Amish Love Saves All

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “Let’s go inside if you’re finished. I’ll ask Lizzie if we can talk privately,” Lovina said.

  Having gotten permission from Lizzie, Lovina led Amy into the house and a small bedroom on the first floor. “Amy, now that we know you want to be a part of our peer group, I need to ask you to be very careful. What happened earlier is likely to have angered Andy greatly.”

  “That’s partly why I made the break publicly. If I had waited until I was at home, I could have been in danger.”

  Lovina, about to speak, paused. “Have you picked up on something? Or has he done something?”

  “I’ve felt a...danger coming from him for the past few weeks. Matt began to stutter again. He had almost completely stopped. At about the same time that I realized something could happen, he began stuttering again. I listened to that.”

  So, he’s never hit you?”

  “Nee, thank Gott. If he had, I would have called Sheriff Mathis. I know how he helped with Wayne Lapp. I know we aren’t supposed to involve the English in our lives, but I am responsible for my children. I’m the only—” Amy stopped speaking as she fought a sudden urge to cry.

  “You would have done the right thing. It’s my understanding that the elders are driving out later today to speak with Andy.”

  “That does make me feel better. If he knows he’s facing the ban, he may behave himself and stay away from me.”

  “Okay, before Lizzie needs her room back, let me just tell you that we talk about sexism in our group meetings, and what it is and how it affects us. We also talk about ways to combat it peacefully—in fact, I think we are going to use your words and actions today to demonstrate what to do and say.”

  Amy blushed. “Denki. But I don’t want—”

  “You don’t want to be the center of attention. Ya, I understand.”

  ***

  Later that afternoon, the bishop, deacon and both ministers pulled into Andy Stoltzfus’ yard. Jumping out of the buggy, the bishop strode to the front door and knocked.

  Inside, Andy heard the knock he’d been dreading. With a deep sigh, he got up and slowly walked to the door, opening it. “Come in.” He swung the door wide, though he was much more inclined to slam it shut in their faces.

  The bishop, as had been agreed upon beforehand, started. “Andy, what was that at the Lapp’s house? Are you aware that not even three months ago, Wayne Lapp was bent on murdering both his wife and daughter because they wouldn’t quit their jobs?”

  Andy had been over the entire embarrassing episode on his way home and as he waited for his visitors. Seeing his mamm coming into the living room, he waved her off. “It’s nothing, Mamm.”

  “Wait a minute, Andy. I’m sure she saw the whole thing, right, Missus Stoltzfus?”

  “Ya. It was...embarrassing.”

  “Well? You embarrassed your parents. What do you have to say?”

  “I have been courting Amy Hershberger for two months now. I feel a connection to her, but I worry that her chosen...profession could get—”

  “Stop. I believe Deacon King already spoke to you about that. Amy spoke to us. Her farm tour harms nothing and nobody. She’s at home, taking care of her kinder and she is paying her bills independently.”

  “But I could take all that off her...”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “If she wanted you to do so. She made it clear today that she does not want that. Ya?”

  Seeing the discomfort of both Andy and his mamm, the bishop quietly told Mrs. Stoltzfus that, if she wanted, she could leave the room.

  She was happy to do so, seeming embarrassed by the discussion.

  Andy’s eyes filled. “I...didn’t expect her to do that today. I mean, I know there has been a little strain—”

  Here, the deacon took over. “Andy, I would say she was feeling more than a ‘little’ embarrassed or upset. You inferred, in two sentences, that as ‘just a woman,’ she is incapable of making decisions for and acting for her children’s needs. Do you remember when Matt Hershberger died?”

  “Ya. It was...a year ago?”

  “More like two. Her kinder were three, four and five. Shortly after she buried him, she came to all of us with her farm tour idea. She had everything written out, down to the budget numbers. ‘I don’t want to be dependent on the community,’ she told us. ‘I want to be able to provide for the needs of my kinder and me, all on my own.’ You know why?”

  Andy didn’t and he shrugged.

