Village of Noobtown: A LitRPG Adventure (Mayor of Noobtown Book 2)

by Ryan Rimmel

  Badgelor coughed. “Badgelor has no desire to ever go back into that dark and terrible place. Let nothing Badgelor said when leaving that space ever be construed as such. Badgelor is going to go throw up, now.”

  The little badger walked off, shuddering.

  Watching the badger dry heave at the side of the road led me to my decision. “Let me get her out.”

  Accessing Shart’s inventory, I found the Wizard and yanked her out. I was expecting screaming, but unconscious people don’t scream. I quickly checked for a pulse; it was there, but weak. I figured she would make it, judging by the somewhat erratic rise and fall of her chest.

  “She looks like a sleeping angel,” I said, before kicking her over, onto her face. Thirty seconds later, I had both of her hands tied behind her back. If nothing else, her bonds would severely limit her ability to do any sort of magical, or rude, hand gestures. Halfway through my task, she started to regain consciousness. By the time I was nearly finished, she was actively resisting me. With just a bit of wrangling, I had her hands in something called the Wizard s Handcuff, which was based on the Handcuff Knot.

  “That looks a little kinky,” stated Shart, examining my knot.

  I glanced down. “I just tied her up… with an obvious bondage knot.”

  You have learned the Skill: Bondage. You are unskilled. You gain bonus skill points to this skill, due to your Rope Use skill. My, you are a kinky one!

  I hate this place.

  “I do not consent.” called out Bashara. “Just because you didn’t kill me, and now have me tied up, doesn’t mean I’m going to consent to any of your perverted ideas.”

  “No. No, no, no, no, no, I didn’t mean...” I started, but she cut me off.

  “Didn’t what? Just because we fought, and I lost, doesn’t mean that I suddenly have some sort of crazy, puppy love for you and want to have your babies. When I get out of this kinky fuckery, I’m going to kill you.”

  Standing up, I grabbed her by the arms and lifted her to her feet. She protested, loudly, as I searched my brain for a way to reassure her. Setting her free would do it, but that wasn’t an option. Especially not with the death threats she was currently issuing.

  This close to her, I noticed the scar on her left cheek was gone; now, she had freckles. My wife had freckles. She had them all year round, but during the summertime, they were particularly noticeable. I also noticed that Bashara had the angriest look on her face that I’d ever seen on a human being. That included the time that I’d told my wife about spilling her beloved dog’s ashes.

  She really loved dogs, my Beloved.

  “Do I have to gag you?” I impatiently spat, instantly recognizing it for the terrible word choice it was.

  “What is going through your perverted mind?” she screamed, backing away. However, the sight of Badgelor, now in War form, was enough to stop her.

  “Just so you won’t scream.” I said. Holy shit, I was bad at words today. Maybe, I had lost more blood than I thought.

  “So, is that your kink? You bastard!” she cried, kicking dirt at me. Her eyes frantically darted about, looking for a means of escape.

  “I’m not going to have sex with you,” I yelled.

  “Then, why am I tied up in bondage knots?” she retorted. “There are hundreds of ways to tie people up. You did nothing but bondage knots!”

  I paused. We were both standing near the side of the road, screaming at each other. One of us was tied up. There was a big ass badger. If someone else had come by, it would have been difficult to explain.

  “How do you know about bondage knots?” I asked.

  “A girl has to have hobbies.” she replied, lamely. She was still backing away, slightly. She took in her surroundings. She was tied up with a strange man and his badger, outside the forest that she knew. “So, I’m your prisoner, then?”

  “Yes,” I stated, gruffly.

  “You don’t have any kinky harem plans for me, where I get shuffled off to your fortress as some sort of sex slave?” she asked.

  “Is that a thing?” I replied. Honestly, whether it was or not, I wasn’t interested. A consequence of decades of marriage and only one bed partner, I supposed.

  “More often than you realize. Frankly, I’m sick of it,” she stated.

  “Well, I’m certainly not into that,” I said. “Anyway, I’m married.”

