was only when I was really pushing you.”
Dan didn’t comment, though I could feel his eyes boring into the top of my head. I wanted to look right back at him and scream, “What?” but I don’t think I really want to know. I finished icing his knee in silence.
“Same time tomorrow?” I asked, eager to get away. When he didn’t answer, I looked over at him. Big mistake. His eyes were practically glowing, though not with the anger I had expected. I opened my mouth to pose the question again, but the words wouldn’t form. Even when Dan stood and walked toward me, I remained silent, my gaze locked on his.
It felt quite awkward once he was standing directly in front of me. His gaze never once left mine. The silence wrapped around us like a cocoon. Dan’s eyes darkened and for a minute I though he was going to kiss me. He leaned forward slightly then stopped, his brow creasing into a frown. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, then rubbed his hand across his forehead before meeting my gaze again.
“I want to thank you for taking Lexi shopping with you today,” he said, his voice husky. He cleared his throat and continued. “She talked about it for an hour and only stopped because I had to meet you for therapy.” A smile crossed his face. “I’m sure I’ll be hearing about it all through dinner.”
“No need to thank me,” I said before I got hypnotized by his smile. “I had a great time.”
“I don’t remember you being much of a shopper.”
“I’m usually not.” I shrugged. “I was just in the mood.”
“Well, Lexi promised a fashion show after dinner.” He chuckled. “She told me she wants you to take her school shopping because you don’t hassle her.”
“She did mention that you give her a hard time with fashion.”
He nodded. “She says the clothes I pick out are babyish. But some of the things out there are so…” His brow furrowed as he searched for a word. “…small. There’s nothing to them. She’s eight-years-old for chrissake.”
Dan looked so outraged I actually burst out laughing.
“What,” he asked, around a scowl.
“You’re right, she is only eight. What are you going to do when she’s eighteen?”
He grasped his chest dramatically, then chuckled. “Don’t make me think about that.” His expression sobered. “I can’t believe how big she’s getting.” He held his hand up. “When she was born, she fit in the palm of my hand. I don’t know where the time went.”
“I think every parent feels that way. Hell, my father still calls me his baby girl. I’ve been begging Kevin to have a baby so that I’m not the baby anymore.”
“You’ll always be your dad’s baby girl.”
“I suppose.” Wanting to get off the subject of myself, I added, “I’d love to be a fly on the wall the first time a boy knocks on your door.”
“I’d better start practicing my scowls and dirty looks.”
“I think you’re intimidating enough without them.”
“Yeah?” He looked inordinately pleased.
I nodded. “You’ll have them shaking in their boots.”
“Good.”
“Lexi’s a good kid. I’m sure you won’t have to worry about the boys she brings home.” He grunted. I took that to mean he didn’t believe it. “She really is great. I had a lot of fun today.” He didn’t say anything, so I decided to voice the thoughts that had been bouncing around my head all afternoon. “I’m sorry about what I said, Dan.” His right brow raised, though I’m sure he knew exactly what I was talking about. “I know you wouldn’t use Lexi for any reason. She means too much to you and you…” I took a deep breath, “…you’re too good for that.”
“You really believe that?”
I nodded. “And I don’t think you’re an asshole.”
“No?” he asked on a chuckle.
“Hey, it was your word, not mine.”
“Yeah, it was.” His smile disappeared. “Thanks Bri, it means a lot.”
Again I nodded, afraid I wouldn’t be able to speak around the lump that had formed in my throat. For some reason, when we’re not fighting, I’m so drawn to Dan it scares the hell out of me. He must have sensed that because he backed off. Literally. I found myself missing his warmth, his closeness.
“Are you going to be eating with us tonight?” he asked.
“I guess so.”
“Good, I’ll see you then.”
I watched him walk toward the stairs, then disappear. The professional in me noticed how much better he was moving around, but the woman in me couldn’t help but admire his butt.
It was then I realized how much trouble I was in. For some reason, despite all my reservations, despite everything, I’ve gone and fallen in love with Dan McMullen.
Again.
If I’d ever actually stopped.
Chapter Twenty
“Are you going home for the Fou
rth of July?” Dan asked during a therapy session, just two days before the holiday.
We’ve been getting along remarkably well the past week. I can’t help but think it’s because I’ve finally resigned myself to the feelings I have for him. No amount of denial or bitchiness toward Dan is going to change them.
Also, I have—per his request—attempted to judge him on who he is now instead of who he was then. And while I’m still not inclined to get romantically involved with him, I do admire who he’s become. His dedication to Lexi aside, he is truly a nice person. His charm notwithstanding, our personalities mesh well and I honestly enjoy being with him.
So, for as long as this assignment lasts, and maybe even afterward, I’ll be his friend. I did, after all, make a promise to stay in contact with Lexi and, truth be told, I don’t think I could let her out of my life.
Am I looking for trouble here? Probably.
Will I get hurt? Most likely.
Are either of those facts going to stop me? Definitely not.
“Bri?” Dan said, and I realized he was waiting for an answer.
I have no doubt in my mind that he knows I’m in love with him. I’ve tried to carefully school my features, limit the adoring looks, hide my feelings, but that’s never stopped him from seeing right through me before. But just because I know, and he knows, doesn’t mean I have to act on anything.
“Sabrina?” Dan said in a singsong voice. I looked at his amused face.
Oh yeah, he knows.
“What?” I’d forgotten the question.
“Are you going home for the Fourth of July or are you staying here?” His tone was overly patient.
“I, uh, I haven’t really thought about it.” I adjusted the weight Dan was lifting, adding five pounds. “Why?”
“My family has decided to descend on me for the holiday so we’re planning on having a picnic.” Dan straightened his leg, lifting the weights, not seeming to notice the extra burden. Aside from the fact that he couldn’t unbend his knee completely, he didn’t seem to have a problem. “I’d like it if you’d stay.”
Girls You Marry Page 11
