An Amish Husband for Tillie

by Amy Lillard

  He hesitated only a moment before answering. “Jah, of course.” Then he had gathered up the tray and headed out of the room before she even had her feet on the floor.

  Emmy slept peacefully, her little mouth moving at nothing as if she were eating some invisible treat.

  Tillie eased her feet. She could do this. Jah, she was a little sore. Having a baby wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but she knew the stiffness would pass soon. She had heard enough talk from Amish ladies and English women alike. It was just a matter of time.

  There went that word again. Time. Everything needed time.

  “You’re up,” Levi said as he came back into the room.

  She nodded, trailing her hand around the footboard of the bed. “Jah.”

  He looked down at the baby and back to her. And she could see on his face the second thoughts of caring for such a small creature.

  “She won’t break.”

  “Are you sure?” he croaked. His voice sounded strained and a little odd.

  She had to admit it was strange, the power such a tiny creature could hold over the adults around it.

  She smiled at him reassuringly. “Pretty sure.” And then she realized men didn’t have the practice with other people’s babies that women did. At one time or another, she had held almost every baby in the district. Women were just like that. But men didn’t have that prior experience.

  “Place your right hand under her bottom,” she instructed. “And your left hand under her neck. Support her head. And you’ll be fine.”

  He swallowed hard.

  “And hold her close to your chest. If she can hear your heartbeat, she’ll feel more secure.”

  He shook his head and slowly moved toward Emmy. “How do women know these things?”

  Tillie shrugged. “I guess the same way men know how to fix roofs and the best way to plow a field.”

  Gingerly he scooped Emmy into his arms. The look on his face was wistful and a bit sad, and somehow filled with joy at the same time. Only a baby could do that.

  “I suppose you’re right,” he said. The words were more of a breathless whisper as he looked at Emmy. Tillie understood and it filled her heart with joy to see that Levi felt the same way she did. Emmy was a miracle. Not a mistake.

  * * *

  The baby arched her back as he picked her up. She raised a tiny fist in the air.

  “She wants to stretch,” Tillie told him.

  She was amazing, this baby he held in his arms. And the woman too. Her mother. Simply amazing. Suddenly he wondered if this was how Joseph felt when he looked at Jesus for the first time. It didn’t matter that the baby wasn’t his biologically; he would do everything and anything to protect it. It was just that precious. And then to know that you held the Messiah?

  He didn’t hold the Messiah in his arms, but she was something else.

  “How does she stretch?” he asked. He had so much to learn about babies. He reined in that thought quick. He would have Emmy and Tillie here for another day or two and that would be it. Maybe one day Mims would get married and he could play with her baby. But for now, this was his chance. No. Not his chance; just another small bump in his life.

  “Lay her back on the bed and unwrap her blanket,” Tillie told him. “Now lift her back so she has room.”

  He did as she instructed and Emmy stretched and yawned. Her little arms shook with the motion, and she relaxed back into her previous position. A miracle.

  “Now wrap her back up and pick her up like I told you earlier.”

  He did as she bade him once again and held the baby close to his chest. Her warmth and slight weight filled him with joy. A joy he hadn’t felt in a long, long while.

  “You first,” she started. “That way if I need to rest you won’t be stuck behind me.”

  He nodded and started out of the room. He took the stairs one at a time, a little unnerved to carry such a precious bundle. He had loped down the stairs more times than he cared to admit, but today was different. All those trips up and down the stairs and he never once remembered touching the banister. Now he wanted to hang on to it for dear life, and yet both hands were cupped around the child. So he took it slow.

  It seemed to take forever, but finally they made it to the bottom of the staircase, Tillie just one step behind him.

  “I put the tray on the table,” he said. “Can you get the chair from the baby’s room?” He nodded toward the door that Mary had deemed to be the nursery.

  Tillie nodded.

  A small sense of unease filled him as he watched her make her way to the door and open it. She disappeared inside that sacred room, returning a couple of moments later with the chair he had been talking about. It wasn’t really a chair—more a hammock made of quilted fabric with a strap to keep the child safely inside. It was small enough to go on the table, or even on the floor if need be. But for now the table seemed better. He couldn’t just put the baby on the floor.

  Once they had the baby securely strapped in place on the table, he went to fetch some more stew for the both of them.

  “I don’t have any bread.” He chuckled. “Well, the truth of the matter is that when Mims comes and makes corn bread, I tend to eat all of it. Then I don’t have any left for the stew. But I’ve got crackers.”

  She laughed, and for some reason sound of that laughter made his heart feel light. For just a moment the worry was gone from her eyes, as if she hadn’t a care in the world other than crackers and corn bread.

  “Crackers are fine,” she said. “Maybe tonight I’ll make corn bread for you.”

  He shook his head. “Only if you’re up to it. But you don’t have to for sure.”

  “You helped me deliver my baby,” she said. “A pan of corn bread is the least I can do.”

  * * *

  “Mims is a good cook,” Tillie said. And she wondered why no man had snapped her up yet. Mims was a striking woman, with her dark hair and crystal blue eyes like her brother’s. And Tillie seemed to remember there having been a time when she had run around with David. But Tillie had been younger then and hadn’t paid it much attention.

