Emily

by Valerie Wood

  Mrs Purnell joined Mrs Marshall in Scarborough for a month and took Emily with her, but somehow the resort had lost its charm. There was no Ginny to talk to because she had stayed behind in Hull, as she had suggested she might, and all Emily was required to do was accompany the two ladies when they took the air along the Esplanade, or carry their parcels home from their frequent shopping trips. Even the carriage drive up Oliver’s Mount, the finest terrace in England from where could be seen the surrounding views of the ocean, castle and the hills of the Wolds, failed to delight her as it had done the previous year.

  She avoided going near the pier in case she should meet Ben Thompson. She was in no mood for pleasantries or protestations of affection, and when out alone she walked swiftly with her eyes to the ground to avoid the glances of ardent young men.

  ‘’Sea air has done you good, Emily,’ Mrs Anderson remarked when they returned to Hull. ‘You were looking very peaky before you went away.’

  ‘I feel much better, Mrs Anderson.’ In truth Emily did feel much better in health. The lethargy had left her, as had the sickness, but inwardly she was very troubled and finally she decided that she would have to confide in Mrs Anderson when she announced that Mr Hugo and his wife would be returning from abroad in October.

  ‘’Mistress isn’t too pleased about it,’ said the housekeeper grimly. ‘She hasn’t said as much of course, but I can tell. I know her well enough to know when she’s displeased. She’s not looking forward to having ’young mistress back with her tantrums and sulks.’

  ‘You don’t look too happy about it either, Emily.’ Cook must have noticed her pallor at the news. ‘You’ll be ’butt of her nonsense again, I expect.’

  ‘She can’t help it.’ In spite of her fears, Emily rose to her young mistress’s defence. ‘It’s not her fault. She has to be treated gently and kindly. It’s when she gets excited that she becomes –’.

  ‘Deranged!’ Dolly hooted. ‘She’s definitely got a screw loose.’

  ‘That’s unkind,’ Emily said hotly, ‘and not respectful.’

  ‘That’s enough, Dolly.’ Mrs Anderson was sharp. ‘Now get about your work, and you come with me, Emily.’

  ‘So tell me what’s troubling you.’ She had pointed up the stairs and followed Emily to her room, where they couldn’t be overheard. ‘If it’s not ’young mistress returning home, then what is it?’ She stared hard at her and Emily knew that the housekeeper had probably guessed the truth.

  ‘It’s Mr Hugo,’ she whispered and hung her head. ‘I’m afraid of him.’

  ‘Has he seduced you?’ The housekeeper was terse, her questions sharp. ‘Or have you been willing?’

  ‘He did. But I never gave him any reason to think –’. She swallowed and whispered, shocked to think Mrs Anderson would doubt her. ‘It was after the party on ’night of his wedding. He’d been drinking and he forced his way into my room.’ She started to sob as she relived the horrors. ‘His mother was sleeping in ’next room. I think he’d given her a sleeping draught. He was horrible. Horrible! Then – then, the next morning he came back again.’ She broke into uncontrollable sobbing. ‘When we came back here I kept my door locked, just like you said I should, but he was always up here, trying the door.’

  She blew her nose hard, but still the tears fell as she said, ‘He’s got me pregnant, Mrs Anderson. He’s taken away my virtue. I’m worthless! I was always a good lass, honest to God I was. But now I’m nothing.’

  Mrs Anderson sank down on Emily’s bed. Above her on the wall was the tract of the Servant Girl’s Prayer. ‘Scum of the earth,’ she muttered.

  ‘No! No!’ Emily protested. ‘It wasn’t my fault.’

  ‘Not you, girl. Him! Our master whose desires we must obey. Well, you’ve obeyed his desires all right and look where it’s got you.’ Her mouth tightened. ‘You know that he’ll deny it? He’ll say that he’s never touched you or else that you led him on.’

  ‘It’s not true.’ Emily vehemently shook her head. ‘I swear that it’s not!’

  But Mrs Anderson didn’t seem to be listening. ‘He might give you some money to keep you quiet, of course, especially now he’s got a young wife,’ she murmured. ‘It won’t take folks long to add up two and two to know when it happened.’

  ‘You do believe me, then?’ Emily felt a small measure of relief.

