by Lee Wardlow
“What’s up?”
“Sophie asked me to meet her at home. Something’s wrong. Will you wrap up here today?”
“Sure, Josh. I can handle this.”
He clapped Miguel on the back. “I know you can and I appreciate it. It won’t make you late getting to daycare will it?” Josh asked.
“No, definitely not. If I need to, I can call my mother and ask her to pick up Markus.”
“Thanks Miguel, I appreciate this.”
“Go, Sophie needs you.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He had one leg in the truck and stuck the key in the ignition.
“We’ll pray for Sophie,” Miguel told him.
“Thanks, Miguel. We might be needing prayer more than anything.”
He shut his door and watched Miguel head back to the crew he was working with. Josh didn’t ask her any questions. He didn’t know what was wrong. He just texted her back, I’ll see you there.
Chapter 3
Sophie
When Sophie pulled in the driveway, Josh was standing by his truck. She couldn’t remember where he would have been when she messaged him about meeting her, but he had made it home before her.
She put the old red truck in park and just stared at him for the moment. He was just as handsome as he was as a teenager when she began dating him. Josh gazed at her, not moving. She didn’t move either. Her hands were clenched around the hard, plastic wheel.
They were both afraid. Sophie could see it on his face as plain as what she felt in her gut. Finally, she turned off the ignition and climbed out of the truck. She shut the door and Josh opened his arms waiting for her to come to him.
She dropped her purse at his feet and let him hold her for a moment without saying anything while her cheek rested against his, chest. Sophie listened to the beat of his heart. The comforting sound caused her eyes to close as a tear rolled from beneath her lashes. “What is it Sophie? What’s wrong?”
She inhaled, preparing herself to explain what she didn’t know. “I have a lump. That’s why Ben sent me to the Imaging Center. I had a diagnostic mammogram. I didn’t want to worry you.” Josh grunted at her. She knew what that meant. He didn’t like it. “Carol his nurse is trying to arrange an ultrasound and biopsy for tomorrow or the next day.”
Josh was still, not saying anything while taking in her explanation. Sophie leaned back so she could look at his face. She wanted to see what he was feeling. “Is it cancer?” He asked gazing at her.
“They don’t know yet. It is possible that it’s just a cyst. Doctor Simpson, the radiologist finally admitted after I pushed her, it has markers that look like cancer, but she doesn’t want to commit without the biopsy. She is concerned enough that they want to hurry the appointment for the ultrasound and the biopsy.”
He nodded. “Then we’re going to think positive, that it’s not cancer.” Josh wrapped his arm around her, grabbed her purse off the drive and led Sophie inside. “I’ll go with you to the appointment.”
“Josh, I’m a little scared,” she admitted. “Ben was concerned which is why he sent me to the Imaging Center today. The radiologist is concerned which is why they are trying to get me into the oncologist so quickly.” Her voice cracked. “We have to be realistic.”
He hugged her hard at the garage door that he had put it up while they waited. He kissed her temple. “I love you babe. We’ve been through everything together. A new business. Two kids. Heath is married to Hannah now. A grandson.”
“Now this,” she said.
He smiled at her. “Now this. Whatever it is, I’ll be right by your side just like always.”
That is what she wanted to hear but for the moment she didn’t feel any better. She was scared. It was a big word with lots of implications.
Cancer.
Chemo.
Losing her lovely, thick, dark hair.
Possibly losing her breast or both if necessary?
Would Josh still love her? Desire her without her breasts?
So many things ran through her head but the one that kicked her in the butt the most. The one thing that terrified her was Cancer could mean death. She wanted to see Ally graduate from college. She wanted to see Joshua start kindergarten.
Sophie wanted to watch her daughter try on wedding dresses until she found the ONE. She imagined Kai would go with them and Ally’s grandmothers too, hers and Josh’s moms.
Sophie wanted to be by her daughter’s side when she gave birth to her first child. It was a lot to ask but she was still young, right? It was possible.
Cancer didn’t have to be a death sentence.
The thing was she hadn’t expected in her life, cancer. She was living her life, oblivious of bad, things that could happen because her life was good. Really, really, good and she had taken it for granted.
What would happen to her family if she died? She glanced at Josh. Her husband. They had only been with each other. He was her first as she was his. They had learned about sex and love together.
Sophie leaned against the counter. Would he remarry if something happened to her? She chewed on the tip of her thumbnail imagining him with someone else. That was a painful thought, but he was young still. If it ever came to that, then Sophie would tell him so.
“What?” He asked when he noticed that she was staring at him.
“Nothing.” Not yet. She couldn’t tell him all the craziness going through her head right now.
Not yet. She really needed to start with the little, things before she got to the big stuff. She needed to have the ultrasound and biopsy first before she had a full-blown panic attack and started planning her own funeral.
There were times he called her crazy. Now would be one of them if she tried to tell him everything that was running through her addled, stressed-out, brain.
She sighed. “Can we just order something in for dinner?”
“Sure.” He was already pulling out menus from the drawer that drove him nuts. Her junk drawer. It contained so many things that she always thought she might need. He had to root through it to find the one menu that he wanted.
