She-Wolf I

by Gaëlle Bonnassieux

  “I’ve got like a million questions you know.”

  “A million questions always dance in your silence,” he said, stroking my cheek.

  “Don’t do that. I bite,” I threatened pushing his hand away.

  He laughed and it made me glad. It meant everything was fine, it meant he was here, by my side, it meant he had brought Lola back to me, in spite of my leaving almost two months ago. It meant we were still friends and he was still laughing at my silly jokes.

  “Don’t do what? Touch your cheek or recite poetry?”

  “Both!” I said smiling before getting up.

  I took his hand, thus suggesting he followed me. It was time to find Lola. I had left her alone for a while, but I was starting to worry. I didn’t like her being away from me when I had just got her back. I scribbled a note to the witches, in case they might be wondering where we were, and we left the house looking for her. I had no trouble tracking her thanks to her scent; my hand still in Milo’s and our fingers intertwined. Everything was quiet, the sun was about to take his leave. The palm trees along the road leading to our neighborhood fluttered because of the wind. The sky was blue, pink, orange, scattered with white clouds lingering in this fading heat. I enjoyed this both unique and common sunset, with Milo by my side, probably making up lines in his mind while gazing at the sky too, and it almost felt romantic.

  It didn’t take us long to find Lola. She had taken refuge in a park, in which many joggers ran, and passers-by strolled or walked their dogs. This place was both calm and lively, and no one would pay attention to a little redheaded girl sitting alone on a bench. I finally let go of Milo’s hand and sat by her side. It felt weirdly good to think that I had to comfort her about something that wasn’t pack-related. Or to spend time with her without being on the watch for someone who might hit me. Milo sat on the other side of the bench so that she was framed by our two bodies. I didn’t know what to say. I got what she was feeling, yet I didn’t actually get it. Trying to put myself in her shoes, I wondered how I would have reacted if I’d found out destiny had given me a soulmate, and a woman, for that matter. I would have been shocked and overwhelmed, but I would have been glad, no matter what.

  “Lola, what is it about Esthelle you don’t like? You don’t even know her…” I wasn’t sure this was the best way to start up this conversation.

  “Well that’s just it. I don’t know her. Then how come am I … feeling those things for her?” she sighed very calmly. “Especially since I’ve never been with a girl. I haven’t even asked myself whether I liked girls or not. It was kind of prohibited in the pack and even if I have rebellious ideas, I had never thought about it.”

  She had a point. In our pack of losers, homosexuality was not a thing. Any form of love other than the heterosexual one was strictly forbidden, and my guess was that if William had found out that there was a gay couple in the pack, he would probably have killed them. Yeah, what a crime love is, you deserve death for loving someone. What a bunch of BS. But I understood Lola. Her traditionalistic parents had probably brainwashed her with seemliness and other crap so that she might stay glued into prejudices and clichés.

  “Well, now is the time to think about it. Does it really matter what the pack or your parents think? Does it really matter that she is a woman? It doesn’t change what she’s like inside.”

  “No, it might not matter,” she granted. “I guess I just need some time to process it and to figure out what’s happening to me. Because right now, I don’t have a clue.”

  “That’s totally normal,” Milo comforted her. “This is all new, and you need to get it together. In the meantime, you should just remember that Esthelle is probably going through the same thing and it must be hard for her too. Don’t take it out on her.”

  She nodded with tears in her eyes. She might not have realized that she wasn’t the only one involved in this mess. I put my arm around her and held her close to give her some emotional support. She sniffed and put her head on my shoulder. Milo immediately handed her a tissue.

  “What a gentleman,” I teased.

  “Always,” he smiled while she sneezed.

  “So, let’s get down to business! I believe you both have a lot to tell me. Lola, what happened, why did you leave the pack? It was very irresponsible of you; you could have been hurt!” I scolded nicely, being overjoyed with her presence.

  “Hey, hey, hey, I would have suffered a lot more if I’d stayed.”

  “Good point.”

