by Zi'ere
At the stroke of six fifteen every morning, seven days a week Justin Timberlake’s “Suit & Tie” featuring Jay Z played as well. That was my ring tone for our father’s mother. Grandma Deloris Westin had nine children and some of them had no idea who their father was, just like our father. She was the cool and hip Granny that knew everything good and bad that went on in the world. If she closed her eyes today or tomorrow, she surely would have done her part in my life.
She taught me the hustle in my heart. What Angel wouldn’t do and Robert couldn’t do from prison, Grandma taught me how to go get and live well. Grandma Westin wasn’t interested in chasing peanuts, she dealt with commas or you were about to get cussed out. It was the hustle in many forms but one was just like the thirty thousand dollars I’d just hit Angel up for. Grandma was about survival. She did what she had to do to raise her children and then some of their children. The four of us never got to know Rob enough for her to take us under her wing for good, not to mention our other Grandparents wouldn’t allow it for a nanosecond.
I knew that they all were calling to make sure we were all okay and that we were still attending a long standing dinner date at Grandma Cora’s house tonight. I’d gotten away with not having to lie about Angel’s whereabouts all week. Tonight was going to be a different animal. Everything had to be disclosed in order for my plan to work. Grandma Deloris already knew Angel had left the four of us and gone outside of the country. She’d cooked and brought us four hearty plates for dinner every night. You never had to guess what she thought about Angel or Rob, she wasn’t impressed with either of them but she lived for her grandkids.
It’s good to know someone loves us that doesn’t have to force it.
I sent them all texts that we were fine and getting ready for school. The text would be fine for the moment but they were going to want to see us after school and that was fine. Like I said, today was Friday and she had not been back all week. I could have been a softie and cried but that wasn’t what Amaya Sirene Stevens was about. I was a hustla and I never depended on anyone for anything, not even Angel.
My expectations for her disappeared completely when I was ten years old realizing instead of playing with dolls, I was taking care of a six year- old. Then two years later she dropped off newborn twins to me. I’d been handling shit ever since.
Fuck Angel!
Now that I was seventeen, I had stepped up even more to make sure the kids and I’s world was as normal as possible. Unfortunately, I knew all of Angel’s missteps. They were constant reminders of the kind of woman I would never become and I would die trying to keep Zina from picking up her habits.
31
If Angel had come like a thief in the night, there was no telling what she could have gotten her hands on in the house just like a real thief in the night. She was a pawn shop queen just like any smoker. I am certain that I’d gone to bed with the house looking spotless with what little furniture we had left. The only rooms that were fully functioning in the apartment were each of the kid’s rooms. We had once lived with the best of everything surrounding us but at the moment we were down to barely scraps.
While Angel was out of the country this time her Benz and Range Rover had both been repossessed. I had been awakened out of a deep sleep both times by rough looking repo men pounding on the front door, demanding the keys to her vehicles that she had been neglecting to pay for. Thinking of Angel’s transportation situation made me suddenly think of the only means of transportation I had to and from the house. Angel had to have gotten away from the house traveling in something besides a broomstick, when she had come back and realized she didn’t have a car or truck anymore.
I ran to the garage to make sure we had the means to make it to school on this crazy Friday morning before we’d had gotten dressed for a quick trip nowhere. My heart rate returned to normal when I spotted my white Benz parked in the same spot I had left it. The car had been a sweet sixteen present from my Grandma Cora and Grand-daddy Johnny. Angel had a fit because it was brand new with only one mile on it when I got it. Nothing in the line of vehicle ownership or insurance coverage had Angel’s name on it. The car being left unharmed only meant the new hiding spot I had chosen for the keys was the best choice ever. She’d tried to steal it several times to no avail. Anything shiny new she thought she was entitled too.
From the garage I made a bee line for the kitchen. I had to get the kids lunches and snacks prepared. When I carelessly opened the refrigerator the biggest shock of all hit me in the face. All of the food I had just purchased the day before was now gone. Juice boxes, cases of soda, bottles of water, Lunch-able’s, lunch meat, milk, and the orange juice were just a few of the items missing. I checked the pantry, it was emptied as well. Chips, cheese crackers, Little Debbie snack cakes, cereal, even the new bottle of ketchup was gone. My heart dropped. I could not understand what Angel could gain from taking food from her kids or where in the hell she had taken it all too. She had money in her bag, why didn’t she use that money.
That money you stole probably doesn’t even belong to her. Oh fuckin well! She would just have to deal with the consequences of her actions and most importantly non actions. All this shit and I haven’t even started to get ready for school yet!
What could she have done with the food was the thought that kept running through my mind. I’d watched enough reality TV to know Angel had serious problems and needed professional help. Once again, I was just a kid- and I didn’t know how to get Angel to change her ways. My head began to pound in pain. No food meant that I would have to stop for a drive thru breakfast and pay for lunches for all of them from the school cafeteria for the day. There was no time to go to the store before school started. The kids would not be happy about having to eat cafeteria food, I am sure of it.
