by Portia Moore
I reach for my cell phone, scrolling back in the photos and videos until I find the one I wanted. “Are you ready to hear daddy’s voice?” I ask, hitting play on a video of Alex and I joking around at work when I first went to work for the catering company and we were just friends. It brings tears to my eyes as I watch it, remembering when things were simple back then, when I had no idea what was going to happen, how much happiness and pain were ahead of us, and how things would turn out in the end. “I would never have guessed this would happen,” I whisper. “But I wouldn’t change any of it because it got me you. And whatever happens in the future, we’ll have each other, and your daddy will always love you as much as I do.”
I’ve played this video every night so the baby can hear Alex’s voice, and I can learn to live with the way things are.
So it won’t hurt anymore when I go back, and all we are is friends.
Alex
I’m honestly surprised how much this has helped, I think as I leave my therapy appointment at the end of that week, feeling better than I have in a long time.
Rose found me a therapist with lightning speed, setting me up with a younger guy who’s not much older than I am, and who I felt like I could connect with almost on the level of a friend or an older brother. I started going three times a week, trying to find out if I could let go of the lingering resentment and anger that I still had towards Jackson and Madison for what happened, and even the first session of explaining everything and getting it out to someone who just listened, who didn’t have any stake in it at all, was surprisingly cathartic. Now a week before I fly out for the gender reveal, I’m lighter than ever, like the past is something that I can truly put behind me and move on. I understand why things happened the way they did, why they made their choices, and although I was hurt by them, I can see the other point of view as well, and I can forgive them both. I believe Madison when she says it happened before us, and that’s the crux of it, that she was always faithful to me, that she always loved me.
The therapy has gone a long way towards helping me see that the secret came from how much she loved me, and not out of a desire to lie or hide anything or be unfaithful.
I decide to give Madison a call as I leave, something that I haven’t done since she went back to Chicago, out of a desire to respect her need for space and give myself some breathing room to figure things out as well. We’ve texted a little about the baby, but it’s been brief and to the point, and I almost don’t expect her to answer. When she does, I feel an immediate rush of happiness and relief, but I try to hold it back as I cautiously ask her how she’s doing.
“I’m good,” she says softly. “Spending a lot of time with my mom and sister. The baby is doing well.”
“Ally misses you,” I tell her, wanting to say that I miss her…and then without meaning to, I say it aloud.
“I’m sorry I left so abruptly. I just…”
“No, it’s okay,” I say quickly. “I understand why you did.” I pause for a moment and then say hesitantly, “I’d still like to come to the gender reveal if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it’s okay!” she exclaims. “I still want you to be a part of all of this, Alex. That’s still as important to me as ever.”
“Good,” I tell her, relieved. “I’m going to be working a lot this week and the next so that I can take the days off for that, so I might be busy. But you and the baby are in my thoughts,” I promise, “and you should call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” she says quietly. “Bye, Alex.”
I hang up the phone, wanting to tell her that I still love her. But I want to do it in person. I look at the time; I have a meeting with Parker in a half-hour, and I don’t want to be late for it since it’s during her lunch and I know she has a busy day. We were supposed to meet next month to go over bar plans for her wedding, but I have a particular reason for wanting to meet with her earlier.
She’s waiting for me in the lobby of the high-rise that she works in, and gives me a quick hug when I walk up. “I was surprised you called to meet earlier,” she says, showing me towards the elevator. “But I’m glad you’re here, I’ve been so stressed with wedding planning. It’s making me crazy.”
We get into the elevator and she hits a button. “There’s a nice café here,” she explains. “I think it’s just because they want us spending as little time away from work as possible,” she laughs, “but it works out because it’s got really good food.”
The café has a lovely view of the city, and the waitress shows us over to a table by the window, bringing us both water to drink. Parker looks over the menu and orders a chicken salad with strawberries and goat cheese. I order a steak sandwich and fries that sound amazing. “So what are you thinking for the wedding?” I ask her as we both pick at the appetizer that the waitress brings, seared tuna over pickled radish that’s amazing. I make a mental note to find an excuse to have lunch here again.
“I want it to be glamorous,” Parker says. “Really luxurious and over the top. I know you can pull that off, after that event that you sent me pictures of. But I don’t want crazy exotic things like that. Think like…Kate Middleton and Prince William. Classy but glamorous, old school. Fancy champagne drinks, top-notch liquor, creative drinks that make you think royalty or old-Hollywood. Does that make sense?”
“It certainly does,” I assure her. “I’ll source glassware that’s appropriate too, little things like napkins or garnishes that will add an extra touch. Don’t worry, it’s going to be perfect. Everything you dreamed of.”
We go over some other details while we eat lunch, with Parker showing me some photos and other ideas that she’s come up with. Finally, when we get the check, I pause, looking at her. “There’s a reason I wanted to meet sooner than we planned,” I say slowly.
“Yeah?” Parker looks at me curiously as I reach into my blazer pocket, and then her jaw drops as I pull out a small black velvet box and open it.
