by Zi'ere
I felt tears coming but Angel was not deserving to see me cry. I couldn’t show weakness with her.
“You are old enough to help me out with your brothers and sisters, damn! Don’t start that shit with me! You’re the oldest…hell that’s what the fuck you are supposed to do!”
“YES, I AM SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU OUT AND WATCH THEM UNTIL YOU GET HOME FROMWORK IN THE EVENINGS! HELP THEM WITH THE HOMEWORK, THAT TYPE OF SHIT, NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW THEIR TUITION IS GOING TO GET PAID- WHAT IS IT ABOUT WHAT I’M SAYING THAT YOU DON’T FUCKIN UNDERSTAND?”
“FUCK THIS SHIT! YOU ARE GOING TO FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME MISS MY FLIGHT WITH THIS TEENAGED BULLSHIT!”
I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere with her trifling ass.
“Angel if you are gone more than two days, when you get back we won’t be here!”
“Lil girl take your ass back to bed! Where in the hell else are you going to go? Mama and Daddy don’t have the room or the patience for your spoiled asses. Your ass is stuck- just like me so deal with it! So you can deal with this shit, just like I have to!”
As loud as she was screaming, the entire neighborhood was probably awake. The last thing Angel needed was for the police to show up at her doorstep again.
“I promise you ain’t got it like you used to have it! You need to sit your ass down and parent! Get some rest, take a hot bath, give that hair some real conditioning, and stop fucking every man you find with money! You put yourself through all that wear and tear yet you don’t do a damn thing to better the living conditions of your family! The least you can do is be a hoe with a purpose!”
I had gone too far and I knew it. In my defense she deserved every word she heard and many more. It didn’t surprise me when she lunged at me.
“YOU DISRESPECTFUL ASSED HEIFFER! WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO! I WILL FUCK YOU UP IN HERE!” She screamed.
40
I side stepped her and she fell to the floor. I knew the little wine coolers didn’t have her drunk so that meant she was high on something else. I looked down and saw the crack addicted mother from the hit show ‘The Wire’. I looked down and saw death. Angel was coked out and she made me sick to my stomach. She had sores in her face but some kind of way she was able to hide them very well. She was the smallest I’d ever seen her even though she was never a curvy woman. I had to tell the truth when she stayed home and dressed like the boss she used to be, she looked like she still had it going on. Angel had everyone fooled, even her parents.
“Two days. That’s it Angel. I promise you, I’m done with your shit! We…me and the three of them deserve better. If you won’t do it, I will do it for you but I won’t allow you to disrupt our lives while you fuck your life up! Two days Angel. That is it.”
With her lips poked out she got herself off the floor and ran out of the house. My heart was beating one hundred times per minute yet it was broken in half at the same time. I was mentally and emotionally tired. This time had to be the last straw. I had to mean what I was saying to her or she would continue to do just what she’d been doing for the last six almost seven years.
After turning out every single light in the front of the house she’d had on, my fingers were at my head temples as I stumbled back to my bedroom. I stopped when I saw the light on in her bedroom. A once clean and regal room fit for a queen looked like a set up that would be in a trap house. I could only shake my head at the fact that she had her sheets up to her window when there was absolutely no reason for them to be. Angel was trifling to the tenth power.
Amaya, fuck this shit. You can live better on your own or die trying. You don’t need this kind of dysfunction in the kid’s lives. Things could only be better any another way than this. There is no chance it can get worse than this girlfriend. Eventually her bill is going to come due and I won’t allow any of us to be in jeopardy of losing our lives on the account of her.
I turned off the light and closed her door. No one was interested in how she lived. She tried to have the rest of the house looking the same way but I wasn’t going for it. As horrible as it was, I had her on restriction to keep her pig pen ways in her own bedroom. As I made my way back to my bedroom, I heard my cell phone sing songs back to back. According to the clock it was a quarter to two. I rolled my eyes as I stomped over to my bed. Johan was silent as he watched sports highlights on ESPN as if nothing was wrong in the house he preferred over his own.
