All We Have

by Len Webster

  “Why?” she retorted and stomped her foot like a child. “Just tell me. Why her? I can get you to the Olympics. We could be that couple. I Googled her. She’s not good for you. All the things she’s done shouldn’t be linked to you. You don’t want the next generation of rowers to idolise her, do you? It should be you. You’ll be their hero. The media won’t be nice. Don’t date her, Rob. Don’t fall in love with her. Don’t. Me. Be with me.”

  “Jewel,” he said, trying to calm her down. “You’re getting yourself upset.”

  Her lip trembled. “I thought you wanted me, Rob. You chased me. You got me jealous enough, and I came back. I thought it made you want me more.”

  There was no way he was going to admit he loved Allison to Jewel before telling Allison herself. “We’ll go inside and we’ll talk, okay?”

  She avoided his gaze, staring to her right instead. “She working, so I doubt you’ll want to talk to me. And the chairman of Rowing Australia is here with one of the directors from the Australian Olympic Committee.”

  “What?” Rob was in disbelief. The chairman of Rowing Australia was a two-time Olympian; if there were anyone to impress and talk to tonight, it was him.

  “I met the AOC director. He’s nice,” Jewel added as she met his focus. She looked down at his hands on her and a smirk appeared on her face. “Careful, Rob, you wouldn’t want them to see us like this … Unless you want them to? I could introduce you to them.”

  “No, it’s okay. I don’t need to see them.” Rob gave her a tight smile and lowered his arms. “Let’s go inside.”

  Jewel tilted her head at him, her glassy eyes boring into him. “Why don’t you? You’ve always wanted to impress Rowing Australia. Now’s your chance.”

  “Let it go, Jewel. Right now, rowing and the Olympics don’t matter. I have to get my life sorted out first,” he explained and pulled away from her. He didn’t wait as he made his way into PJ’s. He just hoped Jewel followed and wouldn’t run off and cause trouble. Thankfully, when he stepped foot into the pub, Jewel was right behind him.

  “I’ll get you a beer to apologise for helping you meet the people who will make your career. You sit and wait for me.” The bitterness in her voice had him shaking his head as he searched for a free table. The pub wasn’t as packed as usual, which meant it wasn’t as famously loud. Rob sat at one of the middle tables and pulled out his phone to message his brother.

  Rob: Hey, don’t worry about picking up Allison. I’ll take her home. I have to talk to her.

  The child: Stephanie said you were both going through a rough patch. All fixed?

  Rob: Hopefully after tonight everything will be. I’m gonna tell her, Julian.

  The child: About FUCKING time! I thought I was gonna die of old age before you told her.

  Rob: Shut up. I just needed the perfect timing. You and Stevie coming down to PJ’s?

  The child: Nope. We’re on our way to the movies since you said not to pick up Ally. I’ve been dying to watch that new film with the soccer playing gummy bears.

  Rob: You’re such a child.

  The child: At least I’m not a pussy. Just tell her and stop being heartless. I love you, brother.

  Rob: I love you, too, you dick.

  The child: See … Wasn’t that hard to tell someone you love them, Robbie.

  Several glasses breaking and a loud thump caught his attention. Rob glanced up from his phone to see a large gathering around the counter.

  “You stupid, selfish whore!” a woman screamed. “How dare you take this away from him!”

  Rob shot out of his chair when he realised who that voice belonged to. Someone let out a cry and then he heard Mitch shout something as Rob pushed through the crowd.

  “Jewel?” Rob shouted above the patrons’ hollers and screams. “Jewel!”

  When Rob finally broke through, he noticed someone holding her back and blood was all over her hands. He rushed towards her and looked her over. Besides the blood on her hands, she appeared all right.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

  She nodded and the pointed over his shoulder. “It was her!”

  Rob spun around to find Mitch on the ground hugging Allison. Her lip had split and blood was trailing down her chin. One side of her face had an already swelling cheek and a cut on her eyebrow. But what he saw was the agony in her teary eyes. When she blinked, the tears slid down her face and she winced.