  “She knew there was no guarantee she’d meet someone, either here or from another Amish community, willing and able to become an instant daed. So, not wanting to completely deplete their savings account, she conceived of the idea of her tour. Everything she planned falls well within our Ordnung.

  “Now, let’s talk about your attitude toward women. Then we will discuss, in detail, what kinds of consequences you could face from this—especially if you don’t leave her alone. ‘Just a woman.’ Do you truly believe that she isn’t equal to us men?”

  Andy knew he had to be honest, even though his beliefs would bring anger upon him. Sighing, he stood tall. “Ya. I believe all men are superior to women. We are bigger and stronger. They need us even if they don’t know it or admit to it. Amy could have quilted and earned money by taking the quilts to that quilting shop. She could have baked and sold her items on the bakery stands around here. But a tour?”

  “Andy, who conceives the child and gives birth to it? The daed? Or the mamm?”

  Andy choked. “The, uh, the mamm.”

  “Andy, childbirth doesn’t tickle. It hurts something powerful. I had to assist at the birth of one of my kinder and I never saw my wife go through more pain. She tried to bear it in dignity, but I could see and feel that she was hurting. Now, who takes care of the kinder more? Mamm? Or Daed?”

  “Mamm. As she should. Daed is in the fields, shoeing horses or making furniture.” Andy spoke his beliefs proudly at first, then, feeling the keen disappointment coming off the other men, he began to feel small. But he had to stand for himself. Who else was there to rescue Amy and her kinder?

  “Hannes, I’ll speak. We’re at that point anyway. Andy, as bishop, I am responsible for the spiritual wellbeing of people in our community. You saw Amy and decided to begin courting her. From what we understand, at first, for a few weeks, it went well. Shortly after, you began pressuring her to give up her tours. You told her that she was violating the Ordnung. Were you present for the meetings that were held for the most recent change?”

  Andy didn’t know what to say here. Obviously, he hadn’t been there! He said as much.

  “Ya, the Ordnung was last updated when you were a schoolboy. I was there. My daed was there. We made the change to employment of district wives for one reason—because, back then, a recession was making life hard for many of our families. The women came to us, telling us that their families were struggling to make it on only one income. Previously, we had given families leeway so the women could work within the home. But beginning with that time, we had to make changes so that women might work outside the home. To be able to do this, wives had to be in agreement with their husbands that their earnings would be used only for the needs of the family. If they decided to work at our market, the diner next to Peace Valley, or the Quilt Place, wherever. And that’s the way it’s been since then. So, how would Amy have been in violation of the Ordnung, in its present form?”

  Andy couldn’t answer, so he only shrugged.

  One of the ministers spoke up. You have two choices...no, three, here. Keep on as you did today and face the Meidung. Take part in peer group meetings, or one-on-one sessions, and learn about how outdated your attitude about women truly is.”

  The deacon began speaking again. “Amy didn’t care for your beliefs today. Because of that and because of how you’ve been treating her, she’d had enough and she decided to break your relationship off. I noticed how you were looking at her boys before services began.”

  Andy’s look was confused. They ha
dn’t been looking at him! Or had they? “Andy, very little slips past these old eyes. You weren’t happy how, when you sat behind them, Joshua and Matt left the men’s section and sat with their mamm. I saw—”

  Andy remembered what he’d been thinking. “I thought that they should not have been sitting in the women’s section. She coddles them. I would have set them straight.” At that brag, Andy stood at his full height.

  “Why do you think they left the men’s section? Right after you sat behind them?”

  Andy shrugged, completely lost. “Why” had nothing to do with it. The only thing he saw was deliberate disobedience. But, looking at the bishop’s question, he waited to answer. “I dunno.”

  “Andy, kinder, just like animals, have an uncanny ability to detect bad in others...”

  “Me? In me? I’m the best thing that has ever happened to Amy Hershberger!”

  “How? Why?”

  Andy’s laughter was incredulous. Closing his eyes, he reminded himself to treat the old man with respect. “Sir, she lost her husband two years ago. She hasn’t had any man around other than me. I have been working to show the boys just how they are supposed to act. Like men.”

