by Portia Moore
Present day
Alex
I wake up to the sunlight streaming through the window and the smell of breakfast wafting down the hall, and I roll over, reaching for Madison to pull her closer to me.
My hand touches a cold, empty pillow, and my eyes fly open as I remember what happened, why she’s not there. Everything that went down the night before.
The reception, the video, the shit show that followed.
Me yelling at Madison in a way I’ve never screamed at anyone—not even Holly—that I can remember. Losing my mind.
The pain comes back with the memories, hitting me like a semi-truck as I sit up in bed, blinking away sleep as I wonder why the house smells like bacon and eggs. Alyssa couldn’t cook if someone set all the ingredients in front of her and held her hand the entire time.
My cell phone is dead; I have no idea how long I’ve slept or how late it is. I grab it and a charger and get out of bed, running one hand through my hair as I stumble down the hall still in my pajama pants and an old t-shirt. To my surprise, as I round the corner, I can see my mom standing in the kitchen and Alyssa and my dad sitting on the couch, watching a show on the History channel. My dad always loved those shows, and I’m surprised to see Alyssa sitting quietly next to him, not complaining.
The world really must have turned upside down.
My mom turns from where she’s standing at the stove as I walk into the kitchen, and from the sad expression on her face, her eyes full of sympathy, I can tell that she knows.
That does it. I feel my mouth quiver, and my eyes fill with tears as I look at her. It all felt like a nightmare last night, like some kind of sick fever dream, but now it feels real. Now that they know. I remember her excitedly making plans for me to bring Madison over for dinner to celebrate the engagement, and the first of the tears rolls down my cheek.
“Oh, honey,” my mom says quietly, reaching for me and pulling me into her arms. It’s the safest I’ve felt since the wedding, and the moment her arms go around me I start to cry in earnest, the first time I can remember crying since I found out the truth about the baby Holly and I were supposed to have. My mother comforted me then too, and I can’t help thinking about what Holly said to me at the wedding reception: “You have bad luck with women.”
“Sit down,” my mom finally says gently, guiding me towards the breakfast table. “I’ve made coffee. Breakfast is almost ready. You don’t need to do anything.”
She sets a cup of coffee in front of me, almost black with just a little cream the way I like it, and John and Alyssa join us shortly after, following the scent of coffee and breakfast. Mom sets a cup in front of John, giving Alyssa a glass of orange juice. She doesn’t say much as she serves up breakfast, clearly giving me time to pull myself together before she asks any questions, and John and Alyssa are quiet too. In the background, I can hear the television still playing, and everything feels tense, as if they’re waiting for me to say something.
I finally clear my throat once everyone has sat down, poking at the pile of scrambled eggs and bacon on my plate, without much appetite. “I’m sure Alyssa’s already filled you in on some of it,” I say quietly. “But the gist of it is that Madison had an, um…relationship with dad. With Jackson. And I found out about it last night because Holly played a video of them…together…in front of the entire reception. A security video of them in an elevator.” I swallow hard, looking down at my plate. “I don’t know how long it was going on, but I don’t think I need to explain what they were doing in it. They both say that it happened before Madison and I were together. That she didn’t know for a long time that we were…that Jackson was my dad.”
I hear a fork clatter onto the table and look up to see that my mother’s face has gone white, telltale spots of red on her cheekbones that tell me she’s furious. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she asks, her voice low and angry. “I can’t believe Jackson would do something like that! With someone his daughter’s age, no less. I never would have thought that of him!” She pushes her chair back, her eyes practically sparking with fury. “I’m going over to their house right now, to give him a piece of my mind about—”
“Mom, sit down,” Alyssa says, her voice flat and tired. “Trust me, Alex already decimated him last night. There’s nothing you could say that he didn’t already. He knows he fucked up and I doubt he’s at the house with Cassandra.”
Neither my mom or John say anything to Alyssa about her cursing, either. It seems all the rules have gone out the window this morning. Nothing makes sense anymore.
