by Lee Wardlow
He nodded. “Tell him to be here bright and early tomorrow morning. Come with me to my office to get his keys. I’ll be at Sophie’s first oncology appointment. Miguel knows what to do.”
Marcy followed Josh down the hall to his office. He placed the key to the front door in her hand. “Thank you, Josh.”
“Thank you. You’re doing me a favor. I was going to call him later and ask him to reconsider.”
“I’ll let him know that. It should ease his pride a little,” Marcy informed him. She pressed Josh’s hands. “I’ll pray for her, Josh.”
“Thank you, Marcy. That’s all we can ask.”
He walked with Marcy to the front door. He had so much more that he wanted to accomplish tonight but all he could think of doing was just going home to Sophie.
In his office, he grabbed his keys and his phone then he turned off the light. He flipped off the ones in the main, office except for the night light, over the door. Punching the security code on the key pad, Josh waited for the beep, then he opened the door and walked through. His mind was on auto-pilot now. He just wanted to go home. He was locking the door when an unfamiliar car pulled into the lot.
He shook his head, hoping they just wanted directions. Josh headed towards the car, it was getting much darker outside. He was almost on top of the car when he realized that it was Ben in the expensive vehicle.
“Man, it’s been a long time.”
“I saw you locking up. I thought I would just say hello.”
Josh saw through that statement. There was more to this coincidence that he was about to hear. “How are you?”
Ben was the same, yet different. He was a financial wizard from what Josh had heard about him. He didn’t look like he was happy even though he supposedly had millions like his parents.
Like him, Ben’s eyes had fine lines at the corners. His body had filled out. If he was anything like him, he didn’t run as fast, lift as heavy and somedays, the old body just hurt a little more. Otherwise, he had no complaints. Ben’s hair was about the color of Hannah’s, a deep, dark, brown.
He looked at his friend trying to see the woman he had treated like a daughter because Ben hadn’t been here for her. She didn’t really look like Kai. She had Ben’s eyes and his coloring and that was about it, he thought while looking at the man, her father, thinking about the young woman she had become.
“The wife took half of my estate. She’s happy.” That was the last part of Ben’s statement that he heard.
“Sorry to hear that,” Josh replied.
“Money isn’t everything, I learned that the hard way.”
He had. He gave up Kai and Hannah for money that his parents promised he would lose if he didn’t go to school. He went to the University of South Carolina and he stayed in the south. Other than money he had nothing that Josh could see.
“So, you came home?”
“Mom has breast cancer,” he explained, glancing up at Josh. “Second round. She’s not going to make it this time. Dad isn’t dealing with it well. Callie and I were divorcing so I sold my business and decided what the hell, I’m going home to Cooper. Who knows maybe I have a chance with my daughter I’ve never seen. What do you think? Will Kai give me her blessing? If she will, maybe Hannah will see me?”
Josh licked his lips. “Man, you have great timing.” Josh kicked the toe of his shoe around in the gravel. They didn’t have an asphalt drive. The trucks would destroy it coming in and out daily.
“Why is that?” Ben squinted at Josh.
He sighed. “Sophie has breast cancer too. We see her oncologist tomorrow to talk about treatment which should start soon.”
His brown eyes turned and looked straight through the glass windshield of his black, Mercedes. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Josh.” His tone was husky. “I hate what my mom is going through. I can’t imagine watching my wife go through it too. I know how crazy you are about Sophie.”
He dropped the second bomb on Ben. “Kai is expecting her second child with her husband Roman in about four months. I’m not sure now is the best time to stress her out.”
Ben’s head shot around. Josh laughed. “Surprise. She tried everything to get pregnant in her late twenties and early thirties. Didn’t happen. She was crushed. Her husband, a friend of mine, Jake Manzo…”
Ben frowned, “Not a local guy,” he interrupted Josh.
“Nope,” Josh agreed. “He left her. Biggest mistake of his life.”
