Just Friends, Never Lovers

by Jones, Samantha

  A few hours later...

  “Oh Cee, why did you have to stop me? I cannot remember anything about the damned exam in Physical Chemistry. All I can think about was you.”

  “It’s wrong Win. I cannot do it.” I said indignantly. I knew it was wrong and the guilt is tearing me to pieces. Why won’t he listen to me?

  “Isn’t about time you stop thinking about other people? It’s so obvious that you want this too Cee.” He said convincingly.

  “No, I don’t Win. I don’t.” I lied as I walk away.

  Of course that’s not true. I want him. I want his caress. I want so badly to be held by him. But then, thinking about his girlfriend makes me build up my guard. Besides, the semester is over. I won’t be seeing him in the next 2 months. I may have time to bury all thoughts of him---for good.

  It’s just sad that I wasn’t able to say goodbye to him. Despite playing kissy-face with Mr. Chocolate cake and feeling guilty, I’ll miss him for sure.

  Chapter Seven: Roadblock 2

  “You have a boyfriend? How? When? Who? And were you even planning to tell me?” He asked me after hearing from a conversation that my boyfriend is coming from L.A. to be with me for a month. “Yes, Win. I am seeing someone. Nice guy, so don’t worry.”

  “Wow. Just wow. I thought I meant more to you than that. How come you haven’t told me?”

  “I haven’t told you because I didn’t think it has anything to do with you. I am single. I am entitled to have a boyfriend. You didn’t hear anything from me when you and Kaye dated. So, don’t start.”

  “I was just asking because I wanted to make sure you’d end up with a great fella. I don’t want to see you hurt. How long do you even know this guy?”

  “I have known him since high school. I don’t understand why you’re making a big deal out of this. It’s not like am gonna get married. Besides, aren’t you happy for me? Don’t you want me to finally end up with someone I care about?”

  “Whatever Cee. Whatever. I just don’t think he can make you very happy. Besides, he lives like thousands of miles away. What if you need him?”

  “And since when have you been so concerned about my welfare? Listen, it’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry.”

  It’s true. I was seeing someone then---Josh. Do I love him? Maybe.

  I’ve known him for years. All I know is that part of the reason I dated him was that I badly needed to get over win. It’s hard being Cee Cee when Win is only a few chairs away from me in class. I found out a few months before Josh came to visit that he had broken if off with Kaye. It was just a funny twist of faith that when he was finally free, I was already seeing Josh.

  I rarely introduce a guy to the class, or to my friends for that matter. So when Josh came, there was this sudden hype concerning the man I was dating. My friends received him well, telling him from time to time what a lucky guy he is. T

  he only one who was not taking it well was Win. I was watching his face as I introduced them. He hadn’t opened himself like he usually did and he was sporting his I’m-so-handsome smirk.

  The entire duration Josh was here, he made it a point to mark his territory and show up at the building either to pick me up or give me an entire flower plantation. Win tried to get in touch casually from time to time, asking if I was doing well and all that. I just ignored him. Little did he know that I was not enjoying the whole Josh thing, not when my feelings for him hadn’t changed one bit.

  Mar 2007

  “So he’s not gonna stay for long huh?” Win casually asked me one day when he caught me by myself at the corridor.

  “Yeah, he’s leaving tonight. Speaking of which, I gotta go. Sorry. “ I said as I was fixing my bag.

  “Sure. You know...I think it’s just as well. We’re nearing our last year. You need to be more focused on your studies this time.” He actually sounded like my mother and the feigned concern is damnably so obvious.

  “Hmmmm, yeah. Maybe I really need to. Bye.” I rushed towards the exit to avoid more sermons from Mr. Chocolate Cake.

  “You’re looking great by the way. You certainly don’t look like you’ll miss him.” He shouted.

  “Thanks for the compliment. By the way, go to hell!” I shouted back. How dare he say that I don’t look like someone who’ll miss his boyfriend who’ll be away for the next few years!? No matter how true that may be, I don’t appreciate it coming from him.

  Oct 11 2007

  “Congrats Cee! We all made it. That was one tough subject. I believe we deserve to hug.” said one of my guy classmates. Win was waiting for my response and was eyeing me curiously.

  “Oh, come give me a hug! We really made it!” I teasingly said to the one who asked me. So we cuddled in an embrace and held for two seconds. “That feels so good. Shall we do it again?”, asked Jay.

  “Haha. Nope, we won’t. I believe once is enough. Okay, I’m out of here!” I said as I flee to catch the girls.

  A mere few minutes ticked by and a text message from Win came.

  Hi there. Congrats to us. Don’t I get a hug too? Take care on your way home. I quickly deleted the message and had some comfort food. Now, what the hell was that about???

  ------------------------------------------------------------

  “Cee, wait up! Are you on a marathon? What are you doing here?” Win said as he caught up to me at the stairs.

