Accepting the Fall

by Meg Harding

  Cole’s palms abruptly became clammy, and he smoothed them along the front of his jeans. Their last date had been effortless, the kind of night that made Cole feel warm and content inside, and he was hoping for the same tonight. He was, inexplicably, more nervous this time around.

  Zander’s Range Rover sat in his driveway, and Cole, knowing Zander would be watching, almost dropped his keys fumbling to lock his door. “Jesus Christ, get it together, Cole,” he muttered.

  When he got into the Rover, Zander leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Hey.” He smiled, and Cole’s stomach predictably dipped at the glimpse of Zander’s dimple. It did things to him. “You ready?”

  “That depends. What are we doing?” Cole took in Zander’s outfit: a clinging black shirt and dark gray cargo pants.

  “It’s a surprise, and no, I won’t spoil it.” He reversed out of the drive. “You’ve got a big place.”

  It was said casually enough, a comment with no double meaning. “Yeah, I’m kind of a last stop.”

  Zander glanced at him. “What does that mean?”

  “I’m sort of a shelter—I do a lot of work with and for other shelters—but when they come to my place, they stay. I’ve done some fostering, but overall I prefer to provide forever homes.” Cole scratched the side of his nose. “I get kind of attached, so fosters are difficult.” Hence Casper would be going nowhere.

  “School teacher, animal rescuer and volunteer…. You going for a humanitarian award?” asked Zander, tone light and joking.

  Cole had been asked that by more than a few people over the years. He shrugged. “I just like to help.”

  “Do I want to know how many animals you have?” Zander put his right hand on Cole’s knee, stilling the bouncing Cole hadn’t even realized he’d been doing. Beneath Zander’s hand, he settled, bunched muscles relaxing. Zander squeezed, massaging.

  “Probably not,” said Cole with a laugh. “There’s a lot.”

  “And your mom’s visiting. Full house, huh?”

  He’d yet to update Zander on the situation. Ironically, despite his wishing his mom had told him right away, it was a conversation he didn’t want to have via text. “She’s, uh, sort of moving in.”

  Zander whipped his head around.

  “Red light!” shouted Cole.

  Zander jerked forward, and they slowed to a stop. They sat in silence for a minute. “Your mom’s moving in with you? Is everything all right?” Zander frowned. “Is your dad…?” He waved his hand before dropping it back to Cole’s leg.

  “They’re divorced,” said Cole, wondering what exactly—if anything—his mom had told his dad. He’d have to ask her. Just because they weren’t together didn’t mean his dad wouldn’t care. “She has cancer.”

  Zander hissed in a breath, easing forward as the light turned green. “I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks.” Cole crossed his arms. “She’s going to be fine, but she didn’t want to do treatment alone. She starts on Monday.”

  Zander squeezed his knee. “Are you taking time off to help her?”

  “No.” And he felt bad about it, but when he’d broached the subject his mom had nearly taken his head off. “She said she’d be fine. I think she’s just tired of living alone, and this is going to be trying. I wish I could do more to help.” He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m bringing the evening down.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s awful, and I’m here for you if you want to talk.” Zander patted him, and then used his fingers to rub firmly through Cole’s jeans. “Hopefully what I have planned will distract you for a bit.”

  “Are you trying to kill me?”

  Zander rolled his eyes. “You’re being dramatic. This is easy, and it’s fun.” He held out the paintball gun. “At least try it, and if you hate it, we’ll go do something else.” He really wanted Cole to enjoy it. Paintballing was something Zander had been doing for his whole life, first for military bonding with his fellow soldiers, and then with his coworkers at the station. He was absolutely fantastic at it, and the guy who owned this range already knew Zander by name.

  Cole took the gun and waved it at Zander. “All right, but if I lose an eye….” He shook the gun threateningly as Zander ducked and dodged.

  Zander reached out to grab it. “The only one who’s going to loose anything is me if you keep waving it around like that. Don’t point it at people unless you intend to shoot them.”

  “Maybe I intended to shoot you.” Cole arched a brow imperiously. “Ever think about that?”

  “Shoot me, and I won’t cover you,” said Zander, an empty threat if there ever was one.

