Aardvarks to Planet X

by Chris Troman

vent. Simon quickly surmised it was some sort of recirculating system. So he had just better get used to shallow breathing for his brief stay, least he over tax the system and pass out.

  Once more he readied the machine, which would take him away from this nightmare. As Simon worked, he thought back to all his other selves, and the fate he had left them to. How each was stuck in one doom or another. And all the while he had to play at musical chairs. The trouble was, every seat was a bad one. Simon wasn't really committing his parallel selves to doom. They just swapped one for another. So crossing his fingers, he started to tune the delicate instrument. That would send him on his way, in this farce of a game. Just to live just a bit longer.

  This time when he saw his facsimile, he wasn't in the familiar lab. He was strolling up the high street, with a sign hung over him. Squinting Simon discerned the message. "The end of the world is nigh." Reaching out towards the screen, Simon got a distinct impression of yellow, as he flitted between the two realities. "Well if this is the end of the world, I'd better find my lab." The doctor thought, and donning the sign he trudged down town.

  "And that's when I saw you in the diner", my brother concluded. A little taken aback by this fanciful tale, I thought back to when his story had begun. A sip of coffee I had ordered us both, and I had it. "Didn't you say you started in a reality, that was going to be destroyed by Yellow stone blowing up?” He nodded mutely, and I beamed. "Well that happened a month ago." His jaw dropped as I continued. "It was all set to blow, then about three smaller eruptions dropped the pressure. It's all ok now. There was some damage, but nothing like they'd been expecting." He just looked agog. Then Simon finished the last of the pie, musing enigmatically to himself. "So they really is no place like home."

  A is for alpha

  Freddy trudged through the steady rain, with his cape firmly pulled over his head. "I thought we weren't supposed to go out on a rainy day", he grumbled to his best friend Nigel. "The school board says its O.K. As long as we take precautions" came the damp reply. "I could have been at home playing with my pet ferret”, continued Freddy. "You've got it then?" came the exited reply. "What's it like?" Glad of the distraction from the weather, the two lads discussed Freddy’s new pet, as they entered the schoolyard.

  "All right you lot, inside and hang up your capes and masks. For decontamination, before you get your pre school shower." The over sized teacher Mr Barnard commanded, from his position undercover of the entrance. When the children were dried and re dressed in their uniforms, they all mulled through the detector. It wasn't to look for weapons though, this portal sniffed out radioactive isotopes hiding in the soft tissue of these young pupils. The teacher followed them through, and he gave a smile of relief as the light turned green. Then the turnstile gave him access to his place of work.

  "Now all stand for the school song." Mr Mason adjusted his lead codpiece, and Freddy whispered to Nigel. "I bet he's still after his fathering licence. He'll never get one, he's from section fifty-seven. Its worst for fall out in the area." Then they joined in with their fellow pupils in singing. "A is for Alpha, B is for Beta, G is for Gamma, Now take your seat-a." All the pupils descended on to their chair in unison.

  The teacher filled the silence with the morning notices. “Now as you all know, next Tuesday we will be commemorating M.A.D. day. When we remember the billions of lives lost, at the hand of our fearful enemy now vanquished. So I want you in your best clothes." "He means get our uniforms cleaned. We'll all be helping out after school on Monday", whispered Nigel. "Pipe down there boy." The master gave the two youths a stern look.

  "Now mister Wendell has been excluded due to a high rad count, so he won't be teaching you ever again. So this morning I will be taking you for history." The two friends glowered as Mr Mason took the register. "Avery" "Here sir" "Cardue" "Present" "Fulwood" "Please sir, he's got Q fever." The teacher made a mark and moved on. Freddy whispered to his best friend. "I wish I had Q fever, three months in bed." Nigel pulled back instinctively. "No you don’t. It may not kill you, but you'd wish it did. My cousin had it last year, don't worry he was over it before his mom let him out. But he had to take Tetracycline four times a day, and he just lay there with a fever, all tired and headachy." The master called out, "Zachariah." The girl showed her presence, and he put the book away.