  Was I, though? I had been married on Earth. I loved my wife, but that was ’till death did you part’. I could distinctly remember dying. I had no idea how much time had passed on Earth since my death. Time enough for my body to decompose in the grave? Time enough for my wife to have remarried? I couldn’t even be sure that my wife was still alive. In the time that I had been here, she could have grown old and died. I violently shook my head.

  “No.” I thought. “My wife was alive when I saw her last. That is the reality I know.”

  Then again, this girl was my daughter’s age, or at least, the age I remembered my daughter as. That added a whole new degree of creepy to the scenario. Of course, I was physically around the age that I had been when graduating college. II wasn’t much older than her. Physically, at least.

  These are thoughts I should probably keep to myself.

  “You are my prisoner,” I said.

  You have captured Bashara. She is your prisoner. Her mission is suspended until she escapes, or until you imprison her. Be careful. She’s a feisty one.

  “Okay,” she said, finally sitting down on a nearby stump. It was the same stump that I’d used to set my arm. “That’s more familiar territory. I’ve been captured before. I’m a Mercenary.”

  “I thought you were a Wizard bandit,” I stated.

  “I worked for the bandits,” Bashara said, with a sniff. “They were terrible people, but Durg got my contract. I was obligated to work for him for another four months. Since I was captured in his employ, I am no longer obligated to fulfill that contract.”

  “You seem happy about that,” I said.

  “It was terrible work. I didn’t know what it was, before I signed up. I just needed the experience points, almost as much as I needed the gold,” she stated.

  “Is a contract like a quest?” I asked. I’d never heard of that before. The look on her face told me that I had just asked a stupid question.

  “Where are you from?” she asked.

  “The Valley of Windfall.” I gestured toward the Western Gate Fortress. We could see the mountains from here, but the fortress itself was some ways off.

  Bashara looked confused for a minute. “Wait, you’re from Noob Valley? What about the goblins?”

  “I’m from Windfall, yes. We defeated the goblins at the fortress, so we are safe. For now,” I said. I didn’t sound hurt. Really, I didn’t.

  Bashara tried to hide a smile. “Well, Noob, what are your plans? Now, that we’ve gotten past your odd kinks, what do you intend to do with me?”

  “Shart,” I thought, slowing down into menu time. I hated condescending women. “What do I do with a prisoner?”

  “I suggest torturing her for information,” he replied. “More simply, you have to put her in a cell to complete the captured debuff. If she escapes, she gains the escaped buff, but she must return to the forest. Otherwise, she’ll gain the captured debuff until she escapes from your prison or pays her blood debt.”

  “What is a blood debt?” I thought.

  “It's the amount of gold that a captured Mercenary needs to pay to be released from prison. It's based on her level and other factors. It should be showing up now.”

  I looked at her. Even in menu time, I could still pull some details from people. This was apparently one of those details. I saw she had a blood debt of 18 gold pieces. I broke out of menu time.

  “Well, that simplifies everything,” I said, examining her. If I untie your hands, are you going to try to escape?”

  “I could escape with my hands tied,” she stated, confidently.

  “Oh, is that so?”

  Chap
ter 41: Poor Choices

  “I’m sorry,” she stated, again. I tugged on the makeshift leash, pulling her behind me. Bringing up the rear was Badgelor, who was growing more and more annoyed at having to stay in his War Form. We were making our way to the Western Gate Fortress.

  “I’m waiting for you to escape,” I stated. “I’m really curious to see how you get out of all those knots, and then past me and my badger.”

  “It was a poor choice of words,” she stammered. “I’m not going to try to escape.”

  I’d been more annoyed with her than anything else, and my annoyance had caused this situation to go on longer than I’d initially wanted. She was a kid, an arrogant kid. She’d tried to throw her weight around in a situation where she really shouldn’t have. I could understand why she’d tried, at least.

  I drew my dagger with my left hand and pointed at her to spin around. She looked at me apprehensively for a moment, then did so. I’d tied the knots tightly enough to prevent escape, but not tightly enough to cut off circulation. At least, I thought I had. I found several knots looser than I remembered tying them. With my Rope Use skill, I knew that, if given a few more hours, she would have freed herself.