  “After you left, everything went down.” She shuddered. “When William found out Danny and I had helped you, he just lost it. And you know Ryan, he laid it on thick. We took a good beating. Then we got locked up in the dungeon for two weeks. Two weeks with Daniel, can you imagine? I thought I’d go insane, but it did give us enough time to develop a strategy in order to escape. There was no way we’d stay there now that you were gone. You were the only one who ever protected us and we wouldn’t have made it on our own.”

  “So, you played buddy-buddy with Danny huh?” I teased to lighten up the mood and soothe the wolf in me that eagerly wanted to smash William’s brain out for what he did.

  Lola answered with a funny face, and Milo smiled. He was listening to the little wolf cub with an inscrutable face, being probably as pissed as me from what she’d just said.

  “Believe it or not, being locked up with someone for such a long time does forge bonds,” she smiled. “Anyway, we decided to leave as soon as we got the chance. We’d spend our time at school elaborating amazing plans, but each of them was a long shot. Two teenagers against a pack of fifty wolves with nothing to lose, we would never have succeeded. We tried to escape a few times, but we got caught every time. So eventually…” Her tone suddenly changed and became overwhelmed with sadness; my stomach ached with concern. Was it Daniel? If anything had happened to him… I wouldn’t be able to bear it.

  “Eventually what?!” I encouraged her to go on because I couldn’t wait.

  “Eventually, one day at school, Danny told me to leave now, that he had my back and that he’d take care of Clemencia and your grandma, and that it’d be easier if I left alone. The pack would have been hopping mad if the alpha’s brother had run away, and they would have hunted us down. Whereas no one would miss me or come after me. He promised to meet me the next day with the others, and I waited for him Maddie, I swear, I waited a week at the rendezvous point, but he never showed up! I wanted to go back but then Milo here arrived and… and we left. I’m so sorry!”

  She started crying and I immediately took her in my arms. I let her pour out her tears while thinking about what she had just told me. Danny never came, why? He wouldn’t have let her down without a good excuse, even if he was an ornery person. He may act as if he didn’t care about anyone, but he was the most loyal guy I’d ever met. Something must have happened that stopped him from getting back to Lola. But what? I prayed every God there might exist that he was still alive. From what the redhead said, Clemencia and my grandmother had wanted to take part in this prison break as well, and maybe Danny had realized that an old wolf and a three-year-old one weren’t the best assets in case something went down. I guess I could only hope that he had simply changed his plans to consider a more viable solution that would be best for everyone. He’d never leave anyone behind. What an idiot. If he made it here alive, I’d definitely kill him. Courage and loyalty are very nice and all, but in some cases, it’s better to just save your skin.

  “Lola, there was nothing you could have done,” I whispered, fondling her hair. “It’s not your fault and you did everything you could, and you were right to leave. You would have gotten yourself killed if you’d gone back there and Danny knows it. You know him, he was probably glad he didn’t get the chance to see you again. He’s probably on his way over by now.”

  She finally calmed down and accepted Milo’s tissues. I asked him how he had gotten himself in all this mess.

  “I did worry when I realized I hadn’t seen you in
over a week,” he explained. “I tried to contact the pack, to no avail. I grinned and bore it, but someday at work, there was this note in my locker, and...”

  “What note?” I asked, perplexed.

  He searched his jacket, and he pulled out a little piece of paper which he handed me over. I let go of Lola and immediately recognized the lycanthrope’s whiff that came with it: it was my mysterious benefactor’s. Again. I frowned when I saw what was written on it.

  There’s a she-wolf that needs your help. Find her and take her to this address (it was the witches’).

  That was strange, very strange indeed. Not only was this wolf following me around, but he was also sending my friends over! Why? What was this con-trick about? How did he know Milo? How could he possibly be aware of what was happening in my pack – no, wait, former pack – AND hang around here at the same time? Here was another piece of the puzzle I did not know how to solve.

