Remember, you are constantly guiding yourself through life. This is no small task. Build from your routine and watch your accomplishments grow.
CHAPTER 8
RUBY RED
QUALITIES: Healthy emotions and relationships
SHADOW SIDE: Emotional imbalance; being oversensitive or disconnected
Red is an inherently emotional color, vibrating from the deepest reaches of our heart. It is the color of blood and therefore also the source of our life force, so red is intrinsically linked with every kind of emotion we may feel. Culturally, this is the color most strongly associated with all emotions, both positive and negative. And while there may be an unlimited range of emotions we can experience as human beings, the unifying theme with red is it makes us feel our emotions more strongly. Working with red will make you more aware of your emotions and how you feel in any given moment.
Throughout history, red has been the color most often associated with strong emotions. It is most commonly thought of in relation to love, sexuality, and emotional joy. Further establishing the emotional element, red roses and red hearts are classic symbols of romantic love. Red is also the color we naturally associate with fire or danger, and this primal, emotional response to red is encoded into all of us. In the English language, there are many common sayings referring to red being an emotional color. For example, “seeing red” indicates anger and “raising the red flag” indicates imminent danger.
In Buddhism, red is one of the colors said to have radiated from the Buddha when he achieved nirvana, or the highest state of enlightenment. Red, in particular, is associated with some of the benefits of practicing Buddhism. These include wisdom, virtue, and dignity. In Asia, red is highly regarded as the color of happiness and joyful prosperity. In the Japanese Shinto religion, the stately gates of shrine (known as torii) are painted a warm red to symbolize the passage from an ordinary place into a spiritual one.
I love examining my own experiences with color alongside scientific studies to see how they compare. When I looked into experiments with red, I found that they demonstrated a consistent heightening of a variety of emotions. A study out of the University of Rochester revealed men were significantly more sexually attracted to women who wore red.5 This is no surprise if you look at female primates (like chimpanzees), who redden noticeably when they are nearing ovulation. It is nature’s way of attracting a mate. But desire is also one of the most powerful emotions that we can feel, so it is fitting it would be stirred up by the color red. Car insurance companies are thought to charge higher premiums for red cars. They assume the driver will be more likely to enjoy thrill seeking through speeding. For the insurers, red signifies you must enjoy heightened emotions like passion and exhilaration.
Brides in India and China wear red wedding dresses as a symbol of purity. In ancient Egypt, red was the color of life itself, and citizens (including Cleopatra) would decorate themselves with red during celebrations. As one of the most common colors for national flags, red is used to symbolize the blood and sacrifice of those who defended their country.
Red is the color that naturally attracts the most attention, so it is the best choice for when we want to connect with others emotionally. It is useful when we want to relate to people and also when we want to reconnect with our own emotional body. If I feel disconnected from a loved one or can sense I am avoiding any uncomfortable feelings in my own life, red is the perfect color for me to work with.
Ruby red is directly connected to our heart center. It represents the root of our emotions and determines how we connect, as well as interact, with others. I often see ruby red around healers and highly empathetic people. When I say healer, I am referring to any kind of healing a person can bring about. This often comes from a shaman, surgeon, acupuncturist, massage therapist, or similar type of person. But, ultimately, red has no boundaries when it comes to agents of the healing arts.
As an empath (someone who easily feels the emotions and mental states of others), red is one of the colors I have explored the most. I personally identify as being very sensitive. I have cried tears of joy at weddings of people I barely knew, especially if their loved ones were crying as well. I am also very sensitive to stories in books and to watching the news, movies, and even well-made TV commercials. In therapy, I used to talk about wanting to have thicker skin, but I have come to learn empathy is one of my greatest strengths. Being sensitive means a person has a powerful connection to energy and an evolved emotional intelligence. These are valuable qualities that do not always come naturally to people. If you consider yourself sensitive and can manage it properly, this energy can help you strengthen your relationships to others.
The secret to a healthy relationship with your emotions is learning when and how deeply to access them. As you activate ruby red, you will be exploring your relationship to the profound world of emotions. This color will also help you see the energy exchange you have in the various relationships in your life.
I have always been drawn to people’s life stories, and working with red has really helped me to home in on the reasons why. While it may be tedious for some to listen to other people’s issues, I love understanding the emotions behind people’s decisions and helping them understand their feelings. Before I began coaching and doing intuitive work professionally, I even found myself fascinated by people’s stories on TV. Documentaries, memoirs, and first-person narratives of any sort drew me like a magnet.
I used to think this was happening to me without my control, but I now realize that at times I was using it as an escape. This is one of the reasons why some of us can get so invested in the problems of our loved ones. It is also the reason why reality TV is so compelling to many people. Let’s be honest: it’s way more fun to dissect someone else’s life than our own. I can spend hours guiding and teaching others, but my own physical, emotional, and spiritual practice takes a little more effort to get going.