  With Cole looking increasingly dubious, they geared up and waited for the next course run. They’d be playing with strangers: a random group of men, teenagers, and two ladies. He recognized both women and one of the men from other times he’d gone. The blonde of the two women was one of the best shots he’d ever seen, and he’d stopped himself from asking her if she had a military background more than once.

  “Should I be jealous?” whispered Cole.

  Zander side-eyed him. “Of what?”

  “You’re staring at that chick pretty hard.”

  “She’s a regular. She’s not competition for you.” Though if she were on the other team, she’d probably take poor Cole out in five seconds flat.

  “If I had competition, would you tell me?” It was a leading question and said with a great deal of fake ambivalence.

  Zander nudged their shoulders together. “It’s just you.” It was so much Cole, Zander didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d gone into this thinking his feelings would disappear or at least remain the same, and instead the bastards were growing, and he was something close to happy.

  It was terrifying.

  He knew what came after happy, and it wasn’t good.

  Thankfully before his thoughts could really get running on that negative track, their group was called to start.

  It was difficult to focus on anything other than the game once it got going. Cole was an awful shot, which surprised Zander who had thought Cole’s father would have taught him how to handle a gun at some point. He ended up covering the both of them, with Cole only becoming helpful toward the end of the round when he adjusted and finally began to hit people rather than hay bales.

  He was shocked when Cole agreed to a second round with a big smile on his flushed, sweaty face. His hair was sticking to his temples and his chest was heaving with his breaths, and he said, “I want to go again.”

  Zander certainly wasn’t going to tell him no.

  Cole was a fast learner. His shots were still sloppy, but he hit the targets more often and he was just as good, if not better, than some of the people in both groups. What Zander truly hadn’t accounted for was what a distraction Cole would be for him.

  When the paintball hit him smack in the chest, Zander was blindsided. He should have seen that shot coming from a mile away. But he hadn’t. Why? He’d been gazing dopily at Cole, sweat dripping down his face and panting away, lips parted and he kept licking them, crouched behind a half wall with his ass perfectly outlined in his jeans. Cole’s shirt was stuck to him, damn near see through at this point, and he had a giant red splotch right in the center of one of his buttcheeks. He kept absently rubbing at it.

  How was anyone supposed to concentrate when faced with such a pornographic scene?

  Zander was only human.

  By the time the game was over, Zander was sporting bruises, a boner, and a bad case of blue balls. Aside from the bruises, it was a pretty average consequence of time spent with Cole.

  “Holy shit,” gasped Cole beside him, wiping his forehead with a towel. “You were right.”

  Zander didn’t know about what. “I’m always right.” He injected a fair bit of smugness into his voice.

  Cole snorted and threw his towel at Zander’s face. “That was fun. I’m glad we did it. The look on your face when that woman shot you, God, that was priceless.” He laughed. “
Best part of the night, hands down.”

  Zander tried to smother Cole with his towel then, leading to a quick scuffle that ended with them pressed way too close together given Zander’s aroused state. His cock was right against Cole’s leg through their clothes, and he felt Cole still as he noticed it. Clearing his throat, cheeks heating, Zander took a step back. “Um.”

  Cole flicked his gaze down. Zander knew the bulge of his erection wasn’t hard to miss if you were looking for it, even with his loose shorts. Cole licked his lips, and Zander’s cock twitched, weeping a little.

  All around them people were talking and cleaning up, gathering their stuff from lockers. It wasn’t the time or the place for this. Zander turned his back to the room and adjusted himself, trying—unsuccessfully—to ignore Cole’s staring. “Ready to go?” If he pretended like nothing was amiss, maybe Cole would pardon him for jumping the gun, so to speak. He didn’t know if Cole was there or not in terms of their relationship. He’d been so insistent on being careful and going slow.

  Cole’s eyes were heavy lidded. “I… yeah.” He nodded. He licked his lips again, leaving them shiny and wet. Zander bit back a groan. “Yeah, let’s go.”

  Chapter 15

  There was a devil on Cole’s shoulder, and it was telling him to throw caution to the wind. He could be careful all he wanted to, but if Zander woke up the next morning and decided Cole wasn’t who he wanted, Cole would be just as hurt. He’d been deluding himself into a false sense of security this whole time.

