Mine to Fear

by Janeal Falor

  I gulp past the thought, even though it's highly likely, especially the way things have been going since our arrival. When Zade and Chadwick find out I'm not only here, but I've brought Tawny with me, there will be two very angry warlocks.

  At least, I assume there'll be two. Perhaps it will be only my brother and not the man everyone expects me to marry. It's been so long since I've heard from Chadwick. Maybe he doesn't care where I am. Maybe he's so wrapped up in the reason he left Envado in the first place to help the Chardonian people that I'm only a distant memory. I don't know if the thought is for better or worse. Whichever it is, I have to find him and deliver the message from my father in person.

  They'll soon know we're here, if they don't already. Warlocks are visibly guarding the house, not even trying to hide like when I left. Have things gotten worse here as well?

  “Let's go see Serena.”

  Tawny follows me and Lukas up the walkway. “Does she know I'm coming?”

  More trouble. “I told her someone was joining me.”

  “But she doesn't know who I am.”

  “I told her your name,” I hedge.

  She gives me a look. “But not who I am.”

  “Fine. I didn't tell her of your previous relationship with Zade.” I eye Lukas, knowing I can trust him, but it's probably best to keep her identity from being spread around even with those we trust. “Or anything else.”

  Her entire posture takes on a regal bearing. “She needs to know. About me and Zade at least.”

  At least she agrees about keeping her royalty status under wraps, even if it's clear just by the way she acts. “I know. Only there are more pressing things happening than just relationships.” And it makes me feel like the worst friend for keeping their former engagement a secret. Why am I doing this?

  “True. It's not as if I'm here to steal Zade.”

  Lukas gives her a sharp look. She'd better not be. As much as she's a friend to me, and possibly even my future queen, I won't let anyone put Serena through more grief.

  Before I can reply, the door bursts open, and Serena’s coming to me with a big grin on her face. “I can't believe you're here! I didn't know if I would ever see you again.”

  “It was only a little over a week.” But I hug her tight anyway like it's been years.

  “Let's get inside,” she says when I let her go, eying Tawny.

  She ushers the three of us in quickly, looking around as if there's something to fear. If I hadn't already known things were getting worse, this would confirm it. When she closes the door behind us and bolts it, her entire body eases.

  “How about I make you a treat?” I say.

  “You just got here. You don't need to cook anything,” Serena says as she leads us through the house.

  “Hasn't it been too long since you had cinnamon cookies?”

  She laughs. “You know my weakness, but if you want time to settle in first, it's fine.”

  “I can settle later. Food is much more important.” Always more important than dealing with necessary chores.

  She leads us to the kitchen, which is smaller than Zade's or even the house that's now her father's again, but it’s workable. I don't hesitate to get cooking, looking through cupboards and pulling things out.

  “How are your mother and the girls?”

  “Who's this you brought with you?” Serena asks, ignoring my question.

  It must be really bad for them. Maybe I don't want to know how bad until there's something I can do about it. Still, I will try to find out when she seems more open to talking.

  Tawny is graciously waiting next to a wall, looking so regal I expect any moment to have one of them shout that I've brought royalty with me because I'm a dunce. And an even bigger dunce for not giving introductions right away. Even if I'm not going to reveal exactly who her parents are, she deserves my respect both because of who she is to my country and as my friend.

  “Sorry, the excitement of the moment caught up with me. This is Tawny, a very good friend of mine.”

  “I'm happy to have met you, Tawny,” Serena says. “Even if the circumstances are not what I'd have them be.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Come sit by me while Waverly makes us something mouthwatering.” When Serena sits down at the counter to watch me, the time and strain is immediately evident by the lines of worry etched in her face. Tawny eases into the chair next to her, back rigid. I suppose even court doesn't prepare one for sitting next to your ex-fiancée’s new fiancée.

  “How are the girls, really?” I ask Serena about her sisters.