  Using the knife point, I spread the rope in several places and pulled several more pieces free. The knots gave way, and she had her hands back. Bashara flexed her tender fingers for several moments, before looking back at me. I was only 3 feet away from her and still holding the dagger.

  “I’m still your prisoner,” she stated, looking at the weapon. “No magic until I pay my blood debt. I promise to leave you as soon as I do.”

  Sheathing the weapon, I said, “Good. We are in agreement. My badger will stay behind you.”

  “I was meaning to ask you about that,” she said cautiously. “Is he your familiar, or something?”

  “He is my companion,” I stated, as we continued walking.

  “But you are a Mage,” she said, thinking out loud. “Mages don’t get animal companions, like, ever. Those are a Woodsman thing.”

  “Well, I have one,” I said.

  “Is it because you studied Biological Aeromancy?” she asked. “I mean, you sometimes hear of a Mage who’s stup… er, interesting enough to choose a non-traditional starter school, but you never really see it. I know one Mage who started off learning Plasma magic. He had an unexplained affinity for Plasma spells, but he was the only non-traditional Mage that I ever personally knew.”

  “I don’t have an affinity for Biological Aeromancy,” I stated. “I learned it by mistake.”

  “How do you learn spells by mistake?” she asked. “Is that extradimensional pocket you put me in some sort of biological storage space? I mean, if so, that would be wicked.”

  I sighed, and we continued walking. Shart watched Bashara from my shoulder. Badgelor watched her from behind. I noticed him drooling, as he watched her hindquarters. Then, I remembered that he had thrown up most of what he’d eaten today. I gave him a break from guard duty, telling him to run off and hunt for some lunch.

  “I don’t trust her,” stated Shart.

  “You don’t trust me,” I replied.

  “For good reason. You’re planning on not going through a Demon Door, just to spite me,” stated the demon.

  “If I go through a Demon Door, I’m worse than dead,” I replied.

  “You can trust me in that regard. I can’t trust you for anything,” stated Shart. “I bet we aren’t even going to torture her for information.”

  Sighing, I looked off into the distance. Walking was fun and all, but it took entirely too long to get anywhere. A quick glance at my map showed the dotted line of our road moving to connect with the dotted line of another road. That road was just north of the one we took to get to the Fecking Puma Forest.

  Glancing around, I continued thinking. What would have happened if I’d gone through the northern forest? I glanced over at Bashara. She had been intently studying me, but, when I looked at her, she quickly looked away.

  “What were you doing at that bridge?” I asked.

  “I was sending people away, mostly,” she said, looking down. “If there were a bunch of them, I was told to send them away. If there were only a few, I was instructed to let them through.”

  “Do you know what happened to those smaller groups?” I asked, frankly.

  “I suspected,” she stated. “Some were kept as slaves, while some were allowed to pass through the rest of the forest.”

  “They were not allowed to pass through the rest of the forest.”

  Her head bowed lower. “I was on a mission. I had a contract. I had to obey orders.”

  “Obey orders to kill?”

  “I didn’t kill anyone,” she declared fiercely, looking up.

  “You might as well have,” I responded, just as fiercely. “You showed them to their doom.”

  I idly wondered if that would fly here, though. On Earth, no judge would buy her proclamation of innocence. Nevertheless, it might have been perfectly acceptable here. Ordinal was weird.

  We walked in silence for a short while. Badgelor was hunting close by. I could feel him with our companion bond. Shart had recessed into his own little world. He did so, from time to time, mostly, when he was upset. I’d feel sorry for him, but Shart had filled his personal escape with demonic hookers and blackjack. It was far more fun for him there than it was here.

  “Why did you take the mission?” I asked.

  “Experience dried up where I was,” she stated, quickly, “I needed a mission and I didn’t want to join the army. They are just pillaging everything, slaughtering whole villages. What I did was less bad.”

  “Was it?” I asked.

  “Look, you weren’t there. You were all safe and warm in Noob Valley, while the rest of us were trying to avoid fighting in this damn war. HarCharles is insane, and TimSimons is about as useful as a twig for a wand.”