I know the shit going on in here has to be worse than his parents arguing over his dad being a rolling stone.
I looked at the phone again. I wasn’t in the mood to cover for Angel to my Grandparents although I had to admit that it was a little late for them to be calling, but then again it wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. My cell phone began to ring. According to the ring tone ‘Feds Watching’ by 2 Chainz it was my paternal Grandmother Deloris.
41
Granny D was a different type of grandmother. Don’t get me wrong she kept up with my comings and goings but she had hood mentality that would be with her til she took her last breath.
Me: Hello.
Granny D: What’s going on witcha gurl?
Me: Nothing much, just getting ready for tomorrow.
Granny D: What you got to do? It’s late as hell already.
Me: It’s late but you still called me.
Granny D: Yes I sure did, I had to call to check on you because I know your unfit ass mammy ain’t nowhere to be found is she?
Me: Nope.
Granny D: That bitch fux with my soul! I wish Rod woulda let me whip her ass years ago, I promise we won’t be having the problems we having right now cause I would put my foot so far up her ass she wouldn’t have had a choice but to walk straight.
I laughed.
Granny D: I see deadbeat dads on tv all day, hell I was just talking to your daddy’s half retarded ass today but I ain’t neva seen no female neglect her children. I wish I could get ya’ll but your prissy and proper Grandma would have my ass in court every week. I ain’t got time for her shit either.
Me: Granny we are fine. The only problem I’m having is keeping food in the house. Every time I go shopping it’s like she pops up and then takes it all. I don’t know who in the hell she is feeding cause it ain’t her. She is so small and she looks so rundown.
Granny D: Now see I got something for that shit right there! I promise you that lil problem will be fixed by the time you get out of school. I bet she won’t take shit else up out of there when I get done with her no good ass!
Me: Please do not make her worse because she is the devil to live with after you leave.
Granny D: I know she ain’t puttin her hands on ya’ll?
Silence.
Granny D: Oh, she done lost her muthafuckin mind now! She don’t know how to act her damn self how she chastising somebody else. That bitch don’t have the right to stomp away a fuckin squirrel!
Me: Granny calm down before you have a stroke!”
Granny D: I play about a lot of shit but the four of ya’ll- that is off limits and everybody in Chandler know I will get down for my muthafuckin crown when it comes to my grandbabies!
I sat down on the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands. There was no off switch to Grandma D. Once she was in turn up mode, you had to wait til she was ready to turn down. According to Rob she is acting worse than she ever did in her younger years. I didn’t know how old she was exactly but it didn’t matter because age didn’t mean a damn thing to her. She kept her hair in the latest styles and carried a nine with her everywhere she went, even to Wal Mart.
To make Grandma D’s cake even more sweet was the fact that she grinded like a twenty- year old man. She had trap houses, prostitutes reporting to her, and she sold every drug known to man-kind. She paid for Rob to go to college out right and he made good on her investment by graduating. His downfall was meeting Angel and his mama told him that the very first time they met. She said it directly in front of Angel’s face. Only problem was Angel had alre
ady gotten the scoop and she knew Deloris did not have a problem tagging anybody’s ass.
42
Grandma D: Sweetheart don’t worry. I’m not gonna fuck her up too bad but she will be getting a visit from Deloris.
Me: You know where she is?
Grandma D: I always know where that whore is, that is how I know when to call.
Me: Can you tell her to come back home? She hasn’t seen the twins in forever.
Grandma D: I ain’t telling nan bitch to go see bout her own damn kids. Between me, Cora, your Grand-dad, and Rob- we got you. Fuck her and I mean in every way possible.
Me: GRANNY!
Grandma D: Amaya Stevens don’t you raise your voice to me again! I meant exactly what I said and you need to know I am not the only person who feels that way about her. Word in the street is that she has fucked with some wealthy and powerful people. All I- all we gotta do is sit back and wait til you turn eighteen and for her karma to catch up with her road runner ass!
