The Child's Secret

by Amanda Brooke

  Selina’s face was set in a grimace. ‘At which point, I suppose, you’ll start all over again.’

  ‘Will I?’ he asked, squaring up to her.

  Her eyes narrowed. ‘Will you?’

  It was a question she had posed almost daily and as always, she never asked him outright if he was going to leave her, but rather forced from him his plans for the future. His answer was, as always, evasive. ‘If you include all the grass I’ve cut at work, I’ve probably mown an area equivalent to the size of a small country. I don’t want to think about starting all over again just yet.’

  ‘A small country,’ she mused. ‘About the size of Scotland would you say?’

  Sam wound the power cord in tight circles around his lower arm as he replied. ‘Too many mountains.’

  ‘Where then?’ Selina asked.

  At that moment, they both heard the distant chime of the front doorbell. When Jasper barked, Selina was so tense it gave her a start, but she didn’t follow him when he rushed into the house.

  ‘Aren’t you going to get that?’ said Sam.

  ‘It’ll be for you.’

  Realizing Selina was in no mood to be argued with, Sam handed over the coiled lead and set off into the house. He was getting tired of his landlady’s constant needling. If she wanted him to stay, then nagging him wasn’t going to work. He needed his mind and his emotions to settle and he wasn’t there yet, he wasn’t even close.

  It was still a tempting thought, moving away and starting over. He would continue to worry about Jasmine and Laura but at least he didn’t have to face the possibility of opening the front door and coming face to face with one of them, which was exactly what happened next.

  ‘Hello, Sam,’ Laura said, while Sam remained frozen in shock. ‘Didn’t Selina tell you I was coming over to see you?’

  Of course she hadn’t. If he had known in advance then he might have taken flight a little sooner and Selina had known it. ‘No, she didn’t,’ he said. ‘How are you?’

  Laura managed to smile. ‘I’m fine. It hurts when I laugh, but that’s not very likely these days.’

  Sam started wiping his hands on the rag he was still holding. He refused to look at her; he was trying not to let her back into his heart. ‘Good,’ he managed to say.

  Laura’s shoulders sagged and whatever courage had brought her to his doorstep was failing fast. ‘You look busy, maybe I should go,’ she said.

  ‘No,’ Sam said. ‘Please, come in.’

  He stepped to one side and a moment later they stood facing each other in the hallway where he had no choice but to soak in every detail of her. Even draped in shadows, Laura was beautiful. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment but there was a subtle touch of make-up too.

  ‘Hello, Laura,’ Selina said as she scurried down the hall towards them.

  Sam assumed she was about to tell him her plan but instead she gave Laura a kiss on the cheek and said simply, ‘I’ll leave you both to it.’ She winked at Laura, gave Sam a meaningful look, and then disappeared into her own flat.

  With no other choice, Sam led Laura upstairs and motioned her to an armchair while he remained standing, holding onto the back of the other chair as if it were a shield from the emotions Laura evoked.

  ‘Selina came to see me,’ she said which was something Sam already knew. ‘She told me you might be leaving soon.’ This was something Sam hadn’t known but as Laura glanced towards his bookshelves that were all but empty after a recent clear out, it was something he couldn’t completely deny.

  ‘I haven’t decided yet.’

  Laura looked as if she were consumed by her own indecision and played nervously with the hem of the lace blouse she was wearing.

  ‘What is it, Laura? Why are you here?’

  ‘I wanted to say thank you. For trying to help us.’

  Sam focused on one word. ‘Trying,’ he repeated. ‘That doesn’t sound promising.’

  ‘You found Finn a job and you brought some light into our lives for a while – that meant a lot to me and to Jasmine too.’

  ‘And now?’

  Laura leant forward, wincing a little as her injured ribs objected to the movement. With her elbows resting on her knees, she played with her wedding band. ‘It’s never been this bad and what happened the other week has made me take a good long look at myself. I’m so ashamed, and I’m still trying to work out how I got here. You must look at me and think I’m so pathetic – beyond hope, beyond help,’ she said.

  ‘That’s not what I see.’

