His Black Wings

by Astrid Yrigollen

  Fredrick found his solitary life adequate but not ideal, until he found himself falling in love with Sutton’s youngest daughter, Emrah, who was a year younger than himself. Their friendship blossomed steadily as did Fredrick’s business knowledge. While the elder Sutton was content with Fredrick as an employee and dinner guest, Fredrick was unsure of how he would feel about him as a match for his youngest daughter. He had no family, no name or property and everything he did have, was earned from Sutton himself. Fredrick applied himself diligently to the business and was given even more responsibilities at Sutton Milling Company, yet his co workers were always there in the background grumbling at his rise up the ladder.

  On his twenty-third birthday he spoke to Emrah privately. Even though he felt as though she was as fond of him as he was of her, he needed to be sure. Fredrick was a confident young man and stated his feelings, his purpose and goals matter of factly to Emrah. She, being of a sweet and earnest disposition, smiled serenely as she listened to her beloved. He wanted to marry her and make her happy but he wanted to be able to provide for her as she deserved. His one thought would be to work harder and in two years build her a house where they could raise a family. He noted her smile lessen a bit when he mentioned two years, but he felt that was the time he needed and in the long run it would be better to start their lives in a home of their own.

  “I bring this up to you first Emrah, because if you return my feelings, then we can set a date, two years from now and we can both go to your father and ask for his blessing.” Fredrick hoped his voice did not tremble as he voiced his wishes. Emrah being of an affectionate nature simply sprang up from where she sat and wrapped her thin arms around Fredrick’s neck and pressed her cheek to his.

  “I have waited so long to hear you say something, anything, to let me know that you cared for me Fredrick. You always hold yourself so aloof and focused, I never know what you are thinking.” She now looked deep in to his eyes and he could see the love he felt for her reflected back at him.

  “Then we will marry in two years.” Fredrick said and tenderly kissed his fiancée. For the first time since he had been out of the mines, he was happy. With a promising career in front of him and the prospect of marriage to Emrah, he was content. The old nagging feelings of resentment for Maidstone Industries had been buried.

  When the engagement was announced, there was great excitement in the Sutton house. Emrah’s family loved Fredrick like a son and brother and he was much welcomed to make a legal tie with the Suttons. At first, the elder Sutton did not understand why Fredrick wanted such a long engagement but when he learned of the young man’s reasons, he was pleased beyond reason. The older man gave a heartwarming speech at the wedding banquet when finally, two years to the day rolled around.

  “That is the proper way for a young man to start out his life. I have felt as a Father to Fredrick ever since he came to me seeking employment when he was a teenager. I have watched him grow and learn like any other man of privilege that has graduated from a Gentlemen’s academy.” Sutton continued to sing Fredrick’s praises much to the disappointment of Fredrick’s co workers who shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

  “Even though Fredrick could have asked for Emrah’s hand in marriage and set a date for soon after, he wanted to postpone it. Not because of any love lacking on his part for Emrah, but because of an abundance of it. He has worked hard for several years, living frugally, not given to vice or bouts of anger and saved his money. When he came to me for permission to marry my daughter, he expressed his desire to dedicate the next two years of the engagement to even more hard work and saving so that he could build her a grand house, one that would be what she deserved.” He turned towards Fredrick in a now apologetic manner.

  “Yes, I know very well how you spent your weeknights alone after a hard day’s work. I know you were dedicated solely to the mill, until you fell in love with Emrah that is. I know how, after you were engaged, how you spent your weekends meeting with contractors and calculating costs for building materials. All for the home you would build my daughter. I know all these things because I was curious about you Fredrick and wanted to make sure you were the right sort of man to welcome in to my family. The fact is, I secretly hoped you would want to join our family, no matter which daughter you chose!” The wedding party laughed at this but understood well the sentiments.

  The young couple settled in to married life easily and happily after a long honeymoon. Emrah’s older sisters viewed their marriage regrettably with some jealousy. After all, they were older and should have the right to marry first shouldn’t they? Emrah’s older sisters were quickly married off to two of Fredrick’s not as young, less promising co workers, the very ones who complained that Fredrick was smooching his way up the ladder to gain control of the Sutton Milling Company. These two marriages even though proving depressed and bitter, produced offspring quickly.

  Months passed with gentle chidings finding their way to Fredrick and Emrah’s ears about children. The months turned into years but the queries did not cease. The young Lowoods always managed a faint smile when handling questions about children.

  Did they not want children?

  Didn’t they agree it was better to have children when one is young?

