The Life Beyond

by Susanne Winnacker

  Dad shook his head and poked my nose. “You got paint on your nose and cheek.” I rubbed my skin but Dad took a tissue from his pocket and wiped my face. “And you think a sister will be better?”

  “Yes. She won’t annoy me and she’ll play with me when I’m bored.”

  “Well, then we should probably hurry so the room is ready for her.”

  Side by side we ran our brushes across the wall. From the kitchen the smell of burnt cookies wafted over to us, and a moment later Mom’s curses sounded.

  I grinned.

  Chapter 2

  Karen bustled around the bed, her lips tight with worry and her gray hair sweat-drenched. My back was pressed against the wall so I wasn’t in her way. Mom sat beside Dad. Her hands were caked in dirt and her skin was ashen beneath the layer of dust. She’d come running the moment she’d heart what was happening.

  Dad looked small and helpless as he lay in the bed. His eyes were closed, skin slick with perspiration and breathing labored.

  “That’s all I can do for him for now,” Karen said as she wiped her hands on a towel. It sounded final. Definite and hopeless.

  “What’s the matter with him? Is it … the rabies?” I whispered so no one else would hear.

  Karen gripped the door knob and slowly she turned. Her eyes flickered to Mom who clutched Dad’s hand while recounting her memories of their wedding and honeymoon in a hushed voice. Dad’s chapped lips turned up – it was his only movement.

  Whatever I’d hoped to see in Karen’s face wasn’t there. Tears sprang into my eyes. She touched my shoulder, her hands feather-light as though she was worried about breaking me. “It might be the result of the infection in his leg —”

  “But yesterday you said his leg was doing fine,” I interrupted.

  Pity flashed on her face. “Sherry, we can only wait. Tomorrow we’ll know more. Until he shows additional symptoms I can’t be sure.”

  Additional symptoms of rabies – that’s what she meant.

  Karen opened the door. Bobby and Joshua who’d been sitting on chairs in front of the cottage jumped up. Joshua glanced at me and whatever he saw told him all he needed to know. He took a step toward me but I shook my head and closed the door, leaving Bobby outside with Karen and Joshua. If he tried to console me, I’d break and I couldn’t risk it. I needed to be strong for my family.

  I braced myself and walked to Dad’s bedside. Mom looked up to me and I wanted to reassure her with beautiful lies and empty promises but no sound left my lips. Slowly her expression crumbled and she shook her head, shook it faster and faster until strands tumbled from her bun and whipped around.

  Dad’s eyes peeled open. I needed her to stop before he realized why she’d lost it. I gripped her shoulders too tightly. “Stop it,” I hissed. She winced, became still and sank into herself on the chair.

  Dad had seen it all. His eyes moved from Mom to me. It took all my strength to return his gaze and force a smile. “Karen said it’s the infection in your leg. You’ll be fine soon. Everything will be okay.” A tear trickled down my cheek. Why couldn’t I be stronger?

  Dad sat up with a groan and cupped my face. “I’m sure you’re right.”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice.

  “You’re so strong, Sherry, much stronger than I could ever be. You’ll keep our family safe while I can’t, won’t you?”

  “You’ll be back to your old strength soon, then we can keep them safe together.”

  Dad sank against his cushion. “I’m proud of you.” He licked his cracked lips. I held out a glass of water but he shook his head. “No. I’m not thirsty. Would you give your Mom and me a moment? I’d like to talk to her alone.”

  Mom didn’t look like she was in any state for a conversation but I kissed Dad’s cheek and walked out. Bobby and Karen had left, but Joshua was waiting. I took his hand and let him lead me to the spot on the brick wall where we liked to sit and overlook Safe-haven. He didn’t comment on my tears as he pulled me up onto the cold stone. We stretched out beside each other and stared at the sky. I felt so angry. How could the sun keep shining as if nothing had happened? How could it rise every morning when so many people would never rise again?

  If only there was something I could do to change the way things were.