It is important to notice when we are focusing too much on the feelings of other people, because this can be a sign that we may be avoiding our own feelings. This is the beauty of working with ruby energy. It helps us take emotional inventory of our own soul.
Think of your heart center as a bank where you can make deposits and withdrawals. We all have a certain amount of emotional equity in our heart bank, and we must pay attention to what is coming in and going out. When you meet people and form a new relationship, an emotional deposit is created for you both. This deposit varies in size, depending on the energy exchange and connection between you. If you are spending too much time focused on the other people in your life, you may forget to check whether you are giving out more than you are receiving.
In business relationships, it is much easier to monitor an energy exchange. When you are hired for a job, the energy exchange is very clear, because it is usually determined in salary and benefits. You know up front what you are putting in and what you are getting out. But our personal relationships are a little bit harder to monitor. The ultimate goal with red is to have the loved ones in our life engaging in a balanced or equal exchange of energy with us. I’m not saying it needs to be tit for tat, but you should check in with yourself on a regular basis to gauge whether your emotional needs are being cared for and supported. If not, you may end up feeling either somewhat numb or overly emotional to compensate for the lack.
Subconsciously, we create spiritual contracts all the time that lay the foundation for our energetic and emotional exchanges. In my case, I tend to naturally send out a vibe to people that says, “I can listen to you; I can support you; and I will encourage you whenever you need me.” This is exactly how I want to come across, but in the past, I would forget to tell people what I needed in return. In my desire to connect, I would just put out unlimited amounts of energy, without ever focusing on myself. Oftentimes, my heart center would then go into spiritual foreclosure or exhaustion because I couldn’t meet the requirements.
On the flip side, I was recently working with a coachin
g client whose name is Rebecca. Rebecca contacted me because she wanted to work on the romantic blocks in her life, but they were indicative of a larger emotional blockage. Rebecca was an entertainment attorney in Los Angeles. She had achieved great success in her career but was struggling to find a romantic partner. I called her phone number at the time of her session, and her assistant placed me on hold as she got Rebecca. From the moment we began our session, I could feel that accessing her emotions was not easy for her.
“How do you let the world and your community know you are looking for a relationship?” I asked Rebecca. This is a common question I first ask clients who are trying to manifest love.
“I’m not sure what you mean about my community. My job keeps me busy most of the time, just like most people’s. No one here needs to know about my love life.”
“I was referring more to your soul group. Do you have any friends you have told about your desire for a romantic connection?”
“All my old friends have gotten married and have kids. They have better things to do than listen to me complain.”
As she spoke, I could see an opaque red energy tightly wound around her head and shoulders. The opaqueness of the aura told me that her relationship with this energy was not flowing freely, and its closeness to her body informed me that she was guarding her emotions.
“If we want to attract a romantic partner and it hasn’t happened yet, it’s important to get the energy moving by claiming it.”
“Well, it is the major theme of my vision board.” Rebecca replied.
“Tell me about your vision board.”
“I like vision boards. My current vision board is filled with pictures that show the kind of love that I want. I have an image of a happy couple walking on a beach. I also cut out romantic words and pasted them all over the board. The biggest words are passion, sex, intimacy, and support. Every morning I look at the board and imagine being in love. It’s funny, too, because when I do that I can feel my soul mate is out there. I know he is coming; he just needs to hurry up. This may sound crazy, but I feel like he and I have already met spiritually. I have never told that to anyone and am so embarrassed to admit that to you.”
“Rebecca, I make my living talking to people about seeing colors and hearing voices. It is totally safe to tell me anything you are feeling and or seeing. I love your vision board idea, and it sounds beautiful. However, I want to ask you again, how do you let the physical world and your community of peers know you are looking for a relationship?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Are you dating?”
“No.”
“Have you asked anyone out recently?”
“No way! Never. I would never do that; I’m not desperate. That is the man’s role.”
“Okay, have you asked your friends to set you up?”
“God, no, blind dates are the worst.”
“Then, do you have an online dating profile?”
“I’ve downloaded a couple of dating apps, but guys on there are just looking to hook up. I really hate having to go through the awkward dating phase; it seems like such a waste of my time. I just want to be in a relationship.”
Rebecca was the perfect example of someone who was ignoring red energy and her emotional landscape. Her vision board sounded lovely, but avoiding dates was preventing her from the natural process of emotionally connecting with potential soul mates. She didn’t seem to have any awareness that a lack of connection at work and in her personal life was affecting her ability to attract a mate.