  Why did that surprise him?

  His fingers were trembling, and his heart was racing. He kept licking his lips. The angel on his opposite shoulder tried to play the sudden jitters off as an adrenaline crash from the paintball, but Cole suspected the voice urging him to do wonderfully naughty things with the man sitting beside him was right.

  Cole was in too deep, and he really should follow where the metaphorical arrow was pointing.

  There was a definite hard curve to the left.

  He was so fucked. Literally. If he opened his mouth and let the words on the tip of his tongue free, he was going to spend the night getting fucked.

  Zander started the car. He backed out of the spot. He changed the gear to drive.

  Cole opened his mouth. “So, Savanah’s spending the night at Maria’s?”

  Zander braked. “Yeah…?” His tone lilted up at the end, questioning something else entirely.

  Cole dragged his palms over the front of his pants for the millionth time that evening. “How about we go to yours?”

  The look of stupefaction on Zander’s face was special. Cole expected him to eagerly agree, but instead Zander asked, “Are you sure?”

  If Cole had any doubts, those three words soothed them. “Yes.”

  Zander’s pupils were dilated, black covering dark brown, and he breathed heavily out his nose. His hands clenched on the steering wheel, knuckles standing out starkly. “All right.”

  Cole knew that look all too well. Anticipation thrummed through him, accompanied by a fair amount of nerves. Could Cole live up to the memories? Could Zander? He nearly jumped out of his seat when Zander touched him, resting a hand on his knee and squeezing.

  “You can change your mind any time, you know that right? It’s fine.”

  Cole traced over the veins in the back of Zander’s hand with the tip of his finger, lightly pressing on the raised skin. “I’m not going to change my mind.” This choice felt right, deep down in his bones.

  “Okay.”

  Behind them, someone honked.

  Cole smiled, a faint twitch of his lips. “You should probably get moving,” he said to Zander, who seemed inclined to sit and stare at Cole forever.

  Zander huffed, but he straightened, and a minute later they eased into the steady flow of traffic.

  The door shut, and Zander was there. Cole’s back was gently pressed to the surface, and Zander curled his hands around Cole’s waist, pressed his lips to Cole’s jaw. He nipped the skin he kissed, teasing with his tongue and grazing with his teeth—soft then rough. He didn’t keep his hands still either, he rubbed and massaged, digging his fingers into Cole’s back and sides.

  Cole was turning to putty for Zander. Already he couldn’t catch his breath, and his knees were weak, threatening to buckle at any moment. He wasn’t worried, though. He knew Zander would catch him if his legs gave out. He wrapped his arms around Zander’s neck, fingers in the short curls of his hair, pushing, trying to get Zander to leave his jaw alone and move to his mouth. He wanted to kiss Zander. He wanted to feel the slick glide of their tongues together, a give and take that would match the rocking of their hips against one another.

  But Zander had other plans, and he slid his hands onto Cole’s ass, lifting, and he picked him right up. Cole gasped, circling Zander’s waist with his legs and flushing hot on his neck and cheeks. Zander went from his jaw to his neck, tracing the spreading blush, sucking bruises with his lips and teeth.

  Cole’s fingers had turned to claws on Zander’s back, and his head was reclined against the door, mouth open as he panted and tried to regain enough control to get the upper hand. He wanted a proper kiss and a bed to lie on. He wanted less clothes between them. His list of desires was rapidly growing. Could he have everything at once? That would be great.

  “Zander. Zander. Zander.”

  “Already chanting my name. Are you trying to stroke my ego?” The words were spoken against Cole’s collarbone, sending shivers down his spine as Zander’s breath ghosted over him.

  Cole thumped his ankle against Zander’s ass. “I’d like to stroke something, and it’s not your ego. Kiss me dammit.”

  Zander came up then, eyes sparkling with delight and a wide grin making his cheeks dimple and bunch. “So bossy.” He grazed his lips over Cole’s cheekbone. “Here?”

  Cole grabbed both sides of Zander’s face and tugged his head just so. “Here,” he said, and then kissed him.

