Under a Greek Moon

by Carol Kirkwood

  And now here she was. She’d been waiting over an hour, buried in melancholic thoughts, when a doctor came to speak to her.

  ‘I’m afraid it is not good news. Miss Ferreira is very unwell.’

  ‘Can you tell me what’s wrong with her?’

  ‘She has a very aggressive type of breast cancer. It was very advanced before she sought treatment; we tried chemotherapy, but there is little more we can do for her.’ His staff ID said his name was Dr David Scott. His kind, grey eyes bored into her and she understood the unspoken message. ‘Are you a friend?’

  Shauna couldn’t bring herself to say yes. ‘Um, we have a friend in common. What about her family?’ she asked.

  ‘Her sister was here earlier with Frankie’s son, they come every day. Would you like to go in? She is tired but awake.’

  The doctor was already moving towards the door, taking her silence as acquiescence. She swallowed in trepidation, but her feet seemed to be doing the thinking for her and she followed him into the room.

  Frankie lay propped on pillows, a small, almost childlike, figure. Beside the bed was a drip stand, the line leading into a cannula in her thin arm. Her bedside was decorated with a child’s drawings. Propped up by the bed was a toy llama, which lent the scene a little joy and normality.

  Frankie’s eyes were closed and in one of her hands she loosely held a rosary.

  ‘She’s on morphine for the pain most of the time, but she asked us to hold back on it when we told her you were here.’ He spoke in a low voice. ‘If you need a nurse, there’s a call button above the bed. We’re trying to make her as comfortable as possible.’

  ‘I can hear you, David.’ Frankie’s voice, though rasping, had power, and Shauna saw the woman open her eyes. Despite her frailty, she was alert.

  ‘I don’t doubt that for a minute, Frankie.’ He turned to Shauna. ‘Don’t stay too long.’

  A small smile flitted across Frankie’s face, and the doctor touched Frankie’s hand before he left the room. Shauna could see that the doctor liked Frankie a great deal. Had Dan cared about this woman, too? She knew very little about their affair, hadn’t wanted to know, but now she was filled with curiosity. Had Dan loved her? Had he seen his son? She’d asked her lawyers to make a fair monthly settlement to be paid until the boy was eighteen, but once that was done, she’d tried to put him out of her mind.

  The woman’s eyes darted towards her with a suddenness that made Shauna start. As they stared at each other, the woman twisted and tried to sit up.

  ‘No, stay there,’ said Shauna, realizing that she needed to conserve what little energy she had left.

  ‘I’m glad you came.’

  ‘Isaac told me about …’ Shauna didn’t know how to continue the sentence.

  ‘I’ll save you the trouble, I’m dying.’

  I know,’ Shauna said softly.

  ‘I don’t care for me. It’s Alex.’ Frankie turned her dark expressive eyes on Shauna; fierce and intelligent, they seemed to burn from her face, gaunt, but still beautiful. ‘He’s with my sister—’ Frankie shut her eyes, gripped by a spasm of pain.

  ‘Do you want me to call a nurse?’ asked Shauna, her finger reaching for the call button.

  ‘No, don’t. They’ll just give me more morphine and then I can’t talk … and I need to talk to you about Alex’s future.’ Shauna opened her mouth to speak, but Frankie cut her off: ‘It’s not about money. It’s about what will happen to him when I’m gone.’

  For the first time, Shauna saw fear in Frankie’s eyes; fear for herself, but also for her boy. ‘I’m sure your sister will—’

  ‘Isabelle is in remission. The same cancer as I have, but hers was caught earlier. The only reason she’s alive is because I blackmailed your old man to pay for the treatment.’

  Shauna was stunned at this revelation but tried not to show it. ‘Dan would have given you the money if he’d known what it was for.’

  ‘I know that now …’ Beads of sweat formed on her forehead and her jaw clenched as another wave of pain hit her. Once it had passed, she was seized by a new urgency, as if she had to get the words out while she still could: ‘Look, Shauna, my sister loves Alex, but this cancer, it’s a bitch. It killed my mother, it’s gonna kill me. If anything happens to Isabelle, Alex has no one. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s a good boy, despite having me for a mother, and you saw how cute he is – just like his father, no?’