  “When you courted her, you met her family, right?” After Andy’s emphatic nod, Bishop Kurtz continued speaking. “She has brothers. Their relationship is loving and supportive, which means they have spent many days and hours around their nephews. You aren’t the only man influencing them. When you sat behind Joshua and Matt, I was watching them. They were minding their mamm, sitting still. Then you sat behind them and they noticed it. I saw a look of...panic on Matt’s face. Joshua grabbed his hand and they ran to Amy. Children, like animals, are able to sense the gut—and bad—in people.

  “If you want to be a part of Amy’s life, you must give her the room she needs to make her own choices. She is—”

  “But bishop, she needs a man around to ensure that she does make the best decisions possible. She’s a woman. She can’t do that.”

  The bishop’s breath whooshed out of his chest when he heard that. “Repeat that? Nee, never mind. Did you actually just say that because she’s ‘just a woman,’ she can’t make gut decisions? Did you?”

  Andy swallowed and closed his eyes in dismay and self-anger. Had he really said that? Thinking back a few seconds, he realized he’d given voice to very private thoughts. “Ya.”

  The deacon stepped up. “Okay. That makes it necessary for me to tell you this: You are not to spend any time with her. Wait a minute. She broke your relationship off. I forgot! Ya, you are definitely not allowed to be around her or her kinder. And this brings us to the next reason for our visit. You are running the risk of receiving the Meidung. You don’t want the pain or embarrassment of that. You have been attempting to live pridefully, trying to convince Missus Hershberger that you are the only hope she has. And that isn’t true. The elders and I have all decided that you have to stay away from her, beginning with this afternoon. She wants nothing more to do with you. Not now, not next month. And not ever. She is moving ahead with her life, making a living and raising her children. You are to return to your farm. And, beginning this week, take part in weekly peer group meetings, where we discuss the role of women in Amish communities. Not just the traditional roles we’ve always given them, but those they feel they have the potential to hold.”

  Andy, looking steadily at the ground, sighed. He looked up slowly, into the deacon’s eyes. “And if I don’t?”

  “You’re one step closer to a banning meeting. You aren’t going to learn how to view the women here any differently until you attend meetings.”

  Reluctantly, Andy began to accept the inevitable. He sighed and shuffled his feet, took his hat off and put it back on. “I got farming, deacon.”

  “Ya. And we all have farming, farrier work and carpentry to do. We all go to the meetings, too.”

  “What if I can’t learn to see women differently?”

  “Then, first, all your relationships are going to fail. No woman wants to feel like she isn’t listened to. They don’t want to be overpowered. Next, as the bishop said, you’re running the risk of the Meidung. We don’t want to see that happen. We all prayed before coming here today, asking Gott to give us his guidance.”

  Andy gave a loud sigh that sounded like a groan. “How long do these meetings last? What happens in them?”

  “We try not to go longer than an hour and a half per meeting. We pray, and then we discuss women’s roles and how they relate to our Ordnung. Not the Ordnung of any other community, just ours. Then we talk about why it’s so hard for us men to ‘let’ them go to work, whether they leave the house to do so or they work within the home.”

  “And I have to do this to avoid the possibility of the ban?” Andy’s voice was skeptical.

  “Ya. Exactly.”

  Andy modulated his facial expression, looked out over the horizon and, again, removed and put his hat back on. Sighing, he nodded. “Okay. Only because I don’t want to put my mamm and daed through the pain and shame of a ban.”

  The ministers looked at each other. “Gut decision. We will leave so you can have time with your family. I believe they may be driving up.”

  Andy groaned. That was all he needed.

  “We’ll get our horses and buggies. You let your mamm know that company’s here.” Boarding the buggies, the elders left the Stoltzfus yard. Down the road, behind a copse of trees, they stopped. “What sense did you get from him?” the deacon asked.

  “He’s doing it only to avoid the ban. I’m glad you didn’t tell him he’d have to go to twelve sessions, minimum.”

