Mine to Fear

by Janeal Falor

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  As encouraging as teaching the women and girls to fight is, there are other things to worry about. Things not nearly as enjoyable. Despite what food we gathered from Ryan's, we desperately need more, but the amount of warlocks we have with us is being heavily outweighed by women. We need warlocks to go out with women so they don't get in trouble with the law officers. Though there's no promises that that will help. Most of the warlocks who have come to us have been placed back into society where they can do more to help us from the outside. That's the hope anyway.

  With such a limited number of warlocks though, and with such a great need, we decide to have one warlock with two women go search for food. I'm placed in a group with a guard I'm unfamiliar with and Nelly. The entire walk to town, she stays as far from me as possible, despite our strides forward yesterday.

  How am I ever going to get these people to trust me? It's frustrating being here to help and being treated like I'm the enemy. It eats at me, gnawing at my concentration.

  Suddenly, there's a law officer in front of us. Dandy.

  “What are you doing here?” he demands.

  “Just going for a walk,” our guard answers.

  Not a good enough excuse at all. Not for the first time, I wish I could do more in this country.

  The law officer circles us both, stopping in front of me. “Going for a walk, huh? With what appears to be an Envadi scum.”

  I tense, my muscles bunching, though ready to run or fight, I'm not sure yet.

  He grips my chin and forces my face down to his. “Are you an Envadi scum? Or just a freak who looks like one?”

  I don't answer that. What good answer is there? Instead, I twitch my hand toward him, ready to zap him with a hex should it prove necessary.

  He lets me go and moves to Nelly. “And what are you? A freakishly short Envadi?”

  “Leave them alone,” the guard says.

  “Are you going to make me, Envadi lover?”

  Our guard's hands are clenched into fists, but he doesn't prod the law officer further.

  The law officer chuckles. “That's what I thought. Now, let's take you in. Walk toward town, and don't try anything funny. I'll be following you.”

  We can't go to the law office. If we do, the only reason we'll come out again is to be tarnished or buried. Our guard looks over at me. I nod my head to the law officer. Suddenly the guard whirls on the law officer, flashing him with a yellow hex.

  The law officer screams with rage, zapping a midnight-blue spell at our guard. The guard falls to the ground. The law officer puts his hand up toward Nelly.

  I race toward the warlock, throwing a fireball of anger straight for him. He must sense it coming because at the last moment, he throws an icy-blue shield up protecting him for the blast.

  Nelly screams. Great way to call more attention to our situation.

  “Run and get help,” I yell at her.

  The warlock blasts an orange spell at her, but I block it. He glares at her like he wants to capture her, but he knows I'm the bigger threat. One of the leaders who have led so many people to hide from their vicious ways. A barbarian at that. He zaps a cutting spell at me, slicing into my stomach.

  I fling a fuchsia spell at him that sprays him with sparkles. Gee, why don't I just decorate him to death? He sends a black-tinged blue spell my way. It looks deadly in its shine. I throw a bright purple wall up. The blue spell smashes into it, followed by two more of the same thing. My shield spell weakens, draining my power.

  Help had better arrive soon. I don't know how long I can hold him off. An orange hex bashes into me, searing my left arm and chest. I groan in pain even as I fling back a sliver cutting spell. He blocks it with a wall of green, but lets his guard down too fast. I zap a sleep spell at him in a soft blue that's deceiving in its quickness.

  It slams into him, but not before he has the chance to throw out one last spell. I try to bring up a shield spell, but too late. The gray tinged aqua spell pounds into my already searing chest. I drop to the ground, light-headed.

  I can't pass out now. I force myself to crawl. Each move agonizing as I near the law officer. When I finally get there, it's all I can do to see he's knocked out. I fall to the ground.

  Faint voices call my name. Someone puts their hand on my shoulder while probing my wound. I open my eyes, but I can't make sense of the scene. Jack is above me, but his eyes are withered with worry.

  “Hold on. Help is coming,” he says. “Just hold on.”

  “Is she safe?”

  My words are faint, even to my own ears, but he replies, “She's safe and well. You'll be well soon, too. Please hold on.”

  My eyelids flutter closed. His slightly scratchy cheek rubs against mine as he whispers in my ear, but the words no longer have meaning. The nearness of him is calming. Relaxing. The world goes dark.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Something smells familiar. Warm and comforting. But also kind of aggravating. Like I need to defend myself from a fight. From hostility. The mixture of feelings is so confusing. And I hurt. My stomach like it met brutal punishment. I must groan or make a noise because a male voice says, “You're fine now, I've got you.”

  Instead of feeling fine, I feel riled up. I just can't remember or think of why. What happened?

  Finally, I force my eyes open. Jack is cradling me on his lap. I jolt up. Or try to anyway, but I collapse back down with a grown as my head pounds and chest aches. “Ow.”

  “Don't get up yet. You're still not fully recovered.”

  As the memory of the fight, the memory of almost losing Nelly returns, I groan again. She may not like me, but I don't want to see her hurt. Of course, now I'm the one in pain. Those girls need to get better at casting spells.

