The Amish Widow's Heart

by Marta Perry

  No sooner had she reached the bottom of the stairs than she found Daniel blocking her way. He hastily stepped back. “Sorry. I was just coming to look for you. Your daad wants to know if there are any more jugs for the cider. Looks like he’ll need about two more to finish up this pressing.”

  There was no reason for her to feel awkward around Daniel, she reminded herself. He was the one who’d been unreasonable about Elijah Schmidt.

  “I washed them all and put them in the pantry.” Gesturing him to follow her, she went back inside. “I’ll show you.”

  She led him into the shelf-lined pantry, filled with canned foods. One section of shelves she used for canning jars and other containers, and on the floor she’d set the extra jugs. “Here you are.” She hesitated. “I’m glad you came. I was afraid...”

  Daniel had bent to grasp the glass containers, but he straightened at that, the movement bringing him close to her. “I was delayed, or I’d have been here earlier. I wanted to say how sorry I am for the way I acted about Elijah Schmidt. I jumped to conclusions.”

  Beth glanced down, not sure she wanted to meet his steady gaze. “It wasn’t your fault. I did intend to tell you about the offer. I just...well, I was trying to find the right way to do it.”

  Neither of them said anything for a moment. Was he hoping she’d say she’d already refused the offer? She couldn’t do that, not when she didn’t know her own mind.

  Apparently deciding she wasn’t going to say any more, Daniel bent and picked up two of the jugs. “It’s all right,” he said, his voice colorless, and walked out with the jugs.

  Beth stood looking after him, frustrated with him and with herself. It was all very well to resolve to move forward, but how could she when her emotions were such a tangled mess?

  * * *

  Worship was at her friend Esther’s house on Sunday, so once Beth had turned her horse and buggy over to one of the boys taking care of them, she sent Benjy to join his grandparents and headed for the kitchen to see if she could help.

  Esther, looking rather frazzled, was directing a kitchen crew consisting of her sisters along with the twins Ella and Della. Lydia must have come in just ahead of her, because she was already asking if she could help.

  “I’ll help, as well,” Beth said, bumping her elbow against Lydia’s.

  She grinned and added, “Yah, both of us.”

  Esther looked at the clock and then at the workstations in her kitchen much as Beth had surveyed the cider-making crews the previous day. “Denke, but I think we’re all right now. If you’ll help with serving or cleanup...”

  “Right, we’ll be here,” Lydia said, after a glance at Beth for her approval. She caught hold of Beth’s arm as they went out, stopping her when they were far enough from the various groups not to be heard.

  “What’s wrong?” Her grasp tightened.

  Beth, taken by surprise, could only stare. “Does it show?”

  “Probably not to everyone,” Lydia said. “But you ought to know you can’t hide things from me.”

  Beth glanced around to ensure that no one was nearby. Even so, she wouldn’t discuss her confused feelings over Daniel, not here. “Elijah Schmidt stopped by the house a couple days ago. He offered to buy my share of the store.”

  Lydia’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a shock. I wouldn’t have thought he had ambitions to be a grocer.”

  Beth hadn’t thought of that, but now that Lydia had mentioned it, she realized that it surprised her, as well. “I don’t know that he does,” she said slowly. “But he does seem...well, proud...of his businesses. And he offered me what seemed like quite a lot for it.”

  “Are you going to accept?” Lydia seemed to be keeping her face deliberately blank.

  “You don’t need to worry. I’m not asking you to tell me what to do. I’d just like to talk it over.” And something even more troubling to her peace of mind. “Can you come over after work? Maybe tomorrow?” Seeing her mother looking at her, she began moving.

  “Definitely tomorrow,” Lydia said. “We’d best get in line, or your mother is going to blame me for detaining you. She always did think I talked too much. And she was probably right.”

  Smiling, Beth squeezed her hand, relieved at just the thought of talking this over with a good friend. Lydia was the only one who knew enough to give her an unbiased opinion.

  When she reached her family, Daad gave her a frowning look.

  “They’re not ready to go in yet,” she pointed out, feeling as guilty as she would have in similar circumstances when she was a child. In some things, her parents didn’t think she’d grown up.

  “Just don’t want you to be late.” He didn’t smile, but his eyes began to twinkle. “Your mamm and I remember how you girls always did talk.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” she said. “Where is Benjy?”

  “With your brother. He and Will want to sit together.”

  Beth raised her eyebrows. “I hope he realizes what he’s in for. Those two boys together are five times as mischievous as they are one at a time.”

  “They’re a pair of snickelfritzes, all right,” Daad said indulgently. “But Eli can handle them.”

  Things were changing, Beth realized as she hurried to her place in the line. Not that long ago, Benjy had clung to her at the very suggestion of sitting apart from her. Now he’d trotted off without even asking her. Her little boy was growing up.

  Before she could decide how that made her feel, the line began to move, and they were entering the pole barn for worship. Even as she sat down and the unmarried girls filed into the benches in front of her, she realized that Anna was missing. A quick glance showed her that the rest of the family was there. She hoped Anna wasn’t sick, both for her sake and because it was sometimes difficult to get along without her.