  “Did you provoke her, Allison?” he asked her.

  Allison flinched, her eyes wide in shock as she said nothing.

  “Ally did nothing!” Mitch came to her defence. “Jewel’s the one who came after her and started punching the shit out of her. Are you that fucking blind, Rob? Look how beaten up Ally is.”

  “Get your hands off me!” Jewel screamed from behind.

  Rob glanced over his shoulders to see her being dragged away by men he knew were Mitch’s security. He quickly looked back at Mitch, pleading him to stop them. “A director from the Australian Olympic Committee is here. Tell them to stop.”

  Mitch scowled. “Get the fuck outta here, Rob! Take her home or something. I don’t want her in my pub ever again. If you care so much about her Olympic career, then you’ll make sure she doesn’t get arrested.”

  Fuck.

  Jewel getting arrested for public intoxication would put her in dangerous waters with Athletics Australia and the AOC. Rob glanced down to see the pleas in Allison’s eyes and he swallowed hard. He took a step back and the agony had returned and consumed her face. Then he took another one back, not forgetting how badly beaten she was, and then he spun around. He would explain to Allison later, but he had to save Jewel’s Olympic career. If he wasn’t going to the Olympics, then he had to make sure she did.

  He’d drop Jewel home and then quickly return to the pub to explain. Then he’d take care of Allison. For now, she was safer at the pub with Mitch than with him and Jewel.

  He had left.

  Ally had watched him turn around and chase after Jewel. The same woman he cared about. And the same woman who had assaulted her. Rob had defended her. Suspected Ally of provoking her. He hadn’t asked her if she was okay. He had asked Jewel. The jealousy that mixed with her heart’s pain was torture and made her want to throw up. Ally’s entire face felt like it was throbbing. The need to lick her lips was immense and she had given in and done so. The taste of copper made her cringe. It reminded her of rainy days in Sydney when she could smell the metal in the air. It always smelt of blood to her.

  “Stop that,” Mitch demanded as he stood next to her with a concerned expression on his face.

  Ally sighed and let her shoulders fall. After Rob had left to find Jewel, Mitch had helped her up off the pub floor and into the backroom. She was thankful for his help, but he couldn’t relieve the ache in her chest. She had told Rob earlier in the afternoon that she loved him. It felt wasted.

  Mitch shook a bottle of tequila in front of her and held up a tea towel. “Hold still.”

  “The hell you’re using tequila on me!” She attempted to jump off the table, but his hand settled on her thigh, holding her down.

  “You watch too many movies. Sure, alcohol can help, but it also kills the healthy cells when applied to a cut. I’m saying drink this. Numb the shit outta the pain you’re feeling,” Mitch said as he pressed the warm and wet tea towel on her brow.

  Ally shook her head. “Can’t. I’m driving. One look at me and my name, and I’m arrested.”

  Her boss sighed and brought the bottle to his lips. He moved the towel to her chin and began to wipe the dried blood. Then he took a swig and cringed, shaking his head. “Fuckin’ hate tequila! Right, we need to get you to the emergency room. We need someone to see to this lip of yours. It’s all swollen and needs to be stitched up.”

  “That bitch left her shit here,” Tiffany, one of the barmaids, announced once she walked into the office. Tiffany was a single mother and worked most nights at PJ’s. She used her hourglass figure and he
r long red hair like Jessica Rabbit to her advantage. She was a moneymaker with tips. “God, Ally, if I hadn’t asked you to take those drinks out, you would have been safe behind the bar.”

  “Don’t you bloody smile, Ally. You’ll make yourself bleed again,” Mitch lectured.

  He was right and Ally nodded at her co-worker. “It’s fine, Tiff. I’m fine.”

  “I can’t believe he went after her,” Tiffany mumbled and set Jewel’s bag on a bookshelf to Ally’s right.

  “He had his reasons,” Ally stated.

  Mitch frowned at her. “When are you going to stop making excuses for him? It’s been almost half an hour, and he hasn’t once checked in on you. Jewel punched you, and he accused you of starting it.”

