by Portia Moore
When I wake up, it’s early in the morning, and there are several texts on my phone from a number I don’t recognize. For a second, my heart leaps in my chest, thinking that it might be from Alex’s new number. But then I open the texts and it sinks immediately. It’s Rose texting me with pictures of apartments, three of them for me to choose from. They’re all large, gorgeous, and what’s more, to my surprise they’re all smack in the center of Manhattan.
There’s no way I can let Jackson put me up in an apartment like one of these. They’re all many, many times what my monthly pay has ever been at the best of times, and even though I know he’s doing it for free at Kate’s insistence, I can’t let him do that. I call Rose and tell her as much, my voice rising a little as I insist. “Rose, it’s just too much. They’re too nice. I get what he’s doing but it needs to be something smaller. More simple.”
“Madison, I understand, but these are the types of properties that Scully Enterprises handles,” she tells me gently. “This is just the kind of thing that Jackson has to offer you.”
I can tell I’m not going to get anywhere with her, so I thank her and tell her that I’ll give her an answer later, and then immediately call Jackson.
“Hello?” he answers, plainly surprised to hear from me.
“Jackson, I can’t live in one of those apartments,” I tell him without preamble. “Those are all way too extravagant. Just get me something more simple, I don’t need all of that. It’s crazy for one person. I could never afford something like that if I were paying, it makes me uncomfortable.”
“Don’t think of it as being for you,” Jackson says calmly. “You’re carrying my grandchild. Think of it as being for the baby.” It’s a stark reminder that no one would be doing any of this for me if I weren’t pregnant, and I’m reminded of what Melissa said last night, what she thinks I should be doing. That I should be home with my family.
“I’m in Chicago with my sister,” I blurt out. “And she thinks I need to be the one to tell Alex. That I need to not do any of this stuff Kate wants—the apartment, giving it time, letting her do the talking—and just ‘woman up’ in her words and tell Alex straight from me.”
Jackson is quiet for a moment. “You, of course, have to decide for yourself as to what is best,” he says finally, his voice cool. I can tell he’s trying very hard to be impartial. “But Kate can be…very persuasive when she wants to be.” There’s the tiniest hint of laughter in his words then, and I remember what he said outside of the restaurant, how he remembers Kate as someone who didn’t take no for an answer.
I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say. I can’t make up my mind what I should do. I know I have to, soon, though.
“How are you feeling?” Jackson asks finally, after a moment’s silence.
“I’m okay,” I say carefully, my voice hushed, and unlike Ryan, Jackson knows when I’m not okay. I hear him breathing on the other end of the line, quiet as he no doubt thinks of what the right thing is to say next, and I suddenly feel emotion welling up, confusion over how everything got so strange, so fast. I used to be in love with this man, I think. And now he’s my baby’s grandfather, and I’m in love with his son. What the fuck happened in my life?
“Just call me if you need anything,” he says. “Tell Rose what apartment you want if you decide to go that way. Take care, Madison.”
I get dressed listlessly, still entirely unsure of what the right thing to do is. I’m quiet as Melissa drives me over to our mother’s house, and the moment I see my mom all I want to do is burst into tears again as she envelops me in a hug, squeezing me tightly. I missed her so much, I realize, and I vow not to let anything get in the way of our relationship again.
“I’m so sorry about everything,” my mother whispers as we separate, her hands on either side of my face. “I missed you so much…”
“Stop, Mom,” I say gently, squeezing her hand. “It’s okay. I forgive you. We don’t need to talk about it anymore.”
My mother drops her hands, startled. “But…”
“I’ve learned a lot since then,” I say quietly. “Sometimes people make the wrong decisions, but it isn’t out of spite—it’s because they’re afraid. I understand why you did it, Mom, and I’m not mad. I forgive you, totally.”
“Oh, Madison,” my mom whispers, happiness flooding her face, and she hugs me again, squeezing tightly.
“Ugh,” I squeak, pulling back. “Um, Mom…you might not want to do that quite so hard,” I laugh.