  ‘Oh aye. It’s not ’first time.’ Mrs Anderson glanced around the small room. ‘’Other maid that got caught was my niece Jenny in this very room. Onny she was more than willing, young strumpet! She thought he’d look after her, like he said.’ She gave a coarse laugh. ‘He looked after her all right! Gave her some money, which she spent on fancy clothes and gin, and now she’s next door, her and her bairn.’

  ‘Next door?’ Emily was puzzled. An elderly gentleman lived next door with his housekeeper and valet. ‘As a maid?’

  ‘In ’workhouse,’ Mrs Anderson answered grimly, ‘where you’ll probably end up.’

  They agreed that nothing would be said to Mrs Purnell just yet, or to the other servants, and hoped that they wouldn’t notice Emily’s increasing plumpness, which in the current fashion was regarded as very desirous. She looked well, a fine bloom touched her fair skin, and her blond hair shone when she let it down to brush it. Mrs Anderson took care to let her off arduous tasks and Emily found that the housekeeper’s previous sharp manner hid a solicitude which had not formerly been apparent.

  ‘They’ll be home at the end of ’week during October,’ Mrs Anderson announced. ‘’Mistress has had a letter. Get a fire lit in both bedrooms, Dolly, and Emily you’d better order some extra flowers from ’florist to put in Miss Deborah’s room. Off you go,’ she said meaningfully. ‘Go now.’

  Emily thankfully put on her cloak and went out. Mrs Anderson must have guessed that she would be upset by the sudden news and would need time to prepare herself. She glanced at the workhouse gate as she passed and shivered. She had seen many of the inmates coming out from within its gloomy walls. They all looked thin and ill, with scabby faces and shabby clothes, and she wanted to weep as she thought that same fate might await her.

  I shall have a child to look after. A child I don’t want. That I never asked for. I never expected this. She thought of her friend Jane, pregnant by Brown and wondered if they were married yet. She has her mother to help her, and her sisters. They’ll be poor, but the child will be loved and cared for. I have no-one.

  Her tears were still falling as she entered the florist’s shop. She had been in here only occasionally, as a regular order was sent to Mrs Purnell’s every week. An assistant took the extra order and through the back of the shop Emily saw an older woman, who looked up from her desk and gazed at her, and whom she guessed was the owner. The perfume of the flowers drifted over her, the heavy perfume of roses, lilies and exotic flowers brought in from abroad and lingering beneath that the homely cottage-garden scent of sweet lavender and rosemary. She wiped away tears, which came so readily these days.

  ‘Does the scent upset you?’ the older woman called to her.

  ‘Oh no.’ Emily smiled through her tears. ‘Not at all. It reminds me of where I used to live – in ’country. There were so many nice smells there.’

  The woman nodded in agreement then bent her head, but glanced up again as Emily took her leave.

  ‘They’re here. They’re here. Run up and tell ’mistress, Emily. ’Rest of you, tidy yourselves up while I open ’door.’ Mrs Anderson barked out instructions three days later as the front door was hammered on with great force.

  ‘You don’t need to come and tell me,’ Mrs Purnell said as Emily entered her room. ‘I know well enough who gives orders to break down the door.’ She seemed flustered yet pleased to welcome the return of her son. ‘I do hope everything is going to be all right. Do you think the tour will have been good for my son’s wife, Emily? Her health, you know? You knew her before.’

  ‘I don’t know, ma’am. I wasn’t at Elmswell for very long and I don’t remember
Miss Deborah – Mrs Purnell, ever going away.’

  ‘Hmm. Well, we’ll have to wait and see, I suppose.’ Mrs Purnell rose from her chair and went to greet her son and his wife and Emily followed behind and joined the line of servants who were waiting in the hall to greet them.

  Hugo was tanned and handsome, but Deborah was pale and wan and trailed behind him. Behind her was the maid, perky and dark with a saucy look about her. Hugo bowed and kissed his mother and she then gave Deborah a light kiss on her cheek. He turned to greet the staff. ‘Mrs Anderson.’ He gave a slight nod of his head to the stony faced housekeeper. ‘Cook, Dolly.’ He moved on towards Emily. ‘Emily.’ A smile played around his mouth and she trembled as she dipped her knee. ‘How very well you look, Emily.’ He took Deborah’s hand and drew her towards him. ‘Say hello to Emily, my dear. Doesn’t she look well?’

  Deborah stared at Emily, her eyes were dull and her mouth worked, as if she was trying to say something but the words wouldn’t come out.