  “That she is,” Levi said. “And for that I’m grateful. Can you imagine if she came over every day and cooked and it was terrible?”

  Tillie laughed, then winced.

  “Are you okay?” His eyes were filled with concern.

  “I’m fine. Really.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

  Together they stood and carried their bowls and spoons to the sink. Levi went outside to fetch some water, and Tillie set a pan on the stove top to heat it so they could wash up. They performed the chores without speaking. Like an old married couple would do.

  They had just gotten water in the pan when a piercing cry came from the direction of the table.

  Emmy was awake, and apparently very hungry.

  “You should go feed her,” Levi said. “I can do this.”

  Tillie hesitated for just a moment before nodding and unstrapping Emmy from the fabric chair. She carried her into the living room for a little more privacy and wondered at the intimacy of it all.

  She sat in the chair close to the window and looked out at the crystalline ice that covered everything. A few drops melted from the roof and fell in front of her. And the trees creaked when the wind blew. Maybe tomorrow she would be able to go home. But the strange thing was that, there with Levi, she felt wholly content.

  That’s because it’s safe here.

  There was no judging, no consternation, no bishop to talk to, no congregation of the church to satisfy; the rules had been somewhat suspended. She supposed that was to be expected when a person gave birth in an ice storm.

  She switched Emmy’s side and looked around the living room at the Christmas decorations she and her mamm had left. She knew that Levi had been hesitant for the additions, but she was glad he had accepted them. Even the stinky cedar boughs. She wasn’t sure why everyone thought cedar was so wonderful. If you used the wood, trimmed and polished it,
it was great. But just having it sitting there was like breathing in smelling salts.

  Emmy was starting to fall asleep. Tillie laid her on her lap as she got her own clothing back in place. Then she held the baby close to her shoulder. She rubbed her back gently to release any air. She was so delicate and tiny even her cry was feminine and ladylike. So was the small little burp that escaped her.

  Levi came into the room still wiping his hands on a dish towel. “I would say she’s got perfect timing.”

  Tillie smiled. “It seems that way to me. Sorry about leaving you to clean up by yourself. Maybe I’ll be able to make it up to you tonight at supper.”

  He shook his head. “You’re my guest.”

  Uninvited guest, she silently corrected. But he was too polite to say so.

  “I don’t suppose the roads would be clear tomorrow?” she asked, giving a nod to the window and the ice that still coated everything outside.

  He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I’m thinking maybe English cars. And I can still walk to the neighbors’ .”

  “I hate to ask you to do that.” But she needed to get word to her family.

  “I can go this afternoon,” he said. “You and the baby can have a nap, and I’ll walk over and call your sister. The one who owns the store in town.”

  “Danki,” she said. “I really appreciate it. You’ve done so much for us already.”

  He gave a shrug, as if his help had been of no consequence. But it meant the world to her. And she knew that it had cost him dearly.

  * * *

  Levi pulled his scarf a little farther up on his face but didn’t stop walking. Rarely had he gone to his neighbors’ house to use the phone. In an emergency only. And this was an emergency. Though he didn’t remember it seeming to take this long to get there, or maybe that was the weather.

  The wind had turned cold again, and what little ice had melted had refrozen. With any luck, tomorrow the English cars would be able to get out. But he wasn’t sure about taking a horse and buggy on the icy, rutted roads.

  The best he could hope for was a cop or an ambulance maybe, though if he called either one he was certain Tillie would be madder than a wet hen.

  She was something to behold when she held that baby. It was mystifying to him. A miracle. But wasn’t that the way of Christmastime? A moment of miracles?

  It was a miracle, as well, what happened inside him each time he gave her something for the baby. A blanket, socks, a pacifier that seemed to take up half of her little face. With each item a little bit of his heart went as well. The strange thing was he didn’t mind it at all.

  He smelled the smoke from the chimney before he saw the house. Thankfully, that meant someone was home. Levi had lived next to Owen Carson for many years now, and he seemed a good man. It had been Owen who had called the ambulance for Mary. Owen who had given her CPR even when they both knew that she was already gone. And Owen who had sat with him until his family came.

  Levi made his way to the back door and knocked. No lights were on. Levi wondered if maybe the electricity had been knocked out by the storm.

  He rapped once more, then the door opened to reveal his longtime neighbor.

  “Levi?” Owen said by way of greeting. “Come in, come in.” He stood to one side to allow Levi to enter. “What brings you out this way?” Owen asked as he led the way to the kitchen.

  “I’m sorry to ask, but may I use your phone?”

  “Everything all right?” Owen asked with concern.

  Levi nodded. “I have an unexpected guest. Well, two, really.” He explained about Tillie and Emmy.

  “You don’t say,” Owen said. “That is something else.”

  “I need to call her family and let them know that she’s okay,” Levi continued as Owen shook his head in wonderment.

  “She’s not Amish?” Owen asked.

  “Jah, she is.” Sort of. “But she has a sister who is Mennonite. She runs a secondhand store in town.”

