Spring Fever

by Barbara Winkes

  “I guess he had some pointers for you.”

  Rebecca smiled. She hadn’t missed the friendly teasing. Clearly, Father Langdon was one of the good guys, but in all her life, Callie had never understood the bond people formed with the ministers in their town.

  “I’ll tell you everything, but I’m starving. I hope Maggie has made her choice, and oh, would you mind if Sara came with us? Something’s up with her. I have no idea what that is, but I don’t like sending her back without knowing.”

  “No problem.”

  “What’s all this?” Rebecca asked, indicating the papers strewn over the bed.

  “I’ll tell you everything about that too, but you’re right. Let’s go eat first. Then, we’ll share.”

  It wasn’t until that moment Callie realized the tension that had gripped her all day was finally gone.

  * * * *

  Rebecca closed the door behind her, sat on the bed next to Maggie, and hugged her close. Not that she’d ever taken her children for granted, but after the events of the past year, gratitude came with a new quality. Maggie snuggled up against her for a moment as Rebecca struggled to find the words. Start with something easy.

  “Did you have a good day?”

  “Yes. Callie and I were up in the attic. We didn’t really find anything mysterious, but it was fun. I’ve never been there.”

  “That sounds exciting.”

  “Did you get to see Uncle Craig?”

  “Yes.” Rebecca suppressed a sigh. “He is very sorry for what he did. He didn’t mean to scare you this badly.” This was for Maggie’s benefit, not for Craig’s. “Look, Maggie. The reason I went there was that I thought he might know who told you all those terrible things.”

  Maggie stiffened in her arms.

  “I know it’s not him, but honey, I need to know. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. You’ll stay right here with me and Callie.”

  “I promised.”

  Rebecca indulged herself in a moment of fantasy of what she’d say to the person who’d caused Maggie this much pain. If she ever found out their identity, it wouldn’t be pretty.

  “I know, and it’s a good thing to keep a promise when it’s someone you can trust. Remember when you and Dina stayed with Dad for a while, and some people in school said nasty things? When people are mean like that, it’s okay to tell.”

  Why take the risk that people might stare and talk behind your back. Why not take the easy way out and be silent? She had asked Callie these questions, frustrated as her own comfort zone crumbled around her. Rebecca understood a lot more than she had then, and she could tell Maggie was confused. Sometimes, it was hard to identify those mean people, because some of them were great actors, pretending they cared.

  Betty had made some noise and behaved in unacceptable ways, but she wasn’t sneaky about it. Someone like Father Reynolds, though, could convey the most hateful message in a soft-spoken voice. It was hard for a child to figure out that kind of subtext. It had taken Rebecca a long time to get there.

  “You won’t be mad?”

  “No, honey. Of course not.”

  “I don’t want to,” Maggie said. “It’s okay. She doesn’t talk to me anymore.”

  “Who? Nicole?”

  She. That narrowed it down, but not nearly enough.

  “Please. You promised you wouldn’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad at you.” Rebecca hugged her close once more, torn whether she should play that last card. What if it happens to other children? What if she, whoever she was, played the same game with other families? She couldn’t do that kind of emotional blackmail with her own daughter. “How about we make a deal? If that person ever says anything to you again, or scares you in any way, you tell me?”

  Rebecca wasn’t going to let this go, not in the long run, but she wanted Maggie to feel safe, whatever it took.

  “Okay,” Maggie conceded, in a small voice. “Can we go to the restaurant now?”

  “Sure we can. Let’s see what the other girls are up to.”

  She. Did Nicole still call here without either of them knowing, or had she been wrong about Betty all along?

  * * * *

  Maggie’s choice was a pancake place they had visited once last summer. Rebecca looked over at Sara fidgeting in her chair. She had awkwardly accepted the invitation, but not really come out with the reason why she’d wanted to talk to Rebecca in the first place. Instead, she had instantly bonded with Dina over pop culture references Rebecca had a hard time following.