The ring inside is completely different from the one that I purchased for Madison when I originally proposed to her. It’s an oval diamond in a delicate halo on a rose gold band, and set on either side of the diamond is a small garnet, what will be our baby’s birthstone. “It’s a new ring for a new start,” I say softly. “I want to propose to Madison again, put all of this behind us. I love her. I know that for sure—I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need to date or sleep around to know that—Madison was the love of my life then and she still is now, and I want our family to be complete. I want to marry her, and spend the rest of my life with her, and I hope she’ll want that too. Whatever happened before us doesn’t matter, I know that now. Living with her showed me that nothing’s changed—it can be as good as it was before, maybe even better.”
“Oh my God!” Parker puts a hand over her mouth, her eyes shining as she looks at the ring. “It’s gorgeous, Alex, even prettier than the first one. She’s going to be so happy—she loves you so much,” she says, looking at me earnestly. “She was so sorry for everything that happened, for how she handled it, and I know all she wants is for you to forgive her and for the two of you to be together again.”
“I’m ready to move forward from the past to a better future together,” I say firmly, closing the box and putting it back into my pocket. “But,” I continue, leaning forward, “I need a favor.”
“Anything,” Parker assures me, and I begin to outline exactly what it is that I need as she listens intently.
32
Madison
The day of the gender reveal party, I’ve never been so excited for anything as I am to find out today about the baby, but I can’t help but also feel nervous, since today I’ll see Alex for the first time since I left, and his family for the first time since we had dinner there. I have no idea how Alex is or what he’s been doing. We’ve only talked on the phone the one time and texted back and forth a little but only about the baby.
Parker gets there that morning. She flew in especially for this, a
nd I’m so happy; I’ve missed my friend. We got used to seeing each other all the time since I’ve been living in New York, and being away from her for weeks was hard. She gives me a huge hug the moment she comes into the room, and hands me a box, smiling from ear to ear. “This is for you,” she says, plopping down onto the bed. “Open it!”
I oblige, smiling as I strip away the silver wrapping, and my mouth drops open when I see what’s inside—a gorgeous off-white maternity dress, made out of a soft silky fabric that clings to all the right places when I put it on, making me look radiant and glowing and more like a goddess than a very tired pregnant woman. “This is amazing,” I say, hugging her. “It’s too much, but it’s gorgeous.”
“Nothing is too much for my best friend,” Parker promises. “So what are we doing before the party?”
“Mel and my mom gifted me a trip to a salon and spa to get a facial and my hair and nails and makeup done, which is ridiculous and way too expensive, but they’re insisting, so that’s where we’re going first,” I tell her. “Want to come along?”
“Madison, have I ever turned down a trip to the spa?”
I feel so loved as the four of us get into the car and head to the salon, my head spinning with how sweet everyone has been to me. My mother is practically bursting with excitement, and even Melissa is sweeter and more cheerful than normal, none of her usual caution or worry. They all order champagne at the salon and I get a virgin drink, sipping on it while we start with manicures and pedicures for all of us.
“So do you happen to know what I should expect today?” I ask Parker, grinning at her as the nail tech starts to scrub my feet and then wrap them in a hot towel.
“I have no idea which one it is, I swear,” Parker says, but the smirk on her face makes me wonder if she’s telling the truth. She raises her hand. “I promise I don’t know!” she insists. “Do you have a preference?”
I shrug. “As long as it looks like Alex,” I admit.
“I wanted girls,” my mother says, looking across Parker to me. “And that’s exactly what I got. So maybe wishing for something in particular helps,” she says, laughing.
I feel beautiful by the time we leave, my black hair blown out and styled into thick curls and my nails done in a soft pink, my makeup flawless thanks to the expert application. I feel like a movie star and thank Parker and my mom and Melissa over and over as we drive to the venue that Parker and Mel chose. Right as we leave the salon Alex texts me to let me know that he’s arrived and he’ll see me when we get there. My stomach explodes with butterflies at the thought of seeing him again, that he’ll be at my side, even though I don’t think we’ll ever be together again. The space has been good for me. I feel more at peace with what’s happened, more able to trust that things will work out as they’re supposed to.
My jaw drops as we get out of the car—the venue is gorgeous. It’s an outdoor gazebo, decorated with tons of flowers and white and gold balloons, and I see several large balloons weighted down in the center with one in the middle that’s bigger than all the rest. Kate meets us in the parking lot and we all walk in together. When I step inside, I’m shocked to see that Kristen made it after all, along with my dad. Parker’s fiancé is there as well and some of my old co-workers and cousins, and I see Alex and John and Alyssa standing there on the outskirts of the group and my eyes well up with tears, realizing how many people care about me and the baby and are happy to be here for us. There’s a huge buffet table full of food that I know is thanks to Melissa and her catering company—which also means it’s going to be delicious—and everything is so beautiful and perfect that I can’t help but start to cry, completely blown away by it all.