  "Now for history, who won world war three?” A number of children raised their hands, but Freddy seemed about to burst with the answer. So the teacher let him have his moment of glory. "Liechtenstein sir." "Technically yes", agreed Mr Mason. "But the correct answer is no one, because everyone lost out." Freddy was too full of information to be cut off there and he babbled on. "The grand duke was the only head of state on our side, to survive the bombing. He was on a south polar expedition at the time. And he said to the press that he'd only joined NATO, for the free buffet and membership to the yacht club. The enemy has never been contacted, so we assume they are all dead." Finally sated the lad sat back down. "Very good mister Kruger. A full answer, but yet again there are no winners in total nuclear war. Now I want you to study the reassembly process, which took place after the conflict. Give me a two page essay, on how civilisation was brought back from the brink of annihilation by Friday." The boys groaned, and then the break bell rang. So they all piled off to the gym for break.

  It wasn't too healthy to play out doors, in this brave new world. The girls stood in a crowd and did what girls always have done, and always would. While the boys whooshed in and out of them, pretending to be bombers ready to drop their load. "Bomb bay doors open" "Narr" "kaboom" All too soon the tiny world they had created was drawn to a halt, as the bell for mathematics rang. So they all filed in to Mr Oppenheimer's class.

  "Now who knows the seven tenths rule?” Mr Oppenheimer peered over his spectacles at the class. Mortlake, a well-kept boy at the back raised his hand and recited. "Radiation decreases to a tenth its strength, every time factor of seven." Smiling, the teacher reiterated. "Correct, so after seven days there will only be a tenth of the radiation as on the first. So if ever a bomb were to be detonated again, it's very important to stay in your shelter for as long as possible." He wrote the formula on the board, and then turned back to the class. "Now what law does radiation obey, for the distance from a ground zero point?" Again Mortlake put up his hand, but not wanting to play favourites Mr Oppenheimer picked Nigel. He was busy just then, whispering a joke to Freddy. "Please sir, it's the inverse square law isn't it?”

  Not being able to catch the lad being inattentive, the master rode over it and gave a fuller answer. "Correct mister Cotrill, so if you move ten miles from the point where the bomb dropped. The radiation level should be one-hundredth the strength it is at only one. But of course that is not taking in to account for drift from the wind. So it is very important to follow the weather forecasts. Now work through these problems, and I don't want a word from you until the end of class." Then Mr Oppenheimer pulled the board up, to reveal the questions. He proceeded to do some marking, while the class studiously copied down the work. By noon most had completed the problems. So Mr Oppenheimer gave the answers and took marks, just before the dinner bell rang.

  In the dinner queue a boy pushed past the two lads, and Freddy was just about to say something. Then he realised it was Jennings. His dad was a big shot in the charcoal industry, and his grand father was a founding father in the league of preppers. You didn't mess with those pedigrees. He reached the serving window, and asked lunch lady Morrison. "I suppose fission chips is off again?" "Get away you scallywag", she chided as she handed him his sealed lunch pack. Then the two lads grabbed a table. "Starling pie, with watercress and fennel." The lad beamed, "What have you got?" The other peeled back his lid, "pigeon and fennel with wood sorrel." They tucked in. "Is this milk pasteurised or sterilised? I can never remember" Freddy took the carton and in a well-rehearsed fashion, then passed it before the lads face. "Past your eyes definitely", and they giggled in to their plates.

  After the two boys had han
ded in their empty plates, they joined in on a game of duck and cover. When the one who was it turned, you had to be safely curled up on the ground. Or you were out. Freddy wasn't too good at it, and usually got caught out quickly. But he had fun pointing out the other children, who'd not quite curled up. Then it was time for chemistry.

  Mr Chippingham stood arms akimbo before the children, and asked patently. "Who knows what cobalt sixty is used for?" He surveyed the class, and picked Jenny Walker a freckle-faced girl with blond curly hair. "Please sir, it's used in dirty bombs. And has a half life of five point three years." The teacher nodded, and chose another pupil, "Now Freddy, what sort of bomb is clean?" The lad struggled in his seat before remembering. "Neutron bombs sir. They leave the buildings standing but kill all the people." "Very good, now take this down. Plutonium two three nine is synthesised from Uranium two three eight, which itself has a half-life of hundreds of millions of years. So it will still be potent long after we're all gone."

  Just then a sickly looking boy came into the class. "Jenkins why are you late?" Furtive at being singled out,