  “Always been after her like a lost puppy,” Tiffany added.

  Ally swallowed hard and pushed Mitch’s hand off her leg. Then she got off the table and made her way towards her bag in one of the cubbyholes to her left. They were right. For a long time, she had made excuses for Rob. Excuses about him never loving her. Excuses that involved the Olympics and other women. On her way home from his apartment after they’d made love, Ally had decided against her plans. But now, she had no idea what to do. She had gotten her supposed closure, but she couldn’t say goodbye.

  It was after eight and she’d finished her shift. They were meant to talk. But no matter what excuses she made for him, this time, she couldn’t forget the fact that he had chosen Jewel. Ally pulled out her phone from her bag to see Serge’s messages and missed calls. She unlocked her phone and read his recent text to her. It was sent over an hour ago.

  Serge: Piccola, the company plane has been refuelled and the flight plans have been approved. It’s your call.

  Ally stared at the screen. She’d told him she needed to get away for a little while. She had made those plans before she left Rob earlier today. She had every intention of backing out when he asked her to stay. Somewhere, she believed him. Somewhere, she believed he loved her. She had believed another white lie she had told herself. Tears ran down her face as the realisation hit her. She could never be with him for several reasons. Reasons that included his dreams, Jewel, the Olympics, his career, and her health. She was just like his mother. She hadn’t told him about her sickness.

  Taking a deep breath, she began to reply.

  Ally: Come get me, Serge. I need to go home.

  Serge: I’ll meet you at the airport when we land. Captain says we’ll be there in just over an hour. Don’t worry, piccola, I’ll take you home.

  Ally: I love you, Serge.

  She had never told him that before. But he was much more than her bodyguard and friend. He was like the loving and caring father figure she needed in her life.

  Serge: I love you, too, piccola.

  Her heart warmed. Someone loved her. It wasn’t the love she expected, but it was the one she needed. Ally returned her phone into her bag, grabbed it, and spun around. She faced her boss and her co-worker. She didn’t want to say goodbye. But she wasn’t sure when she’d come back. She needed her family. She needed to see her cousin and her cousin’s daughter, CeCe.

  She needed to leave Melbourne.

  “I umm … qui—” She paused and clenched her eyes shut. After she had taken a deep breath, she saw a smile on Mitch’s face. “I don’t even know how to say it or what I have to do.”

  “You’re fired, Ally,” Mitch said. “I can’t be arsed reading your resignation letter.”

  Ally walked up to him and wrapped her arms around her now ex-boss. “Thank you. I loved it here, but I was kidding myself.”

  Mitch set his hands on her hips and pulled her back. “I’ll get you to the hospital.”

  She shook her head. “I’m okay. I can do it myself. I promise.”

  “Who’s going to sing Taylor Swift with me before lunch every shift?” Tiffany asked in a tight voice.

  Ally laughed. “You were the only one who sang Taylor Swift before lunch. I was the one getting the bar ready. I’ll miss you, Tiff.”

  She grabbed Ally and hugged her tightly. “You’re never a stranger here. You’re family.”

  Stepping back, she attempted a non-cut-opening smile. “If you’re ever both in Sydney, call me.”

  When the elevator opened on the seventh floor, Ally swallowed hard and took a nervous step out into the hallway. She flinched when she pressed her lips together, forgetting that the pain was still there. A couple of strong painkillers from the first-aid kit she’d dry swallowed before she had left PJ’s would surely kick in soon. The drive to Rob’s apartment had nausea sweeping back in. She already had her plans to go home for a while, but she also needed to see him. Maybe she wanted to hear one of his excuses. Maybe she wanted to hear him tell her that he loved her. Maybe she wanted him just to tell her that there was nothing between them. That she had confused lust for love. But deep down, she knew she was going to say goodbye.

  When she reached his apartment door, she noticed that it wasn’t properly closed. Ally pushed open the door to find no one in the living space.

  “Come on, Jewel, let’s put you to bed!” she heard Rob shout from one of the rooms.