  ‘And you have all met Alice.’ Hugo indicated the new maid. ‘Alice has been a treasure, hasn’t she, Debs? Knows exactly how to look after you?’

  Alice smirked and then took hold of Deborah’s arm. ‘We’d better go up for a rest, ma’am. It’s been a long journey.’ She turned to Emily standing at the end of the line. ‘Send up some broth and a little bread for Mrs Purnell, she needs to take some refreshment before her medication,’ and she propelled her mistress up the stairs.

  Hugo smiled. ‘A treasure,’ he repeated and escorted his mother to the drawing room. ‘You wouldn’t believe the difference Alice has made to Deborah.’

  Mrs Purnell frowned. ‘She looks a little flighty to me. And medication? What medication is Deborah taking?’

  Hugo stretched himself out on a sofa and yawned. ‘I found a fantastic doctor in Florence. Deborah had been making a fuss as usual, getting quite hysterical over nothing, and I spoke to one or two people about it and this fellow was recommended. He gave Deborah a few drops of his magical potion and it worked; mark you, she wouldn’t take it at first, she had to be held down. But now she’s as meek as a lamb. No trouble at all.’

  His mother looked worried. ‘But what is it? Is it addictive? I don’t like the idea –’.

  ‘I have his assurance that it is perfectly safe.’ He got up from the sofa. ‘If you will excuse me, Mother. I must get changed out of these clothes. Then I’m off to my club to see what’s been going on in my absence.’

  He arrived back home after midnight and strode softly up the stairs. He hesitated for a moment on the landing, then continued up to the next floor. He turned the knob on Emily’s door. It turned and he smirked and entered. ‘Emily,’ he whispered, ‘what a good girl. Are you pleased to see me back?’

  The light by the bed was turned low and a hand reached out to turn it up and show Mrs Anderson sitting on the bed fully dressed. ‘Emily isn’t using this room any more, sir.’ She stared at him with hatred in her eyes. ‘You’ve ruined her, just as you ruined Jenny. You should be ashamed, sir.’

  He strode across towards her and grabbing her by the collar hauled her off the bed. ‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that, you old hag, or you’ll be sorry.’ He wrenched at the neckline of her dress, tearing it. ‘I could give you a taste of the same if I fancied to.’ He sneered. ‘It would be the first time, wouldn’t it? The first time you had a man’s hand on you?’

  ‘Sir,’ she gasped, ‘Mr Hugo! Have some respect. I am a single elderly woman.’

  He pushed her roughly back on to the bed. ‘Then you hold your tongue or it’ll be the worse for you.’ He turned to go. ‘And tell Emily I will be waiting for her.’

  ‘Emily is pregnant,’ she blurted out. ‘You must leave her alone.’

  He raised his eyebrows and laughed. ‘Pregnant! And I suppose she’s saying the bastard is mine?’

  Mrs Anderson said nothing, just swallowed nervously and clutched her hands together.

  ‘Give her a shilling and dismiss her,’ he said curtly. ‘It has nothing to do with me.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  Emily spent the night in Mrs Anderson’s room, but she didn’t sleep. She had been racked with pain in her back and she had achingly paced the floor, worrying over what Mr Hugo would say to Mrs Anderson when he discovered that they had exchanged rooms, for Emily had heard him creeping up the stairs towards her room.

  Mrs Anderson tapped gently on the door at five o’clock, whispering to let her in. Her face looked grey and her eyes were heavy as if she hadn’t slept either.

  ‘He says I’ve to dismiss you. I’ll have to speak to ’mistress.’ She seemed frightened and confused.

  Emily held her arms across her stomach. She felt sick. ‘What am I to do, Mrs Anderson? I feel ill. Where can I go?’

  The housekeeper shook her head. ‘I can’t help you. He’s threatened me. I’ll lose my position if I do any more and where would I get work at my age?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Emily started to cry, as once more the pain stabbed in her back and she drew in a deep breath. ‘I don’t want you to get into trouble on my account.’

  Mrs Anderson’s eyes narrowed. ‘Have you started? Is ’babby coming?’

  Emily’s mouth grew round in dismay. ‘I don’t know. I’ve been awake all night.’

  ‘Come upstairs.’ Mrs Anderson gathered Emily’s clothes together. ‘Go back to your room. It might be a false alarm, but we can’t take ’risk. You can’t give birth here.’