  Sam dared himself to hold her gaze even though his cheeks had begun to warm beneath his thick bristles.

  ‘It’s not what your landlady sees either,’ she said. ‘Perhaps it’s just me who needs convincing.’

  ‘Why do you put up with him, Laura? Why do you not see that you deserve so much better?’

  She looked down at her fidgeting fingers, inhaled deeply and then tried to explain herself as best she could. ‘I was in my mid-twenties when I started working at the builders’ merchants and, as you can imagine, any woman in a place like that attracts a lot of attention. Despite appearances, I could handle myself. I wouldn’t let them wind me up, Finn included. I refused to fall for his charm, or at least I refused to let on that I had, so he changed tactics. Instead of the constant innuendos and suggestive comments, he told off the other lads who were still trying to embarrass me.’ She smiled at the memory, then shrugged. ‘It worked, obviously, and we were happy for a while. I didn’t mind that he continued to be the charmer with other women because he was my charming man.’

  She stopped playing with her wedding ring and rubbed her forehead but her frown couldn’t be smoothed away. ‘Finn was always a heavy drinker but he knew his limits. He knew how much he could get away with and still turn up for work the next day relatively sober, or at least he thought he did. When Jasmine came along, he struggled to adapt. I think the baby was a puzzle to him that he couldn’t solve. He could chat up women, carouse with the blokes, but kids? He simply couldn’t relate to a baby and I’m not sure he ever bonded with her.’

  Sam dug his fingers deeper into the upholstery of the chair. He had wanted to forget about the Petersons. They weren’t his problem to fix, Finn had made that perfectly clear and so had Laura.

  ‘I don’t suppose Finn is the first man who didn’t take naturally to fatherhood,’ she continued and then for Sam’s sake, added, ‘I’m sure it wasn’t plain sailing for you, either.’

  ‘Me? You’re comparing Finn to me?’ Sam shook his head and could feel the colour in his cheeks intensifying.

  ‘No, I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what kind of father you are to your daughter and I’m not excusing Finn by any stretch of the imagination.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Laura, I don’t know why you’re telling me all of this, really I don’t.’

  Laura looked mortified. ‘You’re right. I don’t know either. I should go.’ When she tried to move, she gasped out loud and put a hand against her side, the pain making her eyes water.

  ‘Wait,’ Sam said and then pursed his lips until he could summon up the right words. ‘I care about you and Jasmine. I care about what happens to you, Laura – it’s just that I don’t understand Finn. I don’t understand how he can treat you the way he does.’

  Laura appeared as reluctant to justify her husband’s behaviour as Sam was to hear it, but she tried anyway. ‘Finn found himself in a role he was never meant to take up, not as a father and maybe not even as a husband. If I’m honest, it’s why we never had any more kids. He tried his best, he still does try, but every once in a while it gets too much for him.’

  ‘And what does he do when it gets too much?’

  ‘He goes off the rails,’ she confessed, ‘but eventually he rights himself.’

  ‘So is that why you’re here? To tell me life gets a bit too much for Finn and that’s why he abuses his wife and terrifies his daughter in the process? I suppose you’re going to tell me everything is fine now and not
to worry?’

  Laura covered her face with her hands. ‘I know that’s not true, not any more. When Finn’s in one of his moods, he can spend the whole day God knows where, and when he eventually staggers home, it’s me who faces the inquisition about where I’ve been and who I’ve been seeing. He’ll go on and on at me, grabbing my arms so I have to give him the attention he thinks he deserves.’ She took her hands from her face only to place one across her throat. ‘It doesn’t matter what I’ve done or not done, he’ll find any excuse to vent his anger. It’s an awful cycle that’s been spinning faster and faster out of control.’

  ‘So should you be here right now?’

  ‘He has a new distraction, I think,’ she said with a bitter laugh. ‘He’s had affairs before and I know the signs. He’s being nice to me.’

  ‘And you’re going to accept that?’ Sam asked, only just stopping himself from wondering out loud if Finn was seeing Anna. Her behaviour was no longer any of his business and he hoped that, one day, Finn’s would be nothing to Laura either.