  At the end of the three-hour service, she and Lydia scurried out to join the women who were serving. But Daad must have left quickly as well, because he caught up with her before she could reach the kitchen.

  “A word with you,” he said. At his look, Lydia moved away.

  “I’ll get started,” she said. “Don’t hurry.”

  “What’s wrong, Daad?” His expression told her this was more serious than being late to get into line.

  “There’s talk going around,” he said bluntly. “Talk that Elijah Schmidt is buying your share of the store.”

  Beth saw red. “That man—I’d like to tell him just what I think. But not on the Sabbath,” she added. Hurriedly.

  “So it’s not true?” Daad touched her arm and leaned a little closer, as if hinting that she shouldn’t lose control.

  “It’s true he made an offer to buy my share.” She tried to arrange her thoughts. “It was that day I’d been baking with Mammi and Grossmammi. He stopped by when I got home. I certain sure didn’t say that I would. I haven’t even decided if I want to sell.”

  Her father’s face seemed to relax. “I thought you wouldn’t do that without telling us.”

  “I certain sure wouldn’t,” she said, a little indignant. “I want to have a talk with you about it. Soon. I want to do what’s best for Benjy.”

  “It’s not right for Elijah to go around acting as if you’d decided.” Daad frowned. “I don’t understand why he’d do that.”

  She thought she did, and she didn’t like it. “I think he’s trying to push me into selling.”

  “Then he’s being foolish,” Daad said. “No one can do that.”

  She was surprised at the implied compliment. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want your opinion.”

  “I’ll look into it for you, if you want,” he said. “But your mamm and I know the decision has to be yours.” He patted her hand. “You’re recovering now. Getting more like yourself after the shock. We trust you to make the right choices.”

  “Really?” She raised
her eyebrows questioningly.

  He chuckled. “If I tried to tell you what to do, you’d think I was interfering, ain’t so?”

  Beth squeezed his arm. “You are a very gut father. Do you know that?”

  “I had gut material to work with,” he replied.

  “Denke, Daadi.” Her heart warmed.

  “One thing,” Daad said, cautioning. “You’ll talk to Daniel about it, ain’t so? After all, he and James built that business together.”

  She nodded, hearing the truth of his words. The little they’d spoken about it could hardly be called an actual conversation. She had to do that, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Daniel finished his lunch in a hurry and made his way to the other side of the barn, where he hoped to find some peace. Everyone was talking about Elijah Schmidt buying Beth’s share of the store as if it was a done deal.

  What if it was? Or would be? This was an eventuality he and James had never considered when they’d made up the simple agreement between them. Maybe they should have.

  Well, they hadn’t, so he and Beth would have to figure it out. He wanted what was best for her and Benjy, but they might have different opinions as to what that best was.

  “Daniel?”

  He swung around at the sound of the voice he’d recognize anywhere. Beth stood a few feet away from him.

  A quick glance told him no one else was in sight, though he could hear the hum of voices from the other side of the barn.

  “How did you find me?” He felt as if he’d been thinking of her so much it was like sending out signals to her. But that was just silly.

  “What did you always do when you were upset?” She moved a bit closer, resting her hand on the fence railing. “Run away and hide, that’s what. Since your buggy was still there, I knew you hadn’t gone home, so I just looked for a likely hiding place.”

  “I could have been in the barn loft,” he said lightly, trying to hide the stress of Elijah’s offer.

  She just shook her head, looking out across the field toward the road that would soon be filled with buggies. He could lean back against the fence and study her without being seen.

  Beth looked different this morning, and he tried to figure out how. And why. Ever since James’s death she’d been a shadow of herself, worn out by trying to cope with his death as well as the knowledge of his betrayal.

  Now she’d become more definite—like watching the fog lift from the valley, allowing the colors to come out again. Beth was finding her way back to herself, and he was thankful.

  “Elijah has been talking again,” she said. “I told Daad the only reason I could see is that he hopes to push me into agreeing.”

  “Is it working?” he asked, trying not to let his feelings show.

  “It’s more likely to have the opposite effect.” Her voice was tart in a way he hadn’t heard for a time. “I have to keep reminding myself that I should consider what’s best for everyone, especially Benjy. His future is the most important thing.”

  He couldn’t argue with that, even if he wanted to.

  “Daad reminded me that we haven’t actually talked it over yet—you and I, I mean.”

  “My fault,” he said, knowing it was true. “I overreacted. I’m—”

  “You already said you’re sorry,” Beth said. “It’s all right. Now tell me what you really think about it.”

  Daniel frowned, staring down at his hands grasping the top rail of the fence. “I can’t really be fair, I think. James always talked about how Benjy would come into the business with us as he grew. I got so used to thinking that way that I can’t picture anything else.”

  “Yah, I know.” Beth’s voice was soft, remembering. “One day that could happen, but in the meantime...well, I worry that I can’t pull my own weight when it comes to running the store.”