  “Why did HarCharles start this war?” I asked. I knew beyond a doubt that HarCharles had started the war, but that was about it.

  She walked in silence for a few paces, kicking a stick off the road. Finally, she answered, “He wants something, badly. I don’t know what, but he’s moving everything toward taking the Riverlands. This delta is barely worth the men TimSimons spent to conquer it twenty years ago. It's certainly not worth an actual war between two of the most powerful kingdoms on the planet. Hell, beyond here is the Valley of Destiny on TimSimons’ end and the Wall of Stone on HarCharles’.”

  “Those are?”

  “Are you that much of a Noob?” she asked. “Wait, yes, you probably are. HarCharles’ Valley of Destiny and TimSimons’ Wall of Stone both offer massive defensive advantages to their kingdoms. It's utterly impossible to get through those without monumental effort. As such, both kings are basically fighting over scrub land. “

  “Maybe, it's the Dark Overlord?” I suggested. I’d been shot down before, by AvaSophia, on this question. Still, Shart was positive that it was his influence that was causing this conflict. The expression on Bashara’s face told me everything I needed to know, even before she said a word.

  “Not you too,” she groaned. “Look, Grebthar the Destroyer is not going to come back. He isn’t going to fall from the sky, and the Dark Overlord is not going to be reborn. No one even knows where he was defeated, in the first place. It's not like anyone can just get to his body to perform the respawning ritual. Hell, I’m pretty sure he’s made up. He was supposedly a Godling. Godlings can warp reality. How could you even kill that?”

  “I think it might be possible,” I ventured.

  “Well, then, you are an idiot,” she replied. “You might just want to go east through Noob Valley to Falcon Crest. You can join one of the temples and find yourself some nice doomsday cult.”

  “There are still goblins in the way,” I ventured.

  “Well, clear them out, then. You seem capable enough. Those goblins are probably a joke, anyway. It's Noob Valley. It's a place to test novice adventurers. Y
ou know what we have out here?” she growled, “Shadow Goblins. I’ve encountered Shadow Goblins that were level 4 and 5. Sneaky buggers will slit your throat in your sleep, if you aren’t careful.”

  “I’ve never had much of a problem with Shadow Goblins,” I chuckled at her.

  “Well, when you’ve defeated a 6th level Shadow Goblin, I’ll give you your big boy pants,” she glowered. “Until then, Noob, I don’t want to hear about it.”

  She stomped past me, walking towards the fortress with greater haste. We continued walking like that for another hour. Badgelor returned with something he’d dug out of the forest floor and some tubers that he insisted that I eat. I did so, after batting away most of the dirt on them. You had to eat when food was available.

  We were about halfway to the Western Gate Fortress, but it was starting to get dark. The road here was fairly safe. We’d spotted a small critter or two, but Badgelor had frightened them off. I couldn’t sense anything with my Lore skills, so making a camp seemed plausible.

  When my Exploration perk kicked off, informing me of a nearby campsite, I called it. This northern route was considerably longer than the straight route I’d taken to Narwal. We were traveling east, skirting the canyon. While it was longer, it was also blissfully lacking in fecking pumas.

  “We’re stopping over there.” I gestured off into the woods. Bashara considered for a moment, then followed me. A glance at her Lore page showed that she had an exhaustion debuff on her, slowing her. She needed rest, even if she didn’t want to admit it out loud.

  Setting up a campsite was straightforward for me, and this one was easier than most. Wood and water were simple to find, so I sent Badgelor hunting for dinner. My Crafting skill alone simplified my job, mightily. When combined with my Improvised Tools skill, I had built two impromptu lean-tos in minutes. I successfully lit a fire, just as Badgelor was returning. He held a dead snake in his paws. Yum. Snake. Those are always good eating.

  Bashara sighed but said nothing, as I began cooking it. She sighed again as I started cutting her off a piece. Once the snake was in front of her, her glum recognition that it was our dinner was quickly replaced by the need to eat. Thus, we dined on a fine meal of snake and water. Sadly, I considered it better food than one could currently find in Noobtown.