Me: Ok Granny…I really need to get off the phone so I can get some rest.
Grandma D: Ok baby. Like I said now, don’t worry about a thing. I’m going to come by sometime tonight and put ya’ll some money in the hiding spot.
Me: You don’t have to do that. We have enough money to make it.
I felt a headache coming on.
Granny D: Girl I’m tired of you talkin to me like that when I’m already mad! You don’t tell me what to do with my money. When I tell you something write it in the Bible because it is the truth! Do you hear what I’m sayin?
Me: Yes ma’am.
Granny D: You testing me for real tonight chile! You probably stressed the fuck out being a mama to three kids while teaching yourself how to be a young lady. You need a damn break, I can recognize it now.
Me: I’m fine. I take my breaks when the kids are asleep.
Granny D: Chile I had nine kids, I know when you need a damn break. I don’t care how good they are. You need some time to just be a teenager for a while. Hell, I needed to take some time to be a damn woman just by myself for myself with not one child in sight. And you know I will bust the world in half bout my children but everyone needs a break at some point baby. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Me: Granny I’m fine I promise.
Granny D: I will take care of that shit too. Don’t fear your Granny D is here!
I laughed again while shaking my head.
Granny D: Now take your half white ass to bed. Holla atcha lata! I love your stern ass!
Me: I love you too Granny.
When the call was disconnected I surely had a headache but I was smiling and laughing at the same damn time. That woman was a big ass horse pill to swallow. She gave you the biz straight with no chaser in sight. One thing is for sure and another is for certain: she was damn right I needed a break. I fantasized what I could do by myself on a Saturday. And, Angel certainly needed an ass whippin. Pronto.
43
“Just because she’s not being a mother doesn’t make my situation better than yours Maya. I begged my moms to leave him because he is still hitting her. I popped his ass in the head with a vase. He missed a photo shoot and I swear he was more upset about missing the money we all know he doesn’t need rather than the purple bruise on my mom’s face. But what can I do? She says she’s not giving him up. I can’t catch a case for putting something on his cowardly lion ass while I’m trying to get into a good school so I can marry and take care of you.” He never took his eyes off the TV.
By his tone of voice, I could tell he was dead serious.
“So you think I’m going to be okay with you seeing all those fast ass girls and then turn around and marry your ass? Psst…I need you to wake up out of that dream homie!”
“You can shut shit down with one word and don’t give a damn about my feelings.” He was too serious.
“This is enough for me. I can’t add a boyfriend into the mix.” I confessed.
“You can’t get rid of a man that wants to be with you no matter what you do. Get some sleep beauty. See you in a few hours.”
I got in bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. In the next second I realized how I’d been walking around the house. My hair was in a ponytail on the top of my head. I had Proactive zit cream in the form of three dots on my face. A tank top with a bra underneath and short- night shorts were the remainder of my get up. I looked a hot ass mess.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard Johan Gild breathing heavy but not snoring while sleeping on the floor beside my bed. No matter how bad it got, Johan made it better. It wasn’t a money or gift thing between us, instead he listened to me vent. He heard all the curse words I used with Angel but never in front of my siblings or at school. He allowed me to soak his shirt with my tears. He hugged me and held me tight when I was overwhelmed. Angel brought shady characters to the house all the time and never thought about the sleazy men looking at her teenaged daughter. Johan came through with the gun. I couldn’t even recall all the things he’d done or said that he didn’t have to be concerned with.
44
I rolled over in my bed to give the blaring alarm clock the evil eye. It was Friday morning and that was the only thing I was excited about at the moment. My week had been hard. I slammed the off button and looked up at the ceiling mentally preparing myself for the day. Despite my threats, Angel had not returned home in the two days I had given her and now it was my time to show and prove. I looked at the space to the left in my bed, everything a teenaged girl needed to be successful in school was there. A laptop, headphones, books, paper, pens, pencils, my cell phone, and binders were all beside me. I’d fallen asleep getting ready for the last day of finals before our Spring Break was to begin after the release of school that day.
