by Zi'ere
In the student parking lot at Tri-City Christian Academy in Chandler, Arizona it looked more like a car lot. All of the kids with a license and wealthy parents, drove foreign or souped up cars. I passed out twenty bucks to each of the kids and wished them all a good day, complete with fresh ‘I love you’s’ before we went our separate ways. Johan walked off and allowed me the space and time to spend with them before he walked back over to address me in private.
“Look, I’m at my limit for unpleasant conversations this morning…okay?” I was on the verge of tears.
“We been doing this for a long time Maya. When are you going to let me all the way in…you have to know I care about you for real by now.”
I could only stare at him as he squatted before me on the ground while I sat in the driver’s seat of my car. He grabbed my hands and kissed them both.
“You have to know that I love you by now. I mean I’m with only one mile on it when I got it. Nothing in the line of vehicle ownership or insurance coverage had Angel’s name on it. The car being left unharmed only meant the new hiding spot I had chosen for the keys was the best choice ever. She’d tried to steal it several times to no avail. Anything shiny new she thought she was entitled too.
From the garage I made a bee line for the kitchen. I had to get the kids lunches and snacks prepared. When I carelessly opened the refrigerator the biggest shock of all hit me in the face. All of the food I had just purchased the day before was now gone. Juice boxes, cases of soda, bottles of water, Lunch-able’s, lunch meat, milk, and the orange juice were just a few of the items missing. I checked the pantry, it was emptied as well. Chips, cheese crackers, Little Debbie snack cakes, cereal, even the new bottle of ketchup was gone. My heart dropped. I could not understand what Angel could gain from taking food from her kids or where in the hell she had taken it all too. She had money in her bag, why didn’t she use that money.
That money you stole probably doesn’t even belong to her. Oh fuckin well! She would just have to deal with the consequences of her actions and most importantly non actions. All this shit and I haven’t even started to get ready for school yet!
What could she have done with the food was the thought that kept running through my mind. I’d watched enough reality TV to know Angel had serious problems and needed professional help. Once again, I was just a kid- and I didn’t know how to get Angel to change her ways. My head began to pound in pain. No food meant that I would have to stop for a drive thru breakfast and pay for lunches for all of them from the school cafeteria for the day. There was no time to go to the store before school started. The kids would not be happy about having to eat cafeteria food, I am sure of it.
I looked around the kitchen thinking that if Angel had money in her bag, maybe she had left money in exchange for the food she took. Tinkering around in the kitchen, I quickly noticed that Angel had not left one dollar to contribute to the nutrition of her kids for that day or the next. The day was Friday, which was a relief. I would have time to grocery shop for a second time after school was out without worrying about time limits for the kids to get to bed. I knew that I needed to thank God we would all have a chance to catch up on some rest over the weekend. We were all bone tired.
36
For a quick second I longed for just one day to lie around and be a lazy teenager. I would lie out by the pool and catch some sun on my pale body, I could spend time watching movies, or perhaps playing on the internet on social media- like all the kids I knew from school. Everyone had a cross to bear and unfortunately, this was my cross. I wasn’t a stupid teenager having unprotected sex, being irresponsible, ending up pregnant. I didn’t even have a boyfriend. I’d never even been out on a date. This was my life.
From the hallway, I yelled out to the kids.
“We have thirty five minutes before we have to leave. We gotta stop and get breakfast so you guys gotta hurry up!”
My tone was not harsh, rude, nor threatening but firm and patient.
I received three respectful ‘Okays’ in return which made me smile. I just could not understand why Angel didn’t want her children no matter how much time I thought about it. They all made good grades and didn’t get into trouble at school. Angel was always the only one screaming and being loud in the house. Even the twins were a calm set of busy little boys who were a taking over the nerdy side of life. She had the type of kids most parents prayed for. If nothing else you could tell how different the kids were by looking at their bedrooms in comparison to hers.
I decided to let my beef with Angel go. I didn’t want to be in a bad mood for the entire day. I would not let anything cloud my judgment and knock me off the task of taking care of my kids. Trae, Taj, and Zina were my kids, not Angel’s. I helped them with their homework, I cooked for them, I monitored how much time they spent on electronic gadgets versus to actually playing outside, I made sure they were bathed and in bed by nine and sometimes by eight, on school nights. They wore me out more than sometimes; and honestly I needed them in bed a little early to receive a break.
I signed all of their permission slips, I took the boys to Boy Scout meetings, and Zina to cheerleading practice during the seasons. The boys were in young science clubs and Zina was a brownie Girl Scout as well. All uniforms, fees, and snacks were taken care of by me. I took them to the doctor when they were sick and made sure they took their meds. The four of us were in gifted programs taking advanced classes. I was graduating a year early.
I encouraged them, chastised them, and praised them. I took them to church and Sunday school every Sabbath day. They were literally my kids, end of discussion. I only had two years to go until I could adopt them legally. Refusing to thinking about what their future could be if I had sat by and waited for Angel to do her job, gave me drive. I had the drive to drive a foreign car some adults didn’t have. My Grandparents had the drive to make tuition payments without a breaking into a sweat.