  “I just checked something upstairs. Why are you here?” I asked as I continued walking so fast that he had to run to keep up.

  “I forgot why I’m here. Mmmmm, you smell really nice. You always smell so nice.” He whispered slightly, not minding that he’s bumping onto some other students as he maintained his pace.

  “Is that why you’re here? I’m actually in a hurry, Win. Cres and Audrey are waiting for me.”

  “Okay, I’ll just accompany you to the lab, then go. Dr. A is going to roast me if I showed up late again.” He said smiling.

  That afternoon, Win and I bumped into each other again near the stairs.

  “Oh, here you are again. Done with the thesis? He asked me casually.

  “No Win, not yet. Listen, I’m actually in a hurry. Philip is looking for me at 210.”

  “Cee, there’s something I have to tell you...”

  “Wha...hmmmmmm....”

  He caught me by the waist and pressed me against his. He looked at me intently, letting me know that he would really do it this time. He kissed me gently at first, teasing my lips to part. It was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. He licked my bottom lip, making me melt with wanting. He teased me until my knees give. I have forgotten everything as he dipped his tongue inside kissing me deeply over and over and over.

  “I have waited so long to do that...”

  “Sssssshhhh...”

  It was my turn to kiss him this time. He placed my hands at the back of his neck and led me on. Returning my kisses, making me go crazy with his tongue----it was all too much too bear. He drowned me with his desire that I did not protest when he cupped one of my breasts and kneaded it with his hands. I was all nerve and wanting...

  He opened my blouse and slipped his warm hand inside, meeting my hard nipples. I was so aroused by everything he is doing to me. He continued to mate his tongue with mine, thrusting deeper and deeper until I panting. I cannot breathe. I was so intoxicated by him. As he pressed his thighs to mine, it became evident to us both what the kiss did not him. He was so hard.

  With a sense of guilt and panic, I pulled away. I hurriedly buttoned my blouse and acted composed. “I gotta go see Philip. I’m sorry...” I rushed away, leaving him dumbfounded.

  The inevitable happened. He kissed me. It was an unexpected, soulful kiss. That afternoon, my life has changed forever. It was a proof of how much feelings I have for him, a proof that no matter how hard I fought to push him away, I won’t win.

  During the whole time we were lip to lip, I tried to think about Josh. I tried to make myself feel guilty for what I am doing. However, all thoughts
were blurry. I promised myself that it would just be one kiss. One kiss to stop his banter. Maybe after, he’ll leave me alone.

  He called me that night.

  “Hi there. How have you been?” He said in his smoothest voice.

  “Am fine, Win. What do you need?” I asked softly.

  “Nothing. I was just checking on you. I hope you are not mad at me or anything.” He asked hopefully. Too hopefully?

  “No. I’m not. We’re good you know. Let’s forget what happened.” I said quickly.

  “How can you say such a thing? Forget what happened? The kiss was awesome. Will you let me kiss you again?”

  “Haha, very funny. I don’t think so, Win. Once is enough. If you kiss me again, I may not recover.” I said teasingly.

  “Non-sense! Of course you’ll recover. You have to. Remember, no strings attached...” He said cockily.

  It was then that the whole world stopped for a few seconds. I felt cold from head to toe. I slammed down the phone.

  He tried to call me several times after that, but I was so mad to pick up the phone and talk to him. Why on earth did he have to tell me that? No strings attached? Am I that demanding? As far as I can recall, I hadn’t asked him to change a thing. It’s just that the way he said it rubbed me the wrong way.

  I knew there were no strings attached---that we are not an item and that I shouldn’t expect anything from him. But then, the reminder was uncalled for. I was not able to sleep that night. My eyes were too puffy and my head was whirling from over-crying.

  Chapter Eight: The Fiery Exit

  The following day, I called in sick for class. He was desperately trying to reach me then. I went shopping, bought several bottles of fragrances----my obsession, and feasted on comfort food. I was way too upset. Moving from boutique to boutique, I was at a loss, not really so sure about what to feel. I felt so stupid and angry at myself for allowing this to happen to me. I was doing okay and I had Josh. Why did I have that let Win in again?

  To clear my energy, I bought several stones. That time, anything that can help me feel better is my friend. I never really believed in crystal healing but I bought the stones anyway. I badly needed to feel better. True to the claim, I was actually felt a lot better with the turquoise stones on my wrist. I went home with a smile and a bit of pain remaining in my chest.

  He texted me that night...

  Look Cee, that’s not what I meant.

  I’m not exactly sure what I meant...

  I wasn’t thinking. Could you at least send me a text just to know you’re well?

  Win.

  I managed to survive a week without bumping on to him. I was tired of the chase. Guilty of having to cheat on my boyfriend. It was tough, really. Good thing, there was something to look forward to. The Seven-Day batch tour.

  The trip was great as it gave me time to bond with my friends and forget about Win for a few days. He was included in the trip but I sit very far from him at the bus that I didn’t mind.

