All We Have

by Len Webster

  “John, I had no idea you were back in Sydney,” her father interrupted.

  Mr Abraham smiled at her and then at her father. “David. Got back today. Saw Ally here all alone and thought I’d come and say hi.”

  Her father nodded and then took his seat. “That was—”

  Ally abruptly standing caused her father to stop. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m just overwhelmed with all of this. The company, the apartment, and being back in Sydney is a lot to process. I have a killer headache. Mr Abraham, why don’t you stay and accompany my father? I’ve already ordered and hate to waste such an expensive meal.” She hadn’t looked Mr Abraham’s way. Instead, she kept her eyes on her obviously concerned father and his frown.

  He got out of his chair and came to her side. “Are you sure? I can take you home.”

  “I’ll get Serge to. I’m sorry.” Ally gave her father a kiss on the cheek and then quickly made her way out of the restaurant. The moment the doors closed behind her, Ally breathed out and let her pounding heart drum into her ears. ‘Threesome Ally’ had been her low point. And seeing that article once more made her nauseated. Little had the world known that she had only just lost her virginity almost two weeks ago. Sydney’s supposed whore had never done the deed until she had Robert Moors in her bed.

  “Piccola,” Serge said once he’d gotten out of the Jaguar.

  Ally nodded. The tears she wanted to cry didn’t come. Accusations of her old life made her numb inside, and it made her broken heart slightly bearable. Not completely stronger, but enough to live a life without him. She’d be that girl who watched the love of her life on TV. Watched him make a name for himself once he won that gold medal. Her heart had believed that that would be the time to go after him, but her head had told her no. Even when he did win gold, she’d never sought him out. She couldn’t drag his good and honest name through the mud of her façade.

  Before Ally could even tell Serge she wanted to go home, he was already at the back passenger door opening it for her. She gave him a small smile. Her lip had healed nicely enough, but she couldn’t get herself to smile the way she wanted to. To show people around her that she could. Tomorrow, she’d see if she could have the few stitches she had on her lip removed. Not saying a word, Ally slipped into the back seat and buckled up. One more event and she was finished with the social scene. She’d be done with that part of her life and decided to make a deal with herself. Digging into the handbag she had left in the car while she was in the restaurant, Ally took out her list and unfolded it. She stared at it as she reached for the pen, deciding to make some changes. To amend the deals she’d made with herself.

  12. Never fall in love with a man Rob if you can’t promise him a future.

  13. Never let your next kiss hurt you the way your last one did. Never let anyone kiss you and take your heart away the moment your lips meet as Rob had.

  14. If you have children someday, never let them have the life you had.

  Ally lifted the pen from the paper and her heart ached at number fourteen. She decided there was only one way to fulfil it properly.

  14. If you children someday, never let them have the life you had. Never have children.

  Clara: Hey, Ally. It’s been a while. Free to chat?

  Ally: Hi, Clara. Yeah, sure thing. Skype or call?

  Clara: Skype if that’s okay? I miss seeing you.

  Ally: I miss you. I’ll just go open up my Mac. Skype in five?

  Clara: Done deal. See you in five!

  “Frankie, do you mind recording the rest of this for me?” Ally asked as she got off the couch.

  Frankie reached for the remote and then recorded the episode of Rick Stein’s Spain that was showing on the Lifestyle Channel. After leaving Sepia, Serge had taken her back to her apartment and Frankie was already inside sorting out the deliveries Ally had received from designers for the gala on Saturday.

  “Anything else, Ally?”

  She smiled at the informality Frankie had used. “I’ve just got a Skype call with one of my best friends. After you’re done with that ridiculous amount of dresses, could you see if Rick Stein at Bannisters has a booking next month? I’d like to go.”

  “And if they don’t have a booking?” she asked.

  Ally knew Frankie was expecting the ‘throw money at it’ solution. Offer the restaurant a ton of money to let them eat there or even use her public image to score a free meal. But Ally wasn’t like that. Not anymore.

  “Ask if we could be added to the waiting list. I’ll be back soon.”

