Spring Fever

by Barbara Winkes

  “I figured,” Sara said evenly.

  “I don’t know if you heard the last part. Is that really okay with you, staying here? Callie and I don’t mind, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  “No one’s creeping on me, and no one wants to pray away the gay.” Sara snorted. “How could I possibly be comfortable here?”

  “Glad you think so. Let’s go tell Maggie and Dina, and then we can leave.”

  “About that—” Sara was back to fidgeting. “I don’t want to impose.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I want to do something at least. How about I cook dinner tonight?”

  “That would be great, but wait…it’s group tonight. You know what?” Rebecca said when she saw the disappointment in Sara’s face. “I’ll call Amber and cancel for both of us. I can mail her my work so far.”

  “Really? I so don’t want to listen to Andy ranting today.”

  “Same here. So…what’s for dinner?”

  * * * *

  As Callie walked along the familiar sights, she tried to recall what it had felt like when she first came here, to a town she only knew by name and accepting a heritage from a woman who remained a friendly stranger.

  She’d still been reeling from that year with Nicole, and getting to a quiet, if boring, place to finish her book—number 5 in the adventures of Vanessa and Sabine—seemed like a good idea to cope.

  Of course, it hadn’t been boring at all from the moment Rebecca had come over to welcome her new neighbor.

  Now, back to those characters who had accompanied the successes and failures in her own life for so many years. She still wasn’t sure if she wanted to go there, but she needed something to tell Asha, either way.

  Asha had a knack for showing up unexpectedly. Callie had the feeling that it might be soon.

  Her thoughts wandered back to the first weeks in Autumn Leaves. She remembered the color of the leaves changing, the time she realized she was falling head over heels for her married, allegedly straight neighbor. Now, the trees were heavy with blossoms—white and pink, the scent intoxicating.

  She was procrastinating. So much had happened for her, Callie felt like she should pay credit to all those changes somewhere along the line, do something different. If the Young Adult story wasn’t it, she wasn’t sure going back to the familiar would work either. Especially with the suggestions Asha had made.

  She indulged herself in the fantasy of what it would be like to be married to Rebecca. The next trip they took to New York, they could make it happen. The thought thrilled her to no end, but Callie was realistic. Rebecca had just been through a divorce that bordered on messy at times. She wanted peace for herself, but mostly for her children.

  Maybe in a few years, it would be okay to bring up the idea. Maybe, at that point, they’d be able to get married right here in Autumn Leaves.

  Callie was so lost in thought, she hadn’t realized where she was going, or perhaps the landscape—looking so different in this season—had deceived her. Not all memories of her start in Autumn Leaves were good ones. The warmth of the sun couldn’t reach through the chill that rapidly spread all over her body.

  From here, it was only a five-minute walk through the woods that considerably shortened the way home. She hadn’t taken it again since that day, last Halloween, when Matt Weller and Tim Beckett had waited for her in the dark. She shuddered violently, the fear of what could have happened—other than the bruises and torn stockings—still present on this sunny morning.

  She felt trapped, unable to move in this place. It made her want to run, past the barn and all the way to the other end of the small forest…like that night.

  It took several moments for the ringing of her cell phone to register with Callie. She was too late. Number Unknown. At the moment, she couldn’t care less. She wanted to be home. She wanted never to think of that night, ever again.

  The cell phone rang once more, making her flinch, but this time, Callie picked up.

  “Thank God.”

  “Excuse me, who—?”

  “It’s Beth.” She sounded like she felt about as terrible as Callie did at the moment…not a good start for a conversation.

  “Beth. I’m sorry, but this is not a good time.”

  “Pity, I haven’t had a good time since you first called…I’m sorry. Please, don’t hang up. Callie?”

  It seemed like she was getting a chance to pay her dues after all.

  * * * *

  “Who’s the Goth girl?” David asked when Sara was out of earshot.

  The real question is what are you doing here? Rebecca didn’t say it out loud. She still harbored the hope of having David on her side, especially when it came to giving the person who had shaken Maggie so badly a piece of her mind. Maybe she could even trick him into coming to Roz’s opening day. The things she was willing to do for her friends…

  “She’s from my group in Marin County, and she made friends with Dina in two seconds. Her name is Sara.”

  David’s eyes narrowed. “You usually bring them here to meet the girls?”

  “Is that a problem? I don’t think anything or anyone could sway Dina from Tomaso right now.”

  “Never say never,” he murmured. “Sorry for coming by unannounced, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Is Callie here?”

  “No,” Rebecca said, confused. “You’re not taking Dina home today, are you? You know we all wanted to see Roz the day after tomorrow.”

  “Fine with me. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Come on in,” she told him, wondering if she might regret that choice, if they’d end up in a pointless dispute once more. He’s not the enemy, Father Langdon had said. These days, she trusted him more than she trusted David. Somehow, Rebecca thought that was sad.

  * * * *

  Callie couldn’t believe it. In the midst of a beautiful day, amongst pink flowers and the chirping of birds overhead, she was going to have a panic attack. That’s what it felt like—the beginnings of it—and she had experienced it before. Beth’s voice sounded far away.