  A few hours later, Karen and I walked in silence toward the cottage. The evening cold crept into my bones. My stomach grumbled. I’d tried to force down dinner but I just couldn’t do it.

  Karen wanted to do a last checkup on Dad before the night. Maybe we could still move away from Safe-haven tomorrow if Dad’s condition had improved. With a knock I entered – and froze. Mom cowered on the ground, back pressed against the wall and face buried in her hands. The bed was empty.

  I rushed to the door that led to a small bathroom and ripped it open; it was empty too. Panic tore through me as I stumbled toward Mom. “Where’s Dad?” I shook her. “Mom? Where is he?”

  She lifted her head and stared at me out of empty eyes. “Gone.”

  “Gone?” Karen asked from the doorway. I’d forgotten she was here.

  “What does that mean?”

  “He left while we had dinner.”

  “But how? Why?”

  “He took Geoffrey’s car.”

  “That’s why you asked to listen to music with Geoffrey’s old radio,” I said. “So we wouldn’t hear the engine. And the stationwagon is the quietest of our cars.”

  I closed my eyes against the sickness rising in me. The keys were always left in the ignition for a hasty escape.

  I glared at Mom. “Why did you do that? Why did you let him go? How could you?”

  “He asked me to. He knew what was happening.” She glanced down at Dad’s wedding band resting on her palm.

  “You should have said no!”

  She shied back but I didn’t care. “You’ve sent him to his death. Don’t you get it?”

  “He made the decision. He knew he only had a little time left before he’d turn into … something he never wanted to be,” Mom whispered.

  Suddenly the door burst open.

  “What’s wrong?” Joshua asked. Geoffrey, Bobby and Larry appeared in the doorway behind him.

  Bobby paled. “Where’s Dad?”

  Mom kept talking as if she hadn’t seen them. “Your dad wanted to protect us from what he was turning into. He didn’t want us to see him as … as a Weeper.”

  “Your dad’s left?” Joshua asked, rushing to my side.

  “He took the stationwagon,” Karen said.

  “Only an hour ago. If we start looking for him now, we’ll catch up with him.”

  Bobby leaned against the wall, paler than I’d ever seen him. The others exchanged looks.

  I glanced at Joshua for help. “You know how to hunt. We’ll find him before it’s too late, right?”

  “He’s got about six to eight days from first symptoms to complete transformation,” Karen said.

  That was enough time. “Joshua, please.”

  “Sherry —”

  “No!” I yelled. “We can’t just let him die! He won’t survive more than a few days on his own.”

  “Your dad knew what was happening to him,” Karen said firmly. “He’d accepted what you’re still unwilling to accept. He was turning into a Weeper and we couldn’t have helped him,” Karen’s eyes held mine.

  Mom’s voice was soft when she spoke. “Your Dad wanted to spend his last days at our home in L.A. He thinks that way he’ll be safe from Weepers and from himself – he won’t turn into a monster and begin killing people. Who knows, maybe he’s one of the lucky ones and is immune to the virus? He could return when the fever has passed.”

  “But we have to help him now. There must be something we can do.”

  “We can respect his wishes,” Karen said. “He wanted you and the rest of your family to remember him as he was – a loving father and honorable man, not a mindless beast. He chose to protect you from himself. That’s a brave thing.”

  I c
ouldn’t take it anymore. I ran out of the house. My feet pounded the ground, sending pebbles flying until they gave away to the soft soaked soil of the vineyard. I stumbled on some roots and my knees collided with the muddy ground. My fingers dug into the soil and I bent over, my back arching as I started retching.

  Warm hands pushed my hair back from my face to keep it from getting dirty and then a strong arm wrapped around my waist. I hadn’t even heard him running after me.

  “Shhh. It’ll be okay.”

  I wanted those words to be true. God, I wanted nothing more. But I knew they were only meant to comfort me – without a flicker of truth behind them.

  Joshua tried to pull me into his arms but I resisted.

  “Let go.” I tried to push him away, but he pressed me against his chest, tightening his arms around me until I could barely breathe. And it still wasn’t tight enough.