Alex crosses to me and takes my hands in his, smiling down at me. “You look stunning,” he tells me, taking in everything from my hair and makeup to the dress Parker bought me. It only makes me cry harder, thankful that my mascara is waterproof as I take the tissue Melissa hands me and dab at my eyes, trying to get my emotions under control. While I collect myself I hear Alex introducing his mother and John and Alyssa to my family and Parker, and once I finally manage to stop crying and take a deep breath, I smile at Alex and reach for his hand.
“I want to introduce you to everyone else,” I tell him, and the expression on his face looks like a happy one as I take him around and introduce him to family members he hasn’t met yet and some of my old friends who don’t know him.
We make it around the gazebo but as soon as we reach a spot where no one is standing, he pulls me aside, looking down into my eyes with an expression that I haven’t seen on his face in a long time. “I missed you,” he says softly, my hands still in his. “Not just the baby…you.” He pauses, and I can see him struggling with what to say, but finally he just says simply: “It made me realize that I don’t want to lose you.”
I stare at him, completely shocked. What is he saying? I open my mouth to ask the question, but before I can say anything I hear Melissa calling everyone to look at the center of the gazebo where the largest balloons are and then shouting: “Alex, Madison! Come over here, let’s get this party started!”
I tear my eyes away from his face, and we both walk up to where Melissa and Parker are standing. Melissa hands me a long gold pin. “The balloons have the answer to the question we’re all wondering,” Melissa says cheerfully. “So you use this to pop the balloons, and then we’ll know!”
I start to go to the center balloon first, but Parker quickly tells me no, I need to go to that one last. I shake my head in mock exasperation, but I’m dying with excitement and nerves, I can’t believe in a few minutes I’ll know the answer, if Alex and I are having a little son or daughter.
The first balloon pops and a gold embossed card floats out. It says Will on the front, and as I grab it out of the air I look from Alex to Melissa to Parker with wide eyes. “It’s a boy!” I squeal excitedly, but Parker just laughs and Melissa shakes her head and shrugs. “You’ve got four more balloons to pop,” she reminds me, and I go to the one beside it with my heart pounding in my chest.
The next one has a card that just says U with a picture of a little boy and a little girl, and I look around the room with a laugh, but no one gives a hint; they’re all waiting as nervously as I am. When I pop the third balloon there is a card that says Mary. I hold all three cards in my hand, looking over at Alex as I go to the fourth one next to the largest balloon.
“Come pop it with me,” I ask, but he just shakes his head with a small smile on his face.
“This is your moment,” he says firmly, and I give him a little pout but turn to the balloon and hit it with the gold pin, and a card floats out that when I pick it up: Me.
I’m completely confused for a second, and then when I turn I see Alex on one knee in front of me, and suddenly it all makes sense. Tears flood my eyes, choking me up so that I couldn’t speak if I wanted to, and he reaches for my hand as he pulls a small velvet box out of his pocket. All I can do is look at him in disbelief, unable to fully process that this is happening, and I can tell that everyone in the room is smiling, but all I can do is look at Alex. My eyes are on him and him alone.
“The first time I gave you a ring,” he begins, his voice slightly shaky with emotion, but as sincere and certain as I’ve ever heard him, “it was because I knew you were the one. Not just my partner, but my best friend. The moment I laid eyes on you the first time, I knew I only wanted to be with you.” He takes a deep breath, his gorgeous eyes fixed on mine. “This time I know there’s nothing that could ever stop me from loving you. There’s no other person I could ever imagine being my wife. Madison, will you be not only my wife, but my lover and my best friend, for the rest of our lives?”
I can’t speak for a moment, but then I gasp and through tears tell him, “Yes, Alex, of course, yes!” He slides the ring onto my finger and I have only a second to look at it through blurred eyes before he’s on his feet, pulling me into his arms for a kiss. I can hear everyone applauding but it fades into the bac
kground as I throw my arms around him, kissing him deeply and knowing for the first time in what feels like forever that everything is right again, that Alex loves me, that I haven’t lost my happily ever after—but gotten a better one than I could have ever imagined.
“I’m sorry about the public proposal,” he whispers in my ear. “I know that wasn’t a thing you wanted.”
I look at him through tear-filled eyes, laughing as I kiss him again. “I think you get a pass,” I tell him, my hand on his face as he kisses me hard, and then I hear Kate clearing her throat from behind Alex.
“I know you kids might have forgotten, but there’s still one balloon to pop. I’m dying to know what my grandchild is,” she reminds us, and Alex and I burst into laughter as we separate and I look at him.
“Together?” I ask as we look at the last balloon. He nods, his eyes meeting mine and full of love as he wraps his hand around mine, the one holding the gold pin.
“Together,” he confirms, never looking away from my face as we pop the last balloon together.
All I can see is love in his eyes as we hear it pop, and blue confetti rains down around us.
33
Alex
“What do you think about Jamison for a name?”