  Owen nodded. “I know the one. I bought the missus some of their goat milk lotions for Christmas.” He placed one finger over his lips as if to tell Levi it was a secret, then he pointed to the table where his cell phone lay. “Sit down if you like. Wanda made some coffee before she went for her walk and the power went off. You want a cup?”

  “Thanks,” Levi said. “That would be welcome.” He pulled out one of the chairs and sat while Owen poured coffee into a mug and refilled his own cup.

  Then Owen sat down across from him and tapped a few times on the phone screen. “We turned the house phone off a couple of months ago,” he told Levi. “It seemed like only telemarketers called that number anyway. So we both just use our cell phones now.” He tapped a few more times, then handed the phone to Levi. “That there’s the number for the store. I figure that might be the best way to reach her. Unless you have a number for her personal phone.”

  Levi shook his head. “No, this will have to do.”

  Of course no one answered at the store, and he was forced to leave a message. He hated telling Leah the news of Emmy’s birth over a recorded message, but he wanted to let her know that Tillie and baby were both fine and doing well. He wondered when she would get the message. Hopefully it would be before Tillie managed to find her way home.

  Owen thoughtfully rubbed his chin. “You know what? I bet if we call the nonemergency police number, they might be able to get word to her family. It’s a special case, wouldn’t you say?”

  It was to him. He wasn’t sure what the police would think about it. But he handed the phone back to Owen and waited for him to get it ready for the next call.

  He took a sip of his coffee and tried to figure out what he would say to the police, but he was saved the trouble when Owen took the matter into his own hands.

  “This is Owen Carson,” he said into the phone. “I’m calling for my Amish neighbor.” He went on to explain the situation as Levi took the time to warm up for the walk back home.

  “So you’ll send someone out there to let them know?” Owen asked. “Good. Good.”

  Levi gave him the address, which Owen in turn gave to the dispatch person at the police department.

  Owen hung up the phone with a satisfied nod. “There. All taken care of.” Then he smiled at Levi. “A baby, huh?”

  Levi nodded as a lump filled his throat. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined having a newborn in his house. Not after losing Mary. “It’s something to see,” Levi said, a little surprised at his own words.

  “Wait till I tell Wanda.”

  Owen’s wife walked daily due to a bad heart. It was nothing to see her on the road at all hours regardless of the weather. Like today. Chilly and icy and she was out walking for her health.

  “Maybe y’all can walk over and visit. I think we’re going to be in for another day or so.”

  Owen looked out the kitchen window at the ice that still covered everything. “You know, I think you’re right.”

  * * *

  Levi drank a second cup of coffee, thanked Owen for his help, then begged his leave. He trudged back through the icy field, waving at a bundled-up Wanda as he passed her. Despite the weather, despite being iced in, his heart felt lighter than it had in a long, long while. The funny thing was he hadn’t realized how much his heart was weighing him down until the heaviness had been lifted.

  And he could only attribute the change to Tillie and Emmy—mostly to the child. The baby represented everything he had thought he had lost, and though she in no way belonged to him, he felt a strong kinship to her.

  You’re losing it.

  That’s what Mims would say. “Projection” or something like that. She would tell him that he was taking the feelings he had for Mary and their child and pushing them off onto Tillie and her baby. Which was ridiculous. He hadn’t known them that long. He didn’t love Tillie the way he loved Mary, and it wasn’t possible after only one day he would feel that strongly toward a child who wasn’t his. Strong enough to love it
as if it were his own. That sort of bond came with time.

  Time.

  He pushed the word away and stuffed his hands a little deeper into his pockets. He was being melodramatic. He supposed that was what happened when a person had someone like Mims for a sibling. Or maybe it was that combined with being somewhat stranded and in a situation that he had never expected.

  Perhaps.

  He just knew that something had shifted for him. Not a lot, but enough. Every time he gave Tillie something else for her baby, it shifted a bit more. He found more joy, a lighter spirit, and he was starting to like it.

  Mary, forgive me, he prayed. But he knew that she did. His wife was nothing if not a sweet, kind, and loving person. She had a heart as big as everything, and forgiveness was second nature to her.

  Plus it wasn’t like his being stranded for a day or so with Tillie Gingerich was going to change anything for him. Not really. But for now he felt better about it all, and that was worth more to him than gold.

  * * *

  Tillie eased up from her seat in front of the window the moment she caught sight of Levi. She bustled into the kitchen as fast as she could and returned with the pot of coffee she had been heating on the stove. She wanted to give him something warm to drink the minute he walked in the door. It was cold outside and seemed to be getting colder.

  But it was toasty in the house. The fire crackled merrily in the fireplace, Emmy slept peacefully in the fabric chair contraption that Levi had offered, and Puddles in all her round, spotted glory was lying on her bed next to the potbellied stove in the kitchen.

  All the scene needed was the head of the household to come home.

  The door swung open and there he was.

  Like a husband coming home. But it wasn’t her home and he wasn’t her husband. Not the father of her baby. He was just a man who had helped her in her time of need. She needed to get ahold of this fantasy before she made a mess of things.

  “Did you get in touch with Leah?” Tillie asked. She poured him a cup of coffee and offered it to him the moment he pulled his coat off.