We all had the drive to make the most of the opportunity we’d been given at getting the best education in the state. I had the drive to give the kids the best life possible. I was only a teenager but I had the firm belief that God would not have given me the life he had, if I was not going to be able to do what the kids needed me to be. He had made a way for the four of them time after time. There was no way I was going to give up on the younger kids, no matter how bad things got.
37
On Friday’s high school students had out of uniform day and I was too glad. That Christian uniform was a bit much. I picked out some skinny jeans, a cute t-shirt, and some Air Jordan’s to match. I wasn’t into showing off the teenage curves I had, so the outfit was fitting but not nearly as tight as her classmates wore their clothing. I had managed to get dressed in ten minutes flat. The majority of the time it took me to get ready for public was my hair.
As I waited for the flat iron to get hot, I got down on all fours to slide under my bed. The year before I had gotten a safe placed into a cut into the wall at the floor board behind my bed while Angel was away on one of her excursions. I entered the random digits for the security code, the door to the safe popped open revealing the nearly eighty thousand dollars inside that I’d saved just from randomly robbing Angel or any and all of the male strangers she’d brought to the with only one mile on it when I got it. Nothing in the line of vehicle ownership or insurance coverage had Angel’s name on it. The car being left unharmed only meant the new hiding spot I had chosen for the keys was the best choice ever. She’d tried to steal it several times to no avail. Anything shiny new she thought she was entitled too.
From the garage I made a bee line for the kitchen. I had to get the kids lunches and snacks prepared. When I carelessly opened the refrigerator the biggest shock of all hit me in the face. All of the food I had just purchased the day before was now gone. Juice boxes, cases of soda, bottles of water, Lunch-able’s, lunch meat, milk, and the orange juice were just a few of the items missing. I checked the pantry, it was emptied as well. Chips, cheese crackers, Littl
e Debbie snack cakes, cereal, even the new bottle of ketchup was gone. My heart dropped. I could not understand what Angel could gain from taking food from her kids or where in the hell she had taken it all too. She had money in her bag, why didn’t she use that money.
That money you stole probably doesn’t even belong to her. Oh fuckin well! She would just have to deal with the consequences of her actions and most importantly non actions. All this shit and I haven’t even started to get ready for school yet!
What could she have done with the food was the thought that kept running through my mind. I’d watched enough reality TV to know Angel had serious problems and needed professional help. Once again, I was just a kid- and I didn’t know how to get Angel to change her ways. My head began to pound in pain. No food meant that I would have to stop for a drive thru breakfast and pay for lunches for all of them from the school cafeteria for the day. There was no time to go to the store before school started. The kids would not be happy about having to eat cafeteria food, I am sure of it.
I looked around the kitchen thinking that if Angel had money in her bag, maybe she had left money in exchange for the food she took. Tinkering around in the kitchen, I quickly noticed that Angel had not left one dollar to contribute to the nutrition of her kids for that day or the next. The day was Friday, which was a relief. I would have time to grocery shop for a second time after school was out without worrying about time limits for the kids to get to bed. I knew that I needed to thank God we would all have a chance to catch up on some rest over the weekend. We were all bone tired.
“AMAYA! AMAYA! DID YOU HEAR THAT?” Johan whispered as he screamed at me.
I shot straight out the bed as if it were on fire and grabbed the nine millimeter from under my pillow.
“Really you got it under your pillow now? What about what we discussed?” Johan continued to whisper shout at me.
He was giving me grief but he said nothing about the gun he was holding as well.
It was a little after midnight when we both were awaken by strange movements inside the house. I knew we wasn’t home alone, my mom and siblings were there and they all should have been sleeping as well. But things never went the way they were supposed to go when Angel was in the building. As a matter of fact Angel was the reason I even needed a gun. And the more I thought about it, shooting someone tonight would make me feel so much better.
Johan had come through my bedroom window when his father came home yet another night too late according to his mother. Instead of listening to them continue tearing apart their beautiful home as they physically and verbally fought about thots, illegitimate children, and Joe still being in the streets. For the last six years this had been going on. Sometimes when his dad didn’t come home at all, he still came to my house to make sure I was okay. He would come to my house and sleep on the floor in my bedroom. It was kinda like that scene from the movie ‘Love and Basketball’ because Johan was my best friend as well. My only best friend at that and he knew everything about my fucked up life.
Angel had been home all evening which was totally out of character for her. She had four kids but from the outside looking in you would never know it. I was beginning to get more irritated as the noises continued. I had to be in school to shine like the junior in high school that I was the following morning. I didn’t have time to entertain her foolery in the middle of the light. And when dealing with her there was no telling what was going on. Unfortunately my young eyes had seen way too much in my days. Angel didn’t give a damn though, I knew that for a fact.
Moving across the room to the closed door, I quietly stepped out into the hallway with Johan on my heels. When we rounded the corner into the living room we recognized the sounds. Angel was alone but she was still up to no good. He took the gun out of my manicured hand and went back to my bedroom. The moans and bumps were made from her as she was trying to load up her car with several pieces of luggage. She didn’t give a damn if she woke up her kids while she was on her way out for another random expedition.
