by Amy Lillard
Eunice gave a small cough, and Tillie turned. She had a streak of something brown on her face. He assumed and maybe even hoped that it was chocolate. Her apron was dusted with powdered sugar and looked like it’d been smeared in a few places with greasy fingers. Maybe butter?
But she was the prettiest sight he had ever seen. Her hazel eyes twinkled with something he hoped was joy, and she wiped her hands on her apron as she greeted him. “Hello, Levi.”
“Hello,” he said.
Why did he feel like all eyes were on him? Or maybe it was the two of them. He tore his gaze from hers and looked from Libby to Eunice. They were watching him and Tillie with nearly expectant looks on their faces.
“I brought you some things,” Levi said. Nothing like jumping in feet first.
“Danki,” Tillie replied. “You didn’t have to. You’ve done so much already.”
Eunice nodded. “I don’t know how we’ll ever thank you enough.”
Levi smiled and turned his attention to Tillie’s mother. “Leah already thanked me. But I only did what anyone would do.” And it was the truth. No one would have left Tillie out in the barn to give birth alone. No one would have let her remain alone after she had gone into labor. And no one who had the items on hand would withhold them from a beautiful baby who needed them.
Suddenly he thought of Mary and Joseph in the barn, laying baby Jesus in a manger. He supposed there were some people who perhaps would, but he was not one of those people.
“Even so,” Eunice said. “We are very grateful.”
Levi sat down on the bench side of the kitchen table and looked at the baby amid all the candy mess. “She’s quite something, isn’t she?”
All three ladies nodded. And he could tell immediately that little Emmy already had the Gingeriches wrapped around her little finger.
“Stay for supper,” Eunice said. It wasn’t quite a question.
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
“I don’t believe you would ever be a bother,” Eunice said.
Tillie turned back to the pot she was stirring on the stove and instructed Libby on how to take the temperature of whatever it was they were concocting.
“As soon as these girls finish up what they’re doing, and get the mess cleaned up,” Eunice pointedly said, “then I’m going to start dinner. Everyone’s coming tonight.”
Libby turned and addressed him. “Kind of a welcome home party for the baby. It only seems right that you’re here too.”
Tillie nodded, but didn’t turn away from her pot stirring.
“That’s a lot of mouths to feed,” Levi protested.
“Then what’s one more?” Eunice waved his objection aside. “I’m not gonna take no for an answer.”
Levi chuckled, the unsaid You might as well give in now still hanging around them. “Jah. Okay, then. I would be honored.”
“But you may have to help with these peanut butter balls if you want some supper. These girls have been in here since breakfast.”
* * *
The last thing Tillie had expected was to be making candy with her niece while Levi Yoder sat and watched. So far he had sampled their date balls, their peanut butter balls, their coconut bonbons, and their fondant. “And why are you making all these?” Levi asked.
Beside her, Tillie saw Libby go red in the face. “Libby wanted to make some candy to give her friends for Christmas.” Tillie took the tray of peanut butter balls and set them in front of Levi. Then she handed him a jar of red and white dyed sugar. “Here,” she said. “Sprinkle these with this sugar before they dry.” Levi did as she instructed, and somehow his compliance made Tillie smile a little inside. Here he was delivering babies and sprinkling candy. She figured he never thought he’d be doing that this year.
“Done,” he said, obvious pride in his voice.
Tillie took that tray from in front of him, and Libby slid another into its place. “Next batch,” the young girl said with a smile. These were white chocolate, and Tillie handed him the bottle of green and red sprinkles. “And this.”
Levi’s forehead wrinkled into almost a frown, but he took the bottle from her anyway. “How do you know which ones to add to what?” he asked.
Tillie turned with a smile and tapped the side of her head with her forefinger. “Creative genius,” she quipped.
Levi chuckled, and once again she was surprised at how much she enjoyed the sound.
From the baby carrier, Emmy started to fuss. She stretched her arms out as if gearing up for her cry, then she let out a wail that belied her tiny self.
“Uh-oh,” Libby said. “Someone’s hungry.”
Tillie dried her hands on the bottom of her apron and went to scoop the baby into her arms. They had gotten on a pretty good schedule the last couple of days. Emmy would sleep three or so hours at a time, then demand to be fed. It was working so far. Though Tillie knew that once she left, it would be harder to go to work each day on such little sleep. As it was now, she could rest in the afternoons while the baby napped and get up just in time for supper. Well, to feed the baby first, then eat her supper.
“Mamm!” she called. Her mother didn’t answer.
“I saw her go outside,” Libby said, her hands covered with white as she rolled the date balls in the powdered sugar.
“Can you stir that?” Tillie asked Levi.
He jumped as if she’d poked him with a cattle prod. “What? You want me to stir it?”
“Jah, I think you can handle that.” She smiled at him as encouragingly as possible, but she didn’t have any time to waste. Emmy was in full-scale fit over not being fed.
“I will just be a few minutes,” she said. “Just stir until I get back.”