  “I know we’re not best friends or anything, but you brought this up and…I’ve been a mess.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Callie whispered, clutching the phone in a clammy hand. She walked a few more steps, like in a fog. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “Oh, I know. Unlike some other people, you tried at least. I can give you points for that. Can you believe no one else we went to class with ever bothered to call? Anyway, I tried for years to make myself believe it didn’t happen, and I thought I did that pretty well. When we talked the other day, it was a reality check. You know, I went to another school after it…happened, and that shit started all over again.”

  “Can we please talk some other time?”

  Callie leaned back against a wooden fence, still struggling not to hyperventilate. Beth’s words hit too close to home. After all, Callie had developed skills of repression herself, regarding Nicole, Halloween, and the past events that connected her and Beth.

  “No, I’m sorry. No, we can’t. You wanted me to be honest with you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have called after all these years, so here it is. That time was horrible, but I’ve moved on. I have a great life. Every now and then, though, something completely random happens—a forgotten appointment, or some client who happens to be in a foul mood—and everything crumbles. I’ve had therapy. I know where it comes from and how to deal with it. It still sucks.”

  Callie replayed those words in her head, wishing she could be rude enough simply to hang up.

  Everything crumbles.

  “That’s not your fault, Callie. It wasn’t back then, and it isn’t now.”

  “Why did you call?”

  “You know what I’m talking about, right? That’s why you contacted me after all these years, because you know what it’s like when that happens. It took me a while to figure that out.”

  This was not the conversation Callie had in mind when
she wanted to get away from Nicole’s blackmail attempts—not now, not ever. Nicole…they still didn’t know for sure if it wasn’t her who had pressured Maggie. There had been that one time when Maggie had opened the door to her, but wouldn’t the nightmares have come much sooner? Callie could give herself the answer. Nightmares came at any given moment.

  “I need to go now,” she said.

  “Wait a second. Whatever it is, I’m not going to ask, and this might sound weird after everything I just told you. We’re still here. That means they didn’t win. They’re the losers. I’ve learned that on some days, that’s all that counts.”

  Some days they come back, no matter how hard you try to keep them at bay. Callie disconnected the call, fumbling her way back to reality and the present, finally leaving the woods behind. The last few steps, she ran.

  * * * *

  “What happened?” Rebecca asked. “Did Andy make any more advances?”

  David laughed wryly. “I would hope I have a better reason when I want to come see you. She’s around, giving me pitiful glances. I guess I am to be pitied these days.”

  “That’s a matter of opinion. What brings you here?”

  “It’s been a lonely few days,” he said with a sigh. “Without Dina around, it’s very quiet.”

  Rebecca still didn’t understand, and after meeting Sara’s aunt, who couldn’t get rid enough of her soon enough, her own patience was at a low. She waited.

  “I cleaned out the last boxes from the move,” David explained. “I found this…I thought you might want to keep it.”

  She stared at the silver necklace in disbelief. “Where did you find that?”

  “Some of Maggie’s clothes we said we’d give away. I think it just slipped in there, and you didn’t notice.”

  “Maybe. Thank you.”

  Rebecca had to admit his find presented a non-sequitur on this day. She had all but forgotten about this piece of jewelry, probably lost it a couple of years ago or more. She couldn’t remember the last time she had worn it; however, she did remember the first time. She could tell from David’s wistful gaze that he remembered it too. Rebecca suppressed a sigh. If he came all the way here because of the necklace, if he thought it couldn’t wait until he came to get Dina, that probably meant he still had hopes Rebecca couldn’t fulfill. She’d end up being the bad one once more.

  “I got you that when we first started dating,” he said. “You loved it, even though you probably knew it wasn’t expensive—all I could afford at the time.”

  In all those years, and with the growing distance she had thought of as normal at the time, Rebecca had never expected them to come to this—treading more or less carefully through a minefield of words and emotions. “What do you want, David?”

  “Why don’t you understand? I want you. I want you to come back to me.”

  Even with the not so subtle hints lately, his frank admission still startled Rebecca.

  “What are you talking about? You know that it’s not going to happen. We sold the house!”

  “It’s all about the house?” he asked incredulously.

  She had to admit, that wasn’t the best point, but he wouldn’t want to hear the rest.

  “Forget about that. We can start over anywhere, you and I, and the girls—”

  “No, we can’t!”

  “I think deep down inside, you want it too. I know you’ve had a hard time, with the minister and Maggie having these problems. Let’s work on this together.”

  Rebecca took a step backward, her back touching the wall. “For what it’s worth,” David continued, “I know Andy is a bit of a nutcase, but she does have some good points. The way it is now, no one wins. We both screwed up. That doesn’t mean you have to deny who you are.” He reached out to touch her cheek, not breaking the contact when she flinched. “Give me a chance to convince you. You know it’s the right thing to do.”

  “Stop it. You’re making it worse.”

  “Worse than running out on your family in the middle of the night, because you decided you’re a lesbian now? Please, Rebecca. You’ve got to see that this is crazy!”

  His fingers tightened around her wrist painfully, and she dropped the necklace.

  “Rebecca? Is everything okay?”