“Why?”
“Well…” I glance at Melissa and then back at our mother. “I was going to wait to tell you this but since I’m home…I’m pregnant.”
“Oh my god!” my mother exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’m so excited for you, Madison! I know it wasn’t planned, but this is wonderful news…what about Alex? Is he happy? Scared? Happy and scared?” Her eyes are glowing and my heart aches, knowing I’m going to have to bring her down a little.
“Actually…” I take a deep breath. “Alex and I aren’t together anymore, Mom.”
“What?” She blinks at me, and then takes my hand and leads me over to the couch. Melissa following us both. “What happened, honey?”
I explain everything, recounting the same sequence of events that I told Melissa the night before, and I see my mother’s face fall as I keep talking. When I’m done I look down at my lap, expecting her to reprimand me or ask me what I was thinking, but she just hugs me again, and when I look up, I see tears in her eyes.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she says softly. “Do you want me to talk to Alex? I know this is complicated and he and I don’t know each other all that well yet, but I can try. Maybe coming from your mother…”
“No, that’s okay,” I tell her. “I appreciate it, but I think this is something I’m going to have to figure out on my own.”
We talk about other things as we have lunch around the table, my mom serving up her secret recipe lasagna and a salad with homemade dressing, and I eat small bites of it. We talk about Melissa’s wedding and the planning and where she wants to have it, about my mother’s job and about my graphic design and what I want to do with that, and carefully avoid any mention of Alex or the baby, although I can tell my mother is still bursting with excitement that she’s going to be a grandmother.
“I love you,” my mother tells me fiercely as she hugs me before Melissa and I leave to go back to the apartment. “I’m so proud of who you’ve become,” she says, stroking my hair gently. “And you’re going to make a great mother.”
“It’s good to be back home with family, isn’t it?” Melissa asks pointedly as we drive
back, glancing over at me. She hesitates, and then looks back at the road, her jaw tightening. “Are you going to see… Robert…while you’re here?”
I bite my lower lip. “Maybe,” I say finally. “I’d like to. But I don’t know if I’m going to tell him about the baby yet.” It’s my turn to hesitate as I wonder if I should tell Mel about Kristen. “I had lunch with Kristen the other day,” I say slowly. “Our half-sister. I’m hoping we might get to be better friends, too. You’re always telling me family is so important. I’m trying to take it more to heart.”
I glance over, but Melissa’s face is unreadable, and I can’t tell if she’s upset at me or not.
“He also said he’d love to meet you when…if you’re ready,” I say hesitantly. “When I saw him last, he asked about you.”
Melissa is flustered, chewing on her lower lip as she focuses on the road, but she just plasters a smile on her face and glances over at me. “One crisis at a time, little sis,” she says wryly. “Let’s get this one all figured out before we worry about my relationship with Robert.”
Chapter 9
Present day
Alex
Jade is on my arm, laughing tipsily as we get out of the Uber, stumbling towards my apartment building. Somehow we make it into the elevator and I push her up against the wall, kissing her
hungrily as she wraps her arms around my neck—God it’s been so long since I’ve kissed anyone. It might only have been a couple of weeks but it feels like years. Her lips are soft and she’s moaning as my hand slides up her thigh, under the edge of her short dress that she wore out to meet me at the bar. The elevator’s going too slow!
We make our way inside my apartment, me shushing her as we kiss again just as we walk through the door, laughing but not wanting to wake Alyssa up. I haven’t felt like this in what seems like forever—light, carefree, fun. This is about to happen, I’m about to learn all the new curves and angles of her body. I kiss her again as I unzip her dress and let it puddle onto the floor, picking her up by her waist and setting her down on the bed.
She’s as ready as I am, locking her legs around my waist the second I get her panties off, moaning as I brush my fingers over her nipple under the lace bra that she still has on. I want her on top of me, I think, as I grind against her, feeling how much she wants me, aching with how turned on I am. I roll onto my back, taking her with me, wanting to see her beautiful body completely as she rides me. She grins as she straddles my lap, that mischievous, flirtatious grin that I’m getting to know so well, and she reaches behind her to undo her bra, tossing it aside and letting her small breasts bounce free in the same instant that she slides down onto my dick, making me groan with pleasure as she starts to move.