She made her way into the small bedroom that she shared with the baby and quickly undid her dress to feed her. She made it just in time. The baby’s cries made her milk go down, and she had started to leak a bit. How embarrassing to do such a thing in front of Levi. Then again, he had delivered the baby. But it was as if things had changed now. She still felt a deep connection with him. Yet on a different level. She couldn’t quite explain it, but she knew it was there all the same. And now he was staying for dinner. The thought shouldn’t have thrilled her, but it did.
She bent down and kissed the top of Emmy’s little head. She couldn’t believe that the baby was here. Tomorrow, they were taking her into the doctor’s office to have her checked out and get a birth certificate. But Tillie didn’t need a doctor to know that her baby was just fine. And she felt she owed thanks for that to Levi Yoder. He still claimed that he did nothing but be there for her, but he would never know how much that meant to her.
She switched Emmy’s side. The thing she dreaded most was calling Melvin. She had the number to the garage where he worked written on a piece of paper, and for the last day and a half she had pretended she couldn’t find it. The truth was she hadn’t looked very hard. She wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him, but she dreaded it all the same.
“Tillie!” Libby screeched. She must’ve been somewhere in the hallway, as close as her voice sounded. “Come quick! Levi set the candy on fire!”
Chapter Twenty
“Other than church, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people in one house before,” Levi said to Tillie with a small laugh.
Growing up, it had just been him and Mims and their brother, Daniel. Until Daniel was killed. But three children, no grandchildren, and only one grandparent in the dawdihaus made for much quieter family dinners. They would have the occasional cousin come over, but this was nothing like he had ever seen.
“It is something,” Tillie returned.
He sat across from her during the meal, and as strange as it seemed, he could hardly remember what they ate. Some of her family members ate at the kitchen table, and the children had a table of their own, so he was thankful to be at the quieter, adult table. And it gave him time to watch Tillie among her sisters.
One thing was obvious. They loved each other
immensely. And Leah was almost as bossy as Mims. Almost, but not quite.
“Mind if I sit?” He nodded toward the end of the couch next to her.
She held Emmy in her arms, but if the previous time he had spent with her and her family meant anything at all, someone would buzz in any minute and whisk her away.
But first... “Can I hold her?” he asked.
Tillie looked at him in shock. “You want to hold her?”
He nodded. “Is that surprising?”
She looked down at Emmy and shook her head. “It’s just . . .”
Men didn’t normally go around asking to hold babies that weren’t theirs. But he didn’t say it. And she didn’t finish.
“You don’t trust me after the candy incident,” he said.
She shook her head. “That has nothing to do with it.”
He sighed. “Libby completely overreacted.”
She smiled at him and all his doubts fell away. Then she gently eased the baby toward him so that her neck was cradled in the crook of his arm. Emmy rustled a little bit, stretched some, then settled back down, sleeping peacefully, her mouth moving like she was sucking on something that wasn’t there. And she was perfect. He just couldn’t believe how beautiful and perfect she was.
“She’s a good baby,” he said. He had nothing to do with it. He wasn’t her father. He’d just stood by while Tillie labored, but he felt a kinship to her all the same.
“Thank you for the diapers,” she said. “And the bunny. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. But I wanted to.” He could’ve added the tiny bunny to the memorial he had set up for Mary and the baby, but somehow he felt this was a better purpose for it.
“What does Melvin think of her?” Levi asked.
Tillie’s expression turned sheepish. “I haven’t exactly told him yet.”
“You haven’t?” It was beyond surprising.
“I know. I know. But . . .” She shook her head. “Things had changed between us before I left,” she admitted.
He jerked his gaze to her in surprise. And she shook her head again. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. But I think I wanted him to come after me, not just the baby.”
It was understandable, he supposed. But instead of commenting, he nodded. “So he’s not going to come back,” Levi asked.
She shook her head. “Doubtful.” She fiddled with something in her lap, a string on her apron or some invisible something on the fabric. “He’s not going to come back, and I’m not going to be able to stay.”
Levi had figured that one out for himself. How had such a sweet girl gotten herself into such a mess? “What will you do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe stay with Leah. I think the bishop will find fault with that, but I don’t want to go back to Columbus.”
“Will you try to get a job at a day care center like you had before?”
“You remember that?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to find a job doing something. But with me being a . . . single mother, it might be kind of hard. I know firsthand; childcare is expensive.”
Levi had no idea about such matters. “It’s really none of my business.”
“I just wanted you to know.” She shrugged. “I know people have been saying all kinds of things about me. I guess some of it’s true. Some of it might not be. I don’t know. But I wanted you to know from me what’s happening.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Levi said.
“Thank you.”
He lightly traced the curve of Emmy’s nose with one finger, then stopped when he realized how calloused his finger was and how rough it must feel against the soft baby skin. But she was just so beautiful. He wanted to touch her. Maybe to make sure she was real.