  During the first day of the tour, I made a brilliant plan to just forget about him and move on. I figured, I was just sexually charged, being a virgin still. I thought that it was just a phase, something I’ll get over with in time.

  I stayed with 3 of my friends at the hotel room. During the second day afternoon, most of them had gone for a swim. I am not much of a swimmer so I watched “Failure to Launch” instead at the hotel room.

  A text exchange...

  Win: Where are you?

  Cee: I’m in the room. I am not feeling well.

  Win: Really? Me too. The heat is exhausting... What room are you in?

  Cee: 217. Why?

  Win: Are you alone?

  Before I even replied, he was marching into the room already. It was then that my roommates arrived. They saw him and eyed the scenario with cautious curiosity. Seconds ticked... I wonder who’d give first.

  “Okay Cee. I was just checking on you. Get well. Ummm err, your air-conditioning unit seems to have a problem. It’s hot in here.” He feigned.

  “Bye.” I said, uninterestingly. I was so damned nervous that my friends have to see him here.

  My roommates looked at me, amused. I pretended to be so absorbed with the movie that no questions were voiced out. Thank goodness, these people are not so nosy.

  Late that night, we bumped into each other while I was making cups of coffee at the main kitchen.

  “I thought you’re not feeling well? Why wear super short shorts? Are you trying to display your killer legs?” He teased.

  “Why do you care? I do have an audience. At least they have tastes. Unlike most people I know...” I retorted back.

  “I feel so hot just looking at you. You’re not helping with the tiny shorts. Meet me at the fire exit. We have to talk.” He commanded.

  “Can’t a girl even enjoy some coffee? How unselfish you are. Can’t you see am not even interested with you right now? I want to enjoy my coffee. Sip after sip. Go away.” I said bitchily.

  “I’m going. If you’re not there in 3 minutes, I’d camp in your room. Now, unless you want to start raising questions from your dear friends, march your cute butt right there. Now.” He whispered.

  I gave him my I-am-so-not-going look then. He didn’t buy it. He walked away.

  I went back to my room to have chit chat with friends. They were fussing over some reality show and I decided to camp in there. At least I am safe with my friends. I know these people and even though they sense the tension between me and win, I know they are not the type to dig in to my personal business.

  The show started to get boring and I am just glad that Win did no longer force the issue. I dozed off for a few minutes, luxuriating in the feel of a warm and soft bed.

  My phone rang. The moron.

  ----------------------------------------

  The fire exit was a wide softly lit room with adjoining stairs. However did he discover this place, I don’t know. It was a very quiet room. We can talk here with utmost privacy.

  “So, here I am. What do you want?” I asked in my most convincing businesslike manner.

  “You. I want you...”

  He kissed me then, a raw taking. He was kissing me just like I dreamt he would. He tongue was all over my mouth, already making small thrusting movements that made me burn all over. He kissed my neck and ran his tongue all over my nape. As he gently loosened my pony tail he kissed me so slowly I thought I would collapse.

  He squeezed my butt with his huge hands and grinded my pelvis on his hips...He was so angrily hard. He played hard-on on my tummy, making slow circle movements. “Mmmmm Win...please.” I didn’t exactly know what I was begging for. All I knew was that I was delirious with pleasure.

  He massaged my breast through my thin tank top, slipping his hands under. I did not protest as he eased me out of my top. My breasts are already feeling heavy. I moaned when he buried his handsome face to them.

  “Oooh Win...oooh...”

  I was moaning like a cat in heat as he took one of my nipples on his mouth. He began to suckle...Oh that was wicked. He pushed my back against the wall and continued kneading my breast. I was getting wetter and wetter by the minute.

  It was unbearable.

  As his hands travel down my waist to my shorts, I was so crazily so hot in there. The world stopped when he reached my panties. He stroked my thighs, forcing my legs to spread. I was fighting it but was unable to do anything when he pushed one finger inside me.

  “I’m right. You want me too. You want too so badly. You cannot deny it now... Say it.”

  “Say it.” He pushed his finger in and pulled it out...in and out until I was gripping his neck. “I said, say it... say you want me.” He stroked me even more... I moaned louder...

  “I want you...I want you so badly. Ooooooh yes, that feels so good...”

  He kissed me as he stroked me wildly. He licked my neck, licked my breasts, my navel....going down, down until his tongue replaced his finger...He licked me and tortured me wit
h his warm tongue, forcing my legs to spread wider. I gripped his head so he can eat me more. It feels so good to be loved like this.

  “You’re so sweet...” he whispered as he ate me. My whole body tensed as I released all the tension his stimulation caused. Next thing I know, he was gripping me by the hips and doing me against the wall. He was huge and he hurt me a bit. But after a series of swift thrusting, I forgot about the pain and enjoyed what has happening to me. He took me nice and slowly, torturing me with his shaft. He came full blast inside of me.