  Shauna recalled the day of the funeral, how unnerved she’d been by the child’s resemblance to Dan.

  ‘I want you to take him. You can give him a better life, opportunities, connections.’

  Shauna shook her head, panic rising in her. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Please … you have to.’ Frankie reached out and clutched Shauna’s hand with surprising strength. ‘I want Alex to be safe. I don’t want him to wind up in a street gang like my brothers.’ Frankie grimaced again. ‘Dan … he said you were kind. Good.’

  Shauna knew that if Dan were here, he would have said yes in a heartbeat. Dan hadn’t left a will, dying before his time, but she knew that he would want her to take the boy and love him as her own. Yet still she hesitated. Her heart went out to the child; losing his mother at such a young age would be a terrible blow and, however conflicted her feelings about Frankie, she couldn’t stand the thought of him suffering. But would it really ease that suffering if he came to live with her rather than staying with his aunt? Yes, Shauna could give him all the material things, the opportunities and connections Frankie wanted him to have, but she was a stranger to him. If his aunt loved him and he loved her, surely it would be in the boy’s best interest to stay where he was?

  Frankie sucked in a laboured breath, her eyes losing focus. ‘I know what you think of me, but I can tell you that Dan loved you. And I really wanted some of that. It was why I tried to ruin him. I’m sorry for that now. I can see a lot of Dan in Alex – he’s got his dad’s genes, thank God.’

  Shauna could see that, despite the pain and exhaustion, Frankie would go on pleading with her until she agreed, but she didn’t want to make empty promises just to placate her. Choosing her words carefully, she took Frankie’s hand and said, ‘OK, I will look after him. But first he needs to get to know me, to learn to trust me. I’ll leave my phone number with you so you can get Isabelle to call me and we can talk about things.’

  ‘Promise me.’ Frankie didn’t let go of Shauna.

  ‘I’ll work with Isabelle and together we will do what’s best for him. Alex is going to need her in his life. Does he have any other family?’

  Frankie shook her head. ‘Just Isabelle. If anything happens to her, he will have no one.’

  ‘He will have me.’ Shauna held Frankie’s gaze. ‘I promise you.’

  Her sincerity seemed to satisfy the woman, because she let go of her hand and closed her eyes.

  Chapter 23

  It had been well over a year since Roxy and Shauna had seen each other. Shauna had hoped to spend time with Roxy while she was in Europe filming For the Love of Grace, but her friend’s new clothing line had taken off in a big way and she’d seized the chance to consolidate her success in Milan and Paris by opening a flagship store on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles, so once again they’d found themselves on different continents. Even when filming wrapped and Shauna returned to the States, their busy schedules kept them apart. With ROX clothing now being worn by A-listers in all the fashionable places, Roxy needed to put in an appearance at every fashion week on the planet: at London Fashion Week, she was seated next to Anna Wintour, who was wearing a ROX drop-waisted silhouette dress. In Paris she was photographed with Kate Moss. At the launch of the New York store, Sarah Jessica Parker made an appearance in a jaw-dropping black ruffled swan dress that made the pages of hundreds of women’s magazines around the globe.

  Shauna was excited to be back in LA once more; they were breakfasting in the Fountain Room at the Beverly Hills Hotel, Roxy’s favourite hangout. Shauna had ordered an egg-white omelet
te with spinach, while Roxy had ordered the buttermilk pancakes.

  ‘I can’t believe you can still eat those! I can’t even look at one of them now! I might as well smear them on my hips, that’s where they are going.’

  ‘Nonsense! Women should enjoy their food. I’m sick of all these size zero LA women. I’d rather dress a good old size-fourteen Liverpudlian lass any day of the week.’

  ‘I daren’t put another pound on, we still have publicity to do for the Grace movie. The camera never lies.’

  ‘Rubbish! You’re going to look incredible, and that is what Spanx are for, isn’t it?’

  ‘I’ve never mastered the art of wearing Spanx, I usually end up with them stuck around my knees, unable to move!’