  He brushes his finger across my head. “Take it easy.”

  “What happened after I blacked out?”

  “We brought you here. Cynthia will return soon to assess how you’re progressing.”

  “That doesn't explain why you're holding me.”

  He looks away and surprises me by, instead of letting go, tightening his grip. “I was worried about you.”

  “You were worried about me?” My pounding head makes it harder for the words to make sense. “In what world does that make any sense?”

  “It doesn't.”

  “At least we can be in agreement about something.” Even if it doesn't make sense, there's still something there. Something more than just pain. The way he's touching me, holding me close yet softly like he doesn't want to make my injuries worse. Something about it is undeniably right.

  Cynthia clears her throat. “May I look at your injury?”

  I realize Jack and I have been gazing at each other. I blush and look at her. “Go ahead. Is it serious?”

  “No. I would have fully finished healing it already, but I don't have the full skill to know how.”

  The spells she uses is soothing, cooling the irritated burn on my stomach.

  Once she's finished healing me, she asks, “There are some people who would like to talk to you. Can I let them in, or would you like some more time to recover?”

  “No. I'm fine now.”

  Her eyes flicker to Jack, and I realize I'm still lying across his lap and in his arms. I try to sit up, but my stomach is still sore. He gently lifts me, though I'm uncertain how he manages without hurting me more, and places me on the bed.

  “May I be of service in some way?” he asks.

  Lands. This is really different. “Um…no, thank you. I'm well.”

  “I'll leave you for your visitors, then.” And with that, he leaves the room.

  Cynthia hurries over to me, adjusting the blankets around me. “What was that?”

  “I was hoping you'd have some idea. Was he with me the entire time?”

  She nods. “He was the one that brought you in. Refused to leave your side even while I healed you.”

  “I knew we'd been less hostile toward each other lately,
but this…” This is something more than I ever expected. Something nicer than expected.

  Cynthia's tucking abruptly stops, and she sits on the bed next to me. “You like him.”

  “I think I do.” And what dreadful timing for it. We're in a civil war.

  There's the scrapping of someone walking toward our room.

  “Several people have been anxious to see you. Must be one of them, but I can send them away if you're not ready?”

  “No, it's fine.”

  She nods, glances over me once to make sure I'm comfortable, and motions for the person to come in. Chadwick steps in.

  Chadwick. Jack. Zade. The men in my life are becoming all too complicated.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chadwick, fortunately, doesn't stay long, only long enough to determine that I really am as well as Cynthia said I was. The entire time, I'm remembering how it felt to be held by Jack and trying not to feel guilty because of it. Chadwick knows there's nothing between us. But I know he still hopes that will change. That the path everyone in Envado thinks we are going to take is the one we are actually going to go down, to become engaged. I used to think it could be, but now?

  After Chadwick's hurried departure, the next to come visit me leaves me feeling as if I got zapped by another cutting spell. Why can't I soften the guilt I have surrounding me?

  There's another sound of someone walking to the small cavern. Cynthia rounds the corner, speaking softly. “What do you want?”

  The reply is too quiet to hear.

  “You will be nice or you will be forced to leave. She's healing.” She moves out of the way to reveal Nelly.

  I may have saved her life, and wanted to do so, but I'm not sure I want to see her right now when I'm already in pain. It hurts enough physically. I don't need to hurt emotionally as well.

  Nelly takes the chair Cynthia had been sitting in while she leans against the wall, her presence somehow soothing while I don't know what's to come. How is one supposed to feel after saving someone's life?

  A more awkward silence than I've ever been a part of follows. What's the point of all this? To torture me more with her presence? Or is there something more?

  When I can't take it anymore, I say, “Is there something you needed?” So it came out a little harsher than I meant. I did just have my stomach ripped open.

  “I…” She seems to steel herself, for what I can't be sure. Not after the way she's treated me, even if I did just help her. “I wanted to say thank you for saving my life.”

  Another silence follows as I try to digest what she said. What she means. Before I can form a reply, she continues.

  “And that I'm sorry. For everything. The way I've treated you, especially. You haven't deserved any of it. All my life I've been looked down upon because I'm a woman, and I despised it. Yet I've looked down on you just because you're an Envadi.”

  “It does seem a little backward,” I say, not knowing how else to respond. A thank you I might have guessed at, but an outright apology? The incident must have scared her worse than I first thought.

  “So maybe we can be friends now?”

  This just keeps getting a weirder. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “I really like how you spell your nails. Do you think you could teach me how to do that?”

  I grin at her. “Now we're talking.”

  We spend another ten minutes talking about different spells and things I can teach her and the things we have in common. It's more than I expected, but it helps that she has always hated being suppressed. She seems to want freedom any way she can get it. By the time she leaves, I feel like I finally may have found a way to connect with another Chardonian woman.