“Don’t I know that feeling.” Ben was gazing through the windshield again, gripping the steering wheel. “I lost her and my kid because I was young, scared and just plain, stupid.”
“Yeah. There’s more, Ben. Hannah married my son, Heath last fall. They have a son, Joshua.”
Ben’s eyes watered when he looked at Josh. “A grandson.” He looked in the car away from Josh then he wiped his hand across his face. “I messed up bad, Josh. Will you help me?”
“Sophie is my priority right now, Ben. I’ll try to squeeze in your name in the conversation to see how it goes over with Kai. I was there when Hannah was born and when Joshua was too. You can’t hurt them. Are you sure this is what you want?”
His eyes turned to Josh. “I won’t. They’re all I have if she’ll give me a chance. Mom’s not going to make it. Josh, I’ve learned some valuable lessons in the last year or so.”
“I’ll do my best,” Josh told him.
“Thanks. Let me know how Sophie is. Would you?”
Josh nodded. “I need to get home to her.”
“Sure, I’ll let you go now.”
He walked away but Ben stayed parked where he was for a moment. Josh climbed in the truck and started it up. He felt awkward about leaving Ben in the parking lot of his business, but he wanted to go home to see Sophie.
Ben waved at Josh and turned around. He headed out onto the street and Josh followed him. When Ben turned right to go to his parent’s home, Josh went left to go home to Sophie.
He wiped his hand across his nose. He gripped the wheel of the truck. Twenty-three years of marriage he had with Sophie. He had been with her since he was fifteen. Intimately since they were seventeen. He loved her as much now as he did then.
She was like this dynamo that at times wreaked havoc on life. Sophie was beautiful but not in a classic way. She wasn’t the blonde, blue-eyed, beauty next door. She was mysterious and sensual even before she knew what that meant.
Josh wiped the tears streaming down his face. In his truck, was the only place he could allow himself to break. Sophie needed him to be strong. He slammed his fist into the steering wheel and let the pain burn through his wrist to his elbow. He loved her.
“You can’t have her,” he said to no one since he was alone in the truck. “We’re going to beat this.”
Josh wiped his face again. Then he cleared his throat. He was almost home. He had to pull himself together. In the driveway, he glanced in the rearview mirror and ran his fingers through his hair. He climbed out of the truck and locked it behind him. Then he went inside. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day.
Chapter 7
Sophie
Sophie’s appointment with Doctor Roberts was delayed because she was running late. Josh was holding his wife’s hand while they patiently waited because that was Josh’s nature. She was the uptight one and he was the chill one. They balanced each other and always had.
“Did you talk to Ally last night?” He asked.
He was asleep when she finally climbed into bed. “Nope. She didn’t call me last night either.”
“Soph, give her a chance.”
Her leg bounced with nervous energy. What other choice did she have? She gazed at her husband, then switched her position because these chairs in this waiting area weren’t all that comfortable. “Did you talk to her?”
“I did.”
“Why?” Sophie could feel the heat rise in her cheeks.
He snorted at Sophie. Then he sighed. Josh leaned forward and clasped his hands between his
legs. “Because she’s my daughter,” he replied. “Ally called me yesterday while I was still at the office.”
Sophie’s lip trembled. She turned her head away from Josh, so he wouldn’t see her cry. Neither of them, spoke to each other for a while. Then he leaned back in his chair and laid his hand on Sophie’s leg. She looked at his wide hand, good for palming a football. She almost choked on her laughter and her tears. He had the longest fingers. Their high school coach loved his hands but then so did she.
“You aren’t the only one hurting, Soph. I know this affects you and only you from the perspective of what you’re going to go through to get well but it affects me, Heath, Ally, Kai and Micki too. We have emotions that we’re dealing with. Try to remember that.”
She turned her head to him with tears in her eyes. Their gazes locked on each other. “We’re here to support you, babe. Just remember that is all we want to do, so let us do it including Ally. She feels helpless so far away from you.”