  Sara had insisted on paying her own way and chosen the least expensive dish on the menu. Maggie had no such reservations, as long as there was lots of chocolate and caramel on the plate. For once, Rebecca decided to indulge her. She was quite tempted herself.

  The course of the day had left her with mixed emotions, yet she was grateful for the small details she’d uncovered, bringing them closer to finding the person who had caused Maggie’s nightmares. Rebecca wasn’t quite sure what exactly would happen when she did.

  Like she’d told Father Langdon, she’d never given that much thought to the many ways people could be evil, or how the people on the wrong side could be someone’s parents. She and David might have their struggles, but she couldn’t imagine any circumstances under which they would kick their own children out of their home, like Sara’s parents had. Of course, they had worried about Dina’s relationship with Tomaso.

  Rebecca might have cringed had Dina chosen the same gear that Sara favored, and she would flat out forbid her to smoke. It seemed like currently, no one was forbidding Sara anything…but she had no one who cared. Callie looked thoughtful as well. She had dealt with her own brush with the past better than one could have, but there was no doubt it had shaken her.

  Silence and fear always made a bad combination—Sara, Maggie, Callie.

  Rebecca wished she could do better, for all of them, but these days, she was well aware of her own limitations. Conversations with Father Langdon did that too…even if he reminded her with a sense of humor and affection. She couldn’t remove all obstacles out of the way of everyone she cared about.

  She’d be content to have them in one place, as carefree as they could possibly be for the moment.

  When they were back home, Callie went inside with Maggie and Dina, who had already exchanged cell phone numbers with Sara and urged her to create a Facebook account.

  “Thank you,” Sara said with a heartfelt sigh. “I wasn’t sure when Amber asked me to join. I mean, why would I be hanging out with a bunch of girls in church? You are all cooler than I thought. I really had a great day.”

  “Well, thanks. You’re welcome any time. Where does your aunt live again?”

  Another sigh.

  “Hey, why don’t you come by tomorrow? Dina’s going to be here for a little while longer.”

  “Yeah, that would be great.” Finally, Sara looked at her. “You know, you remind me of my mom.”

  “I do?” Rebecca wasn’t sure that she should take this as a compliment.

  “Well, she’s all about church, and faith, and family. When you first came to the group, I thought I wouldn’t be able to stand you. You know, Amber talks about faith sometimes, but it’s mostly a safe space where we get to talk about what’s going on in our lives. When you said that church was so important to you, I thought you were as scary as some of the other folks. Like mine, actually. I’m sorry about that.”

  “You’re forgiven, but I’m not sure I follow.”

  “It’s still important to you, and yet, your family is very different from mine,” Sara pointed out.

  “I had…some questions, and worries, but I don’t believe God hates you for who you love.”

  “That’s kind of beautiful…if I believed. Mom thinks differently though. She thinks we’re all going to Hell, and in the end, she might ruin the only thing that’s working out for me right now.”

  “How so?”

  Rebecca was aware she walked on thin ice. She didn’t want
anyone to mess with her own family, and Sara wasn’t her daughter. Yet, her parents were so wrong. This afternoon with Father Langdon, Rebecca had touched on the subject of her own parents and David, and she knew what she had to do. Doing it was another story.

  “They said I should never return unless I had given up on my horrible, immoral thoughts and actions. Fine with me.” Her voice trembled a bit, belying her statement. “Aunt Tammy went on a trip with her boyfriend, and they left no phone number…nothing. I’m not a child, but I’m not eighteen yet, and if someone rats me out…”

  “Wow. That’s a lot you have on your plate at the moment,” Rebecca said. Between Craig calling her names, Father Langdon being affectionately but brutally honest, and Maggie struggling with her secret, she wanted to pull a blanket over her head and hide. Enough for one day. “I won’t tell anybody, but don’t you have anyone else to stay with?”

