Mine to Fear

by Janeal Falor

  “But they aren't being hunted as much as some of the people here. Turning us in could be seen as a way to make things more lenient for them.”

  “But they won't because they hate the new laws and won't want to go back to that.”

  “Yet it's the only life they know. Recognizing their fight against it is useless and invertible.”

  “That's enough.” Both of them look at me as if they forgot I was there. I wonder how long they were arguing over this on the way back. “Look, I know this isn't easy, for any of us, but I think we should consider it.”

  Chadwick looks triumphant, Jack murderous.

  “I think we should ask the others what they think,” I continue. “It's their safety in question after all.”

  “You know they're all going to invite them in despite the dangers.” Jack huffs.

  “Most likely.” Except maybe Pernilla. Despite being numb, she's been over protective, like she's worried that at any moment Stephen will find her and the baby. “But it is their choice to make.”

  “And I have no say.”

  “I think you do, just not the only say. You should tell them your concerns because they are very real and valid.”

  He gives me a look. “I didn't think you'd agree with a warlock like me.”

  I take a step toward him. “I agree with the truth, which is what you're offering.”

  “Which is what I've been trying to say,” Chadwick says.

  I step back. Jack practically growls at Chadwick.

  “It would probably help your case, though, if you were a bit calmer and rational.” Or a lot. “Trust me, my brother loses his temper a lot and it never goes well for his cause. It has taught me to try to do just the opposite.”

  Jack gives me a wry sort of smile that sends my feet another step closer to him.

  “You do seem like the type of girl to go against whatever someone is angry about just to be contrary,” he says.

  “At least where the safety of the people I care about is concerned.”

  He goes somber. “I'm sorry the Grand Chancellor has affected your life this way.”

  I stare down at the rocks speckling the dirt. “Me, too.” I look back up at him. “You do know though, that even if you’re calmly talking to them about the risks, they'll probably still want to help those people?”

  He shrugs. “It's obvious some people do what they can to help others despite the risks to themselves.”

  “Maybe the warning will at least help them to be more cautious while they are helping.”

  “I hope it's enough.”

  “I do as well.” Both him and Chadwick turn to go back into the house. More chores to do, no doubt. There's plenty of them to go around with the amount of people that are here.

  “Wait a moment, Jack. Can I speak to you?” When he stops, so does Chadwick. “Alone.”

  Chadwick shoots Jack a dirty look. “I'll still be close enough you can yell for me if you need to.”

  I roll my eyes. “You two really need to sort your differences.”

  “Like that will happen,” Chadwick mumbles, but he heads in anyway.

  Once he's out of sight, Jack says, “Is there something you needed from me?”

  This feels more personal than I should probably get with him, but someone has to look out for him, even if he's a Chardonian warlock. “What you said before, about the others being willing to possibly change things, did you mean that more for them, or for you?”

  He squeezes his eyes shut tight. “Just the fact that I'm having this conversation with you should prove I'm willing to consider things changing.”

  Just consider? It's a step in the right direction at least, and he hasn't told me to lower my head in quite some time. Though he left off in a way that seems like he has more to say. “But…”

  “But I'm afraid how I was raised won't change who I am, even if I get a chance to see things differently.”

  He doesn't give me a chance to think of a response. He hurries back toward the house quicker than he's moved before.

  Does that mean he's more a risk to us than even those people who may join us? He doesn't seem to be a threat, not like I thought he was, just lost. What can I do to help him see the way? To see these new thoughts and ideas are good things, not bad? If I can figure it out with him, maybe I can figure it out with others. Maybe Chardonian warlocks are not such a lost cause after all.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chadwick and I were right. The others do want to help this group trying to avoid the law like us. But they also seem to take Jack's warning seriously. Pernilla is the exception, agreeing entirely with Jack, but with everyone else wanting to help, that's what we're going to do.

  We make quick arrangements of how we're going to fit all five them in the house and feed them, for the short term at least. Tawny is the best at arranging things. I suppose living in a castle where there are constant visitors would make her good at that, though here there's not nearly enough room.

  While she finishes up, I meander to Jack and Chadwick, who are preparing to go back to the group of people and invite them to come here. I sure hope this is what we should be doing.

  “Let me come with,” I suggest.

  “I don't think that's such a good idea,” Chadwick says.

  I glare at him.

  “You can come if you'd like.” Jack's response is so calm and reasonable, I have to wonder if my talk earlier about how you say things made an impact. “But you are clearly an Envadi, and while that's not as bad of a thing as I used to believe, people still fear you.”

  Not as bad? “Gee, thanks.”

  “He's probably right,” Serena says, joining the conversation. “You know how much I love and respect you, but Envadi used to terrify me. Perhaps I should go instead.”

  “Zade wouldn't like you risking yourself,” Chadwick says.

  “Let her go,” Jack replies. Maybe the two of them just like to do whatever they can to contradict one another. “People do respect her.”

  “Chadwick is an Envadi too,” I throw out there.