In addition, she was not giving the universe any kind of sign that she was, in fact, open to a relationship. Of course, it is understandable to find dating awkward. I myself know the torture of sitting through a dinner where you struggle to find things in common or come to the realization that you don’t like this person. Then there is the chance you like the other person but must experience rejection when that feeling is not reciprocated. Those moments make us cringe, but this makes up a critical part of attracting a soul mate. Gauging how we feel on a bad date teaches us what feelings to look for when we are on a good date. This is precisely the point of red energy: to teach us how to check in with our emotions in all situations.
I hear similar stories from other clients who want to manifest romantic relationships. They can get stuck in what I call the “vision phase.” They are aware that they want a partner, but they do not want to expose themselves to the learning process of dating, because it comes with vulnerable emotions. There is a safety to fantasy and daydreaming about our Prince or Princess Charming. We can be, say, and act however we want. We can negotiate and manage the emotions of other people in this dream scenario without taking the risk of being vulnerable. But taking action and letting people see our emotions through dating creates a sense of vulnerability. That’s the thing about ruby red; it forces us to be completely aware of any vulnerability in our emotional field.
“So where is the vision board in your house?”
“I have it hanging on the inside of my closet door.”
“Rebecca, don’t you think that is interesting?”
“Why?”
“When I ask you how you are letting the world know that you want love, you say you haven’t talked about it with friends or put it out there in any physical way. Your vision board is the only proof that the universe has of what you want. You designed this vision board to bring you joyful emotions and the feeling of excitement about the relationship that you are manifesting. Yet it’s hidden away in your closet. What does that tell the universe?”
“Oh, well, that’s because my closet is a sanctuary. It is the size of a small bedroom. I get dressed in there. It has a sofa where I like to have coffee and visualize in the morning.”
“It sounds beautiful, but when we are tracking energy, we have to look at what we are doing to see if it is working. From what I can tell, you are stuck in the spiritual realm of creating more love and intimacy in your life.”
“I don’t agree. I feel pretty clear that I am trying to attract a relationship in this realm. I thought you would tell me it will just happen when it’s supposed to happen.”
“Rebecca, what I am about to say I mean with the deepest amount of respect. I do agree in a natural progression of the universe. But if no effort were required on your part, why make a vision board at all? Why do anything if it’s just going to happen when it’s supposed to happen?”
Rebecca was taken aback, but she agreed to try some of my suggestions before our next coaching session.
“The next step in grounding your intention is to share it with the universe, and I think red energy can help. You need to let people know that you are available for love and to honor the part of you that feels vulnerable. I wish I could tell you that just lighting a candle or making a vision board is enough to attract the love of your life. I do think a vision board can help you ground this energy, but the universe responds to action. Just as you had to go to school and study to get your law degree, we have to take physical steps to attract love.”
I gently pointed out to Rebecca that by not dating, not talking to her friends or co-workers about relationships, and not creating an online profile, there was a chance no one knew she was available. In fact, her actions were more in line with telling the universe she does not want a relationship.
“Red energy helps us connect with our emotions and our vulnerability. Who do you currently feel the safest with in your life?”
“My sister, Allison,” she quickly replied.
“Perfect. This week I want you to try different ways of activating ruby red energy, with the intention of helping you access your emotions. I know it may not seem related to finding love, but I just want you to try this out and see how it goes. I want you to talk to Allison in terms of your emotions and share whether you are feeling happy, sad, or angry, as well as the reasons why. Then I want you to proudly show her your vision board.”
“Okay, I’ll try. But she will think I’m crazy, be
cause I’ve never done that with her before.”
“Who cares? This is just an experiment. And if you feel vulnerable about showing her the vision board, change the language and call it a goal board.”
I explained the process of activating red energy and how Rebecca could use it to connect with her emotions. I advised her to surround herself with red through daily visualization. For a universal activation, she was going to buy herself red roses and place them in the center of her house. They could have been any red flower, but based on the description of her closet, it felt like roses weren’t out of the budget!
“The reason we are placing roses in your house is to have a visual reminder you are allowing people to see your heart’s desire.”
I wanted Rebecca to activate red in her home and throughout her day to see where she might be blocking emotional intimacy without knowing it. During the following session, I checked in on her progress.
“I decided to take your advice. The flower part was easy, and I really enjoyed the visualization of red. I tried to really keep an eye on my emotions to see how I was feeling during the week. Work was interesting for me because I did not realize how much I’ve been censoring my feelings there. My office is a pretty corporate environment where expressing emotion is not exactly encouraged. I’ve become comfortable operating from a pragmatic standpoint—maybe too comfortable. Talking to my sister was the most awkward because I’ve never been that honest with her about my feelings before. But I think I learned the most there. I invited her over for dinner and shared my vision board with her. At first, she joked with me and called it my love Ouija board. But then, after a few glasses of wine, we got to talking seriously.”
Your Life in Color Page 13