“You just decide and order something for me. I’m going to our bedroom and change into something comfortable.”
She got as far as the kitchen doorway before Josh stopped her. “Sophie,” he said her name. She turned and gazed at him. “I promise it will be all right.”
She nodded then headed through the doorway to the hall that led to their master suite. Josh had expanded it with Jake Manzo and John Overly, a little over eight years ago.
So much had changed in the last year. Her eyes were focused on her feet, the sparkling, wooden floor that she religiously cleaned every Saturday morning. Her feet making the only sound in the house, except Josh now ordering Italian for their dinner. An excellent choice, comfort food, just what she needed.
Sophie’s eyes were drawn to the smudge on the wall near the door. Probably one of the them had run Joshua into it on one of his riding toys. The neutral color showed everything. Neutral, because Sophie liked playing it safe.
Her home was safe like she was. She ate healthy foods. She didn’t drink often, usually only with the girls once a month and then she only had a glass or two of wine or a beer. On Friday nights with Josh she had a glass of vino from a local winery in Cooper. They had their own brand and it was delicious.
She didn’t smoke. She walked every morning three miles while Josh ran. If she worked with Josh, she worked hard. Her arms and back were cut still with muscles from working with her husband making a success of their landscaping business.
Sure, her hips were wider than when she was in high school. Her tummy wasn’t perfectly flat, but she had given birth to two children that had stretched out her skin and her muscles, but she still looked good for her age not that it mattered to Josh. She took care of herself for her.
She might have cancer.
The thought kept going through her head. Shoving out everything else that she was trying to grasp onto to be
positive, right now.
Perching on the edge of the bed, she stared at her phone. Pictures of their last picnic, here at their house, the first of September for Labor Day. Micki’s twins were only two months old. Alexander was trying to walk around things. Kai or Roman were constantly following him to be sure he didn’t fall. Joshua and Alexander playing together. She ran her finger across the photo. She loved all these kids like they were her own.
She might have cancer.
She might not see them grow up. She cleared her throat and contemplated calling Kai. Her closest friend since grade school. Kindergarten they sat side by side. Even then, her friend was a giant compared to the other kindergarten children while Sophie was very small.
Now, Kai was five feet ten. A glorious head of thick auburn curls. Freckles still adorned her pert, nose. Her eyes that were bluish-green were now happy. No longer reflecting the sadness that Jake Manzo had caused the last year of their marriage.
She was a stunner. She deserved better than Jake who had left her for another woman because he thought she couldn’t have children. Boy, did Kai surprise him. Years of infertility treatments and she didn’t get pregnant. Sex with the next-door neighbor after Jake left her. She turned up pregnant. Happy as could be now. Sophie shook her head at karma, she had a way of getting back at you.
Sophie might have cancer.
Should she tell her best friend or wait until she knew more? She told Kai everything. She was pregnant first. She lowered her head, remembering how scared she was when she realized that a month before graduation from high school she was pregnant. She and Kai were close. She was afraid to tell Josh. He was set to go to the University of Cincinnati. He wanted to major in Finance, like their son had. Did Josh have regrets?
She wiped her hand across her face and with it went the wetness. That summer, Kai got pregnant with Hannah during one of their graduation parties. Ben left Kai and went to South Carolina where he graduated from college.
Her high school sweetheart didn’t do the right thing like Josh did. While Sophie and Josh’s relationship had thrived, Kai had been left alone. For a long time, it was the three of them. Her, Josh and Kai with their kids. Then they introduced Kai to Jake.
She tossed her phone around in her hand. She swallowed hard. She was scared. Losing her breast? Sophie thought she could handle that. She could always do reconstruction if she wanted to. What Sophie was afraid of was losing her life.
She dialed Kai.
“I was just thinking about you. I was going to call you to see how your appointment went with Doctor Ben.” The sound of Kai’s voice caused Sophie to come unglued. Her sobs were all that Kai heard. “Sophie, what’s wrong?”
She couldn’t answer.
“I’m coming over.”
“Okay.” She was able to get that much out between sobs and hiccoughs.
Kai lived two streets over. It wouldn’t take her long to get to her. She stayed where she was, perched on the bed holding her phone. Big, sloppy tears rolling down her cheeks.
After a few minutes, Sophie laid the phone on the nightstand and pulled her shirt out of her jeans. She kicked her boots across the room. Her socks felt slightly sweaty. Hopefully Doc hadn’t noticed that they might be slightly stinky too.
Leaning over she removed them and rose from the bed. She headed to the closet and dropped them in the laundry basket. Sophie stripped off her shirt and stood before the mirror in the walk-in closet. She unhooked her bra and let the straps slide down her arms. Then she raised her arm over her head and pressed gently to the spot where her lump was.
“What are you?” She whispered.
It didn’t hurt.
She didn’t feel bad.
Did Cancer hurt?
She had so many questions now and no one to ask. Not yet.
She heard her bedroom door open and then Kai was standing behind her. “What are you doing?” She asked her.
“Feeling my lump,” Sophie told her. She yanked a tank top off a hanger and slid it over her head.
“Josh told me.” Kai’s voice cracked.