  ‘Is it bad that I’m actually relieved?’ Laura asked. ‘I keep thinking that maybe he’ll leave and, even if he doesn’t, if she makes him happy then we all see the benefit.’

  ‘And this is the kind of life you’ve settled for? This is good enough for you and Jasmine, is it?’

  When she lifted her head, the colour drained from Laura’s cheeks. ‘I want to leave him, really I do but it’s not that easy. Selina tried to convince me, but I’m not her. She might have had the courage to leave, but I didn’t.’

  ‘Selina didn’t leave her husband.’

  ‘But I thought … She said she had a lucky escape.’

  ‘Only if you can call a car crash that kills your husband and your unborn child lucky.’ Realizing that Laura was even less likely to stand up to her husband now that she knew Selina had been unable to do it either, Sam added, ‘What do you want from me, Laura?’

  ‘I want you to stay, Sam,’ she said. ‘I know it’s unfair of me to ask, but just knowing that you’re here, I don’t know, watching our backs, makes things bearable.’

  Sam was shaking his head. ‘I’m sorry, but, if anything, you’ve just given me all the more reason to go, Laura. You can’t expect me to stand back and wait for you to fall.’ He thought of all the cruel and vicious ways that Finn might harm his family both now and in the future. Even if Laura could endure the abuse, what would become of the little girl whose life had been blighted by insecurity and fear? What would the future hold for Jasmine? He couldn’t stand back and watch. It would destroy him long before Finn had dealt his last blow. ‘You think I’ll catch you but I’m not that strong. Really I’m not.’

  These were not the words Laura wanted to hear but Sam couldn’t stop now even if he tried. ‘You have two options, Laura. You can fool yourself into thinking that Finn will come to his senses, that he won’t get progressively worse and that he won’t hurt Jasmine in the same way he’s already hurting you, or you can cut your losses and run.’

  ‘I have nowhere to go. I could stay with my sister but she doesn’t have the space for us, or the patience, for that matter.’

  In the pause that followed, Sam was acutely aware of the four walls closing in around him, four walls and a roof that could be offered to a mother and her daughter. He could always move in with Selina for a while and sleep on her sofa; she’d be happy just to have him stay. But was that the offer Laura wanted him to make, or did she want more? The very thought terrified Sam, not because he didn’t care enough about Laura and Jasmine but because he cared too much. ‘I can’t …’

  Flustered with embarrassment, Laura didn’t let the pain in her side stop her this time when she stood up. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean – I wasn’t suggesting that we stay here.’

  ‘I can’t …’ he tried again.

  ‘It was wrong of me to come here. I shouldn’t be burdening you with our problems.’

  She headed for the door and left Sam holding onto the back of the armchair for dear life. ‘What will you do?’ he asked, his voice strangled with concern.

  ‘We’ll be fine, Sam,’ she said without looking back at him in case he saw the lie.

  Sam’s heart was hammering in his chest as he stood staring at the empty space Laura had left. Hadn’t he just told her how much he cared? How could he, if he was willing to turn his back on her, or to be more correct, allow her to run away from him? Self-preservation was all well and good, but at any cost? What if this was Laura’s only chance to get herself and Jasmine away from Finn?

  As Sam listened to Laura rush downstairs, he reminded himself of all the times he had wished he could go back in time and change even the smallest of decisions; the times he had taken hold of Ruby’s hand and the times he had let it go. Such a small decision that had had unimaginable consequences.

  The decision he was being presented with now was by no means small or the consequences unimaginable. He had already painted a picture of Jasmine’s future in his mind and if he continued on the course he was thinking about, he would be condemning her to that life of misery.

  Sam’s feet moved faster than his thoughts and he still had hold of the armchair as he lurched towards the open door. By the time it toppled over, he was already out of the room. Laura had reached the front door and she was fumbling with the catch when he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around.

  Tears were running down her cheeks in muddy lines of mascara. ‘Let go, Sam!’

  ‘Please, Laura, come back in. Let’s talk about this. If you want somewhere to stay you can stay here. You can’t live in fear all your life – and Jasmine can’t either. Let me help you. I want to help you.’