  “I'll stay out of sight,” he counters.

  Men.

  “But I really should go,” Serena says. “I think they need me to.”

  She looks more nervous than I have ever seen her before. “You'll be fine,” I tell her. “Chadwick and Jack will take good care of you.”

  She eyes them before pulling me outside where they can't hear us. “That's not what I fear. Of course I don't want anything to happen to me, but if it does, then it does.”

  “Then what has you so out of sorts?”

  “There are people looking up to me. I haven't done anything to make people look up to me. It all just happened.”

  I place my hand on her arm. “I know, but you're better at this than you think. You've been doing more to lead your sisters than anyone else. Just think of these people as being like your sisters.”

  She gives me a nod but is pale.

  “And if anyone gives you guff,” I say, “we can soften them up with a cup of warm milk.”

  Finally she gives me a smile. “Torture them more like.”

  “Hey, there's not a thing wrong with warm milk.” But I'm glad to see her more like herself.

  We both somber back up as I think about the task ahead of her.

  “Keep my siblings safe for me,” Serena whispers to me.

  That's a good reason for me to stay behind. Again. Even though we have a couple of guards, there are a lot of children here. Bethany could use the help. “I will if you promise to keep yourself safe.”

  “Agreed.”

  “Don't put yourself in any trouble while we're gone,” Jack says as he comes out the front door.

  “Or go looking for it,” Chadwick adds, following right behind him.

  “Go on you three.”

  As soon as they leave, things are anxious. At least the girls and Ben keep me busy. It's wonderful to reintroduce them to life and how it should be. I only wish they didn't need the rein
troduction.

  We laugh and play, choosing first a game of tag. Then I teach them a game where one person hides, and the others have to go find that person, joining them in the hiding spot until everyone has found them. Trying to squish into a cupboard with the tiniest girls always results in too much giggling to stay hidden long.

  I keep Abigail with me while Bethany keeps little Ben. It makes hiding all the harder when one of them starts to yell. At least it keeps our mind off of things until the girls grow bored of the game. Then it's back to trying to keep everyone happy.

  Many hours later, which feel like days, they finally return, a group of strangers with them. Both male and female, though more women than anything else. Most look tattered and rough like they've really been through something. Though their faces are lined with the stress of their situation, they also lighten as they see the house. Until they spot me. Instantly, their guard is up, and none of them say anything.

  “Nelly,” Annabelle says, going straight to a girl who came in with the group. “How did you come to be here?”

  The girl gives me the eye like she doesn't want to say anything while I'm present. “Father said the Grand Chancellor has gone too far, and some of his guards attacked the house. Father and Mother were captured, but I made it out.”

  “Oh, you dear girl. Let's get you settled somewhere comfortable.”

  Nelly glares at me again like she could never be comfortable while I'm around, barbarian that I am. I don't want to go. I've earned being here as much as the rest of them. But what's the point? I give up and leave the house, Chadwick trailing after me.

  “After all we try to do,” I say.

  ***

  The next day, while I'm continuing to avoid the newcomers as much as possible, Cynthia returns. They fawn over her like she's a queen, much like I've seen people do to Tawny. To these people, I suppose Cynthia might as well be one. Annabelle's friend must have met her before because Cynthia seems to recognize her and spends extra time talking to her. It takes a while, but eventually, she moves away from the crowd and comes with me outside.

  “What news?” I burst out. “Do you know where Zade is?”

  “We think he's in the Grand Chancellor's house somewhere. Probably the dungeon.”

  “The Grand Chancellor has a dungeon? Of course he does. Any news on his condition?”

  “None. We just know that both him and Councilman Daniel are there.”

  I slouch. “At least we know.”

  She is silent as I try to take it all in. This isn't how things were supposed to be at all. I was going to come here and give Chadwick his message and then, together with Zade, the three of us were going to turn things around. Make Chardonians see how terrible the Grand Chancellor and his ideals are. Make them see how wrong it is to treat women the way they do. Instead, we're in hiding, and Zade is in some horrid dungeon.

  The weight on me is heavy. Oh so heavy. “How are we going to break in there?”

  “We'll figure something out,” she says. “There's one other thing.”

  “What is it?”

  She glances back at the house. “The Grand Chancellor has stopped all trade with other countries.”

  “What?” Exactly the opposite of what many of the other countries helping us want to happen. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by it, though, since he's cared less and less what other countries think of him.

  “I'm afraid that's not the worst of it.” She pinches her fingers together at her sides.

  “Just tell me. I can take it.”

  “He's using the magic from not just tarnished, but servants and lower class women, as a source of electricity.”

  I think I'm going to be sick. “How could he do that? Why would he do that?”

  “I don't know. I just don't know.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Over the next few days, more people continue to trickle in. People who need a place to stay or are outcasts now like us. We take them in and give them a place to stay and chores to do. It takes a lot of work to keep this many people fed and happy. Luckily, the house is stocked for such an event with canned food, but I don't know how long it can last with so many of us eating it.