  She bundled Emily upstairs as quickly and quietly as possible. ‘Stay here. I’ll say you’re poorly. Keep ’door locked and try not to make a noise.’

  Emily lay back on her bed, but she was restless and the pain in her back gradually grew worse and moved round to the front, pulling and dragging at her. She sat up and stared at the window as sunlight started to filter through as the morning mist disappeared. ‘I’m in labour,’ she whispered. ‘I’m going to give birth and there’s no-one here to help me. What do I do? I might die!’ She knew of no-one who had experienced childbirth. Granny Edwards had never spoken of it and Emily’s only knowledge was observation and whispered conversation with her former school friends.

  After a while the pain eased and she tiptoed to the door and opened it a crack and listened. She could hear voices down below. One was Hugo’s and she thought the other was Mrs Purnell’s. Then she heard the front door closing and the sound of a carriage pulling away.

  Mrs Anderson scurried upstairs with a slice of bread and a pot of tea. Emily was glad of a hot drink, but couldn’t eat. ‘I think ’babby’s coming, Mrs Anderson. I feel so strange.’

  ‘God help us!’ Mrs Anderson was distraught. ‘I don’t know what to do! I’ve never seen a babby born afore.’

  They stared at each other. ‘Neither have I,’ Emily whispered. ‘Only kittens and lambs. But it’s a natural thing, Mrs Anderson, so I’ll just have to get on with it. What did Mrs Purnell say?’

  ‘I haven’t told her.’ Mrs Anderson shook her head. ‘They’ve all gone out visiting. I thought I’d leave it till later. I didn’t want to ruin her day.’

  Emily sweated and groaned all day and Mrs Anderson came up at intervals, bringing her hot and cold drinks and an armful of old sheets which she asked her to put over the bed linen. ‘Dolly’s from a big family, shall I ask her what to do?’ she asked, as Emily panted over the iron bedrail.

  ‘No. Don’t tell anybody. It’s best that they don’t know, then they can’t get into trouble.’

  Mrs Anderson took her drawstring purse from under her apron. ‘Mr Hugo said I had to give you a shilling and dismiss you,’ she said slowly, ‘but you have some wages to come.’ She tipped out some coins onto the table. ‘’Mistress might give you something, but on ’other hand she might not. She doesn’t like this kind of thing.’

  Emily gave a short sharp sound, somewhere between a laugh and a cry. ‘I’m not very happy about it either,’ she groaned. ‘It’s not something I planned. Not yet anyway.’

  Mr
s Anderson was getting more and more nervous. ‘I’ll have to go down. ’Family will be back soon and I don’t know how long I can keep you up here without them in ’kitchen getting suspicious.’

  Emily wiped the sweat from her brow. ‘You go, Mrs Anderson. I’ll be all right.’

  But the housekeeper was no sooner gone than she was once more riven with pains, which came faster and faster. She paced the floor, she crouched, she knelt, trying to find some relief until at last she could no longer hold back her cries, and as she opened her mouth to scream, she gave birth and the cry faded. The infant slid from her body to lie still and lifeless between her thighs.

  She was barely conscious of what happened next, only that it was a boy and there was something wrong. He was so tiny and his colour didn’t look healthy. As if in a trance, she cut the cord which bound them together and picking him up, she wiped his mouth and nose and eyes of mucus with her fingers, and gently patted his back. There was no response so she carefully opened his small mouth and softly blew her own breath into him. She felt his chest for the sound of a heartbeat, but there was nothing. She had often in her childhood held a baby bird and felt the flutter of a tiny beating heart, but there was only stillness within this child’s body. She leaned towards the drawer by her bed and taking a clean white shift from it she wrapped it around him and held him close.

  ‘A shilling for your life,’ she murmured as she gently rocked him, ‘a life which didn’t even begin.’

  It grew darker as she lay with the child in her arms, but she didn’t bother to light the lamp. She felt no pain now, only sorrow in her heart for this child which had come from her body. The child which she hadn’t wanted but which she knew she would have come to love, even though the begetting of him had been so abhorrent to her.

  She sat for a long time rocking the infant, her mind blank, not thinking of what the future might hold, until she heard the slam of the front door and she knew that the Purnells had returned. They would go to their rooms and change from their travelling attire into their supper dress. She would be missed, but she guessed that Mrs Anderson would make an excuse for her and send Dolly up to help Mrs Purnell to change, whilst the new maid Alice would assist Miss Deborah.