Angel leaving in the middle of the night was never a good thing. When she came back into the house, I was leaning against the door frame. It seemed as though I had caught her just in time. First, I watched as she put her expensive bag on her shoulder and turned around in the middle of the floor, my guess is she was making sure she wasn’t forgetting anything she needed for her trip. She snapped her fingers and went into the kitchen. I was quietly on her heels.
38
“So you’re leaving again without a good bye?”
“Damn Amaya! You just scared the shit out of me!” She put her bony hand over her heart.
She tried to be so dramatic. I couldn’t understand how I could have ever scared her when she put herself in deadly situations constantly. She had no fear in her heart when she was running the streets setting up traps for men to get robbed, in a shady part of town scoring drugs, or causing trouble in the millionaire circle she was once a vital part of. Angel was a spiraling nothing.
“Tell me something sugarfoot…how long do you have to entertain this new trick before you can come back to be a parent to your four children?”
“Look now, I’m already running late. I don’t have time and I damn sure don’t need a lecture from your little smart ass tonight.”
She waved me off like I was a mosquito and then took a long swig from the small bottle of Kinky she had gotten out the nearly empty fridge.
“So, let me make sure I understand what you are doing this time…”
“Amaya you are not my damn Mama! I run shit in this house not you, you are a child and I suggest you stay in a child’s…”
I cut her off. She was spitting chewed up grass in my face. I was only sixteen but was far from a child.
“SO…you are sneaking out in the middle of the night- for one. For two- you are leaving behind your children once again for God only knows how many days…AGAIN? There is no food here, you were just in the refrigerator. I’m sure you saw the empty shelves. Your kids need things for school that I told you about last week. This week is do or don’t participate for them.” I pushed down four fingers as I leaned into her face giving her cold hard facts as only I could.
Dealing with her kept me on my toes. I had to think and talk just as fast.
“It’s the third week of the month that means tuition was due over a week ago. Today is Tuesday. We won’t be able to go to back to school until it is paid. Did you leave that money for me to take to the administration building this morning? I need to show up on campus with four thousand dollars plus five hundred for the late fee…where did you leave the cash or check? Did you leave any money so I can go to the store to feed ourselves while you are gone THIS TIME…or do I have to take care of things by myself like the mother you have made me become…like the orphans we really are?” I was all in her personal space talking to her nose to nose.
I didn’t even care how I was coming across. Honestly I was waiting for a reason to whip her ass. She needed it and I had no problem delivering it. Angel was a violent woman and I knew it but she’d fell off her game considerably. The last few times we’d fought she’d gotten dealt with and there was no one to pull me off of her when we’d started physically fighting. Angel could come and go as she pleased. She knew I bitched about it to her but in the end, I would do anything for my brothers and sister. She’d gone into the kids rooms and stolen items to pawn and that was a no-no on my list. I went hamm on her. It seemed as though that was the only way I could get through to her these days. Quite frankly, I was at my limit with her and she needed to be put on notice.
Angel had us living off of cheap bare essentials due to her lavish shopping sprees and mismanagement of her finances. She had long ago begun to flat out refuse to give us kid’s money whenever we asked, so I started stealing it every chance I got. When Angel was away, I would have to call her cell phone over and over just to get her to answer the phone. But, the answer was always no in the end. When the time came when Angel was at the wors
t I’d ever seen her, I stood tall and let her know that she would have to fight me woman to woman before I would allow her to steal anything from the kid’s bedrooms.
39
“I swear I hate the day I let Steph start spending time with you! You have turned into a big ass baby just like her muthafuckin ass! I hate that bitch!”
“So you’re telling me you hate me and calling me a bitch too then?” My pointer finger was pointing toward my chest.
“I swear I don’t have time for this shit tonight! Didn’t I already tell you that? FUCK! I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT MY ASS BACK IN THIS MUTHAFUCKA!” She stomped her feet like a toddler.
I rushed over to the fridge and opened the door wide so that she could see that it was empty.
“I don’t care what you have time for. You have responsibilities here! Forget what is going on out there, there are issues in here! Leave me money so I can feed your kids!” I slammed the door shut.
“See that is the gotdamn problem! You think you are my muthafuckin Mama in this muthafucka! But guess what Queen Amaya, unlike Steph I can’t reach into my purse and pull out a stack of hundreds to pacify your ass!”
“I’m not Steph’s child! Those three kids back there don’t belong to Steph- they belong to you! You are in designer labels from head to toe but you can’t stay home to take care of your kids and you can’t leave them anything to make sure they don’t starve to death before you decide to grace us with your weak ass presence again!” I was hotter than fish grease.
“When I get some money to get food, you will be the first person I call. By the time ya’ll get out of school I will have sent some money by Western Union so you can go to the store. Is that okay with you Judge Amaya?”
She finished off her bottle and went to reach for another.
“Ain’t no way in hell is it okay with me! I’m tired of this! I am seventeen years old! How is it possible that I can take better care of your kids than you? You don’t even have a free moment for them? I’m supposed to be enjoying my senior year, not parenting kids that aren’t mine!”