I missed this, I think, as I grasp her waist, losing myself. I don’t think about anything else but Jade—the perfect feeling of her slender waist in my hands, the curve of her hips, her soft ass as I reach behind her and grab it, squeezing as I pull her down harder onto me as I thrust up into her. I’m not going to last long but it doesn’t matter; she’s already coming, screaming out my name as she throws her head back, her long chestnut hair everywhere as she grips me with her thighs, and then I’m losing it, groaning aloud over and over again as I come inside of her, the pleasure making me dizzy…
“Oh God Alex, that was amazing,” she whispers as she rolls off of me, her long slender body curling against mine as I reach for her, sleep already dragging at me by the time I can toss the condom into the trash and slide back into bed next to her.
And then it’s morning, the sunlight filtering through the windows as I open my eyes blearily and roll over, wondering if Jade has left already or if she’s still there, maybe waiting for me to make her breakfast.
I freeze with shock, my body going cold as I see Madison in bed next to me, not Jade, her eyes wide and full of tears as she wraps her arms around herself. “How could you?” she whispers, tears falling down her cheeks as her voice shakes and quivers. “It hasn’t even been a week, Alex. How could you have slept with someone else already?” Her voice breaks into a sob and she turns away, clearly devastated at what I’ve done. My heart is rioting in my chest.
“You slept with my dad! You lied to me! What do you want me to do?!” I shout at her as tears come to my own eyes.
“To love me, to forgive me!” she shouts back.
And then I sit bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat. The sound of my phone ringing woke me up from the dream—no, a nightmare. My bed is empty and cold as usual. No Jade, no Madison. Jade’s texted me a couple of times trying to set up a date, but I’ve been busy, which has made it easy to avoid going out with her again without upsetting her or having to think too hard about what I should do. Casey’s right; whenever I am ready, mixing business with pleasure isn’t the right thing. I’ve got to get my head together.
My phone is still ringing when I snatch it up; it’s my mom. It’s early for her to be calling but I answer it anyway, clearing my throat as I try to shake away the last of the terrible feeling from the dream.
“Hey Mom, what’s going on?”
“Morning Alex!” she says, a little too cheerfully for—I peer at my alarm clock—seven in the morning. “I wanted you and Alyssa to come over for dinner tonight. Do you think that you can make it?”
“Um…” I groan silently, fishing for an excuse. It’s my only day off, and I’m not really up for dinner—I was looking forward to beer and playing video games or watching sports mindlessly while I try not to think about Madison, or Jackson, or Jade, or anything else that’s complicating my life currently.
“Alex…” she draws out my name. “Come on, I haven’t seen you in a week. Alyssa either. I got used to seeing you every morning for a while there, and I miss my son. Besides, what are you going to cook for yourself? Mac and cheese? Come over and let me feed you.”
I know she’s not going to take no for an answer. I can always hear it in my mother’s voice when she’s already made up her mind for me or Alyssa on what we’re going to do.
“In fact,” she says, “just go ahead and come over now, your father would love to see you both. We can make a day of it.”
I almost groan audibly then, but just agree, since I know that’s where this is headed anyway. I get up and shower, and head down the hall to wake Alyssa up and get her to come help me make breakfast. I knock on the door. “Alyssa,” I call out. “Mom and Dad want us to come over for the day and she’s not taking no for an answer, so get ready, we’re leaving in half an hour.” She doesn’t respond so I knock again, and when she opens it I can tell she’s trying to keep me from seeing too far into the room, which only makes me poke my head around, trying to figure out what she’s hiding. Holy shit there’s a fucking a guy in the bed, someone I’ve never seen before, with dark hair and completely fucking naked. Haven’t I been traumatized enough? Now I have to see right in front of me my sister having sex—something I really wanted to pretend doesn’t ever happen.