Sophie sniffed. “I was afraid she would come home.”
Josh laced her fingers through his. He stared at their hands for a moment. Then they heard her name being called. They rose out of their seats together and headed for the door where Doctor Robert’s nurse, Madge waited on them.
“I won’t lie to you, Soph. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t come home,” he said seconds before she reached the door.
She whirled on him and glared at Josh. “Not now, Sophie.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” she informed him.
He could only nod at her.
“Sophie, sorry for the delay.”
She was led down a carpeted hallway. Cool, calming colors on the walls. Pictures of flowers and beach scenes hung at different intervals. She shook her head. Right now, nothing was calming her butt down. This was difficult at best. Nerve wracking. She felt like her head was going to explode.
Madge opened the office door and let Sophie step inside in front of her. Then Josh followed his wife inside. “Thanks,” he told her.
“Doctor Roberts will be right in.”
The door had no sooner closed when the doctor entered. That was the only reason Sophie didn’t start on Josh about keeping Ally in college. She sighed in frustration.
“I’m sorry it took longer to get you in for an appointment then you still had to wait on me.”
“That sigh wasn’t directed at you,” Sophie informed her.
Doctor Roberts sat behind her desk and opened Sophie’s file. She read through it quickly then crossed her hands in front of her.
She discussed the type of cancer that Sophie had. ER Positive / PR Positive. She explained that her cancer fed off estrogen and progesterone. It wasn’t aggressive which was good news for her. Sophie turned her head and gazed at Josh when the air left him in a rush. He was relieved. She still had cancer, she wasn’t so relieved.
“The good, news is that you’re only at late Stage II, but it’s been working on you for a while, so it’s also spread to the lymph node beneath your left arm but nowhere else,” Doctor Roberts informed her.
Josh reached across the space that separated them and took Sophie’s hand. She knew what he was thinking. He was scared. Even Stage II sounded scary to Sophie, so the fact that it had spread was terrifying. She knew that it frightened him too.
“My plan is we do six months of chemo, starting next week if I can get a port surgically inserted. I already have Madge working on scheduling that for you.”
Sophie nodded while she licked her dry lips.
“Chemo every two weeks at first. Then we’ll discuss radiation and or surgery.”
“So, I might lose my breast?”
“I recommend we wait and see where we are after chemo is completed then we’ll have you talk to our surgeon. Right now, we can most likely do a lumpectomy with radiation, but some patients chose mastectomy and no radiation.”
She glanced at Josh. They hadn’t discussed any of this. “I just want it gone so whatever that takes…” her eyes met Josh’s and she could see that he agreed, and it made her feel stronger about what she was about to say, “I want to do whatever it takes even if it means losing my breast.”
Doctor Roberts leaned forward on her desk. “Sophie, you focus on the first step of your treatment, chemo while I worry about everything else. Okay?”
She rolled her eyes at her doctor. “That’s easier said than done.” Sophie was sitting on the edge of her seat.
“I know,” Doctor Roberts agreed.
She urged Sophie to keep positive. The more positive she could be, the better the results she would have from her treatment. Doctor Roberts had seen it for herself, she told them.
“Stay focused on your treatments coming up. Some patients have a harder time than others. Sophie, you might experience nausea and vomiting. For some it’s mild, for others it’s severe. We’ll take it one step at a time. When you’re done with chemo we’ll move to the next step.”
Sophie felt numb all over again. The plan Doctor Roberts had laid out for her was a lot to take in. She didn’t feel like anything was clear in her mind.
“Do either of you have any questions?”
Sophie looked at Josh. He was just as overwhelmed as her. “I’ll probably have a thousand of them when I get home but right now, I can’t even think,” she replied.
“I feel like Sophie does,” Josh agreed.
“Don’t hesitate to call the office and ask to speak to me or one of my nurses. Any of us will respond as soon as possible and do yourself a favor, avoid the internet. It is not your friend.”