  “Okay,” Frankie said and set down the remote. Then she picked up the stack of delivery slips and started to organise them.

  Walking out of the living room, Ally entered her office and approached her desk. When she settled into her leather chair, she opened the MacBook and powered it on. It took seconds for the screen to brighten. Once Ally had logged in, Clara had already requested to video chat with her. The moment she had accepted the request, a picture of her brother’s beautiful ex-fiancée filled the screen. Clara’s long, curly brown hair framed her face stunningly. Her light, almost golden eyes were clear on the screen. She had this warmth about her that was alluring. And for a long time, Ally had been envious of Clara. Envious of her beauty and her freedom. Envious that Clara could be all the things Ally could never be. Clara had been born into money as well. But unlike Ally, Clara was raised in the suburbs and away from societal matters.

  “Hey,” Clara said with a bright and stunning smile.

  “Hey, Clara. How are you? Isn’t it late there?”

  “I’m good. Yeah, it’s late, but oh well. Noel’s in his office finishing some paperwork for the night. How are things going with you?”

  “Good,” she said with a nod.

  Ally watched as Clara brushed her curls away from the side of her face and over her shoulder. Clara then opened her mouth to speak but she had paused, leant forward, and squinted at the screen.

  “Last time I was in Melbourne, the Sydney Harbour wasn’t. What are you doing back there?” Clara asked; the disappointment wasn’t just in her voice, it was also in her eyes and facial expression. She had been the one who wanted Ally to stand up to her father. To leave behind Sydney and live with Stevie. When she had been engaged to Ally’s brother, Clara’s apartment had been hers to live in when she visited.

  She sighed. “I fell in love with Rob,” was the only way she could explain it all.

  Clara’s lips spread into a small smile. “It was bound to happen. I watched it all unfold from the sidelines. At my wedding and my goodbye dinner.”

  “Stevie didn’t tell you?” Ally was sure her ex-roommate would have told Clara that she had left or that she was in love with Rob. But it appeared she hadn’t from Clara’s surprise.

  “No. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Stevie’s incredibly loyal. She wouldn’t have told me unless it was serious or affected me in some way. She was protecting you. I’m glad she was with you when I wasn’t.” She sounded sad, almost remorseful.

  “I miss her, and I wish I was strong enough to stay. But it was just all too much, Clara,” she confided.

  “When did you cut your lip?” Clara asked as she once again squinted at the screen.

  “Earlier in the week. I’m hoping to get the stitches removed as soon as possible. The rest of my bruises I can hide with makeup.”

  Clara shook her head in disbelief. “How? Who did this to you?”

  Ally swallowed hard. “Jewel. I was at work at PJ’s and she started screaming about how I was ruining Rob’s life and because I’m a whore—”

  “You’re a virgin, so her accusations have no merit,” Clara cut Ally off as she squared her shoulders and nodded.

  Averting the screen, Ally stared at the keyboard and softly said, “I was a virgin.”

  A small gasp had Ally peeking up to see Clara’s wide eyes and gaped mouth. Then she slowly blinked as she processed the new information she’d been given.


  “It was …”

  “Rob,” Ally said, finishing her sentence. “The first time was terrible. The second time was … It was everything.”

  “Then what happened?”

  Ally sighed. “I told him I loved him, like a goodbye. But I couldn’t. I had plans to leave, but when I was with him, I thought he felt how I did. That night it just kinda exploded. Jewel attacking me. Rob choosing her and then that was it.”

  “He chose Jewel?” Clara asked, horrified.

  “Yeah. He was protecting her Olympic career. I knew the only way I could come home was to break my deal with my dad. So I spent three and a half million dollars as I was leaving Rob’s apartment. I bought my own place in New York.”

  Clara rubbed her eyes and let out a groan. “Okay. So now what has your dad got you doing? I swear, if he’s got you back at the Cross, I’m flying back to Australia and doing something about it.”