  The deacon chuckled slightly. “Me, too. It nearly came out. Ya, he needs a minimum of twelve sessions.”

  Back at the Stoltzfus farm, Andy was taking some grief from his brothers. “Why were all the elders here? Normally, when they all come to someone’s house it means it ain’t good news!”

  “Amy Hershberger told me she wouldn’t be seeing me anymore. I’ve been trying to convince her that she shouldn’t be running that tour thing on her farm because of the exposure to the English every weekend. Then I asked her why her boys ran from the men’s section over to her at today’s service. She answered and I told her she needs a man around who’ll influence her boys right, that she’s just a woman.” Hearing the lighter footsteps of his sisters, Andy squeezed his eyes shut. He knew they’d heard him. . .

  “Andy Stoltzfus! What were you thinking? Or were you thinking? You don’t say things like that to any woman! She has been widowed for two years. She’s all on her own. I love you, little brother, but I’m also happy she broke things off with you. There’s a lot about us you don’t know...and if you ever want to marry a gut woman, you’d better get to know what we think and how we feel.”

  “But that’s how daed is...”

  “Nee. He isn’t. He’s decisive. He knows what he wants after he’s thought something through. But look at Mamm. She’s quiet, but she’s also strong and she doesn’t put up with nonsense from any of us. Including Daed. Let’s go for a walk. Mike, tell my parents I went for a walk with Andy, please.” Gripping Andy’s forearm, she pulled him off the porch and toward a small stand of trees not far from the house. “Tell me.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sighing, Andy tried to think where to start. “I met Amy years ago. I was going to ask her to let me court her, but Matt Hershberger asked her first.”

  “Okay, do you think she would have waited for you? Or that Matt would have been her first choice? And think carefully, brother.”

  “Ah... I don’t know. All I know is that when I first noticed Amy, she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. After Matt started courting her, I dated around but not seriously. Oh, I met a few I thought would make a wonderful wife, but...they weren’t Amy. Then she and Matt married.”

  “Is that why you’ve never married? Because Amy was gone?”

  “Ya, I guess.”

  “And now that she has had to become so indepe
ndent, and she is refusing to stop her farm tour...is she still attractive to you?”

  Andy didn’t even need to consider. “Ya, always.”

  Becky, Andy’s sister, sighed. “Andy, when you meet someone and make them a part of your life, you accept the gut and the bad of them. Obviously, if the ‘bad’ is something like killing or cheating, you can’t do that. But why is supporting her family by herself such a bad thing?” Becky asked her question in just the way she had for a reason.

  Andy sensed a trap but wasn’t sure why. So he answered instinctively. “It isn’t!”

  “Okay. Then why were you after her to quit her farm tours?”

  The trap still hadn’t snapped shut. Andy blundered right into it. “Because she is exposing herself and her kinder to the English! She’s not using gut judgment. It’s up to me to show her that and make the decisions for her.”

  “Had you asked her to marry you?”

  “Nee. Although we had been courting for two months already.”

  “Oh! Two months! Is that enough for the two of you to really know and trust each other?”

  “I know her heart, ya. She is a good woman.”

  “A good woman who is exposing her kinder to unsuitable Englischers?” SNAP! The trap shut.

  Andy realized too late that he couldn’t respond back.

  “Andy. Were you going to ask her to marry you in this year’s wedding season?” Becky waited.

  “Well, ya.”

  “After dating two months? That’s awful fast. And why would you marry someone who you believe is influencing her kinder wrong?”

  Again, Andy couldn’t answer. Then he came up with his answer. “I was going to make her quit and tell her I’d be the support for all of us.”

  Becky wasn’t a violent woman. But in that moment, she wanted to smack Andy upside the head. “Andy!” Her voice came out as a strangled scream. “You’re not making a lick of sense!”

  “Why? I make sense to me!”

  “Nee, you don’t! You’re forcing your will and decisions on a woman who has had to learn to be very independent very quickly. If I were her, and you were courting me, I would feel very crowded in, like I couldn’t breathe without asking for your permission.”