  He pushed against Zander, raising himself as much as he could to get the best angle. He was determined to take control of the moment. He tangled their tongues, exploring the wet heat of Zander’s mouth, the lingering taste of mint from the gum he’d chewed while paintballing. He found himself relaxing against Zander, letting his full weight drop forward onto him as he tried to get impossibly closer.

  Eventually he had to pull away for air, and he rested their foreheads together, panting right in Zander’s face and ignoring his wrinkled nose. Cole nipped at it, and Zander laughed before taking a step away from the door. Cole clung to him tighter.

  “I’m not going to drop you. If I recall, you offered to stroke something. How about we take this to the bed?” Zander had one arm under his ass and the other around his waist. He kept rhythmically squeezing Cole’s buttcheeks, fingers teasing over the crack of Cole’s pants.

  “Bastard,” whined Cole, dipping to suck at the spot just underneath Zander’s right ear. It had always been one of his most sensitive spots, and the reaction now was no different. Zander’s cock was rock hard in his shorts, straining the fabric, and Cole smirked, grinding down on it as best he could in this position.

  Zander hissed in a sharp breath. “How am I a bastard?” He shoved Cole against a wall, nudging Cole’s chin with his nose till they were mouth to mouth and he could kiss Cole senseless once more. Cole writhed there, rubbing his erection against the firm steel of Zander’s abdomen. Zander moved his hands to Cole’s waist and held him to the wall, pinning him so he couldn’t get the right amount of friction. When Cole was dizzy from lack of oxygen and Zander’s overall presence, Zander pulled away and resumed the trek to the bedroom. Cole lazily rolled his hips as Zander walked, seeking contact any way he could.

  It was a shock to be dropped to the bed.

  Cole glared at Zander, bereft after so much touching.

  That was until Zander grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted. Cole quickly got with the program then. He reached for his own, but a firm, “No,” from Zander had him free
zing. Zander’s shirt came up and over his head, and he tossed it aside. His pecs were lightly furred, the barest dusting of dark curls spread across them. His abdomen rippled.

  Cole’s mouth went dry.

  Zander put his hands on his pants.

  “I want to,” said Cole, sitting up. “Let me do it.”

  Zander stepped between Cole’s legs. Once more his fingers were trembling, and Cole fumbled the button at first as he tried to push it through. Zander didn’t move to help him, just watched him like a hawk, gaze heated and intense. Cole bit his lip and… there. The button gave way and he leaned forward, grasping the zipper with his teeth and tugging. With his hands on Zander’s hips, he pushed him back at the same time, sinking to his knees from the bed. It wasn’t as smooth as he’d have liked, but Zander was looking at him with nothing short of awe.

  God he’d dreamed of this.

  He pulled, working Zander’s shorts over the swell of his ass and down his thick thighs. This left him in skintight black briefs, and Cole tilted forward, mouthing wetly at the tip of Zander’s cock through the damp material. He inhaled sharply, moaning as he teasingly sucked, and Zander jolted forward, hips twitching.

  Cole grinned. Gotcha.

  He got rid of the briefs next, shoving them off Zander’s hips to pool around his ankles with the shorts. Zander tried to step out of them, but Cole stilled him. He was calling the shots right now. Zander could call them later.

  Much like Zander had done to start, Cole gave him barely there kisses along the base of his shaft to just before the tip. He didn’t hold him or cup his balls, didn’t lick or suck. He blew on him when he moved away, glancing up to catch the dazed, hungry expression Zander wore.

  “You can put your hand in my hair,” said Cole magnanimously. “But no pulling yet.”

  Zander arched an eyebrow. “Yet?” His voice was breathy and broken.

  Cole smirked. “I’ll tell you when.”

  Without further ado, he took Zander’s cock into his mouth.

  He was thick and hard, filling Cole’s mouth. It stretched his lips to the limit, a tight fit that Cole moaned around. The head of Zander’s cock was weeping already, the taste sweet and consuming. He was firm against Cole’s tongue, and he rubbed it along the shaft as best he could, tracing the thick veins. He could feel the clench of Zander’s fingers in his hair, the restrained power in his thighs as they tensed, muscles bulging. Cole braced his hands there, wanting to feel what he was doing to Zander’s body. It was a heady rush of power to know he could make this big man tremble for him.