  “Don’t think that,” he said quickly. He could hardly tell her that he lived in anticipation of the next time she was in the store. “You’re doing a fine job. Nobody expects you to replace James, but you have your own things that you do well. We’re doing all right the way we are.”

  “Denke, Daniel. But even if that’s so, and you’re not just trying to make me feel useful, I have to consider other things.”

  “Like the money you’d get from selling,” he finished for her. “It seems like a lot, but money runs out eventually. And then Benjy wouldn’t have a business to inherit.”

  “That’s true, but it’s not what I was thinking about.”

  He looked at her, surprised by the remark, to find her smiling at him.

  “What I wanted to know was how it would work out for you, having Elijah as your partner.”

  “Elijah.” He let out a long breath, trying to think what he should say. Truthfully, he hated the idea of working with the man, but he didn’t want to put Beth on the spot.

  Before he found the right words, she added, “What you really think, please. What you would say if he weren’t part of the church family.”

  He was surprised into a smile. “That makes it even harder, yah? I can’t say I’d enjoy having him as a partner. James and I always had the same picture of what the store was going to be—that we’d give value to our customers and deal with them fairly and kindly. Like delivering things without charge to those folks who can’t get out.”

  “You don’t think Elijah would go along with that vision?”

  He hated to speak negatively of a member of the Leit, but he couldn’t be less than honest with Beth. “Based on how he runs the businesses he has, no.”

  “Neither do I,” she said. “So that weighs against selling.” She paused, seeming to consider her decision. “If it were just my concern, I’d turn him down, but I have to remember that it’s Benjy’s future.”

  He nodded. That was only right. “Take your time. Talk to anyone you want. I’m not in any hurry. Whatever you decide, I won’t argue.”

  “Denke.” Relief flooded her face. “I don’t want to be at odds with you. No more misunderstandings between us—it’s much better to speak honestly, yah?”

  He immediately thought of his promise—of the thing he should tell her but couldn’t. No. He corrected himself even as he had the thought. It wasn’t he who should tell Beth. It was Anna. That poor girl would never be whole until she’d confessed to the person she’d hurt.

  Beth seemed to take his agreement for granted, so he didn’t have to speak.

  An image of the life he really wanted arose in his mind—a picture of himself and Beth together, with Benjy growing up and working beside him. It seemed very far away.

  * * *

  Church Sundays usually meant having supper with family, but Beth had begged off for once. After having been occupied with the cider-making the previous day, she was more than ready for a little quiet, and she thought Benjy could use some downtime, too. Even his boundless energy should get a rest once in a while.

  “How about this one, Mammi?” Benjy, helping her pick some vegetables in the garden for supper, parted the leaves of a butternut squash plant to show one. “Should I pick it?”

  She stepped over a row of fading tomato plants to look closer. “I think it needs to get a bit bigger,” she said, knowing that Benjy liked picking better than any other part of gardening. “See if you can find a pepper ready, and we’ll have it in salad.”

  Benjy grimaced, salad was not his favorite dish, but he went obediently to the pepper plants.

  Beth stared absently at the tomato plants, thinking about everything that had happened that morning. Daad, despite his determination not to make decisions for her, had agreed to look into the offer for her. He would be fair, and he’d be able to find out more about Elijah’s reputation as a businessman than she would.

  Most men would have jumped at the chance to have a full-time partner instead of an inexperienced
woman with a child only able to work part-time. But Daniel clearly didn’t want to work with Elijah, although his determination to do the best for his old friend’s family would govern his reactions. If she decided to accept Elijah’s offer, he’d deal with it.

  She was fortunate to have a friend like Daniel. She firmly kept her thoughts away from any suggestion that he might, one day, be more than a friend.

  Movement caught her eye, and Beth realized that a buggy was coming down the lane. To her surprise, it was Sarah, James’s mother.

  “Benjy, look who’s coming.”

  “Grossmammi!” Benjy shouted, jumping over several rows and knocking down the remains of one tomato plant in his rush to greet a visitor.

  By the time Beth reached them, Benjy had helped tie up the buggy horse and hugged his grandmother. Beth was just in time to hear what he said.

  “Did you bring me a treat?”

  “Benjy!” Aghast, Beth didn’t know what to say. “Never, never, ask someone for a treat. That is very rude.”

  Benjy’s eyes filled with tears at the sharpness in her tone. She longed to apologize, knowing her reaction was at least partly because it was her mother-in-law. But she couldn’t do that. Benjy had to learn what was acceptable and what wasn’t.

  She bent over him, intent on explaining. “Sometimes people bring you a little present and sometimes they don’t, but we should never expect it. Then it’s a nice surprise when it happens. Understand?”

  He blinked away the tears and nodded. “Yah, Mammi. I’m sorry, Grossmammi.”

  Beth wasn’t sure what Sarah would say, but she just smiled and nodded.

  Relieved, Beth straightened. “We’re so glad to see you. Will you stay for supper with us?”

  Sarah hesitated. “Not if it’s inconvenient. I just thought I’d like to talk a bit.”

  Beth caught the sideways flicker of her eyes toward Benjy and realized she meant in private.