  ‘No, I can’t. There’s no knowing how Finn will react. You’re best keeping out of it, Sam.’

  ‘I’d say that’s all the more reason to accept his help,’ came a voice from behind Sam. Selina was standing at the far end of the hall. ‘I wish someone had made the same offer to me once upon a time. My life could have been so very different. Don’t make the same mistake I did.’

  ‘But I’ve left Jasmine with Natalie. I should get back.’

  ‘How about a nice cuppa first?’ Selina asked. ‘I bet Sam didn’t even offer you a drink.’

  Sam tried to keep his tone light. ‘I’m a little out of practice at playing hostess,’ he said.

  ‘All he needs is a bit of training,’ Selina said. She had crept up on Laura and slipped her arm around her waist. ‘So, what do you say?’

  Accepting a cup of tea is such an unremarkable decision to make, but sometimes they are the most dangerous …

  37

  Police station: Wednesday 7 October 2015

  When Harper returned to the interview room, his face was like thunder. ‘By rights I should charge you with obstruction.’

  Sam supposed it was an improvement on abduction, but at that precise moment, he couldn’t have cared less what he was charged with. ‘Have you found her?’

  ‘No, but we’ve found a note in the tree.’

  Harper had sat down with what was now a familiar manila file. It had grown thicker during the hour Sam had been left waiting for his accuser’s return, and he waited for Harper to open it up and reveal the note, but the detective simply sat and glared.

  ‘You could have saved us a whole lot of time if you’d mentioned the notes earlier.’

  ‘I didn’t think she would leave any more.’

  ‘Because she thought you read them?’ Harper asked, recalling their previous conversation.

  Sam wanted to close his eyes but he was afraid his mind would summon up the image of the last time he had seen Jasmine. ‘Because she caught me reading one. Because she realized the Wishing Tree was nothing more than a story spun by a grown man who should have known better,’ he said, his voice fading to nothing until a spark of hope set it alight again. ‘What did it say?’

  ‘It suggests she has run away.’

  Sam had spent the last hour chasing shadows of his own making a
nd searching for Jasmine amongst them. He had been clinging to the hope that she had run off of her own accord, but the confirmation from Harper didn’t completely dispel his darker fears. Jasmine was a sensible girl and he wanted to believe that she would keep herself safe. But then Ruby had been sensible too …

  Why hadn’t the police found her yet if she had only run off? Could Finn have stumbled upon her first? What if his temper had got the better of him? Sam would never forgive himself if something had happened. He could have saved her. He should have saved her.

  With so many questions still unanswered, Sam was certain of only one thing. He had to get out of there. ‘So are you going to arrest me or not?’ he demanded.

  ‘Not, Mr McIntyre,’ Harper said.

  The certainty in his voice took Sam by surprise. ‘Then I’ve given you my statement and I’d like to go home. I came here voluntarily so I presume I can leave any time I like.’

  ‘If you could just bear with me a little longer.’

  ‘For pity’s sake man, why?’

  Harper put his hand on the manila folder but didn’t open it. ‘I’ve just had an interesting conversation with Mrs Peterson.’

  ‘Laura’s here? Is she all right? Is Finn with her?’

  Always one to offer no more information than was absolutely necessary, Harper ignored the questions and continued with his own. ‘I’d like you to tell me about the plans you were making with Mrs Peterson. She tells me she was intending on leaving her husband and that you and your landlady were going to help her.’

  ‘If that’s what she says,’ Sam answered churlishly.

  ‘She does, and now I’d like you to go through exactly how you and Mrs Raymond intended to help, right up to the point where you decided to leave Liverpool this morning.’

  It was clear that Harper already knew the full story from Laura; in fact, he probably knew more now than Sam did himself. The detective was looking for holes in their stories, that was all, and as Sam drew a deep breath, he considered refusing to answer. But then an image of Jasmine came to mind – an image that was fading fast – and so he released his frustration with a sigh. ‘Laura had called around to let me know that she was all right after she had a fall,’ he said, hoping the detective would pick up on his intonation.