  The young couple took solace in their own love for one another and wanted children as much as any happy couple would, but the pregnancies would not come to full term. Emrah suffered three miscarriages in three years and finally could not bear to bring up the subject of children again. The Sutton family was sad for their youngest daughter, but by this time had other grandchildren now in the fold that demanded attention. When his wife became pregnant again Fredrick was gripped with a sort of paralyzing fear and realization that he no longer wanted children. He could not bear the thought of his beloved Emrah going through another pregnancy and being devastated by its lack of fruit. Her health was now a constant concern for him and he felt that nothing was worth the risk of her health. A creeping doubt lingered in his mind, that perhaps it was his own tainted seed that was lacking the genetic means to become a full human baby. For nine months Fredrick lived on pins and needles, always making sure of his wife’s comfort and hiring a full time caretaker for her.

  Their daughter arrived on a summer evening with no pain for the mother. The birth was easy and painless and produced a beautiful, perfect daughter. The joy in the Lowood house was immeasurable and even the elder Sutton was roused again to make another heartfelt speech at the baby shower that was now safe to be given. A month went by and tears of happiness that were shed by the Suttons and young Lowoods turned into tears of grief. The infant died the day before they were able to take her to the local court for birth registry.

  Emrah’s family now retreated from the young couple, perhaps not knowing how to deal with this new tragedy. Fredrick took time off of work to act as nurse to his wife. He could not understand how such a cruel blow could have been dealt to them once more. Having held his baby daughter in his arms, kissing her warm soft head and smelling her baby smells, his heart overflowed with love and happiness. Now, only an empty crib and forlorn stuffed toys remained of all that was their baby daughter. They resisted the urge to withdraw from one another and instead clung together and shared their grief with long nights of weeping.

  After a time, the storm of emotions cleared and Fredrick and Emrah were able to continue life, resigned not to have any more children. While they would never be truly whole again since having to put a part of them in to the cemetery, they realized they had to be strong and continue on with life. It was their love that brought them together and brought a daughter in to this world and while their baby was gone, their love for one another remained. They discussed procedures that would keep them from becoming pregnant again, a special concern since Emrah had grown much weaker since the last pregnancy.

  Fredrick was disappointed with the Sutton family’s lack of emotional support through these last few years. They were simply caught up in their own families,
but Fredrick felt as though somehow they ranked low on the families’ totem pole because they had no children. The chasm between the Lowoods and the Suttons grew wider as time passed after the funeral. When Emrah for the final time, became pregnant, the couple withdrew from her family even more. They kept the pregnancy a secret from the Sutton family, as well as Etrigan’s successful birth.

  When Etrigan was born he was delivered at home and again the birth was painless and easy. Emrah smiled at her son and husband, not believing that she had carried another baby to term. She pushed away her secret fears that would grip her tightly for the next few months and dedicated herself to making sure that this baby lived.

  Fredrick was cautiously hopeful that this baby would survive, even though there were two faint splotches on the baby’s back that the Doctor said were birthmarks. When the baby reached two months old, Emrah still did not want to take him to get registered. Fredrick took clandestine trips into to the city to purchase baby clothes and supplies. He could not risk his in-laws seeing him at the local baby shop. Months passed and Emrah still refused to show Etrigan off to her parents or sisters, which Fredrick knew would only make it more difficult to explain his sudden appearance when Emrah changed her mind.

  Etrigan proved to be a calm baby of a sweet disposition that grew stronger each day to the delight of both his parents. While Emrah’s health was still very delicate, it buoyed her spirits to see her son thriving. Even when the splotches on his back became red and irritated, she insisted on treating them with home remedies instead of taking him to the Doctor, so confident of her sons great health. Fredrick however was fearful, he recalled other children in the mine being born with the same red splotches. He knew that there was a chance those red splotches would fester, then break forth with wings, and his child would die. Or his child could have been born without the splotches and still die like his daughter. Fredrick felt powerless to protect his family, his son from his own genetic makeup and his wife from possible grief. According to his father, Fredrick himself did not have the red splotches on his back when he was born, thereby making him more of an interest to the Maidstone laboratories. Fredrick took to watching his small son with a mixture of curiosity and dread. Emrah’s presence gave him some sense of normalcy as if everything would continue on as it were, his son in good health and his wife stable. On days like this however, when he was left on his own without Emrah, he felt the anxiety creep slowly up the back of his neck to grasp his thoughts in their negative grip. Today Emrah had gone to visit the Suttons since they no longer visited the Lowood home. The elder Sutton had since retired, leaving the care of the Sutton Milling Company spilt between Fredrick and his two coworkers that had married his sister in laws.

  While Emrah was visiting her family, little Etrigan’s wings sprouted forth in a series of crackling noises until as his father looked on, a loud pop was heard and the small black wings spread out as if gasping for breath. Little Etrigan cooed happily as he stumbled towards his curious, but not surprised father. Etrigan had not begun to learn how to walk on his own yet, but with an inborn instinct he scrunched up his little face and the wings began to flap, then lift him a few inches off the ground.

  Delighted now that Fredrick was sure his young son was going to survive, he raced towards the plump baby and scooped him up to hold in his arms. With eyes closed he cried grateful tears and kissed his son’s small face. This is how Emrah found her husband and son when she arrived home, Etrigan asleep in his father’s arms and Fredrick crying.