“Alyssa!” We’ve never talked about rules regarding guests, but I would’ve hoped she would have asked before bringing someone over; instead, she just went ahead and did it. My brotherly instincts kick in and I push the door open, glaring at the guy in the bed. “Get out,” I tell him sharply, pointing at the door. I’ve been stressed, frustrated, and brokenhearted for the past two weeks and this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I don’t want some stranger in my apartment, screwing my sister.
“Look man,” the guy starts to argue, grabbing for his jeans and putting them on.
“This is my apartment,” I say, “so get the fuck out.”
He obliges with a groan, barely looking at Alyssa as he yanks on his jeans, grabs his shirt, and rushes past me, which only pisses me off more.
“Why are you being such an ass!” Alyssa shrieks. “What do you think you’re doing? I’m an adult, I can have guys over if I want!”
“It’d be nice if you put a little more effort into finding a job and less effort into getting laid.” I run a hand through my hair and glare at her. “Look, just get ready, okay? Mom and dad want us over there for the day.”
Alyssa frowns at me, crossing her arms. “I’m not going,” she says indignantly. “I have plans tonight already.”
I groan, this time aloud because I’m not in the mood to deal with any of this. “Mom wants to see us and I don’t really trust you in the apartment while I’m gone.”
“No!” Alyssa snaps. “Look, you might be fine with going back to letting our parents run your life, but I’m not. I’m an adult, and I’m not just jumping every time Mom snaps her fingers.”
By this point, my patience is completely gone. “Well then, maybe you should be an adult and get a job and help pay some of the bills!” I yell at her, entirely done arguing. It’s my day off, I think miserably. Can everyone just leave me alone?
She looks slightly hurt, and mutters aloud, “Well, do you just want me to leave then?”
I sigh, exasperated but not wanting to hurt her. I love her, even though she drives me up the wall regularly. “No,” I tell her, sighing. “I just don’t want to fight with anyone, okay? Not you, not Mom, not anybody. I’m literally using all of my energy just to get through the day lately, and I know I look like I’m over what happened with Madison, but it’s because I want it to look like that.” I feel m
y shoulders sag as I look at her, suddenly very tired. “I’m not, though. And it’s rough.”
Alyssa looks at me, her expression suddenly sad, and she bites her lip. “…I need to tell you something.”
“What?” I ask, glancing at her. It’s probably something stupid, like that she clogged the garbage disposal again or didn’t take out the trash last night like I asked her to. But then I take a good look at her face, and my heart drops because she looks almost scared.
“You have to promise not to get mad,” she says, and I know it’s something bad then. Anytime anyone says that it’s never a good sign.
I don’t say anything, and Alyssa pauses for a moment, chewing hard on her lower lip before continuing. “Look…I just needed to tell you that I knew about Madison and Jackson. Before you guys came back from the reception. That’s all.”
I stare at her, momentarily floored. “How?” I say, and when she doesn’t speak, I fix her with my coldest expression, because I can already tell this is worse than I thought. “How long did you know?” I ask sharply. “And how did you find out?”
Alyssa lets out a small sigh. “Madison told me when she was drunk,” she says in a small voice. “A while back. In Chicago.”
For a moment I just see red, and then I don’t know whether to be furious or hurt or both. Both probably, because I can’t believe that my own sister was lying to me, hiding the truth from me, just like my fiancée and my father were. “Why did you lie?” I ask, trying to keep the hurt from my tone but failing. “Just…why?”
Alyssa looks slightly pale. “I…” She licks her lips and looks away from me. “I had a crush on Jackson,” she mutters. “And he rejected me, and so I blackmailed him by telling him I knew he and Madison had had an affair. That I’d tell you. And then they found out and begged me to keep it a secret and that they were going to tell you themselves, and then…”
I don’t want to hear anymore. I can’t. “Get your things together,” I tell her through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to hear another word out of you. I’m taking you back to our parents' house. You can stay there. I don’t want to see you.”