“Melvin,” he said. “Do you love him?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You don’t have to answer that.” He had no right to ask. He had no cause to ask. But somehow it was very important that he know.
“I did,” she said quietly.
“There you are.” Leah breezed into the living room, where they had managed to sit in peace for a while. But with a house full of people it was only a matter of time before someone interrupted them. “Okay, my turn,” she said and reached out for Levi to hand her Emmy.
He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t done holding the sweet baby just yet, but a part of him knew he needed to surrender her. He almost felt as if he was getting too attached. And it would do no good to get attached to a baby who was going to be leaving soon and returning to a world he wasn’t a part of. Or to her mother, for that matter. It hadn’t taken long, but it seemed as if Tillie Gingerich had become quite important to him.
Leah cuddled the baby and kissed her head, then marched back the way she came, calling, “I found her,” as she went.
Levi turned back to Tillie. She seemed like she had been about to say more before Leah interrupted them, and he wanted to ask what that might be. But he had pried enough for one day.
“The truth is,” Tillie said, “I don’t know anymore. If I love him.”
Levi swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure why those words made his mouth go dry, made him wonder about a lot of things all at once.
“Why is it so complicated?” Tillie asked.
“I don’t know,” Levi answered honestly. “I really do not know.”
* * *
“I think I’ve outstayed my welcome,” Levi said. He stood and stretched his legs as Tillie watched, unable to protest if he left now.
What call did she have to claim any of his time? None. None at all. She stood as well and smoothed her hands down over her apron. “Danki for helping us with the Christmas candy.”
He patted his stomach. “I’m sure it cost me a good two or three pounds, but it was worth it in the end.”
She smiled, happy when he returned the gesture. “Isn’t that the way of candy?” She turned and headed to the kitchen. “Wait one second. Don’t go just yet.”
“I won’t.”
Tillie hustled into the kitchen, grabbed the box of the candy they had made, and ran back to where Levi waited.
“You worked so hard on these; I think you should take some with you.” She held the box toward him.
He seemed hesitant, but finally accepted her offering. “Between you and Mims, I’m going to be fat as a pig by the time the new year comes around.”
She laughed. “I doubt that very much. Enjoy the candy.”
He nodded and headed toward the door. He grabbed his coat and his hat, donned them, and turned back to Tillie. “I know I will.”
Tillie stood at the window in the dining room and watched as Levi said farewells to the men outside and pulled himself up into his buggy. Moments later, he was gone.
“He seems like a nice man,” Hannah said.
Tillie whirled around to face her sister. “I—oh, jah,” she finally managed. “He’s a very nice man.”
“And he adores the baby.”
Tillie shrugged. “I suppose.”
“Ain’t no ‘suppose’ about it,” Leah said, coming into the room. “That man is crazy about little Emmy.”
“Speaking of . . . where is she?”
“Mammi has her. She said she would ring the bell if she got hungry. Emmy, not Mammi,” Leah explained. “Though Mammi rings the bell when she’s hungry too.”
“We got it,” Hannah said.
Leah stuck her tongue out at Hannah, then turned her attention to Tillie. “So, anything interesting happen while you were at Levi’s?”
“I had a baby,” she replied.
“You know what I mean. That man seems smitten.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It never is,” Hannah returned.
“His wife hasn’t even been gone three months now. I don’t think he has given the first thought to romance.”
“That’s when it always gets you,” Leah countered.
“I’m not staying,” Tilli
e finally said.
Both her sisters gasped. “Not even through Christmas?” Hannah asked.
“Jah, but no longer. The bishop . . .” She didn’t have to explain what the bishop had said. Her sisters knew the rules as well as she. Tillie couldn’t remain in the community if she wasn’t married to her baby’s father. It was as simple and as complicated as that.
“Have you told Mamm?” Hannah asked.
“She knows,” Tillie replied. “She was here with me when Amos Raber came by.” But like the rest of them, her mamm would rather pretend that the end wasn’t coming and enjoy the now. Just as Tillie had been trying to do when she was at Levi’s house. But it was a lot harder than it sounded. How was a body supposed to experience the now with the future looming ahead?
She guessed if it was a good future it might be easier, but with what waited for her . . .
“I wanted to ask you,” Tillie started, turning to Leah. “Do you think maybe I could stay with you for a little while? Just until I get back on my feet?”
Leah frowned. “I’ll have to talk to Jamie about it, but I don’t see why not.”
“What about Melvin?” Hannah asked.
The question of the hour, as they said. “He didn’t come after me all this time. I don’t see why he would want me back merely because I’ve been excommunicated.”
“And what about telling him about Emmy?” Leah asked. “You told him all that yet?”
“You know I haven’t,” Tillie replied.
“Just making my point.” Leah dipped her chin as if it were the only answer they needed.
“Which is?” Hannah asked.
“She’s withholding information from him and not giving him a chance to prove himself.”
“I’m not?” Tillie asked.
“Prove himself?” Hannah asked.