  ‘Anyway, what’s happening with the publishing house, how much are they offering for your “tell all” memoirs?’

  ‘A million dollars for global rights.’

  Roxy whistled. ‘That’s a lot of money. You going to take it?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’d like to tell my story, my way. That’s assuming I’m going to do it.’

  ‘What’s holding you back?’

  Shauna paused. ‘The truth.’

  Roxy nodded. They were silent for a moment, then Roxy said, ‘If you really want to tell the truth, then you have to face up to the past.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You know exactly what I mean. I know all about that box you keep hidden away, the one with all the letters and cards that you write but never send.’

  ‘Roxy … I don’t want to talk about this.’

  Roxy put down her fork. ‘Shauna, you never want to talk about this. Look, I haven’t mentioned it before now, but I’ve been seeing a therapist.’

  ‘Oh …’ Shauna’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’

  ‘I’m telling you now.’ Roxy frowned. ‘For years, I’ve needed to get some things off my chest, stuff that’s been buried for too long. About Thierry.’

  Shauna suddenly felt stupid and self-centred. ‘I’m sorry, Roxy, I should have asked about it more over the years, but I thought, well, I wanted to forget about everything, and I thought you did too.’

  ‘I can’t forget, we can’t forget. Shauna, I’ve spent years waking up with night terrors. I’ve avoided forming relationships with men who are equals because I want to stay in charge all the time. That guy tried to steal my peace of mind. I want to claim it back.’

  ‘Oh, Roxy.’

  ‘Peace of mind doesn’t come for the asking; we need to work hard for it. I want you to come away with me – we can look at it as a life cleanse. We’ve been talking about a trip for ages and I think you should go back to Ithos. This is the first time for years that I feel able to get away. The team will do a great job looking after the store here while I’m gone. I know I can leave ROX in good hands. The retail team say I only get in the way anyhow, and with Marco on the design side, I don’t have anything to worry about.’

  ‘Funny that he never made it back to Italy.’ Shauna smiled. Marco, the young model that Roxy had introduced her to a couple of years previously was now one of her key employees.

  Shauna looked at her watch. ‘That reminds me, Isabelle will be dropping Alex over at the house and then we’re going to Universal Studios.’

  ‘Alex will love that – how is he?’

  ‘He’s sensitive and intelligent. It’s hard to know how much he understands, but he misses his mom, and he’s frightened. Understandably, he’s wary of me, and I don’t know how to overcome that.’

  When Shauna had arrived at Isabelle’s apartment to collect him for his first sleepover, she was so nervous. She and Isabelle had agreed that they would do a few trial runs, and that sometimes Isabelle would stay over too. Isabelle was calm and kind, but wary of Shauna and she knew she would also have to win her trust. So many times she’d told herself she was doing the wrong thing – as had Isaac, who’d tried to talk her out of it, but a promise was a promise.

  He stood in Isabelle’s apartment, clutching his toy llama, the same one that Frankie had kept by the side of her hospital bed. ‘Hello, Shauna.’ He smiled and, to her surprise, he pointed to a newspaper cutting of a photo of her propped up on a rickety shelf clinging to the wall. Perhaps it was the way Dan’s blue eyes stared up at her, guileless and innocent before frowning with sudden concentration, he was so quiet and so brave. ‘Do you have a garden?’ he asked her.

  ‘Yes, I do,’ Shauna said.

  ‘Can we grow alfalfa sprouts? Alfie likes alfalfa.’ He held his cuddly toy out to her and Shauna took it. ‘Hello, Alfie.’ She gave the toy a hug and then handed him back to Alex. ‘We also have a pool. Can you swim?’

  Alex looked up at Isabelle, who nodded at him encouragingly. ‘I’m learning. I can swim with arm bands!’

  ‘Have you packed them?’

  Isabelle nodded. ‘Then we can have a swim this afternoon. We’re going to have so much fun, Alex,’ Shauna had said.

  She reached out her hand and he took it, then he turned and waved goodbye to Isabelle.