I looked around the kitchen thinking that if Angel had money in her bag, maybe she had left money in exchange for the food she took. Tinkering around in the kitchen, I quickly noticed that Angel had not left one dollar to contribute to the nutrition of her kids for that day or the next. The day was Friday, which was a relief. I would have time to grocery shop for a second time after school was out without worrying about time limits for the kids to get to bed. I knew that I needed to thank God we would all have a chance to catch up on some rest over the weekend. We were all bone tired.
32
For a quick second I longed for just one day to lie around and be a lazy teenager. I would lie out by the pool and catch some sun on my pale body, I could spend time watching movies, or perhaps playing on the internet on social media- like all the kids I knew from school. Everyone had a cross to bear and unfortunately, this was my cross. I wasn’t a stupid teenager having unprotected sex, being irresponsible, ending up pregnant. I didn’t even have a boyfriend. I’d never even been out on a date. This was my life.
From the hallway, I yelled out to the kids.
“We have thirty- five minutes before we have to leave. We gotta stop and get breakfast so you guys gotta hurry up!”
My tone was not harsh, rude, nor threatening but firm and patient.
I received three respectful ‘Okays’ in return which made me smile. I just could not understand why Angel didn’t want her children no matter how much time I thought about it. They all made good grades and didn’t get into trouble at school. Angel was always the only one screaming and being loud in the house. Even the twins were a calm set of busy little boys who were a taking over the nerdy side of life. She had the type of kids most parents prayed for. If nothing else you could tell how different the kids were by looking at their bedrooms in comparison to hers.
I decided to let my beef with Angel go. I didn’t want to be in a bad mood for the entire day. I would not let anything cloud my judgment and knock me off the task of taking care of my kids. Trae, Taj, and Zina were my kids, not Angel’s. I helped them with their homework, I cooked for them, I monitored how much time they spent on electronic gadgets versus to actually playing outside, I made sure they were bathed
and in bed by nine and sometimes by eight, on school nights. They wore me out more than sometimes; and honestly I needed them in bed a little early to receive a break.
I signed all of their permission slips, I took the boys to Boy Scout meetings, and Zina to cheerleading practice during the seasons. The boys were in young science clubs and Zina was a brownie Girl Scout as well. All uniforms, fees, and snacks were taken care of by me. I took them to the doctor when they were sick and made sure they took their meds. The four of us were in gifted programs taking advanced classes. I was graduating a year early.
I encouraged them, chastised them, and praised them. I took them to church and Sunday school every Sabbath day. They were literally my kids, end of discussion. I only had two years to go until I could adopt them legally. Refusing to thinking about what their future could be if I had sat by and waited for Angel to do her job, gave me drive. I had the drive to drive a foreign car some adults didn’t have. My Grandparents had the drive to make tuition payments without a breaking into a sweat.
We all had the drive to make the most of the opportunity we’d been given at getting the best education in the state. I had the drive to give the kids the best life possible. I was only a teenager but I had the firm belief that God would not have given me the life he had, if I was not going to be able to do what the kids needed me to be. He had made a way for the four of them time after time. There was no way I was going to give up on the younger kids, no matter how bad things got.
33
On Friday’s high school students had out of uniform day and I was too glad. That Christian uniform was a bit much. I picked out some skinny jeans, a cute t-shirt, and some Air Jordan’s to match. I wasn’t into showing off the teenage curves I had, so the outfit was fitting but not nearly as tight as her classmates wore their clothing. I had managed to get dressed in ten minutes flat. The majority of the time it took me to get ready for public was my hair.
As I waited for the flat iron to get hot, I got down on all fours to slide under my bed. The year before I had gotten a safe placed into a cut into the wall at the floor board behind my bed while Angel was away on one of her excursions. I entered the random digits for the security code, the door to the safe popped open revealing the nearly eighty thousand dollars inside that I’d saved just from randomly robbing Angel or any and all of the male strangers she’d brought to the house.
A few months ago, before she was hospitalized Angel had come home with one hundred thousand dollars in her designer bag. While she was passed out on only God knows what kind of alcohol or drugs, I took some of the cash. I knew that stealing was a sin, a wrong, and even a crime. But, it was only one of the way I made sure we had what we needed and wanted, just another way to put food on the table or buy clothing for them.
I had a heart and I certainly knew right from wrong but when it came to Angel all of that went out the window. She didn’t give a damn so neither did I. If she got her ass beat over the thought of stealing money from these men, then that was an ass whippin I didn’t owe her ass for the week. In my eyes we were Even-Stevens. I took three hundred dollars and a blank check from our Grandparent’s account checkbook and shut the safe. Tuition was due and the senior Stevens’ always made sure it was paid even though I still busted Angel’s balls about it.
Even though Angel had not placed a dime into our hands, nor had she gone grocery shopping for us in months, I had enough cash to get us all clothed, fed, and sheltered for at least a year without any outside help. The real test would come today. If Angel was not present and accounted for by the time we got out of school, I had decided to take the kids and we would not be coming back. I could not risk waking up another day to an empty refrigerator or to a strange man walking around the house half naked. I was done with living in constant fear of what Angel would do next.