“Do you believe them when they say it happened before you and Madison met and stopped before then?” John asks quietly, looking at me. I can tell that he’s upset, too, but he’s staying much calmer than my mother is. I guess someone has to. My mom looks as if she’s ready to commit murder on my behalf.
I press my lips together, pushing my plate away. I can’t eat. “I’m not sure what I believe,” I say finally. “But I don’t know that it matters either way. How am I supposed to look at her knowing that she had a relationship with my father? And that she kept it a secret on top of that? Even if she’s telling the truth, I don’t see what difference it makes.”
Alyssa bites her lip. “If they would’ve come clean when they found out, would you have forgiven them?”
My jaw clenches. “I don’t know, Alyssa!” I say tightly. “They didn’t give me the opportunity. They just decided to hide it from me.”
“You didn’t see Madison after you left last night,” Alyssa says quietly. “She was distraught, Alex. I’ve never seen you like that…but I’ve never seen her like that, either. She was hysterical. I had to get Parker to come help me get her to Parker’s apartment. She really loves you, Alex. I just don’t believe that she kept it a secret maliciously…”
“I don’t care how upset she was…” I start to say, my voice hardening, and my mother cuts in quickly.
“That’s enough, Alyssa,” she says sharply. “We’re here for Alex, to help him deal with this.”
Alyssa looks as if she wants to say something more, but John gives her an equally sharp look, and she slumps down in her chair, shrugging her shoulders in exasperation.
“I liked Madison,” my mother says thoughtfully, her face sad. “I never would have thought it of her, either. She seemed like a nice girl. But for her to sleep with Jackson, who was married, for God’s sake, and then keep dating you even once she found out that he was your father…” She shakes her head. “Maybe you dodged a bullet. I thought she was a good girl for you, Alex, but sometimes people just aren’t who you think they are…”
“Kate…” John tries to cut in, glancing at me with concern before looking over at my mother. “Love makes you do crazy things sometimes. If she really had no idea that Jackson was Alex’s dad, and it was all over before they met…maybe she was just afraid to lose him. It is a strange circumstance to be in. If she didn’t actually cheat on him…and who knows, maybe she didn’t know Jackson was married until then either. He wouldn’t be the first person to lie about being married. She might have been innocent in all of this up until she found out…and that’s not an easy situation to be in.”
“That’s what I was trying to say,” Alyssa mumbles, and my mother glares at them both. “She lied,” my mom says, and I sit back in my chair, letting out a long sigh.
“If she loved me, really loved me, she would have told me,” I say flatly. “She wouldn’t have deceived me. The same goes for my father—for Jackson,” I correct myself. I can’t even think of him as my father right now.
My phone rings behind me on the window ledge, and I yank it off of the charger, thankful for the distraction. The name on the display says Casey, one of the girls from work, and I answer it quickly.
“Hello?”
“Hey Alex, what’s with the new number? I had to call you through Facebook just to get ahold of you.”
“Sorry, I had some issues with the old one. Spam calls…What’s up?”
&
nbsp; “Sure. I need to know what time you want the crew at the premiere tonight, though. One of the other girls called out—do you want me to find someone else or do you think we’re good without the other pair of hands?”
“Shit.” I’d forgotten all about the event tonight, an independent movie premiere that we’d scored the afterparty gig for. “Get someone to cover her,” I say quickly. “It’s going to be busy. I’ll get there as soon as I can to help get the supplies over to the venue. We need to be up and running before the party starts at nine.”
I hang up the phone, pissed at myself. I’d forgotten all about the event tonight. We would have been back from the reception in plenty of time for it, but with all of the drama from the night before, I’d completely lost track of everything else in my life. My work and dream of opening my own bar is all I have left, I remind myself. I can’t fuck that up.