  Her shoulders seem to cave into the rest of her. “I've only managed to sneak in to see them once. The girls aren't handling things well. Most of them seem to be shutting down. Bethany's doing what she can for them, but I'm afraid of the strain it's causing her. Especially as she tries to take care of Mother.”

  “Will the baby be born soon?”

  “Within the next month or two. She seems to be taking this pregnancy harder than the others. Don't tell her I said this, but I think she's getting too old for this. I wish there was a way to rescue all of them before then. It's going to be very unpleasant when she has another girl.”

  Unpleasant to say the least. Who knows how Stephen will take his wrath out on his wife and daughters? I wish I could march over there right now and slam a hex into him so hard he wouldn't wake for a year. Never mind that I lack the power to actually do so.

  Serena opens her mouth but closes it again before saying, “Zade said you weren't coming. I didn't tell him about the letter you sent claiming the opposite.”

  “Don't know if he'll like the fact you're keeping secrets from him.”

  “You can't keep a secret from someone who isn't around to speak with.”

  Lands, Zade, how are you treating your intended this time? Sometimes my brother needs a hit over the head with a frying pan to knock some sense into him. “Well, what he doesn't know will keep things going smoothly enough.”

  “That will change as soon as he knows you're here and can get away from his duties,” Serena continues. “He's not going to be happy.”

  “So all his letters told me.” Over and over again. “You didn't really think I'd stay away, did you?”

  “No, but part of me hoped you would.”

  A slice of pain cuts through me. “You don't want me here?”

  “I only said a part. It's just that as much as we love your company, I fear for your safety.”

  “As Zade fears for yours.”

  “Yes, but there was a reason Zade sent you away. Things are changing. Things I can help with, and I need to do what I can for my sisters and Mother. But if I had left with you, or if I went now, who would take my place? Who will do what they can to protect my sisters? Who will show Chardonian women what sort of life they can have? What sort of power they can have? What sort of freedom they can have from being owned?”

  “That’s exactly why we're here as well.”

  “But it doesn't have to be your fight. You’re not a Chardonian.”

  I stand taller. “Just by being a person in this world, it's my fight.”

  Serena gives the faintest of smiles before turning to Tawny. “What do you think? Did you come for the same reason? Did she warn you how dangerous things are?”

  The mention of danger makes me wonder if she knows about Cynthia's situation, but I don't want to place more worries on her if she hasn't heard Cynthia has dealt with it as needed, and the Sanos contacts have been notified. There's nothing Serena could do about it but worry more.

  Tawny says, “I was warned, but I need to be here. I'm sick of leading an idle life that is useless to anyone.”

  “You've found a precarious way to try, but if Waverly brought you I won't turn you away. Do you know magic?”

  This is such a good change from having Serena cringe away from even the faintest hint of magic.

  When Tawny doesn't reply, I say, “She's much better at it than I.” Magic tutors are
required for the next monarch. Those protection spells she was required to learn are stronger than an entire mountain.

  “You're much too kind.” Tawny blushes.

  “Good,” Serena says. “Even if Waverly is exaggerating, we could use the help. I'm trying to learn and am coming across more and more women who are requesting help to learn as well.”

  She was warming up to it when I left, but I didn't expect her to willingly get so involved. Things really are changing. With Serena at least.

  Chapter Six

  The door slams. Serena jumps, but I know that sound all too well. Zade is here.

  I take a deep breath and prepare myself for battle. Tawny is resting in our shared room, which I should have been doing as well, but sleep wouldn't come. Instead, I sought Serena out to find more details about what's been going on. I should have forced myself to stay in bed, though it'd be cruel to leave Serena alone with his wrath. At least she can probably calm him better than I can.

  Zade storms in with a force of tense muscles and a glare in his eyes that could turn into magic sparks at any moment. Serena relaxes back into her chair with a giant grin on her face. Either she doesn't realize how seriously his temper is flaming right now, or she doesn't care.

  “What are you doing here?” His words boom at me.