The break was needed and deserved by all four of the Stevens children. We wouldn’t receive report cards until we returned to school but I was sure we’d all done well on our testing. The next week would start their Spring Break and unlike most of the kids from our school, we weren’t going to be vacationing with our parents to exclusive tourist’s attractions. Me being the girl that I am, I had some things planned for the kids that they did not know about yet.
When the younger children returned to school they would have fun stories to tell their classmates about the good time they too had over the break just like everyone else. Even though the four of them had the opportunity to be bad kids, we were well mannered and well- rounded children, about to live the life most kids couldn’t even dream of. I had more than a few surprises in store for the kids over the next two weeks. Our lives would be completely changed. The excitement gave me the kick I needed to hop out of bed and get my day started. Johan’s blanket was folded and sat under his pillow at the foot of my bed. I had no idea what time he’d left that morning. It didn’t matter. I would see him in an hour anyway.
I strained my ears to pick up any signs that Angel had returned like a thief in the night. In return I got nothing but silence and for the first time in years, I was okay with that. There was nothing that could change the events that were about to take place and the joy I felt in my spirit. I only needed my plan to fall into place flawlessly as I’d dreamed. I crunk up my iPod sitting in the speaker system. Today was going to be a good day. My cell phone began to vibrate. I had no doubt who it was…the same person I had been avoiding since Angel left- Rob.
Rodney Westin was a black man who was the only man that ever claimed all four of us as his legitimate children. The only problem was that he was needing and wanting to parent from the penitentiary. Just like everyone else had all week, he was going to have to give me my space. When he found out that Angel was the mouse all his boys had told him she was, it was too late- she was pregnant with the twins. It was his third time getting her pregnant.
Rod was a good guy, the only bad thing I had to say about him was that he wasn’t a present parent. He talked to us, motivated us, and gave us guidelines to follow. In other words he was doing more than An
gel ever did. I entertained him just on the strength that he said we were his kids and he took a genuine interest in us. I’d given him tests several different times and he’d passed them all. He was good people but he wasn’t going to like my plan so he had to wait.
45
With bed hair and all, I made my way out of my beautiful, uncharacteristically clean room for a teenaged girl into a mess of chaos in the hallway. Since Angel had been gone, I’d been able to keep the entire house clean because she didn’t lift a finger to clean up her own messes, let alone anyone else’s. But in order to keep the house clean, Angel would have to first have to spend some time at the house trying to keep it clean. I looked down at the designer silver suitcases lined up and down the hall. I shook my head…putting the luggage in her bedroom obviously would have been too hard for her to do, I was I guessing.
Just anything to piss me the fuck off…don’t make no damn sense!
My first stop was to the boy’s bedroom. I opened the already cracked door to find them still sleeping peacefully in their bedroom decked out in the theme of under the water sea ocean life. Everything in the room was either navy blue, appropriate for preteen boys. There were fish and sharks of all kinds painted onto the walls. I have to admit, if I were ten and loved everything about sea life- it would be a cool room to have. It only took me a weekend to get it all done for them.
I turned off the nightlights and turned on the brighter lamps on the bright overhead lights. I began to gently shake them both at the same time. Trae and Taj, identical twins were the most handsome young men I had ever seen. Their bi-racial genes kept the little girls on their game at school. It was cute and funny to me because the only girls the boys liked were their sisters. All the others weren’t worth their time or attention.
Keeping the Stevens’ girls were worth all their time, attention, and chivalry. They were mild mannered boys who were on the fast track to be child genius prodigies. They had video games and iPads but their idea of fun was a science fair or some kind of exhibit. None of the kids gave me any problems but I ran our lives by a schedule from the start so order was all they knew. Angel was so blessed and she didn’t even know it.