I jump up from the table quickly, calculating how long it will take me to get over to work and start loading up the supplies and equipment. “Sorry, guys,” I say quickly. “Thanks for breakfast, Mom, but I have an event tonight that I forgot about. I’ve got to get out there and help my crew get everything set up.”
My mother frowns at me. “Alex, honey, should you be working tonight? Maybe you should take some time to rest, get your head together. I think everyone would understand if you took a night off, as hard as you work.”
I shake my head. “No, sitting around is just going to drive me crazy. All I’ll do is think about Madison and what happened. Staying busy is better for me, it’ll distract me. Anyway, I can’t let this affect my career. I’ll be fine.”
I can tell my mom wants to argue, but John interjects quickly. “Why don’t you take Alyssa with you? I heard you say you needed an extra pair of hands. And she can make sure you don’t get overloaded.”
I don’t think it’s the greatest idea. But it looks as if it’s mollified my mother a little, and it can’t hurt, so I don’t argue. “Sure,” I say. “But Alyssa, you’re going to have to wear something that doesn’t look like you’re going to a punk nightclub in the city.”
“Fine,” Alyssa says, rolling her eyes.
---
As soon as I’m at the venue helping to set up, I’m glad that I came in. The familiar rhythms of work are good for me, helping distract me from thinking about Madison and everything that’s happened. I direct Alyssa to help me set up the bar and glasses. Everyone is moving like a well-oiled machine, setting up and covering tables, putting the drink menus out, preparing mixers so that everything is ready to make drinks as soon as they’re ordered. Casey is in charge of the food, and I tell Alyssa to go help her for a little while, but every fifteen minutes, Alyssa seems to be back at the bar, checking on me to make sure I’m “okay.” Finally, after the third time, I stop setting out bottles of liquor and turn and glare at her.
“Alyssa, this is my livelihood,” I tell her sternly. “This is my job, and I’m good at it. It’s going to be the means to my having my own bar one day. So I need you to act professionally and stop asking me every five minutes if I’m okay, or I need you to go home. I don’t want anyone else knowing that anything is wrong, okay? This is my work, and it’s no place for my personal problems.”
Alyssa grimaces. “Fine. I’ll go help Casey.”
“Good,” I tell her, and let out a sigh of relief when a half hour passes and she hasn’t emerged.
The last wave of employees show up an hour beforehand, the staff that will help with serving food, and when I glance over, I freeze in my tracks as I see Madison walk in, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder.
And then when she turns to look in my direction, just as I’m prepared to stalk around the bar and ask her what the hell she thinks she’s doing here, I realize it’s not Madison at all—it’s Kristen.
I shake my head, feeling stupid. I always thought that Kristen looked like Madison. The resemblance is pretty striking, but I never realized how much until right that second. It’s unsettling, even more so as she catches sight of me and starts walking up towards the bar.
Oh fuck, I don’t want to deal with this right now, I think, but I grit my teeth, determined to remain professional. I don’t want my dirty laundry getting aired out at work, and it’s certainly no one else’s business. I duck away from the bar, heading into the kitchen under the pretense of checking to see if everything is ready yet.
“Casey, you called Kristen?” I ask her, not meeting her eyes as I pretend to count trays of toast points with goat cheese and jam. I’m surprised that she did. Casey and Kristen have never really gotten along, bickering at work sometimes to the point that we stopped scheduling them together. It usually seemed to be Kristen instigating it, which means Casey’s had more hours and moved up to an assistant position. I’m honestly surprised they even speak to each other.
Casey shrugs. “We’ve got our differences, but she’s one of the best servers I’ve ever worked with. Besides, I’ll mostly be back here, and she’ll be out there.” She grins. “But she’s a good worker, however much I hate to admit that.”
I swallow hard but try to look nonchalant. A whole night of Kristen walking around serving guests in my peripheral vision is probably going to drive me mad. But I’m determined not to let this rattle me, not to let it affect my work. “Good job,” is all I say as I leave, heading directly back to the bar to finish setting up.