  I buried my nose in his neck. My eyes fluttered shut but tears still managed to squeeze past my lashes. “I can’t lose him. I won’t. I can’t just let him die. We have to do something,” I whispered.

  He held me while I sobbed, held me while I soaked his shirt with my tears, held me as the rain started beating down on us. And for that moment I never wanted him to let go.

  A beacon of silver streamed through the window and illuminated Mia’s face as she slept, catching the lines tears had drawn on her skin. It was silent in the house. I could have watched her forever, but now wasn’t the time. I peeled Mia’s arms off my middle and sat up. Her eyelids fluttered. I held my breath but after a moment she snuggled against the pillow. I dressed before I sneaked into the corridor. It was dark and quiet but I knew someone was on guard duty on the roof.

  Snores came from Geoffrey’s room, but I thought I could hear movement coming from Rachel’s. I crept downstairs. Every creak of the boards made me wince. I tiptoed toward the front door when steps rang out above. I was so close to the door. Maybe I could make it.

  A figure appeared at the top of the steps and descended, holding onto the railing. They reached the ground floor and stepped into the bathroom. I held my breath, hoping the shadows would keep me hidden. Dim light hit Rachel’s face before she closed the door. I stayed frozen to the spot. I could hear Rachel retching. Sometimes the nightmares did that; woke you with a sickness that hit you suddenly and violently. But I couldn’t stop. That was my chance.

  I left the house and tiptoed across the courtyard. I felt bad for leaving Mia alone. The horizon was turning gray. Soon everyone would wake, but I’d be gone by then. I hurried toward the Lincoln and slipped behind the steering wheel. A figure appeared at the passenger window and I had to stifle a scream as my hand shot toward my gun. The door opened and Bobby poked his head in, blonde hair dishevelled.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered.

  “Same as you. Going to find Dad.” He slumped into the passenger seat and buckled up. “You’re going to look for him, right?”

  “Yeah.” I paused. “But I should do this alone.”

  He set his jaw in that stubborn way. “He’s my dad too.”

  That was true. He had just as much right to search for Dad as I had. “You’re still in your pajamas.”

  “If someone had caught me, I would’ve pretended to be sleepwalking,” he said. In spite of everything I smiled. It made me proud that he wanted to be at my side and I was glad to have someone with me I could rely on. We were family.

  I started the engine and drove through the gates.

  “So are we going straight to the house?” Bobby asked.

  My fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “I guess so. I think I can remember the way back.”

  The sun peeked over the horizon as we drove on. Every broken down car made my heart stop and every carcass filled me with dread. As the minutes ticked past, I realized with increasing certainty that our plan was hopeless. Even if we found Dad in our old home, we couldn’t do anything to help him. My foot on the gas pedal eased until our car came to a halt.

  Bobby glanced over to me. “What’s up?”

  I rested my forehead against the window. “The others were right. We can’t help him if he’s turning into a Weeper. Not without a cure.”

  Something stirred in me as I reminded myself of Geoffrey’s words. The cure on the other side: what if we got hold of it? Could Dad survive then? Would the cure work after he’d turned?

  I looked at Bobby. “Karen said that it would take between six and eight days for Dad to turn into a Weeper. That’s enough time to cross the fence and look for the cure.”

  Bobby’s eyes widened but he didn’t say anything.

  Wordlessly, I reversed the car and began the drive back to Safe-haven.

  When we arrived home, Karen and Larry were waiting for us, scowls on their faces. They surrounded the car as we parked.

  “Where did you go?” Karen’s arms were propped up on her hips as she glared at me.

  “We went to get Dad,” said Bobby.

  “You don’t have to worry,” I finished. “We get it now. Without a cure, there’s nothing we can do for him.”

  “It’s for the best, Sherry. Trust me,” she said. Bobby let out a choked sound and she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and led him away.

  Larry shook his head, more disappointed than angry. “This group is built on trust, Sherry. You can’t just run off without telling anyone. Can you imagine how worried Joshua was when he found out you were gone?”