  She glanced over to her left to find lights seeping through the cracks of both bedroom doors. Ally gently shut the front door behind her and hoped he wasn’t putting her to sleep in the same bed she’d confessed her love in. It would hurt. It would mean that it meant nothing to him. The pain revealed itself in her chest. It ached and heated. It was almost hard to breathe. Ally approached the dining table and picked up the Rowing Australia magazine she had seen earlier today. Like before, she could see him on the cover. It wasn’t an impossible dream for him. She knew that.

  “I don’t want to!” Jewel fought. The slur evident in her voice. “Ever … ever since you met … H-her, I’m second best to you, Rob.”

  Ally heard Rob release a heavy sigh. “Bed. Now.”

  “Fine,” Jewel huffed. Then there was mumbling. “I-I can’t get it down.”

  “Turn around and I’ll get this dress off you. What would you do without me?” Rob humoured.

  The teasing in his voice was new to Ally. He was always so serious and closed off with her. With Jewel, he was different. More carefree. Setting the magazine down, Ally knew how much she hindered him. She wouldn’t anymore.

  A sob came from the bedroom. “I don’t know,” Jewel cried.

  “We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

  “Okay,” the intoxicated Olympic hopeful said.

  There was another sigh and then silence for a few moments. Suddenly, she heard the door open and watched him step out of his guest room. For a moment, she was relieved. She felt hopeful. But she knew the truth. She was going to be selfish and pick herself since he’d chosen otherwise.

  Rob closed the door behind him and froze when he found her by the table. His eyes searched hers until a gleam consumed them. It appeared he saw the results of Jewel’s assault.

  “This isn’t going to work, Robbie,” she stated, and she felt her lip split. Blood seeped out of her cut and down her chin. Ally quickly reached up and brushed the blood away with the back of her hand.

  “Shit, Allison, I need to get you to a hospital.” His eyes were wide as he rushed towards her.

  Lie, Ally.

  You need to lie.

  Ally shook her head and took a step back. “Adam will.”

  “He’s gonna think I beat you,” he quickly said.

  “We both know you wouldn’t lay a hand on me.” She swiped at her lip once more. “I better go. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  Rob attempted to step towards her, but Ally put up her hands. “Don’t do this, Allison.”

  She pointed at the magazine on the table. “That’ll be you. I want that for you. Your dreams will never include me. My dreams only consist of you.”

  “No, Allison, my dreams are you—”

  The tears that had slid down her face stopped him. “Then you would have let Jewel go. You wou
ldn’t have protected her career. You would have chosen me. I gave up a lot to be here. To be with you. I think it’s time I be the selfish one. Me before you. But in doing so means it’s you before me … Your Olympic dream before me.”

  He rushed to her, his hands on her arms, stopping her. “I told you, Allison, I don’t want the Olympics. I don’t want it or my career if it means I can’t be with you.”

  “And then years later … Two Olympics later … you’ll resent me. I don’t want that. I couldn’t live with myself if there’s a chance that could happen,” she explained and set her hands on his chest. Then Ally pushed him off her.

  “I could never resent you,” he said.

  I have to say it.

  Ally swallowed hard, allowing the throbbing in her chest to numb the pain from her lip and face. “But I could resent you. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be responsible for you or your career. You don’t even realise you made your choice clear tonight.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. Then she whispered, “I love you, make no mistake of that, but I can’t wait for you.”

  His eyes shone. “No,” he begged.

  Dropping her hand from his face, Ally took a step back and then spun around. She made her way towards his front door.

  “Allison, please. Please don’t go.”

  His pleas caused her to stop once she reached the door. She looked over her shoulder to see the devastation on his face. “Tell Jewel I won’t be pressing charges. Mitch was pretty adamant I do, but I don’t want to ruin her career. I’m not that person anymore. I’m giving you what you want so you have to give me what I want.”

  “Anything.”

  Ally turned and faced him. She searched his light blue eyes for his love, but she wasn’t sure she found it. And not being able to caused her heart to dip, ceasing to beat the way it had before she met him.