The event itself helps distract me for a while. I make sure to turn it up to eleven, being my most charming self as I make my rounds, checking on guests at the tables, asking them how the movie was, complimenting them on their clothing choices, suggesting drinks they might like. I take my turn behind the bar when Allison needs a break, keep Alyssa busy so she can’t cause any trouble, and delegate staff to help Casey as she keeps a steady flow of appetizers heading out to the guests. Everyone is having a great time, and it looks as if it might be one of the best events the company has put on yet.
I’m smiling, charming, full of humor on the outside. And on the inside, I feel like I’m dying. Because as the night wears on, all I can think about is that when I get home, Madison won’t be waiting for me in the living room or our bed. I won’t get to hold her in my arms when I go to sleep. I’ll never get to hold her again, or kiss her, or make love to her.
Because she fucked my dad.
And then they lied about it.
The thought threatens to shake my façade for a moment, and I duck into the back to take a breather…only to almost immediately run directly into Kristen.
“Alex!” she chirps. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” I say, trying to sound as professional as possible. “What’s going on?”
“I…um…” She looks nervous for a second. “I wanted to apologize for freaking out the way I did when you and Madison showed up at my dad’s house in Chicago. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I appreciate you convincing her to come to Chicago with me when our dad got into the accident…it helped a lot. And it was good for him to see her, too. I just…I wanted to tell you those things. Sorry, and thank you. That’s all.”
As she talks, I can’t help seeing how much she resembles Madison—not just physically, but in some of the things she does, too. The way she bites her lip a little when she’s nervous or tucks her hair behind her ear. It’s weird to see since they’re only half-sisters, and maybe I’m just reading into it too much. But still…as I listen to her, I can’t help but think of Madison, and I can feel my carefully constructed walls starting to crumble all over again.
Kristen stops mid-sentence and frowns. “Alex?” she asks carefully. “Are you okay? You seem like there’s something off. I know that we don’t know each other all that well, but if there’s something you need to talk about…”
“Madison and I broke up,” I say shortly, cutting her off. “That’s all.”
“Oh!” She claps her hand over her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry, Alex.”
To my relief, Casey walks in right at that moment. “Alex,
we’re running short on asparagus puffs…oh, do you two need a minute?”
“No,” I say quickly. “We’re done talking. Casey, can I have a second?”
“Sure,” she says, frowning as we walk out of the back room and behind the bar. “Everything okay?”
“I’m just not feeling well. I think I picked up some kind of cold at the reception. Would you mind closing down for me? I think I need to head home early.”
“Of course,” she says. “There’s only a couple more hours left anyway. Go ahead and go home. Feel better.”
I waste no time getting out of there. As I grab my keys and head out towards the subway, I make a mental note to tell Casey not to hire Kristen for any other events. If I’m going to make it through this, I’m going to have to erase everything from my life that might remind me of Madison. I don’t want to think about her. I don’t want to be reminded of her.
She has to be completely gone, no matter how much it hurts, if I’m ever going to get over her.
Forever.
Chapter 4
Present day
Madison
“Oh, oh god, Brad.”
The sound coming through the walls is what wakes me the next morning, and it takes me all of two seconds to realize what it is.
“Oh yes, right there, fuck, Brad, Brad!”
I roll over, burying my face in the pillow, trying to drown out Parker’s ecstatic moans. I’d stayed with Parker before, and that was when she didn’t have a live-in fiancé, only a boyfriend who came over occasionally. And with a baby on the way…
“Yessssss…”
Parker’s final shriek tells me the performance is probably just about over, and I smash my face into the pillow with frustration. It’s glaringly obvious that this living arrangement isn’t going to work out for long. But I don’t know where I can go. If I go back to Chicago, it’s either to stay with my mom or Melissa, and Melissa has her own fiancé that she lives with. Neither of those sound like good long-term options, and as I sit up in bed and run my hands through my hair, reality comes crashing down on me.