  “What do you think?” Sara snapped. She flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I was hoping…” Bit by bit, her super-cool façade crumbled. “I was hoping I could stay with you, just for tonight. I can sleep on the floor. That’s fine with me.” When Rebecca didn’t answer right away, she continued, “Someone—I don’t know who—told the landlord I’m all by myself. He’s creepy enough as it is, but he might call social services, and that’s it. Aunt Tammy wouldn’t mind if I was gone. She barely talks to me anyway. Not that I mind, but I don’t want to go back to my parents.”

  “That sucks.” Sara gave her the same indulgent look she got from Dina when trying to talk their language. “All right, this is what we do. You can stay the night, but let’s still go by your aunt’s apartment and leave her a message. We don’t want to add any more trouble, right? Tell her you’re staying with a friend of yours, which is what you’ll be doing.”

  “Really?”

  Rebecca could have sworn Sara was about to hug her but reminded herself to stay cool and distant just in time.

  “Thank you,” she said awkwardly. “I appreciate it.”

  * * * *

  Dina and Sara moved into Callie’s office with sleeping bags for the time being. The arrangement would hopefully give Maggie the chance at a good night’s sleep. The two teenage girls would likely talk long into the night.

  When Rebecca came out of the bathroom, Callie was just about to clear the papers off the bed she had left there earlier. Sinking back on the welcoming surface of the waterbed, Rebecca picked up one of the postcards.

  “These are beautiful. I’d love it if we could go, but didn’t we just have a vacation?”

  “Christmas was long ago, and the other time doesn’t count. Nothing with Nicole anywhere near can ever be a vacation.” Callie put everything in a pile on the nightstand. “I forgot I wanted to show these to Dina. Looks like Valerie exchanged letters with a girl from Italy…and I’m starting to suspect they weren’t platonic friends.”

  “The surprises never end.”

  “Yeah.” Callie reached over to turn on the stereo on the nightstand, soft music filling the room. Rebecca was grateful. All the words from today’s conversations, disdainful and encouraging, still rang loudly in her head. She wouldn’t be able to sleep right away. “I just wish I could have known. Too little too late…the story of my life.”

  “Not always.” She brushed her fingertips against Callie’s, earning a grateful smile in return.

  “No, not always,” Callie agreed.

  “You know, I usually do a pretty good job luring people into church, and to brunch,” Rebecca said ruefully. “Valerie…I think I talked to her about three times, and it always stayed superficial. I hope I never gave her the idea she was only invited under conditions. We have to do better, and I don’t mean just you and me. I don’t want Maggie and Dina to be as clueless as I’ve been.”

  “You’re right. I’d still like have those letters translated sometime soon, but I think I know what they are saying.”

  Callie leaned over to kiss Rebecca, and just like that, the day’s tiredness fell away, and the noise in her head stopped. Tomorrow was another day to apply the lessons learned.

  * * * *

  Maggie slept through the night without any incident, which made her the only person fully awake at the breakfast table. As predicted, Dina and Sara had a long conversation, and Rebecca and Callie had engaged in other pleasant ways of communication. Time to face the day. What to do about that bit of new information regarding Maggie, and Sara too? Caffeine, lots of it, was in order first.

  Midway through breakfast, the doorbell rang. Everyone around the table looked equally stressed.

  “Hey.” Rebecca forced a smile. “It could be the mail, right?” At least she was properly dressed—something she was relieved about when she opened the door to Andy. The other woman started talking before Rebecca could say anything.

  “Please, I need you to hear me out. I’m aware I crossed a line, and I’m so sorry about it, but when I met David and realized…doesn’t everybody deserve a second chance?”

  “I agree,” Rebecca said, startling Andy into speechlessness, but only for a moment.

  “No, I didn’t mean…come on. You know what I mean, right? Can I come in for a few minutes? I really need to talk to you.”

  “Sure. Do you want breakfast?”

  Unfortunately, irony was lost on Andy, who followed her with eager strides. “Thank you so much. I knew we could work this out between the two of us. I believe that you—” She stopped cold when she saw the small group assembled in the kitchen.

  “Andy, you know Sara and Callie, and these are my daughters, Maggie and Dina.”

  Dina said hi with a bright smile. Sara rolled her eyes in a way only a teenager could. Maggie slipped off her chair and left for her room.