  Ally laughed at the determination that flashed in her eyes. “He got me my own apartment by the harbour. I’m no longer a socialite as of Saturday. I have one last appearance. And then I’m officially a temporary director at O’Connor Investments. I’ll be taking over when my dad retires.”

  “What?” Clara breathed, shocked. “I thought Liam was going to.”

  She wasn’t sure how to explain this part. She knew that her best friend still held some form of guilt for leaving Ally’s brother and then marrying Noel. She took a deep breath. “He stepped down recently. Signed over his shares to me earlier in the year. He’s somewhere in Europe finding himself. I’ve tried calling him but no luck.”

  “When did he sign his shares over to you?” It was delivered almost like a demand than a question.

  “The day after you married Noel,” Ally revealed to her.

  Clara slowly blinked. “The day after I married Noel …”

  “Yeah. He said that there was no way you were gonna go back to him. So he decided that he didn’t want the shares. He’s been struggling to cope and I think he’s just had enough and stepped down.” Ally leant back into her chair, not realising until that very moment how tense she was. “Enough about everything O’Connor. How’s the restaurant?”

  Clara’s frown deepened. “I quit recently.”

  “What?” Ally blurted out as she leant closer to the laptop. “I thought you loved Mistral?”

  “I did. But I love Noel more. And when I found out that my boss had demoted me because he was attracted to me and kinda threatened my marriage, I knew I couldn’t stay. My marriage means a whole lot more. It’s everything. So I’m back at university. Transferred to Boston Uni—”

  A knock on Ally’s office door had Clara stopping. Ally glanced up to see Frankie poking her head through with an apologetic expression on her face.

  “I’m sorry to disturb you, Miss O… Ally. But Laura from Elie Saab is here for the fitting.”

  Ally’s shoulders slumped and she looked back at Clara, offering her own apologetic expression. “I’m sorry, Clara. I have to go. I’ll call you later. Love you.”

  “It’s okay. Love you, too. But, Ally …”

  She stopped herself from pressing the end call button. “Yeah?”

  Clara’s smile appeared to be one of understanding. “Don’t let go of that love you have for him. I know it’s not right now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be later. I know why you’re doing this. You forget how well I know you. I also know Rob, and he isn’t like Noel or Julian. He doesn’t know how to express how he feels. If you ever forgive him, he’ll need time. I doubt that he’ll never love you. I saw the way he looks at you. It’s there.”

  It’s not there.

  I’m there.

  He isn’t.

  “Bye, Clara. Say hi to Noel for me.” And with that, Ally ended the call. She closed the MacBook and then got out of her chair, ready to try on dresses designed by one of her favourite designers and attempt to move on with her life.

  Rubbing his hands together to keep warm, Rob stared out at the foggy Yarra River in front of him. Since Allison had left Melbourne, he hadn’t wanted to train or go to the gym. He’d even stopped going to PJ’s. Besides the fact that Mitch had banned him after he’d punched him in the face, Rob couldn’t stomach the fact that Jewel had attacked Allison there. When he had marched into PJ’s, Mitch said nothing and threw his fist at his jaw. It was well deserved, and Rob hadn’t retaliated. Any other day, Mitch wouldn’t have been able to get a clean hit. Besides his brother and best friends, it was the only time he had ever allowed someone’s knuckles to make contact with him.

  “Rob,” a familiar voice said.

  Turning around, he watched his father walk down the dock towards him. When Arthur stood next to him, he too looked out at the river. It was just after eight a.m. and most of the rowers who usually did early morning training were already in their sculls, rowing down the foggy river. Rob should be one of them. But he couldn’t find it in him to put on his rowing shirt and shorts. Rowing had cost him Allison. The Olympics had contributed as well. But mostly, his stupidity had driven her away.

  “Your brother’s worried about you.”

  Rob let out a short laugh. “For years, it had been the other way ‘round.”

  “I know.”

  “You wouldn’t be here if you thought I was perfectly fine.”

  From the corner of his eye, he noticed his father nod. “You’re not like Julian. You hide from your feelings. You’re scared of what your mother did to you. Kept the cancer a secret. You’re scared to love someone that much because you’re terrified that they’ll leave you.”