Sophie whirled around and looked at Kai. “You do not cry. I need you,” Sophie declared, her voice wobbling with every word.
She watched her friend as she lowered her eyes to the carpet. Kai inhaled sharply. “All right. What do you need from me?”
Sophie gazed at her before speaking. “I’m terrified, Kai.” She held out her hand showing her that it was trembling. It was the hardest thing to admit your fears.
Kai grabbed it in hers and held it hard and fast. “I’ll stop the trembling. What else you got?”
“What if I die? Will you tell Joshua about me? Make sure that Josh finds a really nice, second wife to replace me.”
Kai laughed through the sob that tried to escape, to disguise it as best she could. Then she tugged Sophie to her and squeezed her hard. “You are not dying, you hear me. I need you.”
“Really, you have Roman. What else do you need?” Sophie grumbled. “Twenty-nine-year-old hot husband. You don’t need me.”
Kai leaned back and cupped Sophie’s face between her palms. “Not the same and you know it.” Then she hugged her hard again. “You aren’t dying on me. I won’t allow it because I need you more than you need me.”
Sophie chuckled but it wasn’t a happy sound. “What about my hair?”
“It will grow back,” Kai whispered. “It’s just hair.”
“My breast, Kai?” Sophie’s voice was low. There was that nagging worry that Josh would not love her with only one or maybe no breasts at all.
“There are beautiful tattoos you can get now or reconstruction too.” She leaned back to look in Sophie’s face.
Sophie rolled her eyes at Kai.
They moved to the bed and sat down, side by side. “I don’t know how I feel right now other than I’d much rather be having a baby than have cancer.” She rubbed her friend’s belly. Kai was twenty weeks pregnant with hers and Roman’s second child. Soon, Sophie couldn’t remember when, they were having an ultrasound.
Sophie was feeling the baby move around in Kai. She laid her hand on top of Sophie’s stopping her from moving it. “Whatever you need, me and Micki are here for you,”
“Did you tell her on the way over here?”
“No, Sophie. This is yours to tell, not mine. I just know her. We love you,” she tugged her to her and kissed her temple. “You’ll be just fine. Josh said it could be a cyst.”
She nodded but Sophie was afraid it was cancer.
Chapter 4
Josh
Josh waited in his seat when the nurse called Sophie’s name. He tugged her back to him as she got up to go to the door where the woman waited on her. “I’ll be right here,” he promised.
“I know.” She leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips.
He watched his wife walk away from him and wanted to go with her, but Sophie thought she could do this alone. He didn’t know what she was doing or how they did it, but he wanted to be by her side. He had to respect her wishes and right now she wanted him to wait for her.
He leaned back in his chair. His hand trembled a little that held his phone. He texted Miguel and Sam who were taking the only two crews on jobs today. Jobs that couldn’t be rescheduled.
They were at the office gathering the information needed. Miguel was good with paperwork and computers. Sam was good with the crews. He was going to have to rely on them a lot going forward if Sophie was sick, but he needed someone like himself who could oversee them and deal with the big clients like Satterfield. Neither of them was ready for Max yet.
He ran his hand through his short haircut, slightly longer on top. He had slept little last night, staring up at the ceiling. Sophie took an over the counter, sleeping pill. She was so restless, she wouldn’t have slept otherwise.
Gazing out the window, right now, he looked up at the heavens and whispered. Please don’t take her from me.
He leaned forward on his knees and lowered his head, so
no one would see the tears forming in his eyes. He hadn’t cried since Ally was born. The birth of his children had almost brought him to his knees. That was two events in his nearly perfect life that made him come undone.
He gouged his fingers in his eyes. He could sit here and make all kinds of promises that he would never keep, or he could just beg for her to be okay because that was all he had. His love for her had to keep her strong and well because without her had nothing.
Chuckling, he remembered her last month of pregnancy with Heath. She was so tiny that her belly had nowhere to go but out. She was hot even though the temperature outside was cold. His son was born in January when the snow had fallen overnight leaving nearly eight inches of powdery fluff that was deceiving. Beneath it, was a layer of ice.
He was shaking his head, as the memories flooded back. Josh didn’t think they would make it to the hospital with her. He thought he was going to have to pull over and deliver Heath in the front seat of the old, red Ford she still drove today.
Propping his chin in his hand, he smiled a little. When he brought them home, he carried his son up the sidewalk of her parent’s house. Man, they were so young. He shook his head.
Sophie walked in front of him. She was sore. Heath had a big head, they had to cut her deep. They did that then. They don’t do that now. He had learned that when his grandson was born. An event he didn’t think he would be so closely participating in, but he had, and he loved every minute of it.
He loved Hannah like his own daughter. He had been with her since she was born since Ben skipped out on her. Josh couldn’t understand Ben. One of his closest friends since grade school. Kai’s boyfriend from freshman year, like him and Sophie.
Josh had never told the girls about his fight with Ben before he left Cooper for school. He never told them about the shoving match they got into. He had asked him how could he leave Kai and their child?
He leaned back and looked out the window. He rubbed his hands over his face. Maybe Kai and Hannah had a right to know. Ben dropped to the ground and sobbed after a bit of shoving and a few punches, each one taking a hit.