  ***

  Nelly wasn't the only woman whose opinion of me changed. All week visitors come, some saying nothing, others talking on and on about life in the cave. But a few actually apologize to me for being so rude. I've never heard anything like it in all my life. Who knew all it would take to get people to respect me and be kind was to almost die?

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Thanks to magic and time, I heal almost fully in the matter of a few days. I'm still sore, my stomach aching whenever I move, but I've never let a little thing like that stop me. Especially not when things are dire enough that someone almost died.

  I gather the core group of leaders together, determined to set things in the right direction. If we don't do so now, we'll wax strong in misery and defeat. I look them all over: Jack, Tawny, Serena, Cynthia, Bethany, Theodore, Annabelle, and Chadwick. It's quite a group we've got going, but is it enough for what I think we should do next?

  “This is not good,” I say. “We can't have them bringing the fight to us and then barely surviving.”

  “I'm not sure they are strong enough to take the fight to the Grand Chancellor yet,” Cynthia says.

  “Are they ever going to be?”

  “Eventually.”

  “Zade doesn't have time for eventually,” Serena shouts.

  We all look at her. Raising her voice is so rare. The pain of having Zade gone is finally getting to her.

  “Sorry,” she says.

  I give her a hug. “There's no reason to be sorry. I agree with you completely. We can't continue to do nothing.”

  “If we're not strong enough to attack the Grand Chancellor, but we can't wait, what are we possibly going to do?” Theodore asks.

  “What do you suggest?” Jack says to me.

  “While we wait for the others to get stronger and learn more, it's up to us to stop the Grand Chancellor and his men from making any more progress. It's time to take the war to them. Bethany brought news that could help.” I turn to her.

  “Nathaniel has discovered a power plant that's not well guarded. It's far from any town so they don't think anyone knows about it or would bother to try something with it.”

  “That's the one we need to hit, then,” Cynthia says.

  But Bethany doesn’t look so sure.

  “What's the problem?” I ask her.

  “Just the location,” Bethany says. “It's one of the few areas in Chardonia that's not forested and it's flat.”

  Lovely.

  “We attack at night then,” Cynthia says, her enthusiasm never waning.

  If I was as powerful as she is and accomplished such feats, I'd be just as enthusiastic. Though, in my defense, I did help at Ryan's and to save Nelly. I can do this too, no matter how fearful it makes me.

  “With a bigger team than last time,” I say. “Not too many, but some we can trust.”

  “What happens if we all go and the worst happens?” Tawny says.

  “Some of us should stay behind,” Chadwick says, giving her a pointed look.

  “Definitely,” I say. “Tawny would be a good choice. And Annabelle, if that's all right?” I can't have something happen to her and have her husband lose her before we save him. Serena should stay behind as well, but knowing her stubbornness, I'm not going to be the one to bring it up.

  “I'm fine with that. I think the people here are growing fond of me.”

  “I'll stay with her,” Theodore says.

  “Bethany?” I ask, unsure which side of this she wants to be on.

  Her lips pinch. “I want to go. I really do, but I think I should stay behind this time.”

  “Jack?”

  “I'm going, of course.”

  His response surprises me. I thought he'd want to stay behind and protect Annabelle. I'm glad he's going to be with us, though. “That's great. We will put a group together, then. We head out for the attack in a week.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Katherine's finally come! She's walking straight toward me with a male tarnished at her side. He looks to be just a year or two older than her, and his tattoos don't glow at all. Her tattoos glow deep red, the color they were when Zade was captured. She must not go anywhere public with the wrong color. The law officers would take her as soon as they saw her.

  I wrap her in a hug. “I've m
issed you so much. It's so good to finally see you.”

  “Even better to see you.”

  I release her. “Who is your friend? I don't believe we've been introduced.”

  “This is Charles. We are… that is to say, we were going to be married.”

  “Married! I didn't even know you were serious about anyone.” I shake Charles’s hand as he steps forward. “You had better take excellent care of her.”

  “Wouldn't dream of doing anything else.”

  Suddenly, I turn back to Katherine. “Wait, you said were. Why were?”

  She clenches her jaw before a neutral expression takes over. “There's too much going on right now. What with the rebellion, Zade being captured, and people being taken and killed. Not to mention there's no one who we could find to perform the ceremony.”

  “Oh, Katherine.” I wrap her in another hug. “I swear sometimes this is the stupidest place on the entire planet. I'm done with all these Chardonians getting in the way of important things, especially love.”

  She gives a half grin. “I knew you'd understand. Where's Serena? She's met Charles before but didn't really get a chance to know him. And then we can talk about how we can help with the rebellion you're taking part in.”

  “I'm so happy you're here!” I start toward the cave opening. “Serena's inside, probably with someone that has all sorts of concerns and wants her to fix them.”

  “She's changed since I first met her.”

  “You're telling me.”

  The view darkens as we enter the cave.

  “What's a tarnished doing here?” someone calls out.

  Lands. I finally get their trust in me, and we're going to have to go through it all again with Katherine. She'd better not have to almost die for someone to earn her trust. “She's here to help.”