Besides, I was interested in knowing how long we would be missing before Angel would notice her kids were gone. I made it back to my bedroom and soon realized I had wasted enough time. I needed to get dressed quick. We would have to stop at Hardee’s to get sausage biscuits, hash browns, and orange juice before school. I was not ready to hear the complaints from the twins about the lunch situation, but I planned to make sure I stressed that today it would be the last time we would be without homemade lunches. I knew they trusted and respected me, if I said one thing to them they knew they could trust me.
34
Once the car was loaded, I was on a one track frame of mind for what was to become of the day. It was no wonder I almost ran over Johan who banged on the trunk of the car as he jumped out of the way.
“For him to be so smart he surely does some questionable things sometimes.” Zina spoke and rolled her eyes as she continued to text on her phone.
I had no idea how she’d even seen him, she didn’t even look up from the screen. Trae rolled down the window to chat with his buddy.
“Mama is upset and you know how she is about being late and you’re standing in the driveway like you are waiting on the city bus. You gotta be ready to meet your maker man!” The boys laughed including Johan.
“I need a ride to school.” He stuck his head in the window.
“Since when do you need a ride? Where is the swagged out Yukon?” I asked full of attitude.
“Can I ride or not smart pants?”
I saw him look at the back of my head through the rearview mirror.
He was mesmerized by my looks. He loved when I flat ironed my hair and it flowed down my back. Then being the basketball freak he was, he knew jeans meant tennis shoes on my feet. The Jordan’s were a turn on for him as well. That is what was wrong with his truck. Not to mention, no one could resist Angel’s twin in skinny jeans. I was constantly told I looked just like my mother when she was my age. According to our God mom, Angel was hated on simply because of the way she looked. All the boys wanted her and she was only interested in books up to a certain grade then the tables turned. I made it my business not to allow my table a chance to move an inch.
Johan got settled in the back with the boys and helped them both conquer another level of programming on a game they were building. It was the twin’s conquest to design a computer program that would take care of their sisters for the rest of our lives. Considering all the contests and programming scholarships they’d won, it wasn’t impossible for them to be millionaire’s two times over by the time they hit puberty. In Hardee’s drive thru my cell phone began to ring. Zina dug it out of my purse with her eyes still glued on her own phone. I didn’t recognize the number and bad news hardly ever came from a number I knew. It was always the unknown numbers I had issues with.
“Hello?”
“Good morning Amaya.” His voice made my heart speed up.
It was Officer Ward on the line. I decided I wouldn’t get worked up because the police calling was definitely not a good thing.
“Good morning to you as well. What has happened to Angel now?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I should have cleared that up first. This is a social call not a call about your mother.”
“Wait a minute…what now?” I handed the cashier the twenty Johan shoved in my face.
He was very territorial when it came to us and it didn’t matter who it was but overhearing a male’s voice on my phone no doubt had him agitated. After I handed over the money I turned and gave him a look of destruction. The last thing he wanted to do was make me mad.
“Yea, I was actually calling to check on you and the kids. I called Mrs. Westin and she advised me that you all had already left for school because you had to stop off for breakfast.”
“Dang, so you know all my business!”
I never used foul language in front of the kids.
That didn’t change the fact that I wanted to know why he was taking such a special interest in a seventeen year- old girl and her three siblings.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries. It’s just that I worry about you guys a lot.”
“Worry? Why would you do someth
ing like that?” I handed out drinks as they were passed to me by the cashier.
I threw Johan’s orange juice directly at his chest. The kids giggled.
“It’s just that I know Angel. I know your situation and I admire your strength to get through it all.” His voice was smooth.
He reminded me of Rod. He always talked gentle and smooth, even when he was chastising us it never sounded offensive.
“Can you tell me how you got my cell phone number? I know my Grandma didn’t give it to you.”
I spread strawberry jam all over my biscuit before I made a move to merge back into traffic.
“I have Angel’s phone records subpoenaed for the last five years, I have everyone’s number.” He said matter of factly.
“That’s creepy…” I responded my truth.
“Why didn’t you talk to anyone that called you this morning?”
It was official. The police man had tap danced on my last nerve for the day already.
“Look, I’m on my way to high school and I’m driving. We both know driving and talking on the phone is a bad combo so we will have to have this conversation at a later date and time when I see official documentation that says I have to talk to you about my relationship with Rob. Have a blessed day.”
35
I hit the button before he could put his moves on me to try to get me to open up to him. My life was complicated enough, I did not need another stranger trying to snake their way in to get to Angel to do her harm or lock her up for her laundry list of crimes. Johan was about as far outside of the family circle I could go and even he is doing too much nowadays. Just in case anyone in the car was questioning whether or not I wanted to talk about anything else, I turned up the music. I felt conflicted in my heart because I never shut the kids out. I had to get rid of this guy, we didn’t need his type of attention.