  “So I have mother issues?” Rob deadpanned.

  “No. Your brother put it as ‘you don’t trust your heart with her.’ Is that right?”

  Rob dug his hands into his grey trackies. “More like she shouldn’t have trusted her heart to me. I fuckin’ broke it. Watched it with my own eyes. I never did love. Not until her. But I put rowing, my career, and the Olympics ahead of her. I let mistake after mistake break her. She sacrificed everything for me, and I gave her nothing. Why can’t I be like Julian? Or you? How come I’m the only Moors who’s terrified of love?”

  His father set his hand on Rob’s shoulder. “Because you watched the first woman you ever loved die, son. It traumatised you. You’re upset that she lied. But she made that choice because she didn’t want to hurt either of you. She wanted you to remember her happy for longer than she was dying. Even when she was sick, she was happy. She loved you, Rob. You and your brother. You were, are, and always will be her world. Love hurts. But love also heals the very worst wounds. She felt more alive watching your smiles than your cries. Your mother loved you both. But you gotta forgive her, Robbie. It’s the only way you can love that girl fearlessly.”

  A warm, wet, and foreign sensation trailed down his cheeks. Rob pulled a hand from his pocket and wiped at his face. They were tears. He cried tears. Real, emotional tears. He hadn’t even cried at his mother’s funeral. But this, the fear of losing Allison, caused him to cry. He was so afraid to get close that he lost her. Threw her back into the world that shamed her.

  Rob faced his father. “Will you be disappointed if I never go to Rio? If I chose Allison over the Olympics?”

  His father’s smile reached his glassy blue eyes. “No. I’m proud of you no matter what you decide. If your dreams are the Olympics, then go. If your dreams are of a life with her, then go. Your mother wanted you to be happy, Rob. She wanted you to grow up to be a good man.”

  “Am I meant to feel this okay with letting go of the Olympics? It’s all I’ve ever wanted and worked for … until I met her.”

  “If it makes you feel good, then it’s right. I’d have sacrificed the Olympics to be with your mother, Robbie. I’d have sacrificed every breath I would have ever made to trade places with her,” his father revealed. “I don’t want you to grow old and never experience the kind of love your mother and I had. It was beautiful. And even though I knew she was dying, I would have done it al
l the same. She gave me my two sons. And she gave me a life I’m proud of. With or without her, I still love her. I don’t have your mother with me anymore. But you could have Allison and love her the way I loved your mother, if not more.”

  Rob’s heart twisted and his stomach dipped. He knew how lonely his father was without his mother and her love. Rob didn’t want that. He thought winning the Olympics would give him that same happiness he had when she was alive. He was wrong. That swell of contentment, belonging, and pure joy had only been felt when he’d had even one second of Allison’s time. He was in love with Allison. He would always love her. He’d spend his entire life loving her the way she deserved.

  I’d give up every Olympic games just to be loved by her and to be with her.

  “I will love her more because I’ll fight to have the chance to. I just have to wait until she’s ready.”

  Rob: Allison, please, I need a moment of your time. Please call me.

  Rob: I’ve made so many mistakes. You can take back your love, but I’d fight tooth and nail to get it back from you.

  Rob: I’m not afraid anymore, Allison. I just need one chance to prove that to you. I know I don’t deserve one but please.

  Standing outside his brother’s door, Rob read the last text message he had sent to her. Yesterday, he’d stood on the dock with his father. In the end, Rob had made his final choice. Allison O’Connor was the piece of him he’d needed to take away the loneliness and to make him feel loved. She was the one. The only one. She was his breath of air. She was his everything. Returning his phone to his pocket, Rob knocked on the apartment door and waited. Moments later, he heard the chain unbolt and his brother answered the door, yawning with his brown hair all over the place.

  “Am I answering the door naked right now?” Julian asked, half asleep.

  Rob glanced down, noticed the boxer briefs, and then shook his head. “Nope, you’re good. I need to talk to Stevie.”