  “I thought that she-wolf was you,” Milo said again. “I looked everywhere for you, but I found her in a bad state and panicked instead. She was just about to go back to her pack, as she’s mentioned. I talked her out of it, and we left together. That kid’s a hell of a tracker.”

  “I’m not a kid!” Lola rebuffed. “But it was easy to come here. The note was suffused with the scent of this lycanthrope and we just had to follow it to the witches’. Do you know who that wolf is?”

  I annoyingly shook my head. No, I didn’t know. But the more time passed, the more I wanted to find out. And to kick his ass for playing with my nerves. “You didn’t think it might be a trap? And what about breaking into the house of witches?”

  “Who on earth might lay a trap for us? And we just thought you might be in and in trouble. We hoped we’d found you at last. We found this on the way though,” Lola added, handing me a small envelope with my name on it.

  “What’s in it?”

  “No idea, we didn’t open it,” Lola said, rubbing her shoulders. “But since it bore the same scent as the one we were following and as the one on the note, we didn’t worry much about it.”

  I doubtfully and annoyingly took the envelope. I was this close to rip it all to shreds before even opening it. Mr. Spy wouldn’t dare show me his face, but he was glad to turn my friends into a postal service in order to get to me with little 6th grade-like notes? If I said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: if I ever laid hands on him, he was going to get his ass kicked. I opened it up in a jerk, and my wolf-self grew restless when the powerful scent that came of the paper filled the air – but I ignored her, expecting everything and anything from that note.

  I’ll bring you your friends safe and sound. Be patient.

  Definitely not expected that though. What did he mean by “safe and sound”? Did something happen with Clemencia or Andrea too? Or was it Danny? Or something else? “Be patient”. What a douche. I had shown enough patience already. Was I supposed to be patient because he wouldn’t be back so soon, or because I would soon figure it all out? He obviously didn’t know me, because he would have known patient wasn’t a word someone would use to describe me.

  “What is it?” Milo asked while looking at me carefully.

  “Nothing important” I answered evasively.

  They both frowned, my conundrums didn’t seem to please them. I couldn’t help it: I wasn’t ready to share that mysterious and idiot wolf hoopla with them yet. That message was meant for me, and I also got this dumb feeling that the wolf was sort of mine, too. I wanted to keep him to myself, for now at least, even though I didn’t really know why. I put the note in the envelope and the envelope in my pocket; I then stood up clapping my hands together. “I say that’s enough talking. Shall we go back to the witches so you guys can get acquainted? I bet you’re also hungry…”

  They nodded, and in spite of Lola’s cold face showing her apprehension, we left for the house. On the way back, Milo and I held hands again, and I listened to their journey and its twist and turns. My heart was lighter, but my mind was troubled by that now notorious smell and its bearer whom I was obsessed with.

  Chapter 10

  “There you are!” Adélie cried. “We were starting to worry.”

  I apologized for the three of us, and I saw Esthelle run off and slam her bedroom door when Lola followed me into the house. It was going to be a long night. Adélie noticed Milo and I were holding hands, and she gave me a look full of questions along with a teasing smile. I shook my head to let her know I didn’t want to talk about it and she shrugged before leading us into the dining room. The table had already been set, and the delicious smell of roasted meat floated in the air. My stomach gurgled. I was eating like a horse these days.

  “We made some gratin dauphinoise – it’s French – and some roasted pork, and the dessert is a surprise. But with those super-senses of yours, I’m guessing you already know what it is…” she sighed smiling. “Take a seat,” she added.

  I could actually recognize the sugary odors of pineapple, strawberry and mango. Probably a fruit salad then. But she always prepared tremendous amounts of food, so I was ready to bet there was something else. I sat between Milo and Lola. She was quite anxious, almost panicked, even. I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and it felt like she found it a bit soothing. Esthelle had left the room and she probably wouldn’t come down to eat with us so… there was nothing to worry about.