  Fredrick had always admired Emrah’s calm nature, not prone to hysterical outbursts. If there ever was a time where he hoped this quality would come to the fore front, it was now, now that she spied the small black wings that had sprouted from her sons back.

  Fredrick, after asking his wife to stay calm and assured her of their sons health and well being, asked her to sit down so that he could tell her the story of his birth and childhood. Emrah sat still and quiet till long after the house grew dark as Fredrick spoke. Not even when she could only see his faint outline in the darkness, did she move to put on a light. Little Etrigan stayed asleep as if calmed by his father’s story. He told Emrah of his father’s work in the mine and how the company forced him and later his mother down into the mines where Fredrick was born. He saw tears spring up in Emrah’s eyes when he related his father’s dying wish to let go of the hate. He told her that Etrigan’s wings were his fault, his genetic material had been altered and he passed it on to his son. He asked her forgiveness and pleaded with her to be with him in the goal of keeping their son safe and hidden from Maidstone laboratories. She said nothing but walked over to her husband and enfolded him and her son in her arms.

  Fredrick felt a new sort of well being now that he had revealed his past to Emrah. Etrigan continued to thrive and grow stronger and yet they had still not revealed his birth to anyone. Especially now that Etrigan’s wings had come in, they knew it would cause a scandal that would spread through the town, and then who knows how much further. Husband and wife made a pact to hide Etrigan until they could move somewhere else, away from her family’s prying eyes. Things had changed drastically at the mill in the few years that Emrah had given birth to Etrigan. The elder Sutton had been much plagued by various ailments and was now confined to bed while Fredrick spent more time at home with his family. In doing so he gave away even more power to his coworkers, who continued to edge him out of the company. Fredrick began to look for suitable employment elsewhere, one in which he could provide for his family. Etrigan was now five years old and Fredrick did not think it was right they kept him constantly at home hidden, but he knew school was out of the question.

  When the elder Sutton announced that he was going to give the company over to the husband of his eldest daughter, Fredrick had been prepared. Emrah, knowing all about the treatment of her husband by her brother in- laws, went to the family home to complain without Fredrick’s knowledge. She raged for a full hour in front of her brother-in laws, sisters and father. Fredrick, frantic with worry when his wife did not come back from an “errand”, bundled his son up in an over sized child’s coat. Etrigan hated anything that confined his wings and voiced his displeasure. He was now a handsome five year old and knew he was the apple of his parent’s eyes.

  Fredrick had no choice but to go to his in-laws house, since that was the only place that she might be since hearing the news of his demotion. Upon arriving at the Sutton house, he heard a low cry and thump as his wife passed out and fell to the ground, so great was her despair at her family’s actions. No one rushed to help Emrah, but only cast a critical eye at her fallen form.

  After quickly putting Etrigan down for a moment, Fredrick rushed over to his wife’s side and spoke her name. The Sutton family that had been continually poisoned by the brother in-laws stared now at the handsome boy that looked back at them with frank curiosity. They all wondered who this small boy was that Fredrick had with him.

  Fredrick momentarily forgetting his son, bade his wife to open her eyes which she did.

  “Fredrick, you are here.” She said weakly, barely being able to keep her eyes open.

  “Yes my love I am here. Can you manage to walk?” She nodded as he helped her up to her feet.

  “And who are you little man?” A brother in-law said to Etrigan as he slithered his way up to the boy.

  “Etrigan!” He shouted and laughed, delighted to be able to speak to others.

  “And who are your parents?” Emrah’s older sister asked. Etrigan pointed to Fredrick who was now supporting his wife with one arm and about to scoop up Etrigan with the other.

  “There is my papa!” Etrigan said happily to the now shocked group of people. The room broke out into a chorus of accusations directed towards Fredrick. He ignored them all as he took his son and wife out of the Sutton house forever.

  After years of restrained contact with her family, Emrah Lowood now found herself besieged by them. Fredrick allowed no one in except the doctor. Emrah herself wanted t
o address their wrong thoughts, that Fredrick had fathered a child out of wedlock. She wanted to claim Etrigan as her own, but she knew to do so was to put Etrigan at risk of exposure by the vipers in her family. The chances that they would even believe that Etrigan was her own were also slim. When the Suttons could not gain entry in to the home to pester Emrah in person, they resorted to a campaign of letter writing. On her sick bed, Emrah insisted on reading each letter until her health became such that Fredrick, who had never denied her anything, denied her this last wish.

  “Please, I want to know what they are saying Fredrick.” Emrah said weakly. He took the pile of letters and threw them into the fireplace in their bedroom.

  “You don’t need to know what they are saying or thinking. You already know. I won’t allow you to read anymore of their accusations. Even if we submitted to a DNA test to prove you and I are Etrigan’s parents, his DNA would bring up much more questions and will expose him.” He walked over to his wife’s bedside and kneeled down to be at eye level with her.