  It's then I realize Chadwick is behind him. I stare at him, ignoring Zade's fuming. My heart doesn't give a thump or a flutter or anything at all. Why can't it respond to him like I think it should? Like everyone expects it to? Maybe my idea of how loves feels, how it looks from outside, is wrong. Maybe the warmth of friendship is all there is for someone like me.

  “Waverly!”

  I roll my eyes and say in my sweetest voice, “Yes, Master Zade?”

  “Don't you dare give me that. This isn't the time for jokes. Mom and Dad are going to have a heart attack when they realize you didn't listen to me and returned. You should know your brother only wants to keep you safe. What's that going to do to Dad? Did you think of him when you went gallivanting off?”

  He's right. It’s not the time for games even if it's fun to tweak him. There are some things too precious to joke over. “They're the ones who told me to come.”

  This seems to trip him up. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why would they do that?”

  “Because they understand as much as I do that I need to be here.”

  He huffs. Serena goes to him and puts a hand on his arm. The change is instant. His eyes soften, and his shoulders relax. He kisses her full on the mouth like none of us are even there. I glance away, which leads to catching Chadwick's eye. I hurry to stare at my hands. More awkward than when I accidentally spelled his hair pink.

  I make an exaggerated sound of clearing my throat.

  Zade gives an exasperated sigh. “Well, you're clearly not in the mood for my temper, so just let me and my fiancée have some time together. Maybe then, just maybe, I'll be able to talk to you without wanting to strangle you.”

  “By all means, go right ahead. It sounds as if you've been neglecting her.”

  He growls. “Stupid council.”

  “Oh, just kiss me again,” Serena says.

  I turn away as he passionately does so. I'm all for true love and kissing, but my brother doesn't seem like the best person to illustrate the point. Ew.

  Chadwick hurries past the couple, turning away from them as soon as he can. The kissing must bother him too. Or maybe it's my presence that’s causing issues. At least Serena and Zade finally seem to take a hint and move into the hall.

  Chadwick takes the chair Serena vacated. “You shouldn't have come back.”

  “I think my brother already made that clear enough.”

  “We have seven warlocks guarding this house every day. There's a lot of people who come here to learn more about what Serena’s done and to hear more about Cynthia. About what they’re doing with freedom and magic. But some guests aren't as harmless as they appear. Attacks are almost a daily occurrence. And…”

  Almost daily? I knew it was bad but not this bad. “And what?”

  “It's not just that I'm trying to keep you safe because I care about you. It's…”

  My chest gives a strange little twist. The warmth of friendship could be enough. But I doubt it would spark kisses the likes of which came from Zade and Serena. Besides, doesn't he deserve that as well? “And what, Chadwick?”

  “And I don't think having a Chardonian, especially a female Chardonian, in the house will help.”

  “Zade and you are already here, what difference does it make?”

  “Zade is at least on the council, and no one notices me when he's around. I'm just a shadow,” he says. “Things are bad enough without adding to it.”

  This is exactly what I didn't want to hear. Of course I knew they sent me away for a reason, but I thought it was just for my own safety. How can I endanger Serena more? Some people still think we're cruel giants, barbarians, not worth being near.

  In any case, he needs his message. “Dad sent me to tell you something.” I scoot closer. Even in this house that is supposed to be safe, rebellion words aren't to be treated lightly. Exactly why Dad didn't just send a spell message. “The Envadi rebels are lessening. With the borders closed, not only is it harder for them to get in, but they don't want to come in. We're on our own with whatever is already set up here.”

  “That's the note your dad sent? Why in all of Envado did he send you here if he knew things were getting worse?” He jumps to his feet.

  Tawny picks just that moment to enter, a big, silly grin on her face that falters the moment she glances into the hall. Zade and Serena must not have gone far.

  “Tawny!” Chadwick practically shouts.

  Instantly, there's a giant thump from the hall, and Zade appears. Serena is not far behind with eyebrows crinkled. I am in so much trouble.