  “Hi, Andy,” Callie said. “Can I get you a coffee?”

  There was a trace of defiance in her voice that probably only Rebecca detected.

  “Uh…yes, please.”

  Obviously, Andy’s need for coffee overrode her fear that the gayness in this house could be contagious.

  Rebecca pondered Maggie’s less than polite reaction. They needed to bring the counselor on board, find the person who had told her those lies, and remove that influence from her life. Nightmares or not, her behavior around adults had definitely changed.

  “Have a seat. What was it you wanted to talk about?”

  Andy sat stiffly. It was obvious she had hoped to catch Rebecca alone.

  “Yeah, say what you want to say,” Sara chimed in. “Unless it’s some bigoted bullshit like the last time.”

  Dina’s jaw dropped.

  “Sara, not in that tone.” It was an automatic reaction. Rebecca wasn’t at all certain she wouldn’t regret it later. “Girls, why don’t you get dressed and go walk Barney for a bit?”

  She was quickly losing points with Sara, but she knew she wouldn’t find out anything if she didn’t grant Andy the time alone. Maybe she was naïve to think it would be a sensible conversation, but Rebecca was willing to try taking the higher road.

  “I’ll see you later,” Callie said and kissed her, long enough to have Andy squirm in her chair. “Have a good day, Andy.”

  “All right.” Rebecca turned to Andy, the breathless tone of her voice not exaggerated. She couldn’t blame Callie after what happened with Andy the last time, but only yesterday, she’d sworn to do better. It meant leaving the lines of communication open as long as the other person was willing. Right?

  “You’re forgiven, even though you caught us at a bad time…and I don’t mean just now. With David too. I understand you’d like to make friends in town, but this is not the way.”

  “You’re saying that in order to make friends, I have to give up everything I believe in?”

  “What is it you believe in, because so far…I don’t know much about it? I understand you’re happy where you are now, which is great. The same is true for me.”

  “It’s not right! It’s immoral and…don’t you see you’ll be punished
for it? You already are.”

  Andy looked as startled as Rebecca felt about her guest’s outburst.

  “Okay, hold on a second. I know Betty invited you to brunch, and you invited yourself to Amber’s group, but this is my house.” Callie’s, actually, but those were semantics at the moment. “You can’t come here and talk like this…to me or anyone.”

  “I’m not doing this to hurt you. You’ve got to believe me.”

  “What’s it to you, anyway? You don’t know me.”

  “I know you a little.” Andy picked up her coffee mug and set it down, again. “After what David told me—”

  “—which he shouldn’t have done in the first place.”

  “It meant something,” Andy insisted. “I’ve been hurting for both of you ever since. Sure, you can enjoy yourself for a while and make yourself believe it’s okay. I’ve been there. It damages your life on so many levels.”

  Rebecca realized she couldn’t be angry with her. What she felt was pity for someone so tightly wrapped up in their own prejudice that they believed their own lies. Causing a little girl nightmares or having a teenager sent to a foster home because her parents didn’t give a damn, Rebecca was certain this was by far more damaging. Andy, on the other hand, would have probably approved.

  She misinterpreted Rebecca’s thoughtfulness. “See, maybe it’s meant to be that we meet and become friends.”

  Whoa. I’m not your friend, and you keep making it less likely I’ll ever be.

  “I went through all of this, and I came out changed, a better person. I overcame those…desires. You can too,” Andy continued.

  “You know what’s really sad? You lost the ability to see something beautiful right in front of you. You can’t feel for anyone. I want to believe you and that you’re happy right now, but somehow, I think you’re really miserable. All of you.”

  “I feel for you, Rebecca, even when it’s more hypocrisy talking than you.” Andy’s cheeks flushed, her tone passionate.

  “Okay, that’s it. I’d like you to go.” There was a time when Rebecca would have been fairly vulnerable to talk like this; however, in the past few months, she’d had opportunity to take a good, hard look at her own prejudice and failures. She wasn’t so naïve anymore.