  ‘See you in a couple of days, pequeño,’ she said, and Alex gave her a little wave as they left the house.

  ‘It’s still tough, but we’re taking it slow. He still has nightmares and calls out for Frankie in the night. I’m so glad he and Isabelle are so close. Alex is spending longer periods with me, and Isabelle’s presence keeps him close to his mom.’

  ‘How is Isabelle?’

  ‘She’s still in remission, thank God, but she’s heartbroken about Frankie.’

  The last month had been a roller coaster ride, but Shauna had devoted the time to building a relationship with him.

  She’d taken a court injunction out to stop any reporting by the gutter press, and the whole experience had been an eye-opener for her. Alex was endlessly curious, and asked questions about every aspect of life – How did crickets make such a loud noise? Why were grasshoppers green? What made the sun rise every morning? He loved maple syrup on pancakes, Barney and Friends and she was growing to love him. Alex kept her excited about life and each day she loved him a little more. She had cleared her diary for the foreseeable future so a holiday was something she could contemplate. But wasn’t it better to leave the past where it belonged?

  Later that afternoon, Shauna had put Alex down for a nap in his new room. It was decorated with llama wallpaper and was already filling up with Transformer toys and merchandise from all of their daytrips. Alex loved amusements and rides and Shauna hadn’t been to a fun fair since she was a child; they had both loved every minute and Shauna felt like a kid herself again. Despite her worries it had really thrilled her to see Alex so joyful and she tried not to spoil him, as she knew that Isabelle didn’t approve, but Alex had never been spoiled before and it gave them both pleasure.

  ‘We went on the Back to the Future ride, Tía!’ Alex told Isabelle on the phone when they’d got home. Alex called Isabelle Tía, which was Spanish for auntie; that was fine with Shauna who had no interest in trying to erase Frankie’s place in his heart, she only wanted to carve out her own.

  As he napped, Shauna took a call from Isaac, putting her feet up on her large couch in her lounge which looked out over the lush garden and pool.

  He was calling from his New York Office on Fifth Avenue. ‘How’s the boy enjoying himself?’ he asked.

  ‘He’s happy and exhausted!’ She laughed. ‘I can’t believe it’s only been a few months since I’ve known him. I don’t know how I’d live without him now.’

  ‘Shauna, I’m scratching my head here. We’ve got a package delivered for you and I’m not sure what to do with it, so I’ve couriered it over, you’ll get it this evening.’

  That wasn’t strange in itself – as a top agent, Isaac got plenty of mail for his clients, usually fan letters or scripts from aspiring writers hoping to be discovered; sometimes it was weird and unwanted post, like love letters written in blood, sometimes it was a request that Shauna was happy to
grant, like a signed photo.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘It’s a book of poetry and a letter. The covering note says that we should give it to you personally and that it is from an old friend.’

  They finished the call and Shauna was intrigued: who would be sending her poetry? Maybe it was related to a film part, but Isaac would have known that … She wracked her brains to think: could it be an old friend from university, or an old school chum from Ireland?

  A short while later, there was knock at the door and Shauna took the parcel handed to her by a UPS delivery man, tipping him ten dollars.

  She sat with the parcel on the comfortable leather chesterfield by the window and turned the package around in her hands. It was an ordinary Jiffy bag but when she looked at the postmark her heartbeat fluttered as she saw it was from Greece. Part of her wanted to stop right there and throw it into the trashcan and never find out what was inside, but there was another part of her, the Shauna O’Brien part, who had left something of herself in that beautiful country two decades previously and was itching to see what was inside.

  Slowly, she opened the package and took out a book. There was a covering note which read:

  Many years ago, I had the privilege of making the acquaintance of Shauna Jackson when she was known as Shauna O’Brien, I would be grateful if you could pass this to her with my kind remembrance.

  Regards,

  Demetrios Theodosis

  Shauna felt the heat rise to her face. Even after all this time, he could still blindside her. She read the title, The Lyric Poetry of Sappho; it was a very old edition, bound in red leather. Inside the book, a page was marked with a sealed letter. She looked at the page and the sonnet, ‘Lilies’.