  “What are you doing here?” Zade demands Tawny.

  Well, there's the fact that this is not only very awkward but also unexpected. He'll probably chew me out for bringing her as well, but I wasn't going to be the one to stop her.

  She glances at the floor, back rigid. She could give these perfect posture Chardonian girls competition. “I wanted to help like Waverly.”

  Zade is still staring at her. More like gaping.

  “Of course you already know each other,” Serena says, not realizing what she's walking into. What I didn't get around to warning her about. “I should have realized if you knew Waverly, you'd know Chadwick and Zade.”

  That's such a small portion of it.

  Tawny looks away from us all. Zade seems like he's going to rip his nose right off with how hard he's rubbing it.

  “We're all acquainted,” I say.

  Zade glares at me. “You are either completely inane or mad.”

  “She's both,” Chadwick says.

  “Hey, I—” deserve both of their comments entirely. “Her parents agreed, and it was her idea to begin with.”

  “You could have said no,” Zade snaps. “They should have said no.”

  “And you could all talk with me instead of around me,” Tawny snaps.

  We all scuff our boots on the floor.

  Serena glances at Tawny, clearly confused. “Is there a reason your coming is worse than Waverly being here? This all seems a little extreme and everyone seems to know why except me.”

  Tawny seems to remember herself then. “They just don't think I can protect myself properly.” Her voice lowers. “And…” She eyes Zade.

  “And she's my previous fiancée,” he admits.

  “Oh.” Serena's face goes calm. Too calm. “Well then, can I get you something to drink and eat? You didn't eat much earlier.”

  “That would be lovely, thank you.” Tawny's training has probably never been tried so thoroughly.

  Zade mumbles some claim about needing to check on the guards, and Chadwick hurries out after him. Neither Serena nor Tawny respond but avoid eye contact as the men walk outside. What a
fine place to leave us in. And I don't know which of us has it worse. Tawny intruding on Zade's new love, Serena just meeting his old fiancée, or me for being the biggest dunce for bringing them all together.

  Chapter Seven

  The day doesn't get any more comfortable after that, but at least everyone pretends it is. When I get Serena alone and ask her about it, she claims it's fine. She still has trouble opening up to others, even if we've known each other over a year now. Tawny won't say anything either, but at least she doesn't pretend there's not a problem, just that she doesn't wish to discuss it.

  I toss and turn all night, unable to sleep for thoughts of our situation. I don’t just worry about bringing Tawny here but also Chadwick saying our presence will make it worse for Serena. Which also means worse for Tawny. Even though it's dangerous here, I need to keep her in a place that's safe, if such a thing is possible in a place like Chardonia. At the same time, not clue her into the fact I'm keeping her safe because she'd be livid to know she can help, but I'm not letting her.

  I find Serena in the barn brushing Goldie. She pats the horse down, speaking in a soothing voice. Does it do more good for her or the horse? It's difficult to say.

  “Morning,” I greet her.

  “I thought you'd be making breakfast.”

  “Who, me?” I tease. “It's good that Zade was able to sneak Goldie away before Stephen got a hold of her.” Her dad is the biggest jerk of them all.

  She nods, though her expression remains passive. “I just wish I could ride her more. But it's too dangerous for me to go gallivanting out in the open.”

  “That must be hard.” When she doesn't say anything, I decide I just need to come out with it. “There's something we need to discuss.”

  She starts flicking the brush rougher. “I already told you I don't wish to speak about it.”

  “Not about yesterday, about something else,” I say. “Tawny and I have been talking.”

  At the mention of Tawny, Serena goes oddly still. Despite saying she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't stop me.

  “We think we should find work in another household.” The explanation doesn't have to do with her being in more danger because of our presence, but it has to be the right choice. She'd likely insist her safety isn't jeopardized by me even if it is. “Tawny wants to see more of Chardonia, and I think I'd like to go with her. Maybe somewhere where they aren't as antagonistic toward us Envadi, but where we can still do some good.”