  She saw Sara standing in the doorway, visibly disturbed by the scene she witnessed. Sadly, Rebecca was not surprised. A couple who would set their teenage daughter out on the streets was likely to be dysfunctional in other ways.

  “Sure. I’ll be with you in a few minutes. You can go,” she added when Sara hesitated.

  She bent to pick up the necklace. “I’m not sure anymore that I should keep this. I would have expected this kind of behavior from your brother, but not you.” Rebecca wished her tone was more distant and cool, not on the verge of tears. She had no energy for an exchange that was this draining, especially with the girls and Callie coming back anytime soon. Sara had sent Maggie and Dina for a few ingredients while she and Rebecca went to pick up her clothes.

  Tomorrow, Maggie’s appointment.

  “God, I never wanted to go there.” David raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. You know that, right? Not about…you know…I wouldn’t do that. Not ever.”

  “I’m not coming back to you. I don’t want to. Contrary to what you or Andy think, no one’s unhappy in this house.”

  “I should go.”

  “I love Callie. I didn’t decide that one day, but I did decide I didn’t want to lie to anyone—you or the girls. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, and you’re right that we need to work on some of those problems together. For Maggie.”

  David turned to her mid-step. “Sounds easy in theory, doesn’t it?”

  “I’m sorry you and Susan didn’t work out, or that I can’t give you what you want from me, but I need you to work with me here. We’re still the girls’ parents, and they rely on us.”

  “You think I don’t know that? Forget everything I just said. Keep the necklace. I don’t have any use for it.”

  “I heard what you said. I know this isn’t easy for you,” Rebecca said, torn between the wish to end the conversation right now and to resolve the issues that were obviously ready to blow up in their faces whenever.

  “Yeah.” He brushed his fingers over her wrist, lightly this time. “I’m really sorry.”

  “Just don’t ever do it again. You can’t come here and pretend we’re still together, or will be.”

  “I guess I deserved that.”

  “It’s not about getting even.”

  At the sound of the key in the lock, he let go, seconds before Callie let herself inside.

  “David,” she murmured in passing, going straight to the bedroom. From the looks of it, she didn’t have a good time either.

  “Let me know if there’s anything important at the counselor’s,” David said. “Otherwise, I’ll come to pick up Dina after Roz’s big day. Bye.”

  “Wait, you’re not going? Roz was hoping—”

  “Frankly, Roz’s hopes are not the most important of my concerns right now.”

  Abruptly, David turned to leave.

  Rebecca watched him walk away, the slump of his shoulders obvious. She couldn’t bring herself to regret anything she’d said. In the long run, anything else would be cruel.

  * * * *

  David Lowman was on the shortlist of people Callie wanted to see the least at the moment. So, hiding in the bedroom, under the covers, seemed like an appropriate strategy.

  If someone asked her, it would probably be a tie with Nicole for Number One. She didn’t need him to remind her that he’d be around, or why he kept showing up when it wasn’t necessary. After a phase of disbelief and resentment, and a half-hearted attempt at a new relationship, he had decided he wanted Rebecca back. This was such a bad déjà vu, considering she’d spent a great deal of the winter trying to escape Nicole’s scheming. David wasn’t like Nicole though. He was the father of Rebecca’s children. He wasn’t going any
where…and that wasn’t the worst.

  Beth’s call couldn’t have come at a worse time, though she meant well and was even ready to give Callie absolution. They had, with best intentions, done something for each other that was most unwelcome—bring up truths each of them had tried hard to forget.

  She needed to write the damn book—a story all happy and peachy.

  She couldn’t make this all about her either. They had Maggie and the two teenage girls currently living with them to consider, and the day after tomorrow, there was Roz’s party.

  Callie was scared. She hadn’t realized how much until she went back to the place of her own nightmares.

  She heard the soft sounds of the door opening and closing…footsteps…then Rebecca stepped out of her shoes and sat on the side of the bed.

  “It’s already been a long day.”

  “Tell me about it,” Callie said, trying hard to gather the last bits of her composure, but the warm touch of a hand against her back undid her. Rebecca didn’t ask but lay down beside her and embraced her, pressing her face against Callie’s neck.

  Within that firm hold, it was safe to fall apart.

  “I don’t know if I can do it…you know, stay here until they get out of prison, and just wait for what they will do!”

  “It’s going to be on their record forever,” Rebecca reminded her. “I’m sure they’ll know better than coming back here…and Beckett will stay in prison for much longer. No one is going to hurt you, but if you really want to go away, I’ll go with you.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “I would,” Rebecca said without any hesitation. “I would prefer if we did it because we wanted to, not because we let anyone drive us from our home. They don’t deserve that.”

  “What did David want?” Callie asked, sensing Rebecca was talking about more than Beckett and Weller.

  Rebecca’s hold tightened slightly. “Try to convince me to drop everything and start over. I told him that was not an option.” Her voice revealed a mix of emotion that made Callie turn in her arms. “Don’t worry,” Rebecca said. “It’ll be okay. Everything. I better go check on poor Sara now, because she—”

  “Stay here with me for a bit. Please.”