  Hearing his name, realizing what I’d put him through, made my chest sting.

  “He was out of his mind. He would’ve searched all L.A. for you, if …” Larry stopped suddenly. He looked past me, and I turned.

  Joshua was running toward me. I’d never seen that look on his face. His body collided with mine, crushing me against him. He kissed me forcefully. “Why did you do that? Why did you just leave without telling me?” Hurt blazed in his eyes.

  “I knew you wouldn’t agree. But I had to look for him. I just had to do something.” I knew how ridiculous that sounded. I’d achieved nothing.

  “I would’ve helped you. I’d do anything for you.” His fingers ran over my arms and shoulders, searching for injuries. He said that now. But he didn’t know what I was going to ask of him yet.

  “I guess you were safer on the roads than you would’ve been here,” Larry said before he walked into the house.

  I searched Joshua’s face. “What does he mean?”

  “There was another Weeper attack.”

  Bobby and I sat in the meadow beside Safe-haven’s graveyard, watching the cows as the sun beat down on us. The two animals grazed between the wooden crosses – some with the names of the deceased, some without a reference to the person who was buried beneath.

  Forever nameless, forever gone.

  “I wish I was like them,” Bobby said quietly, nodding toward the cows.

  “Why?”

  “Because they’re stupid. They worry about nothing but grass. They don’t know what’s going on. They live for the moment.”

  I plugged a few blades and ran them through my fingers.

  Without worries, without sorrows. How would that be?

  One cow waggled its ears to get rid of a bothersome fly before it bent down again to keep eating.

  “They don’t know how lucky they are,” I whispered.

  Bobby glanced at me. “Yeah.”

  Chapter 3

  Two Weepers were sprawled out in the garden, their milky eyes open and empty. Blood covered their chests.

  Geoffrey crouched beside them, fumbling with something at their neck while Tyler stood a few feet away, clenching and unclenching his hands.

  “Tyler saw them in the vineyard. We shot them before they got near the house,” Joshua said. “Everyone’s safe.”

  Geoffrey shook his head. “We’re far from safe.” With a screwdriver he was working on what looked like a collar around the Weeper’s throat, latex gloves shielding his hands.

  “What’s that?” I as
ked.

  “I’m not sure,” said Geoffrey.

  I got down beside him to take a better look. A black box with a little bulb was attached to the collar. It looked like the things scientists used to track geese or other animals.

  “It looks like it’s connected to their nervous system,” Geoffrey said. He sat back on his haunches, puzzlement on his face.

  Tyler moved closer, eyes flickering. “I’ve seen something like that before.”

  Joshua raised his eyebrows. “You have?”

  “In the lab,” Tyler said.

  “But what’s it for?”

  Geoffrey frowned. “I think the scientists might be using it to study the behavioural patterns of the Weepers … or maybe it transmits data about their synapses to a central computer. Whatever it’s for, it’s from the other side of the fence.”

  I was now more confused than ever. “So, they’re definitely doing research on the Weepers? For a cure?”

  “Maybe,” Geoffrey agreed but his focus was on the Weeper’s collar. “Either way this is outstanding technology. You need money and the necessary facilities for something like that. The government is working on something, that’s for sure.”

  Joshua stood. “I don’t like that Weepers found Safe-haven again. This is getting too dangerous.”

  “We have to leave,” I said, even though it meant moving further away from Dad. But I wasn’t giving up on him. I’d made my mind up I was going to talk to Joshua about the cure.

  “I’ll try to get the collars off, so I can analyze them,” Geoffrey said.

  “And I’ll tell the others we’re leaving.” Tyler hurried away.

  “I need to talk to you – alone,” I said to Joshua.

  He looked at me reluctantly. I could see the hurt simmering in his eyes. I held out my hand and after a brief hesitation, he took it. I led him away from the others and over to the brick wall surrounding the winery. We’d be able to get some privacy here. Ivy built an armor of green over the stone. We climbed up, using the thick vines as ladders, until we were sitting on top of the wall.