  Only one person comes that I was never expecting. I stare at Phyllis, the girl who betrayed Serena in the hopes of not becoming tarnished herself. Sure, Serena forgave her, and Zade kept her working at his house to keep an eye on her. That doesn't mean I trust her now.

  “How did you come to be here?” I ask her.

  “There was a group of people I joined. Chadwick came to them with Jack, and I recognized him. I thought this would be a safe place for me.” Her eyes are wide like she's scared.

  “It will be safe.” I move closer to her, for once using my height to intimidate someone. “But that's only if you follow the rules and stay true to us.”

  “I will,” she says. “I swear it.”

  I let her go with the others, finding places for them all over the cave to settle. At least everyone is willing to pitch in and help. But that doesn't solve the other problem.

  “There's too many people here. We're going to get caught,” I say.

  Jack has a 'no one listened to me' look on his face.

  “We can't very well turn them away,” Serena says.

  “I'm not suggesting that at all. Only, we can't risk everyone's lives even more by continually bringing in people we don't have the means of supporting. Unless we start taking them to other countries, I don't see what other options we have.”

  “Do you think they'll go?” Lukas asks.

  “We can ask at least,” I say.

  Jack looks like he wants to say something, but it takes him a moment to finally speak. “There's another option.”

  “Turn them away, we know,” Chadwick says. “We've been over this.”

  Jack grumbles. “I meant something else.”

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “There's this place. It's a little ways away from here, closer to Councilman Daniel's house, or his previous house now. There's a hidden cave, but it's giant and has fresh water. We would still need to figure a way to get food for them. And it would probably still be a good idea to take those out of the country that can and want to go. But the cave would be better than this at least.”

  No one speaks as we all absorb the new information. If this had been when we first met, I would have suspected him of trying to get us captured. But Annabelle's old house probably isn't being carefully watched like it was before. There'd be enough room to slowly sneak people there, I think. Besides, if these people want to stay in Chardonia, none of our safe houses are big enough. We have to give this a try.

  “That could work,” I say.

  “It just could,” Chadwick reluctantly agrees.

  “Would you take me there?” I ask Jack. “We can look over options and make certain it's ready. And that it hasn't been found by the Grand Chancellor's men.”

  “Of course.”

  “No point in waiting. Let's go.”

  While we are gone, the others plan to talk to everyone about staying in Chardonia or leaving to another country. Whether or not this cave will work, changes have to be made, and soon. At the rate we're going, we'll be found by the Grand Chancellor's people very easily.

  We walk through the forest for quite a while. I'm on edge the entire time, worrying about if someone else is out here. If we'll get caught. But we make it without a problem.

  The cave is close to the lake by Annabelle's house. The house itself isn't visible, which is fortunate for us. The entry to the cave is covered by a bush, but once inside, it's a huge network of caves, big ones and small ones.

  “I think this should work. I only worry that we're going to be too close to a house that has been taken over by those against us,” I say.

  “We will need to be careful about that, but they won't be expecting us to be here either,” he says.

  Like what I was thinking of before. “Thank you for showing this to me, Jack.”
/>   “It was nothing.”

  “No, I mean it. You didn't have to do any of this. I know you've been reluctant about everything we've done, but I want you to know I’m very grateful for all you're doing to try and help us.”

  “You're welcome.” The tone of his voice makes me think more progress is happening than I thought.

  ***

  Over the next week, we move everyone to the cave. I make certain Serena's family has a little cavern with lots of space so they have plenty of room to roam about, though Ben's cries can be heard just about anywhere in the system of caves.

  I also help with some newcomers, one of which is a Chardonian man who's been helping us since before I joined the group aiding Chardonians. Theodore, a man with a bushy beard, brings not only a few people with him but some desperately needed food.

  At this point, I'm starting to wonder how many people are going to be left in the country to do the Grand Chancellor's work. I try not to think on him too much, though. It makes me livid.

  The people flock to Cynthia and Serena. While they may be famous, Tawny and I are to be avoided like condemned warlocks even though we're anything but. Each encounter is worse than the last. Still, I try. How else will they know I mean them well if I don't keep trying? This particular morning is a tedious one.

  One woman is struggling to get all her things in the cave along with her seven children.

  I hurry over to her. “Here, let me help.”

  As I near her youngest daughter, perhaps five years of age, she screams, a blood curdling sound that chills my very bones, and throws herself on the ground away from me.

  “What did you do to her?” the mother shrieks at me. “Get away.”

  Nelly rushes over, picking the young girl up and whispering in her ear.

  Heat flames my cheeks, wishing I wasn't so tall and distinguishable as an Envadi. “I was just trying to help.”

  “You can help by disappearing,” the mother yells.

  Very well, then. I hurry outside. What was I thinking, trying to help a people that still thinks I'm a barbarian? Why can't they see that it's the Grand Chancellor that's the barbarian? That all I'm trying to do is help?