Sophie chuckled. She had already googled so many things about breast cancer. Diagnosis. Treatments. Drug names she couldn’t even pronounce. How to decide if you need a mastectomy or lumpectomy? Josh had finally hidden her tablet.
“Already been at it, I see.”
“She has,” Josh agreed.
“Well stop. You’ll just feel worse.”
Sophie had to agree. Many articles frightened her. She thought she could use the information to form a list of questions to ask Doctor Roberts today, but it had only made her confusion and fears worse.
The door opened and Madge, Doctor Robert’s nurse joined them. She laid a paper in front of Sophie. “This is your schedule for the next few weeks.”
Sophie found herself staring at the woman, wondering if life was good for her. She was kind and compassionate. She was cute. Shoulder length, straight hair that was mousy brown. Warm brown eyes that kept traveling between the paper and Sophie. She was taller than Sophie’s five feet two about Micki’s height. Thin like Sophie, probably walked a lot because of her job, if nothing else.
“Sophie, did you catch all that?” Madge asked.
She hadn’t caught any of it. She looked over her shoulder at Josh. He smiled at her. “I got it.”
“Good.” She patted Sophie’s shoulder. “I’ll meet you the day we insert your port on Monday morning at eight a.m., lower level, suite 800. We do minor surgeries like this there. Doctor Kendal the surgeon will do the port. She’s in this center too. Then chemo is at the main building across the skywalk. I’ll meet you that day too. Either Doctor Roberts or her Physician’s Assistant, Jodi will be there to kick off the first chemo.”
She nodded.
“Wear something comfortable you’ll be there a couple hours with me. You might want a blanket of your own that is warm. Some patients get cold during chemo.”
Sophie nodded again.
“You doing, okay Sophie?” Madge asked her.
“Can Josh come with me?”
Madge smiled at her. “Of course, he can. Many spouses come hold hands and offer support. That first few times of the unknown are scary.”
“Thank you.” Sophie kept looking between Madge and Josh.
“Anything else?” The nurse asked.
“Nope, I don’t think so.”
“Call if something comes to mind. Otherwise, I’ll see you Monday morning.”
Slowly, Sophie
rose from her chair. She didn’t know what to ask but a million questions were going through her mind. She nodded at Madge. Josh cupped her elbow.
“Ready to go?” He asked her.
“Yeah, let’s get some lunch.” Sophie laced her fingers through Josh’s and he glanced down at her. She found herself holding onto him more these days.
“Sounds good. I have an interview at two I have to make that, but we have plenty of time until then.”
Josh guided Sophie down the hall to the exit. He didn’t let her go as he held the door open for her. He didn’t let her go as they walked across the parking lot to his truck. Sophie went into his arms at the passenger door and just held him, still quiet, still unsure. Her world was spinning out of control. Feeling the need to cry but all cried out at the same time. She clung to Josh, hoping her life would feel normal for just a second.
“It will be okay Sophie. I’ll go to every chemo appointment with you. We’ll get through this together like we have everything else, I promise you.”
Josh’s voice was shaky. She didn’t want to look up because she knew he was crying. She didn’t want to see his tears because she would come unglued herself. She nodded against his chest, letting him hold her. Then Sophie felt his lips against her hair.
“I want to go to mass tomorrow,” she told him.
“Really?” He croaked. She laughed for the first time in a while, really laughed from deep in her belly.
Sophie raised her head and looked at Josh. “I do. I think it’s important for me. I’m trying to figure out why this happened to me, Josh.”
He opened the door for her. “You think you’ll find the answers there?”
“Where else should I start?” Sophie asked him.
He helped her into his truck and shut the door then walked around the front to the driver’s side. Sophie watched as he wiped his sleeve across his face. As Josh climbed into the truck, Sophie said, “I want everyone to go.”
He glanced at her quickly. “Why?”
“Because it’s important to me.” She glanced at Josh then out the window as he started up the truck.