  The meal was delicious as the smells had supposed it would be, and I attempted to summarize the situation to Adélie, while being very careful not to tell her about the unknown lycanthrope. I had enough questions to answer myself, and I didn’t need to drag everyone into this uncharted ground. I was going to handle it all on my own, like the strong and smart girl that I was. Adélie was interested in Milo and Lola, and it made me glad. The three of them seemed to get along just fine, and I was pleased to see that Adélie wasn’t holding Lola accountable for all that had happened before. She could have shown resentment, but she was very nice and thoughtful to her. I was over the moon. Great meal made by the woman who had taken me in, great friends which I thought I’d never get the chance to see again, what more could I want? Granted, I could be demanding and ask for Esthelle, and Danny, Clemencia and her son, Bridget and my grandma, but for now, I ought to be content with those around me.

  “Thank you for dinner, Adélie,” I said, getting up when the plates were empty. Milo and Lola joined me in acknowledgments.

  “Please, I enjoyed getting to know your friends and I’m glad they’re here. I hope that in the long run, we may all be friends too.”

  “There’s no reason why this shouldn’t be the case.” Milo smiled, helping her clearing the table while Lola and I were doing the dishes. “You’re as delicious a host as your meal.”

  “You better cut out the flattery if you don’t want me to turn you into a toad,” the witch threatened, smiling too.

  “Well, I can already turn myself into a toad, but thanks for the offer!”

  The mood was light, and we all finished to clean up the kitchen in between Milo’s jokes and bursts of laughter. Even Lola unwound a bit and her guilt towards Esthelle was forgotten for a moment. She was the only one missing and I was down in the mouth when I realized she was alone in her room and in the doldrums. I gave the newcomers a little tour of the house and led them into the attic.

  “Wow, this place is sick!” Lola cried slumping on the couch.

  “Yup, it has been done up well,” Milo agreed, sitting next to her.

  “Glad you like it. Make yourselves at home, I’ll be right back.” I didn’t leave them time to answer, and I went down to Esthelle. I had rarely set foot on the first floor since I considered this place to be the witches’ alone, and being a territorial creature myself, it wasn’t mine to barge in. I had never been into either of their rooms. I followed Esthelle’s scent and knocked on the door which I guessed to be hers.

  “I’m busy!” she yelled.

  “It’s Maddie.”

  “Oh! You can come in then
.”

  I held back an amused smile – I didn’t want to upset her before we even started talking. After all, Cupid was all but kindness. When I got in, I nearly lost my corneas: thousands of colors filled the room. Each wall had a different color (light green, light blue, orange and yellow) but the pastel tone they shared made the room original without being too disturbing. There was a large window which in the day probably brought lots of natural light, and the purple curtains contrasted nicely with the rest of the room. The white bedding seemed lost in the midst of the colorful shelves filled with knickknacks and trinkets the young witch had piled up over the years. I would never have guessed she was so attached to objects: Adélie was right, she was a sensitive one. I could easily understand her because I had never missed my Mister Cranky more.

  I sat on the bed by her side. She had pulled her legs up against her chest, and her head laid on her knees. I handed her the chocolate bar I had brought to cheer her up. “Your favorite: milk and caramel.”

  She took it and ate two squares of it without saying a word. What on earth was I doing here? Adélie had obviously attempted to lift her sister’s spirits, and she hadn’t succeeded so why would I? But I wanted to give it a shot, even if the odds weren’t in my favor. I didn’t like to see her sad, and even if it was pointless, at least I would have tried.

  “So, what are you feeling regarding all of this?” I started. I should have the award for worst conversation starter ever.

  “Let’s see: I hate Lola and if you try to defend her or anything, I’ll hate you too and I’ll never talk to you ever again.”

  “Wow, okay, copy that. But I wasn’t planning on defending her, just trying to get you to see things from her perspective.” She shrugged – I took it as a sign to go on. I began, and she stuffed another chocolate square in her mouth. “In our former pack rules are extremely strict, and because the first werewolf was a man and not a woman, females must submit to males. We girls are nonentity, we’re barely good enough to make children, obey, and clean their mess.”